A searing pain knifed through my chest. Beau had been too young to really know how our mother would’ve felt. Hell, I didn’t know either and I’d been her shadow.
She was gone. And there was nothing that would change that.
I glanced around at all of our sullen faces.
“Then why are we all so miserable?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Pepper
This is stupid.
I hesitated and ducked behind a building out of the wind. Five days had passed since the guys had put together the kennels. The dogs were happy with their new safe spaces . . . and the daily barrage of treats and toys that had followed.
I hadn’t seen or heard from Teague. Not that I’d expected to.
But he was present in every squeak of a toy, every crunch of one of Garrison’s dog biscuits, and every lap of water out of one of the new bowls that had magically appeared.
I peered around the corner. The firehouse door was up. A couple of guys I didn’t recognize milled around out front. I should’ve brought Miss Adeline. She’d recognize them from the calendar.
Why I’d woken bound and determined to thank Teague in person was beyond me. I was grateful for all he’d done. It felt wrong to be showered with his gifts and not find a way to express my gratitude.
All it took was a little reconnaissance work from Miss Adeline’s new fans to find him. He was back at work. And this was the station.
Nerves spiked as I stared at the firehouse.
I looked down at my overalls.
Why hadn’t I changed clothes before I set off on this crazy endeavor?
Because as soon as Miss Adeline found out what I was up to, she’d shoved me out the door. The woman knew me too well. I’d overthink and lose my courage.
Like I was now.
“Just go over there.” Now I’d resorted to talking to myself. Great.
Yet my feet didn’t move.
What if he didn’t want to see me?
He’s been sending deliveries every day. For the dogs. Not me.
But I was an extension of them. And if they couldn’t say their thanks, I would.
I took a step forward. Then another.
How did he afford all this stuff? Nothing he’d sent was cheap. I’d overheard the guys mention they hadn’t had a pay raise in three years.
Obviously his family looked as if they had money, but that didn’t mean Teague did.
“Yo. Pepper.”
Too late to back out now.
“Hey, Logan.” I waved awkwardly.
He pulled me in for a giant bear hug. “Scavino. Walsh. Look who’s here.”
I was passed between them like a ping-pong ball in the tournament of hugs. When it was over, I stood there with flamed cheeks, insecure despite the warm welcome.
“How do the dogs like the kennels?” Walsh asked.
“They love them. Thank you,” I said quietly.
“Them things haven’t fallen down, right?” Brooklyn barreled into the group and I got another hug.
“Still standing.” I crossed my fingers and they all laughed.
“She ain’t here to see us.” Logan nudged my arm.
I blushed.
“Pepper?” Teague stood by the front of the fire engine. His expression was one of disbelief and I wasn’t sure what else.
It wasn’t the warm welcome I’d hoped for.
Logan gently pushed me toward him.
“Hi.” I shook my head. “I should’ve called or something before I came by.”
Teague ushered me into a corner as if he were hiding me. Or didn’t want to be seen with me.
“Woo Hoo!” The guys cheered.
Maybe Miss Adeline had passed on the mission to embarrass me to them.
“What are you doing here?” he asked sharply.
I stiffened. “I—I wanted to thank you.”
He folded his arms, his muscles bulging when he did. I shivered. How did he have on a T-shirt in this cold?
“There’s nothing to thank me for,” he said to the ground.
“I know it was you who arranged for the kennels. And the entertaining crew.” I motioned toward the guys, who were still gathered together. “All kinds of things arrive every day. They never did before we met you, so there’s only one option.”
He remained silent and refused to meet my gaze.
“The three dogs from the track in Jersey . . . they’re home from the vet. They’re going to be okay.” I’d picked them up yesterday. The road was going to be long, especially for Lucky. His leg was badly fractured, but Dr. Lyons promised he’d make a full recovery.
“That’s great news,” he said flatly.
“I—” I waffled between speaking my mind and tucking tail. Usually, I remained quiet. At some point, I had to learn to be brave. “I’m sorry your father put you in that position.”
He looked at me incredulously. “You’re sorry? He threatened you. He kicked Muffy.” He plowed a hand through his hair. “There aren’t enough apologies in the world to make up for what he did. And none of them should be coming from you.”
“How he treats you—”
“What about how he treated you?” he roared.
I recoiled, startled by his anger. “We’ll be fine.”
“You shouldn’t be here. You have no idea who he is or what he’s capable of.” He stalked past me.
“Thank you.”
He paused but kept his back to me. His shoulders heaved as if he was taking ragged breaths.
This hadn’t gone how I’d hoped. I wasn’t sure what I’d wanted exactly, but I’d come here to express my gratitude. At least I’d accomplished that.
