Life After Falling

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “Nice.”

  “I also broke off my engagement the same day.”

  “Wow. Big day, huh?”

  “Yes.” It wasn’t my first time quitting a guy. I’d dumped a few, but breaking off an engagement with someone I lived with was much harder. I wondered if people ever got married simply to avoid the situation. Having to move out wasn’t fun.

  “How did he take it?”

  “Who?”

  “The ex-fiancé.”

  “He didn’t really care.” He’d been relieved. He’d been hoping I’d take the initiative myself. I had thought he was the strong one, but in that way he’d been weak. We all had our flaws.

  “Oh.”

  “Now you are being judgmental.”

  “Yes, I am. I mean what kind of guy doesn’t care that the girl he plans to marry changed her mind?”

  “Steve.”

  “Steve? You were going to marry a guy named Steve?”

  “What’s wrong with that name?” I moved back into the right lane in time to have to slow down again for traffic. I was surprised there were so many people heading west this time of night.

  “A Cassidy can’t marry a Steve. It wouldn’t work.”

  “Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow. “There’s a science to names and marriage?”

  “Not a science.”

  “I like your name.” I kept my eyes fixed ahead on the road.

  “Leo?”

  “Yeah. I’ve never met one before.”

  “I guess you were too young to have Leonardo Dicaprio pictures on your wall.”

  “A little young, but is that your full name? Leonardo?”

  “Nope. Just Leo.”

  “Cool. I like that. Are your parents hippies?”

  “No, but I am a Leo so astrology played into it I guess.”

  “Well, it’s a cool name.”

  “Thanks. Now that that’s settled. What happened?”

  “With Steve?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” It was easier to push it out of my head and pretend it never happened.

  “But you’re the one who brought it up to begin with.” He huffed.

  “Not because I wanted to go into details.”

  “That’s annoying.”

  “What is?”

  “Bringing something like that up and not giving an explanation.” He was watching me. Even without looking I knew his eyes were on me.

  “What do you think happened?” I challenged.

  “The sex was bad.”

  I turned to look at him.

  “I’m right, huh?”

  “That’s not why I ended it, but it was.” Horrible. The kind of sex you do everything to avoid.

  “Figured.”

  “How did you figure that?” I was curious how he guessed that part.

  “Why Steve let you go so easy. My guess is it sucked for him too.”

  “Are you trying to imply I’m bad at sex?”

  “No. Just that you didn’t work together. I don’t get why people make it about someone being good or bad. It’s about compatibility.”

  “Are you single?”

  “Want to find out if we’re compatible?”

  I grunted. “As if.”

  “Oh. Clueless reference.”

  “What?”

  “Come on, you have to realize that’s where that line comes from.”

  “I’ve always said it.”

  “But it became a popular fixture in our lexicon from the movie.”

  “I saw it once.”

  “Once?” His eyes widened.

  “What? You don’t look like the type to enjoy that kind of movie.” Wasn’t it a chic flick?

  “It’s a classic from the 90s movie cannon.”

  “Ok.”

  “We have it in the used DVD section for like a dollar. Pick it up. Watch for all the subtle society influences.”

  “Are you sure you’re a business person?”

  “I took a couple of film and lit classes in undergrad.”

  “Oh. Gotcha.”

  “Yes. And now that’s how to avoid a question.”

  “Wait, what?”

  He winked.

  “Oh. You never told me whether you were single or not?”

  “Take the next exit.” He pointed to the sign.

  “Ok. You are an expert at avoiding answers. Did you even care about Clueless?” I stayed in the right lane even though it was annoying slow. I didn’t want to miss the exit.

  “I was having fun.”

  “You have strange ways to have fun.”

  “So do you.”

  “What do you mean?” I slowed down and pulled off onto the exit ramp.

  “This whole tape thing? Clearly it isn’t a matter of life or death, so at least in some way you’re doing it for fun.”

  “I’m doing it because it’s important.” I needed to hear it, especially now that I messed it up.

  “Oh yes, the secret importance.” He shook his head. “Ok, go to the left.”

  I got into the left lane and waited for the light to change. “It’s been a rough week.”

  “I would think so with the broken engagement and quitting your job.”

  “I usually don’t do things like that. Or this.” The light changed, and I turned.

  “This meaning driving with a complete stranger? And that being the quitting thing?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I do this all the time.”

  “Drive with complete strangers?”

  “Help girls in need.”

  “I’m not in need.”

  “And I’m kidding. Turn left here.” He pointed to the next traffic light. “Normally I’d have told you to look online for a tape person.”

  “Then why didn’t you?”

  “You seemed cool, and I could tell you needed my help.”

  “Glad I seemed desperate.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  I thought about it. “Not completely desperate.”

