Worn Me Down (Playing With Fire, #3)

by T. E. Sivec

  Without replying, I get up and walk past him into the kitchen, not wanting to wake Emma up. It’s about to get loud in here and she doesn’t need to hear any of it.

  I hate that he’s angry with me for not telling him what was going on and I hate that it bothers me. This is my life, these were my secrets and now he knows everything. It was hard enough accepting his help at the office, let alone admitting to all of my mistakes. Does he think it’s a piece of cake to admit to someone else what a fool you were and to depend on another person again when everyone else has let you down?

  I walk over to the sink, and rest my hands on the edge, staring down at the drain.

  “You should have told me,” Austin says from behind me, his voice much more calm than a few minutes ago.

  “I didn’t want you to know,” I tell him, turning around to face him.

  He looks at me in confusion. “Why the hell wouldn’t you want me to know about this? I can help you; I can keep you safe.”

  “I don’t need a hero to come to my fucking rescue!” I tell him indignantly.

  “I saw what that bastard did to you for all those years and I’m not about to let it happen again,” he argues. “I’m not trying to be a hero, Gwen. This is my job, what I’m trained to do.”

  I ignore the hurt I feel at his words. I don’t want to be just a job to him.

  “God dammit, don’t you see? I HATE that you had to see that file. I hate that you’re looking at me the way you are right now – like I’m some weak, pathetic person who waited ten years before finally getting out of that hell. But most of all, I hate that it’s true! I hate myself every fucking day for not leaving sooner,” I admit, tears threatening to fall.

  I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes to keep them at bay before dropping my arms to my sides and continuing. “I hate the person I used to be and I tried so hard to leave her behind. I changed the way I dressed, I changed my hair… I changed everything about myself, but I can’t change the past. I can’t make the memories go away and it scares the hell out of me. I don’t want-”

  Austin’s hands frame my face and his lips are on mine, cutting me off mid-sentence just like I did to him the other night. Unlike that kiss though, this one is soft and slow. He takes his time coaxing my lips open before sliding his tongue gently through my mouth, his thumbs rubbing soothingly back and forth against my cheeks as he holds my face in his hands. I forget everything but the feel of his mouth on me and the way his tongue slowly circles around my own. He makes me forget why I’m scared and he makes me forget why I have to be strong on my own. My hands move up to cover his on either side of my face and I let him take me away with his kiss. I float away to a place where there are no scars and no fear, where I don’t have to look over my shoulder every second of the day and I can be whomever I want. I allow myself to let go and just drink in this man, memorizing the softness of his lips and the taste of his tongue as he works it through my mouth achingly slow.

  Austin stops the kiss all too soon, placing one last soft peck on my lips before pulling his head away, his hands still holding onto my face.

  “Let’s get one thing straight here – I have never thought you were weak or pathetic and I sure as fuck don’t think so right now. I can’t even imagine half of the shit you went through. I’ve seen SEALS break under a lot less. You did what you had to do for yourself and Emma, and that’s all that matters.”

  Closing my eyes, I lean my head forward and he rests his chin on top.

  “Now, you’re going to stop being so damn stubborn and let me help you. We’re going to track down this bastard and throw his fucking ass in jail.”

  The sound of footsteps on the kitchen tile has me pulling away from Austin to see Emma standing there with a huge smile on her face.

  “Ooooh, you said the BIG one. That will be ten dollars, please,” she tells Austin with her hand out.

  I smile for the first time since I opened the apartment door this morning and saw the flowers. Austin sighs, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet.

  “You know, pipsqueak, I’m going to be broke before long,” he tells her, smacking a ten dollar bill into her waiting hand.

  Emma shrugs, sticking the money into the front pocket of her pants. “Well then, you should stop saying bad words.”

  Austin laughs and shakes his head at her, bending over and scooping her up into his arms. Emma squeals and begs for mercy as he tickles her.

  The phone on the wall in the kitchen rings and I’m still smiling as I walk over to answer it. “Hello?”

