The Long Awaited Lord

by Deborah Wilson

  He leaned back. “You must have married for some reason.” He narrowed his eyes. “I spoke to Matthew last evening. I convinced him to talk to you.”

  Madison’s mind raced with suspicion. “And exactly what is it you spoke to Matthew about?”

  “Your sudden change of mood. It came out of nowhere. You’re laughing. Smiling as though good fortune has found you.” He waved his hand at her. “I pointed out that now might be a good time to try and reconcile.”

  Madison stiffened and stood. She told herself that there was nothing to worry about. “I suppose I should so speak to him.”

  Leo smiled. “Excellent. I need to go to town. I’ll give you two some privacy.” He seemed to have thought he’d done a good deed.

  Madison doubted that was the case but said nothing as she left.

  He likely assumed she was going to Matthew, who was studying in his office but instead, Madison went straight to her room and shut the door. She glanced around and assured herself there was no reason to be afraid.

  She knelt by her chest and opened it. She went to the bottom where she kept her music sheets. She pulled them out and flipped through the papers.

  Where’s the banknote? It has to be here.

  She told herself it was right where she left it, but after checking for the fifth time, she knew it was gone. Her fingers trembled as she began to throw her clothes out. She emptied the chest and then began to hunt through the garments around her.

  It wasn’t there. It wasn’t anywhere.

  Her eyes watered. She stood on shaking legs and went to where she knew it would be.

  Matthew sat at his desk. His head was bent in a book. He didn’t bother to look up as she entered. “Is there something I can help you with?”

  Madison swallowed. Her belly burned with anxiety. “Did you go into my room today?”

  “No.”

  She felt relieved. She would look again. It had to be somewhere. She’d simply missed it in her panicking.

  Matthew lifted his head. “I didn’t go into your room. I went into the room I am allowing you to sleep in. I found the banknote. I won’t bother to ask you where you got the money. I already know. But alas, what’s yours is mine and all that.” He bent his head back to the book.

  Madison stood frozen as her eyes began to sting.

  “You lied to me,” Matthew said. “You were planning to run.”

  She couldn’t lie. “Can you blame me? This is my baby—”

  “Lower your voice or you’ll regret it,” he growled.

  Madison pressed her lips together, but she couldn’t keep quiet. Her body was trembling. “Matthew, please don’t do this. Please, I beg you.”

  He lifted his head. “We’re going to go see your parents. You’re going to tell them goodbye.”

  Madison’s mouth fell open. “Matthew, please.”

  “Be ready in an hour.”

  She went to him and grabbed his shoulder. “Matthew…”

  He stood swiftly and looked down at her. His gaze was cold. “Oh, good. You’re ready. Let’s go.” He grabbed her arm.

  They were in the carriage when he spoke again. “I’ll have the servants pack your things in the morning.”

  She didn’t need to be told what that meant. He was sending her away. He’d likely have the footmen who were with them now accompany her. He’d brought five, which was a ridiculous amount for one woman.

  He went on. “You’re going to tell your parents you don’t want the baby. You’ll leave them a letter behind when you leave, one that encourages them not to follow you.”

  Madison wanted to weep, but in truth… She’d never allowed herself to completely believe.

  She’d lived far too long in doubt. “Will you at least tell me why you hate me so much?”

  “This isn’t about you,” he said honestly. He looked at her belly. “I imagine, with the amount of money in the banknote, you were planning to get away from me, but my men are loyal. They’d never help you. Therefore, you’d have had to find another way… a legal way to leave.” He lifted his gaze and her mouth fell open.

  She tried to hide her surprise, but it was too late.

  He sighed deeply and she suspected she’d just given herself away. “Knowing my own plans for you, I imagine yours were similar. You found a vicar as greedy as Myers and were going to pay someone to make you Judd’s widow.” Again, his eyes fell. “You found a way to have the boy instated as the true Lord Arland, didn’t you?”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Geneve was helping you, wasn’t she? Women. Did you consider what that lie would have done to the current Lord Arland? Did you consider the toll it would have taken on a man with a family as big as his? He left his position to take over Arland. Would you have had his entire family cast out for your selfishness?”

  She looked away. “The baby is rightfully—”

  “That baby is a bastard, and that’s on you and Judd. He should have married you properly. Actually, he should have left you alone, considering everyone else he was involved with.”

  She gasped and her eyes stung. His words were cruel, but Madison couldn’t deny that she wished Judd had asked for her hand properly. She’d been scrambling to put the pieces together for the last few months, but it was no use.

  And she hadn’t thought about what would happen to the current Arland at all.

  She was selfish, she supposed. “I just want my baby to be happy.” Her voice quivered.

  “He will be.” He leaned into her. “But that’s only if you don’t anger me again.”

  Madison blinked.

  “He can know your parents,” Matthew whispered. “I’ll let them know their grandchild.”

  “Why can’t I stay?” she whispered. “Please…”

  “I have no intention of sharing a bed with Judd’s scraps. You will suffer as I would have liked to make him suffer.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he killed my father!”

  Madison’s mouth fell open. “You’re lying.”