  “Just sort of desperate?”

  “Or in a weird spot. Desperation sounds worse than what I am.” I was still a few steps away from there.

  “That’s a healthy way to view it.”

  “Healthy?”

  “Yeah. To realize things could be worse.”

  “True.” Once again I was being deemed an optimist. Although to be fair, Connie had been sarcastically referring to the way I view my gray hair.

  “You’re going to have to take the next right.”

  “This guy can actually help?”

  “Isn’t it a little bit late to be asking?”

  “Now that we’re turning on residential streets, I’m accepting how dumb it might be to walk into some random guy’s house.”

  “You don’t have to walk inside.”

  “He’ll come out?”

  “He works out of his garage, so he can just open the door.”

  “This gets weirder and weirder.”

  “But safer, right?”

  “On the surface it seems that way.”

  “As you pointed out earlier, people know I’m with you, so it’s not in my interest to continue my psycho tendencies to get you hurt today.”

  “It’s actually happened.”

  “What has?”

  “I’ve met someone as weird as me.” I was sure I’d met plenty, but most people hid it. Leo didn’t, and that in itself was refreshing.

  “I’ve met weirder.”

  “Let me rephrase that. Weird in a way that still makes you appear normal.”

  “Isn’t that the ultimate goal? To be strange but go undetected.”

  “Exactly!” I thought I was the only one who ever thought that way.

  “Okay, third house on the left.”

  I slowed down in front of the house he indicated and turned into the driveway of a well-maintained two story colonial. It was exactly the same design as all the others on the block, but this one was painted a dark blue instea
d of the brown that most of them were.

  “You really promise I’m not an idiot for doing this?”

  “I’m not saying that. You may be a complete idiot for it, but you’re not going to get hurt.”

  “If you’re right, I’ll buy you dinner after this.”

  He laughed. “We’ll see if you’re still saying that later.”

  I turned off the car and waited for Leo to get out before I did. “Your friend knows we’re coming, correct?”

  “Yes.”

  He walked up to a side door next to the garage and knocked. I hung back by my car. This was insanity, but if the guy could fix my tape, it would be completely worth it. Leo walked back over to me. “I need to warn you. Phil is a little different.”

  “Uh, bad time to tell me.”

  “The only time to tell you.”

  The garage door opened, and Leo gestured for me to walk toward it.

  “Remember, I survive and you get dinner.”

  He laughed. “I’d let you survive without the food.”

  We walked down the driveway and into the garage.

  A guy with long blond hair, wire-rimmed glasses, and dressed in a Nirvana t-shirt sat at a desk. He looked at me and then at Leo. “Now I see why you’re doing this.”

  “I’m doing this because she asked nicely.” Leo grinned.

  “You’re doing this because she looks like that.” Phil nodded toward me.

  “Uh, ok. Moving on.” I wasn’t in the mood to deal with awkwardness. “Leo says you can fix broken cassette tapes?”

  “Sometimes, can I see it?” He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose.

  “Yeah.” I handed it over to him.

  He looked at it under the light, mumbled, and set it down.

  He picked up the tape. “It doesn’t look too bad.”

  “So you can fix it?”

  “It doesn’t play at all?”

  “No. The stop button pops right up when you put it in.”

  “And you tried it on several tape players?”

  “Yes.” I was grateful Leo had suggested we try another.

  He nodded. “Let’s see.” He inserted it into one of the those tape/CD combo units everyone used to have.

  The play button popped right up.

  “Ok. It’s more than that little mangled spot then. I need to get into it.”

  “Ok…”

  “It would be easier if it had screws.” He swirled the tape in his hand.

  “But it doesn’t?” I hadn’t even looked for something like that.

  “No it doesn’t.”

  “So what can you do?” Hopefully that didn’t mean the tape was a lost cause.

  “I have to break into in.” He walked further into the garage.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To find a blank tape we can use.”

  “A blank one?” I followed him for a few steps.

  “The plastic shell isn’t going to go back together when I’m done with it.”

  “Are you sure you know what you’re doing then?” I glanced around at the tables of old computers from the dark ages, old phones, and multiple old stereos.

  “Yes. You are really uptight about this.”

  “I know. That tape means a lot to me.”

  “And I can handle it.” Phil sat down at a table wielding an exacto knife.

  “Wait. What are you going to do with that?”

  “Break into the shell.”

  “But won’t that hurt the tape?”

  “No. I’m not touching the actual tape inside.” He began to cut open the shell.

  I looked away, studying the faded band posters from decades past lining the wall.

  Leo laughed. “You’re acting like it’s surgery.”

  “I really want to hear this tape.”

  “I know.” He patted my arm gently. Normally that would have annoyed me, but it didn’t.

