Cast Love Aside

by Speer, Flora

  As soon as Gilbert disappeared Desmond leaned against the wall, doubled over by a spasm of coughing. Lilianne saw how he was clutching his ribs as if trying to protect them from the pain caused by his gasping breaths.

  “The king is right,” she said, touching his arm. “You do need to rest.”

  “Lean on me.” Magnus offered his arm.

  “How kind of you,” Desmond snapped, “but I don’t want your help.”

  “Will you cease this senseless bickering?” Lilianne cried. “You will never reach your room on your own, and if you collapse, Magnus will have to carry you, which will only cause more damage to your ribs.”

  “I need no one's help.” Desmond drew himself up, took a deep breath – and gave way to coughing so severe that his knees buckled.

  “The man has no sense at all,” Magnus told Lilianne, “and he is stubborn beyond belief. Give it up, Desmond. We’re putting you to bed.”

  With that he caught Desmond's free arm and slung it over his shoulder. Lilianne slid an arm around Desmond's waist. Together, with Desmond still holding his ribs, they half-carried, half-dragged the coughing, sputtering knight to the tiny chamber assigned to him and dumped him onto the bed. While Magnus pulled off his brother’s new boots, Lilianne folded the thick coverlet and tucked it under his head, and added a pillow.

  “He’ll breathe more easily if his head is raised,” she said in response to Magnus's questioning look. “This is what I did for Gilbert last winter, when he was ill.”

  “I am not ill,” Desmond insisted. “My ribs are injured, that's all.”

  “Magnus is right, you know.” Lilianne pulled a spare quilt over him, then sat down on the bed. “You are stubborn beyond belief.”

  “Magnus is always right,” Desmond muttered.

  “I am weary of listening to you two,” she declared. “Why do you quarrel all the time?”

  “Why not?” Desmond asked. He attempted a shrug, but stopped when he choked and began to cough again. “All the men in our family quarrel. In our childhood, it was father against son and brother against brother. Especially our older brother, Walcott, against Magnus and me. I think he hated both of us from the day we were born. I suppose Walcott thought we intruded on his rightful territory. But we didn't. We couldn't. Father never loved any of us, so he never showed favoritism to one son over the others. I was glad to be sent away to be fostered elsewhere, and as soon as I was knighted I bid a final farewell to Ashendown and never returned.”

  “Yes,” Magnus said. “You quarreled with Walcott one last time and then, after giving him a broken nose, you ran away, leaving me to deal with his fury and with Father's anger over what you had done. By then I was used to being blamed for your mischief, so I knew what punishment to expect. For your quarrel with Walcott, I endured yet another beating from Father’s rod. When he died a few months later, Walcott turned me out of Ashendown on the same day that Father was buried.”

  “You should have had the courage to go when I did,” Desmond said. “If we had left together, you could have avoided all that unpleasantness, as I did. But then, while I have the knack of departing just in time, you always feel obligated to remain and face the consequences, don't you?”

  An awkward silence followed Desmond's mocking words, until Magnus spoke again. “If the truth be told, I envied you the freedom you seized by leaving. I was more than ready to leave, myself, and only stayed because Father was old and ill. I owed him my presence in his last days, for whatever comfort my being there gave him. Walcott couldn't be bothered with him. Someone had to see to his care.”

  “I'll wager he never once thanked you for staying,” Desmond said.

  “I didn't do it expecting thanks,” Magnus said. “I did it because it was the right thing to do.”

  “Of course.” Desmond put a wealth of sarcasm into those two words.

  “You are speaking of lives devoid of all love,” Lilianne cried. “Magnus, you've told me your mother died when you were babies, but was there no other woman who cared about you?”

  “The lady of the castle where Desmond and I were fostered taught us to be polite to women,” Magnus said, “but she most certainly did not love us.”

  “She didn't even like us,” Desmond added. “To her, we were no more than twin nuisances, which she had to tolerate because her husband and our father were old friends.”