  Matthew narrowed his eyes. “You think anything else would turn me against my dearest friend? I didn’t find out until I noticed Judd was acting strange. With his father’s death, something shifted. He started to unravel. It wasn’t just you he was keeping a secret.”

  “You’re more important than secrets from the past.” She remembered Judd saying that to her. Was that what he kept in the papers he wanted her to take to Van Dero?

  Madison didn’t want to believe Matthew, but how many times had he pointed out just how little she knew about Judd?

  She could understand Matthew’s anger but still couldn’t understand why he’d take the baby from her. She’d done nothing to deserve his anger.

  But he wanted to end Judd’s line. That was what this was about.

  And he’d succeed. Madison used the rest of the carriage ride to accept her fate.

  The thing inside her belly was no longer her own.

  ∫ ∫ ∫

  2 2

  * * *

  Madison jumped when her mother touched her hand. They were in the drawing room.

  Lady Cumpterton frowned. “Have you heard a word I’ve been saying?”

  Madison shook her head. “I’m sorry. No. Please, start again.” She concentrated on her mother, or at least she tried to.

  Her mother sighed and smiled. “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t say anything important. But why were you staring at the door?”

  Because Matthew and Father are meeting alone and I want to know what is being discussed.

  But what did it matter? This was the last time she would see her mother. She wished they could part on good terms, but Matthew hadn’t even given her that.

  She didn’t want to break her family’s heart. She didn’t want…

  She stopped the path her thoughts had begun to journey.

  Her stomach made a sound.

  “Hungry?” her mother asked. Then she laughed. “I was always hungry while I carried Morgan. With you? Not so much.” She
stood and rung the bell. “Are you feeling well?”

  “Yes.” Madison preferred speaking to her mother while her father was in the room. It hadn’t always been that way, but since Madison had started lying, the last thing she wanted to talk about was the one thing her mother wanted to talk about.

  The baby.

  Her father knew when she was lying. He chose to change the subject. He’d always been a man to let transgressions go. Everyone liked him.

  She hated disappointing him. She’d have stopped coming altogether if she hadn’t feared that someday soon she’d never see them again. And now, the day had come.

  Matthew planned to send her away. Would her parents ever find out where she went? Would she be able to say goodbye to Geneve? Poor Geneve. She should warn her friend against standing up to Matthew. Now that he knew her plan, he might do something to her.

  Her mother sat back down and handed her a cup of tea.

  Madison smiled and nearly jumped when her mother touched her belly.

  She had to fight to cool her anger. Could the woman not tell that Madison hated that?

  “Have you decided on a name yet?” Lady Cumpterton asked.

  “Not since you asked me a few weeks ago.” She smiled and tried to make her quip less offensive. Madison leaned away to put the cup down. The action forced her mother to let her go.

  “Well, perhaps I should help you!” Her mother stood. “I’ll go get the supplies we’ll need to make a list. We should also make a list of all the things you’ll need as a new mother.” Her growing excitement had broken Madison’s heart every single day, but the pain was almost unbearable today.

  It felt like torture to look up into her mother’s face and see a shine like none she’d ever seen before. “Actually, I’ve decided to let Matthew take care of all of that.”

  Her mother waved her words away. “Nonsense. Had your father had his way, your name would have been Morgan too!”

  Madison laughed. Morgan was her father’s given name. “Morgan isn’t so bad.”

  “You think so?” Her mother lifted her brows in hope. “Do you think Matthew would like it?”

  Madison’s smile fell. “I don’t know.” She shook her head and tried to think of something else they could talk about.

  Her mother started for the writing desk. “I’ve started interviewing nursemaids.”

  “What?” Madison’s eyes widened. “Wh-why would you do that?”

  Lady Cumpterton bent over the writing desk. “Because you seemed to want no part in it. Therefore, I did it myself.” She smiled at Madison. “I know you’re nervous. You’ve never done this before, but I have and I know what needs to be done. Therefore—”

  “I’m not nervous.” Madison didn’t know if her stomach was upset or if the baby had chosen this time to begin its military training, but rage made her skin tight. “Matthew has already arranged everything. There was no need for you to do a thing.”

  “But it’s my job.” Her mother straightened and frowned down at her. “Honestly, Madison. I don’t understand it. You should be overjoyed by now. At first, I thought you feared losing the baby, but now…” She shook her head. “I don’t understand it.”

  “Perhaps, my excitement simply looks different from yours.” Madison tossed her hands in the air. “Or maybe… I’m not excited.”

  She’d thought she’d have more time before this moment, but it appeared not.

  Her mother rushed over and Madison regretted her confession. “What’s the matter? Is it Matthew? You know, your father can speak to him for you if you wish. He and I have spoken about it and we think he should. I’ll tell him to right now—”

  “No!” Madison’s eyes widened. “Don’t you dare.” She couldn’t believe her parents had been making decisions about her life behind her back. She didn’t even live in their home anymore.

  Why was everyone trying to control her? To help her?

  They would ruin her son’s life if she let it happen.