  There’s silence on the other end of the line so I try again. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

  I turn away from Austin and Emma carrying on over by the door and strain to hear through the line. I think I hear something, so I plug one ear and listen harder.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. What was that?”

  The sounds of Austin and Emma laughing disappear as I hear the quiet, whispered words on the other end of the line. “You can’t hide forever.”

  Quickly pulling the receiver away like it’s a snake about ready to strike, I slam it back into its cradle so hard that the base cracks.

  I stare at the phone as I hear Austin speak to Emma. “Hey, pipsqueak, how about you go back into your room and pick out a movie for us to watch together, okay?”

  “Can we watch The Pretty Pink Princesses?” Emma asks.

  Austin groans. “Why can’t they be blue or yellow? Fine, Pretty Pink Princesses it is.”

  Emma races out of the room and Austin walks over to me. “Who the hell was that?”

  I wrap my arms around myself and rub away the goose bumps that formed as soon as I heard the whispered words. “I think it was him. I don’t know, I couldn’t tell. He spoke in a whisper and I could barely hear him. He said I couldn’t hide forever.”

  Just repeating the words out loud fills me with fear.

  “Son of a bitch. I’m calling a cop friend of mine that lives in New York. He can find out when this dick left the city and then get me in touch with local law enforcement here in Nashville,” Austin says.

  Just then, the shrill ringing of the phone fills the kitchen once more. I immediately back away from the phone, not wanting anything to do with it now. Austin steps around me, yanks the receiver off the hook and shouts angrily into the phone.

  “I swear to Christ if you call here again you cowardly piece of shit, I will rip out… oh, my bad. Sorry about that, hold on just a second.”

  Austin turns and hands the phone out to me. “Sorry, it’s that friend of yours, Ellie.”

  To say I’m in shock is an understatement. I really didn’t expect to hear from Ellie again any time soon after our disastrous meeting at the restaurant the other night. I’m not sure if I’m still pissed at her or not. Right now though, I’m scared for her. If William is trying to get to me, she’s going to be caught in the middle and no matter how mad or disappointed I am in her, I don’t want her to get hurt.

  I reach out slowly and take the phone from Austin’s hand and bring it to my ear.

  “Ellie, I didn’t think I’d-”

  The sounds of her sobs through the line stop me. “Gwen, oh God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do. I never meant for this to happen and now he’s mad. He’s so mad.”

  She starts crying harder and I look up at Austin, not knowing what to do.

  “Ellie, calm down. What happened? Where are you?”

  Ellie takes hiccupping breaths and it breaks my heart. “I’m still in Nashville. He followed me here, Gwen. I’m so scared.”

  No matter what happened between us, Ellie is still my oldest and dearest friend. I’m not about to let the same thing happen to her that happened to me.

  “Tell me where you are. I’m coming to get you.”

  Chapter 15

  Austin

  I’m getting attached. Son of a bitch, I’m getting attached to these two girls and it’s making me do stupid shit like kiss Gwen again and move her an
d Emma in with me.

  The kiss can be easily explained away – I hated the way she was putting herself down. She’s the strongest fucking woman I’ve ever met after the shit she went through and I wasn’t about to stand there and let her think otherwise. It was the only thing I could think to do to get her to stop feeling bad about herself.

  The moving in thing? Well, obviously I had to do it. She and Emma couldn’t stay at Brady’s apartment when that asshole she’s married to knows where she lives and could come after her at any time. It’s not like it means anything or it’s a permanent thing. I live in a rental house; I’m not staying here forever and the girls will go back to their own place when all of this is done and I’ll move on to the next thing. I’m a SEAL; it’s my job to protect people no matter who they are.

  I absolutely do not want a ready-made family and I’m sure I’ll regret having them in my personal space in no time. I like being alone, I’m used to being by myself and not having to answer to anyone and if anything, the two of them with all their girly pink shit all over the place will just make it easier to walk away when this is over.

  Right, keep telling yourself that, buddy.

  “Did you really need to bring all of the Barbies and every single outfit they own?” I ask Emma as she stands each of her dolls up against my couch cushions.