  “How sad,” Lilianne said, thinking of two little boys growing up without affection or tenderness. “How fortunate Gilbert and I were to know our parents loved us. We love each other dearly. I cannot imagine not loving your own brother.”

  “When we were small,” Desmond said, sounding as if the words were being dragged out of him against his will, “Magnus always protected me because he was bigger, even though he is younger, by half an hour. Many a time he fought Walcott for my sake. Now that I think about it, I must admit, Magnus did a competent job of getting all of us safely to the Daisy and back to England.”

  “I think you do care about each other,” Lilianne said to Magnus.

  “We are nothing like you and Gilbert,” he said.

  “You risked your life to rescue Desmond!” she cried.

  “I was ordered to do it,” Magnus said.

  “You did it against Royce’s orders! You are as stubborn as he is!” Lilianne stood up. “I am going to leave you alone together, and I pray you will talk to each other. Not quarrel – talk, as brothers should talk. I cannot believe there is no love between you.”

  “Is she truly so naive?” Lilianne heard Desmond ask as she pulled the door closed behind her.

  “Not naive at all,” Magnus said. “She is remarkably wise.”

  * * * * *

  An hour or two later, Magnus knocked on Lilianne's chamber door.

  “Thank you,” he said as soon as he stepped inside.

  “Have you and Desmond made peace?”

  “I'm not sure. We did talk seriously, for the first time in many years. I will never understand why Desmond willingly became a spy and he cannot agree with my reasons for the way I live my life. At least, we aren't quarreling any more; we are listening to each other, and that is your doing.”

  “You will grow closer, in time.”

  “A lot of time.” He amended her statement with a rueful smile. “I can only stay a moment. Royce wants to see me.”

  “I hoped we'd have a chance to speak alone before you leave with King Henry,” she whispered. “There is so much I want to say to you.”

  “Don't say it. Don't break my heart, or yours.” He caught her hands, holding them against his chest. “I would die for you. But I have nothing to offer you, no roof under which I might shelter you, and so I cannot ask for what I want most in this world.

  “There is only one thing I am able to do for you, and I’ve done it,” he said. “At my request, Royce has agreed to offer you a place at Wortham Castle, as companion to his daughter. Alice will go to Wortham once William is healthy enough to travel, so you will have your dear friend near.”

  “Why would you ask anything of Royce? I thought you were angry with him for not providing all the information you needed about Erland before ever you set out for France the first time,” she said.

  “So I was. I’m still angry about that. But I’ve been to Wortham and I’ve met Royce’s daughter. I think you will be content there.”

  “Content?” she repeated. “Magnus, I don't want to be content! It's not enough, not after knowing you. Not after what we've had together.”

  “I will ache for you every day of my life,” he said. “I'll never touch another woman. And if ever you have need of my knightly services, send for me and I'll come to you. I will always know where you are, Lilianne.”

  “Don't pretend and don't lie to me!” She wanted him to kiss her, to touch her in the most intimate way. She longed for him to tumble her onto the bed and take her with the same swift-flaring passion they had known during their voyage to France and again on the way back to England. The thought of Magnus
deep inside her body made her tremble with a desire she knew she must repress, for she was certain that Magnus was restraining himself for her sake. “Once you leave Richton, it’s entirely likely that I will never see you again,” she whispered.

  “Probably not,” he admitted sadly. “But I will see you every time I close my eyes, every time I look at the sea or the summer evening sky – and every time I board a ship, I'll think of you climbing up the net of the Daisy, with your feet bare and your skirts hiked up to your knees.”

  “Desmond is right,” she accused him out of her pain and loss. “You are much too honest and sensible.”

  “Not where you are concerned! Would an honest man make love to a maiden he knows he can never have? Would a sensible man kiss you and then walk away from you to meet with the king's spymaster?”

  “Never say you're going to undertake another mission for Royce?” she cried.

  “Hush, don't look so frightened. I’m far too sensible for that,” he promised with a sad, little smile. “We are only going to decode the documents I found in Erland's room.”