Slowly he turned, but he came no closer. His eyes that had been unreadable before were now filled with pain. I’d seen so many expressions on this man’s face. Some hadn’t made sense, and when I thought he’d been a jerk, I realized that he’d simply been angry. And now that I thought about it, I was sure he mentioned that he’d been on an unpleasant call. With his dad? But over time, I’d seen so many more expressions, and I’d begun to like every one of them. Even when he’d been fired up about his dad’s presence—that had been attractive. But this one? This was sorrow mixed with anger. Pain mixed with sad resolution. Disappointment.
“Don’t lose everything you love over me. I’m not worth it.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Teague
“You’re an asshole.”
Burke punched me in the arm as Pepper hurried away with her head down. She’d barely acknowledged any of them as she’d passed.
“What’s new?” I pretended to check that everything was good to go on the truck. It was a poor means of distraction, but I was desperate to do anything but watch her walk away.
“That’s not you, man.”
I slammed one of the cubby doors. “Maybe it is and I’m just good at hiding it.”
Anger pumped through my veins. I was mad at Pepper for risking being seen with me. I was mad at my father for his tentacles that seemed to have no bounds. I was mad at Burke for calling me out.
Most of all, I was angry with myself. For being a jerk to her. For not standing up for myself. For being deluded enough to believe my life had been my own.
A massive hand clamped on my shoulder. “I don’t know why you just treated her that way, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that there was a good reason.”
And then I was surrounded by my friends. Should’ve known if I sent them to help out at Grey Paws they’d end up as smitten as I was.
“You owe her an apology.” Rivera scolded me in his thick Brooklyn accent. “Like now.”
They shoved me in her direction.
I couldn’t argue with them when they were right, but they didn’t know why it was risky. My father obviously had eyes on me . . . a lot.
Another shove. And another. Until they’d pushed me out the garage door.
Screw it.
I jogged in the direction she’d taken off in.
Riiiiiiiiiinnnnnngggggg.
Damn it. The alarm jolted me back toward the station.
I’d been off seven days. It took a second for my muscle memory to kick in, but once it did, I moved on autopilot.
This was what I knew. What I was comfortable with. The process.
Suit up.
Grab helmet.
Get in truck.
Put on earphones.
“One alarm. Sixth Street. Persons inside unknown.”
That wasn’t far from Grey Paws. A few blocks. Panic I wasn’t used to wound its way into my chest.
I had my routine. I was levelheaded when it came to emergency calls.
They’d be fine. But it was too close for comfort.
The sirens wailed as we raced through the streets. I’d always liked that sound. It meant help was on the way. I’d become a fireman because I wanted to help people.
Would my father have been happier if I’d become a doctor?
No. I wouldn’t think of him now. Wouldn’t let him infiltrate the career I took great pride in.
The blaze came into view. A dumpster was engulfed. Flames licked up the side of the brick building beside it.
Bystanders had gathered with buckets and hoses and curious eyes.
I had the door open before we rolled to a stop and immediately unleashed the hose. Burke helped me drag it toward the hydrant as Walsh removed the cap so we could hook up.
“Thank you for the help, but stand back everyone.” I ushered the people to the opposite side of the street.
Embers floated up into the sky as the fire raged.
A blast of water pelted the dumpster.
Boom.
An explosion lifted it off the ground. It landed with a clang as glass and metal and trash rained down.
Screams filled the air. People scurried and panicked.
I ducked and covered my head. The guys on the hose never stopped spraying.
Thwack.
Something landed in front of me. I leaned forward to examine whatever it was. It was charred, almost like a small log.
I nudged it with my boot.
Was that . . . a foot?
I stepped back. “Burke. Get over here.”
He jogged over. “Yo.”
I pointed at the object, pretty sure that was a toenail hanging off.
“What the hell?” He squatted down. “That’s a freaking foot.”
At least I wasn’t imagining things. Although, I wished I was.
Another piece of debris caught my gaze a few yards away. I hustled over. “Here’s a hand.”
“Oh damn. You think somebody was in that dumpster?” Burke said over the comms.
“Burke. Keep this channel clear,” Captain Koker snapped.
Damn. When did he get here? I’d hoped to avoid him . . . forever.
He strolled toward us and crooked his finger. “Don’t say shit like that over the comms.”
It would all be public record soon enough anyway. Why not let some nosy reporter who was listening help authorities get the jump on solving what appeared to be a crime?
“Looks like we need to call in homicide,” I said.
“This could be some homeless person in the wrong place at the wrong time.” He made a disgruntled noise. “Crime unit is en route. I want a report on my desk tonight.”
He stalked off.
Burke rolled his eyes. “Me and my big mouth.”
“It won’t take long to write.” I scanned the area. “‘Contained bystanders. Dumpster exploded. Foot landed in front of me.’ That should about cover it.”
“You left out ‘Got ass chewed by Captain.’”
I grinned. “Yeah. Don’t let me forget that part.”
“Are you two gonna help put out this blaze or stand around all afternoon?” Rivera called.
“Looks like you’ve got it covered,” Burke said before he fist-bumped me. “We’re just over here dodging body parts.”