  “I couldn’t leave them there, they’d be sad all alone,” Emma explains as she pulls the last doll out of her bag and places her on the coffee table, away from the others.

  “Is there a reason why that Barbie is duct-taped to a Barbie chair?” Gwen asks, coming into the living room after making another call to Ellie.

  Ellie was adamant that Gwen not come and get her. She was afraid for Gwen’s safety and didn’t want her anywhere near the hotel she was staying in just in case William came back. That was fine with me. It’s not like I was going to let Gwen go alone and get her anyway.

  I look over at Gwen and pretend like it doesn’t feel right to have her in my place.

  “She’s an insurance, mom. Mr. Austin and I were trying to get her to talk,” Emma answers.

  Gwen looks at me in confusion and I laugh. “It’s insurgent, pipsqueak. And yep, that Barbie went off the rails so we had to take extreme measures.”

  Gwen shakes her head and I walk towards the kitchen, motioning for her to follow. “We’ll be right back, pipsqueak. You keep working on Barbie over there and let me know if she gives up the goods.”

  When we get into the kitchen, out of earshot of Emma, I ask her about Ellie. “So, what’s going on?”

  Gwen sighs and takes a seat at the table. “She still won’t let me come and get her right now. She promised me she’d move to another hotel and call me as soon as she got there. I told her to make sure she isn’t followed; take lots of side streets and make a few wrong turns so she can watch in her mirror and make sure he isn’t tailing her. She should be calling me back in a few minutes and then I’m going to get her whether she likes it or not.”

  Folding my arms across my chest, I look down at her. “You aren’t going anywhere. When she calls back, I’ll go and get her.”

  Gwen opens her mouth to argue and I hold one of my hands up. “Nope. Don’t even think about it, darlin’. There is no way in hell I’m letting you go anywhere by yourself when there’s a chance that asshole could be there. He doesn’t know where you are right now and we’re keeping it that way.”

  Gwen huffs, but she doesn’t argue again, thank God.

  A half hour later, after Emma has turned my living room into her own personal fucking Barbie Dream House, Gwen gets the call from Ellie. She made it to another hotel and she assures Gwen that she wasn’t followed. With my firm instructions to Gwen that she isn’t to open the door for anyone and a sarcastic reply from her that she isn’t stupid, Gwen locks the door behind me and I head out to pick up Ellie.

  On the ride over there, I call my friend on the force in New York.

  “Hey, Mark, it’s Austin Conrad.”

  “Well shit, long time no talk! What are you doing calling me? Shouldn’t you be somewhere in the middle of nowhere being Billy Badass and saving the world?” Mark asks.

  Mark and I went to high school together and we’ve kept in touch over the years, trading favors back and forth.

  “Eh, I’m doing a job for a friend in Nashville right now. Say, I need you to check on someone for me, guy by the name of William Stratford. He’s a doctor in New York City,” I tell him.

  “Yeah, I know the guy. Well, I’ve heard of him. We don’t actually mingle in the same social circles,” Mark says with a laugh. “Stratford’s a big wig surgeon at Mount Sinai, gives a ton of money to charities, even gives a big chunk to the policeman’s ball every year. Good guy, everyone loves him. I’m pretty sure he’s slated for sainthood or some shit.”

  Great. Just fucking great. This abusive douche has fooled everyone.

  “Do you have any contacts with the Nashville police department?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I’ve talked to them a couple of times. Why, what’s up?”

  I pause, not sure how much I want to tell Mark. I trust him, but I don’t want it getting out that I’m asking about William in case it gets back to him and spooks the guy. I won’t be able to beat his ass if he disappears.

  “I need you to call them and tell them to be on the lookout for Stratford. Tell them he’s not in trouble, he’s just wanted for questioning or some shit. I don’t care what you have to tell them – just make sure they do it.”

  Mark is silent for a few long seconds. “Austin, what the fuck is going on? And how do you know Stratford is in Nashville?”

  “It’s a long story. I promise I’ll fill you in when I can, just tell me you’ll do this for me.”