  One finger tilted her chin up, holding her so he could kiss her. His mouth was tender on hers, and she felt the sorrow in him, which matched her own grief. She couldn’t prevent the tears from trickling down her cheeks. Magnus wiped them away before he kissed her again, slowly this time, carefully, as if he was memorizing the way it felt to stand mouth to mouth with her, knowing it was for the last time.

  When he was gone she remained where she was, with the fingers of one hand at her lips and her other hand outstretched toward the door as if to pull him back to the room, and into her arms again.

  * * * * *

  To Lilianne's surprise, William joined the group King Henry called to the solar the next morning. Alice came with him, which was no surprise at all. Alice hadn’t left William's side since he arrived at Richton.

  William looked much improved, and so did Desmond when he appeared. Magnus was solemn, as Lilianne expected. When he saw her, his gaze locked with hers for a long moment. She perceived a deep grief in him that mirrored her own emotions.

  “Now then,” King Henry said when they were all assembled, with Royce standing at his right hand as usual, “I have concluded that while you were wrong to disobey Royce's orders to stay here at Richton in his absence, the end result of your disobedience is so felicitous where Desmond is concerned, and so advantageous to my relations with the French king, that I can forgive what you did. In fact, some rewards are in order. Sir Desmond, I hereby offer you a post at my court.”

  “Sire, I thank you,” Desmond said, “but if it’s all the same to you, I would far rather remain a spy. The work suits me well, you see, and considering all the temptations at court, I'd be likely to get into trouble rather quickly. I mean no offense by refusing the offer, my lord.”

  “I take none,” the king responded. “I’ll grant you two months in which to recover from your wounds, after which you are to report to Royce for your next assignment.

  “Well, Sir Braedon, are you willing to remain as one of my knights?”

  “Gladly, Sire, provided only that I am free to assist Royce whenever he has need of me,” Braedon responded with his usual mischievous grin.

  “Young devil that you are, I doubt if you'll spend much time at court,” the king said, smiling back at him. “I will see that you have a new horse, a new suit of clothes, and a large bag of gold coins to waste on the ladies.”

  “I thank you for your generosity, Sire.” Braedon made a deep bow to the king.

  “Royce,” King Henry continued, “since Sir William is your sworn man, would you like to tell him what his reward is to be?”

  “With pleasure. William, I am promoting you to the position of seneschal of Wortham Castle, the position to be assumed as soon as you have recovered your strength. Your quarters will be quite spacious. I’m sure there will be room for a lady, should you decide to take a wife,” Royce added, looking at Alice.

  “Thank you, my lord,” Alice responded, a blush suffusing her face with a pretty glow. When William clasped her hand as he thanked Royce, Alice's blush deepened.

  “Lady Lilianne,” King Henry said, drawing her attention away from the happy couple, “I understand from Magnus that Count Erland stole your dowry.”

  “Yes, he did,” Lilianne responded, wondering if the king was about to consign her to a convent, which was the usual fate of destitute young women who had no relatives to take them in. She'd have to refuse, for she wasn't suited to a cloistered life. Since she wasn’t Henry’s subject, she was free to reject his commands, though she knew she would have to do it politely. She hoped he would understand that she'd prefer to accept Royce's offer to serve his daughter at Wortham. But first, she had an important duty to see to. “My lord, Erland stole far more from my brother than he ever did from me.”

  “I intend to bestow upon you furniture, linens and other fabrics, and silver plate, household goods to replace your original dowry,” Henry said.

  “I do thank you, my lord, but Gilbert—”

  “We will speak about Gilbert in a moment,” the king told her rather sharply. “Now, as for you, Magnus, do you wish to remain under Royce's command, to carry out missions assigned by him? I do warn you that, if you agree, you will be forbidden to deviate from his orders in the future.”

  “Unlike my brother,” Magnus responded, “the work of spying does not suit me.”

  “I thought not,” Henry said. “Therefore, I have another task for you, one I believe you will find more congenial.”

  “I will serve you as best I can, my lord,” Magnus said with quiet dignity. “Only tell me what you require of me.”