  “Madison, calm down. You’ll upset the baby—”

  “I don’t care about the baby!” she shouted. She saw the shock on her mother’s face and knew this was the only way.

  This was the best way to end it all. There was nothing gracious about anything she was being forced to say. Nothing would soothe the truth. So, she would do what she had to do. “I don’t want the baby,” she told her mother.

  And then she turned to see her father and Matthew standing at the door.

  And behind them… Leo.

  Her father looked pained.

  Matthew’s expression was blank.

  Leo was confused, but he swiftly dropped a mask to match Matthew’s. He was hiding his thoughts, but she knew them, nonetheless. He thought she was a bad mother.

  It didn’t matter anymore. None of it mattered.

  She and Judd had caused this. She would suffer for it.

  She walked over to her mother and took her hands. “You were… the best mother anyone could have ever had. No one will ever be able to compare.” Madison kissed her mother’s cheek and tasted her tears as she pulled away.

  Madison was trembling, but inside, she was shutting her emotions away, casting them in the far dark reaches of her mind. She nearly broke when she faced her father.

  Lord Cumpterton walked over and grabbed her shoulders. “Madison, you clearly don’t know what you’re saying. You’re under a great deal of stress.” He turned and narrowed his gaze at Matthew.

  “Don’t.” She didn’t want there to be quarrels after she left. She didn’t want Matthew to have a reason to keep the child from her parents. They would need the baby once she left. “Please, let it go.”

  “Something is wrong.” Her father shook his head. “This isn’t you, Maddie,” he whispered. “You are not the girl I raised.”

  She gasped and fought down the great grief that tried to burst forward. She closed her eyes and tried to stabilize her voice but failed. “I’m not that girl.” Her voice cracked. Tears fell. In the face of her father, her emotions stood no chance. “She’s gone. Maddie is gone.”

  Maddie had died with Judd. What was left of her was nothing more than a walking womb. She carried a child that didn’t belong to her. She wasn’t even Lady Hivers.

  She was nothing and no one.

  “Maddie—”

  “Goodbye.” She broke his hold and left the room.

  She barely had time to grab her coat before she walked out of the house. She marched down the path. The December air cooled her skin and froze her tears. She was glad when she didn’t hear shouting or see her father coming for her. That would have only upset her more.

  She needed to be alone. She deserved to be alone after what she’d just done to the most wonderful parents in the world. She hoped they never came for her. She imagined she would live out the rest of her days in some small cottage buried in the forest. Her life would consist of eating and breathing just enough to see the next day. She’d want for nothing. She’d hope for nothing.

  She heard the carriage before she saw it roll past her and come to a stop some paces ahead.

  Leo stepped out, startling her.

  “Did Matthew send you?”

  Leo nodded. “He requested to be alone as he spoke to your parents.”

  There’d never been an illusion of freedom in her mind. She’d known someone would come for her and knew Leo would keep his word to Matthew. They were both secretive.

  Perhaps this had been their plan all along. Matthew had sent Leo to woo her into a false friendship and safety to keep her out of her room long enough to find what she’d been hiding. She didn’t put anything past either of them.

  She kept walking.

  She was surprised when he didn’t stop her as she walked past him. But then he was at her side and walking just as fast as she was.

  “I told your weeping mother that I would speak to you and try to convince you to come back to the house. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t your plan not to offend your father?�
�� he asked. “I could have sworn it was your idea not to make him unhappy.”

  “You can go back if you want. Tell him everything you know.” She thought of something else. “Why not tell him what you found at Judd’s house? You did find my letters, didn’t you?”

  “That’s not the point.”

  She sighed. He was never truly her friend. Everything was a lie. “Tell my father about Matthew and Judd. I don’t care.”

  “I think you do.”

  She looked at him. “You were there. You heard what I said. You know the truth.”

  “Your first two sentences do not equal the last.” Leo narrowed his eyes. “What you did back there wasn’t you. You do care.”

  She stopped, not because she thought the conversation called for it, but because she was out of breath. “What makes you say so?”

  “The night I threatened you, you fought to keep your father pleased.”

  She placed her hands on her hips. “One act of consideration does not make up a person.”

  Leo crossed his arms. “You spoke of concern for Matthew’s health the day before that, even though I know you despise him.”

  “I have my reasons.”

  “Which are?”

  She said nothing because speaking about it would destroy all the work she’d put into pushing her emotions aside.

  He filled in the silence, “When you thought I would strike you, you protected the baby.”

  She tightened her muscles to keep from grabbing her stomach just then. She remembered that carriage ride.

  He narrowed his eyes. The blue of his irises was so light that they almost matched the cold sky. His breath came out like clouds past his lips. “You do care about the baby.”

  “I don’t.”

  “Who is forcing you to lie? Is it Matthew? I can’t understand him doing that unless he knows the child is someone else’s.”

  She kept her mask pristine as she whispered, “Matthew can’t control my feelings. I can’t wait to be rid of this thing inside of me. Only then will I be free.”

  “To what? To leave? To love someone other than your husband?”

  “Perhaps.” She felt her lower lips twitch and bit down on it.

  He stiffened. “You’d willingly leave your child?”