  Mark sighs as I pull into the hotel parking lot where Ellie moved. “Fine, no problem. But I’m going to catch some slack for this you know. I’m not kidding when I say everyone loves the guy. Money talks around here and he’s one of the biggest contributors to the police force.”

  Of course he is. What better way to get people to look the other way when he beats the shit out of his wife?

  Mark promises to call me back after he’s talked to the Nashville PD and I end the call, sliding out of my car and heading to Ellie’s room. I make sure to check the parking lot for anything suspicious. Luckily, the lot is pretty empty and I don’t see anyone lurking around.

  I walk up to room one-fifteen and knock on the door. “Ellie? It’s Austin Conrad.”

  Gwen told Ellie who I was on the phone earlier and let her know I’d be the one coming to get her so she’d be expecting me. A few seconds later, the door is slowly pulled open and a woman with long, blonde hair peeks her head out, glancing nervously behind me into the parking lot.

  She opens the door a little wider and when the sun streams into the room, I get a better look at her face. She’s got a busted, bloody lip and a small cut on her left cheek that’s starting to bruise.

  Mother fucker.

  “Do you need a doctor?” I ask her softly.

  She shakes her head, picking up her purse from the floor and closing and locking the door behind her. She doesn’t say a word to me as we walk out to my car and I have a feeling she’s embarrassed. I think about all of those photos of Gwen in that file and I have to rub at a pain in my chest. Gwen was this person not that long ago. She was bruised and broken, scared to death and not knowing where to turn or who to trust. Thinking about the attitude she has now and the determination and fire in her eyes, I know I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she never has to go back to being like Ellie is right now.

  The ride back to my place is quiet and I leave Ellie alone, waiting until she’s with Gwen to find out what the hell happened. It’s probably not easy for Ellie to be around some guy she doesn’t know when someone she thought she could trust did that to her face.

  Unlocking the front door, I hold it open and let Ellie walk in first.

  “Aunt Ellie!” Emma shouts excitedly, ra
cing across the room and throwing herself against Ellie’s legs.

  “Oh my goodness, look how big you’ve gotten!” Ellie tells her, speaking for the first time since I picked her up.

  She lifts Emma into her arms and hugs her tightly. Emma pulls back and looks at her face in confusion. “Why do you have boo-boos on your face?”

  Ellie places the palm of her hand over the cut on her cheek and smiles at Emma. “Oh, I just had a little accident. I’m fine.”

  Gwen steps into the room from the hallway and the two women stare at each other over Emma’s head. I can see the anguish in Gwen’s eyes as she takes in the cut on Ellie’s lip and the quickly forming bruise on her cheek.

  “Emma, baby, why don’t you grab your Barbies and go set them up in your room, okay? Aunt Ellie will come in and visit with you after she and mommy have a chance to talk.”

  Ellie sets Emma down and she races over to the couch, filling her arms with as many dolls as she can carry before running past Gwen to one of the back bedrooms.

  After Emma is gone, Gwen slowly walks up to Ellie. “He did this to you.”

  It’s a statement, not a question. Ellie nods, her eyes filling up with tears. Gwen doesn’t hesitate before pulling her into her arms. “Shhh, it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay.”

  Emma wraps her arms around Gwen’s shoulders. “I feel like such a fool. I saw what he did to you for all of those years. I really thought he had changed. I’m so stupid.”

  Gwen pulls back and stares at Ellie. “You’re not stupid. You thought you could trust him and he took advantage of that. You can’t blame yourself; he’s the one who did something wrong, not you. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

  Ellie wipes her tears and heads to the back bedroom to play with Emma. When she’s gone, Gwen turns to look at me.

  “I feel so bad for yelling at her the other night at dinner. When she told me she was dating William, I lost it. I should have done more to convince her to stay away from him,” Gwen says sadly.

  I move towards her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against me. “I think it’s time for you to start taking your own advice. You can’t blame yourself for the actions of other people. Ellie knew what she was getting into by hanging around William. She made her own choices and there’s nothing you could have said or done that would have made a difference.”