Some guys didn’t mind the gruesome stuff. I dealt with it, but knowing there were pieces of someone scattered around bothered me. Had they been alive when the fire started? Had they been dumped first? Had they started the fire to keep warm and it got out of control?
Once the investigators took over, the questions were likely ones I’d never know the answers to. Sure, we gossiped around the station, but so often we were on to the next one.
I’d gotten good at sweeping the things I’d seen from my mind over the years. When I first started, I carried every single call with me. If I’d stayed on that path, I’d have never made it this long.
But sometimes those things that were long forgotten would creep up unexpectedly.
I scanned the scene against my better judgment, cataloguing every detail. The sequence of autopilot events had been broken with the explosion. Deviating was what would get me in trouble later. Because I’d remember.
And then my mind would wander with a million questions.
“Yo.” Burke said that word so much I was surprised I didn’t say it on repeat. “Blaze is out. Help me roll up the hoses.”
I appreciated him saving me from my own self-destruction. In this line of work, there had to be a wall of separation between the job and personal life. Unfortunately, my wall was made of glass instead of concrete.
Do not think about this later.
As I tried to sweep everything I’d just seen from my head, I noticed a dark car easing away from the curb down the street.
And it looked an awful lot like my father’s.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Pepper
“Sweetheart, you have to eat.”
I sat in Ash's kennel with a bowl of food in front of me. She refused to lift her head, no matter how I coaxed.
For two days, she hadn’t eaten. I’d gotten a little water into her by dipping my finger into the bowl and putting it on her tongue. She’d go outside and didn’t appear to be injured.
But I was about to the point of calling Dr. Lyons.
“What’s the matter? Do you feel bad?”
She blew out a heavy breath through her nostrils. I stroked her head and she closed her eyes.
Sadie stuck her nose through the fenced wall that separated them and sniffed.
“You can’t have her dinner,” I said.
She sat down, more determined now that I’d scolded her. She pawed at the fence.
“No, Sadie.”
She kept right on and I wondered if she wanted to get to Ash.
“I can’t believe I’m falling for this,” I muttered as I stood.
I opened Sadie’s kennel and she trotted right into Ash's. Past the food. And she lay down beside her.
“Sure. Make me look bad for thinking the worst.” I sat again. “But you brought it on yourself.”
Her nose worked overtime, inching closer and closer to the bowl. She licked her lips and snuck a swipe at the food.
I moved it away before she reached it. “You already had yours.”
She rested her head on Ash's neck and it was so sweet I instantly forgave her.
I put a little of the gourmet food—there really was no other way to describe what Beau’s friend Lexie brought over every day—on my fingers. Ash sniffed when I held it up to her mouth but refused to eat it.
Wet tongue hit my fingers . . . but it was the wrong one. Sadie smacked on the food and put her head back down.
“You are something else.”
I tried to get Ash to drink. All I got was another heavy sigh.
I reached into my memories of the past several days and tried to remember when this started. The last time I recalled her eating was a couple days after the guys came to set up the new kennels.
When she was out of her kennel, she always went straight to the door and stared out the glass. Like she was looking for something.
Or someone.
“Teague.”
Her ears perked up at his name. She glanced toward the front room hopefully. When he wasn’t there, she rolled
over on her side.
Poor girl. She’d lost her owners and now she’d lost her friend.
“Miss Adeline,” I called.
She rolled her chair into the doorway. “She still won’t eat?”
“Get your black book out and your charm ready.”
She tilted her head. “Are you feeling okay?”
“If you pull this off, I’ll feel amazing.”
Ash trudged beside me as we walked to the park. I darted my gaze from one side of the street to another and tried to see in every parked car.
This was a risk. But one I had to take for my girl.
I imagined this was what a drug deal felt like. Except I had a bowl and a baggie of food in my bag.
When the entrance to the park came into view, my heart rate accelerated. It was beyond cold out. No one was crazy enough to be hanging out there, even to walk their dog.
We should’ve come up with a better place. More secluded than this.
Paranoia took over as we crossed the street into the park. I guided us to a bench, paced back and forth a few times before I finally sat.
Ash looked at me with a what are we doing here expression.
“I’m not sure,” I said.
We were early, but I’d been too anxious to wait any longer. Now that I’d exposed us to the elements, I regretted that decision.
The cold cut through my gloves. Ash didn’t seem to notice that it was freezing.
We sat for what felt like an eternity. I checked my phone and it had only been ten minutes since we’d left home.
Ash stared at me. She grew tired of standing and sat at my feet.
I hadn’t told her what we were doing because I didn’t want to get her hopes up. Contrary to what most people thought, dogs could speak some English.
I checked the time again.
Five minutes had passed.
I looked around as my anxiety increased. If he didn’t show, I didn’t know what I was going to do.
Crash: Crash & Burn Duet Book 1 (Shaken) Page 11