  “There is a property in Kent called Brixton Manor. I have been told it’s in near-total disrepair,” the king said. “The lord who held Brixton in fief to me died recently, leaving no heirs. I need an energetic man to become the new lord of Brixton, to assume control of the manor, to oversee repair of the buildings and make certain that the farmlands included in the fief produce sufficient crops to pay the yearly taxes due to the crown. Since it is somewhat late in the season, I am willing to forego the taxes for the first year, but I will expect to be paid in full at the next harvest. Would you be interested in such an enterprise?”

  “Yes, I would,” Magnus said. “And I thank you with all my heart.”

  “There’s just one problem,” King Henry said. “As lord of Brixton, you will need a well-trained chatelaine, someone capable of undertaking restoration of your household while you are busy with the buildings and the farmlands.”

  “I believe I can find such a lady,” Magnus replied, looking at Lilianne. His face was solemn, but his eyes fairly glowed with joy.

  She gazed back at him in growing wonder. Was it possible? Had she heard the king correctly? Had he just bestowed on Magnus the one honor that would make both of them happy, or was she dreaming? She needed a few moments to digest what was happening. When she forced herself to pay attention to the king’s next declaration, she discovered yet another wonder to make her rejoice.

  “Since you will be a landed knight, you will also want at least one squire,” King Henry told Magnus. “Fortunately, here stands young Lord Gilbert, who needs to regain his health after his imprisonment, and who must be trained as a knight, so he can be fully worthy of his ancient title. I believe a stay in Kent will restore him.”

  “I will gladly accept Gilbert as my squire, if he agrees,” Magnus said. “I understand that Erland neglected his training, perhaps not wanting Gilbert to become proficient in the use of sword and lance, and thus become a danger to his uncle, but from what I’ve seen of this brave lad, I believe it won’t take long for him to learn what he needs to know.”

  “My lord Gilbert,” King Henry said in formal tones, “I do solemnly promise you that very soon I intend to conquer the part of France where Manoir Sainte Inge lies. When you are of age, will it trouble you greatly to swear fealty to me, instead of to King Louis?”


  “Not at all, my lord,” Gilbert responded with no hesitation. “King Louis dealt treacherously with me by allowing Erland to usurp my estate. If you restore my heritage to me, I will happily become your liege man. In fact, I will ride into battle at your side to regain my land!”

  “That is exactly what I thought you'd say.” King Henry appeared to be repressing a smile. “In the meantime, are you willing to become Sir Magnus's squire?”

  “Yes, my lord, I am,” Gilbert stated firmly.

  “So be it, then.” The king stood. “All that remains now is to reveal Count Erland's fate to him. My lord Gilbert, Lady Lilianne, you may accompany us if you wish.”

  “Oh, yes!” Gilbert cried, abandoning grown-up formality. “I can't wait to see his face when he realizes I am still alive.”

  “May I join you, Sire?” Desmond asked. “Like Gilbert, I want to see Erland's face.”

  Only Alice and William decided to remain in the solar. Still, Erland's room in the western tower was overcrowded when all of his visitors crammed into it. King Henry, who was in the forefront with Royce, planted his fists on his hips and stared at the French king’s infamous agent.

  “Welcome to my humble abode,” Erland greeted the king with complete self possession. “I've seen you from afar but never expected to meet you. Why are you here, my lord? Am I finally to be sent back to France in exchange for another agent?”

  “In fact, I have decided to keep you here at Richton for a while longer. Under close guard, of course,” Henry told him.

  “He ought to be drawn and quartered,” Gilbert said.

  He had been hidden behind the taller figures of the king and Royce, but now he pushed his way forward to face his uncle. Desmond came with him. Erland gaped at his two erstwhile prisoners as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

  “What? How?” Erland gasped.

  “Poor Erland,” Desmond said, giving vent to all his powers of sarcasm. “I regret to inform you that the price you paid to the Scottish agents who seized me was wasted. As you can see, I am a free man again.”