  “Ah ha.” Phil set aside the knife. “I was right. It has nothing to do with the mangled portion, this part is cut.” He held up a wheel of the tape.

  “Did you cut that?”

  “No. I didn’t cut that. It was cut, hence why your tape wouldn’t play.”

  “Can you fix it?”

  “Yes.” He nodded. “But not today.”

  “Why not?” I walked further into the garage, stopping next to a computer and printer with paper with those strips with holes on the sides.

  “I don’t have any more tape-splicing tape.”

  “Can you get it?”

  “Yes. I’ll order some. Leave the tape here, and I’ll call Leo when it’s ready.”

  “I can’t leave my tape.”

  “Then you want to take it home like this and forget it?” He held out the loose hanging reels of tape.

  My stomach turned at the sight of what was left of the tape. “No. I’d love if you could fix it. How much will the tape cost?” Hopefully it wasn’t some specialty stuff no one used anymore.

  “I need more anyway, so don’t sweat it.”

  “Are you sure?” I wasn’t surprised he used it. He had a whole bin of old cassettes.

  “Yes.”

  Leo nudged me. “She tried to buy me off too.”

  I ignored him. “How long do you think it’s going to take?”

  “It depends how long it takes me to get the tape.”

  “Ok.”

  “He’ll fix it.” Leo nodded to Phil.

  “Ok, but I want you to know this tape means a lot to me. Please don’t lose it or anything.”

  “I respect anyone who cares that much about a cassette tape.” He pushed his glasses up on his face again.

  I nodded. “Thanks.”

  Leo walked back up the driveway to the car. By the time I slipped into the driver’s seat, Phil had already closed the garage door.

  “He’s going to get that back to me, right?”

  “Yes. He’s good for it.”

  “Good.” I backed out of the driveway.

  “If it’s okay with you, can we rain check on that dinner?”

  “Sure.” I tried to understand the source of my disappointment. Leo had done exactly what he’d said he would. I’d only offered dinner to be nice. Why did I care?

  “And would you mind dropping me off somewhere?”

  “Drop you off?” I slowed down.

  “Yeah, I need to see someone who lives near here.”

  “Okay…” I was glad he’d saved his shadiness until after our meeting with Phil.

  “It’s not far.”

  “Just tell me where I’m going.”

  “Turn right at the next cross street.”

  “Got it.”

  Neither of us said anything until I pulled up outside of a modest ranch style house. “Well, thanks for the help.”

  “Thanks for the ride.”

  “So call me when you hear from Phil, ok?”

  “I will. Have a good night.”

  “Thanks. You too.”

  He closed his door and headed to the front of the house. I drove down the road and turned around. I hoped for a glimpse of him as I passed by on my way back to the main road, but he’d already disappeared inside by that time. I sighed. I wasn’t allowed to care.

  Seven

  The drive home was boring and far too quiet. By the time I reached my exit, I knew I wasn’t going to settle for going straight home. Sitting at a light a few minutes from home, I glanced at my phone. None of my high school friends lived on Long Island anymore, and I wasn’t in the mood to go all the way into the city on a week night. I turned on my Bluetooth and dialed the one person I knew was in town.

  “Cassidy? Hey.” It was Brent’s turn to sound surprised.

  “Hey, Brent. How are you?”

  “I’m doing all right. You? Feeling any better?”

  “Want to do something tonight?” I glanced at the clock. It was early, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t already made plans.

  “Uh, sure. I wasn’t expecting you to actu
ally change your mind.”

  “Yeah, sleep helped.” It hadn’t, but it sounded nice.

  “Ok, cool. What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know. What is there even to do here?”

  “How about we go to O’Reily’s?”

  “I’ve never been, but I’m game.” It was one of the half dozen Irish pubs in or around town.

  “You’ve never been?”

  “I haven’t exactly been on Long Island much since I turned twenty-one.”

  “Ok, it’s not necessarily the coolest place, but it’s fun enough.”

  “Ok. When should I meet you?”

  “Eight work for you?”

  “Sure.” It had been a long time since I’d gone out at the eight o’clock hour, but then again it had been ages since I’d gone out on a week night.

  “Great. See you then.” He hung up.

  I hoped I wouldn’t regret my decision, but I’d have my own car and could leave anytime.

  * * *

  The inside of the pub was exactly as I expected it to be. Crowded, dark, and loud. It was musty with a faint hint of cigarette smoke that must have come from the patrons since there was a smoking ban. I had half a mind to turn around and walk right back outside. Maybe hanging out in the basement wouldn’t be so bad.

  “Cassidy, hey you made it.” Brent walked over with a beer in his hand. He gave me a half hug I awkwardly returned.

  “Yeah. I’m on time, I think.” I glanced at my watch.

  “You are. I got here a little early.”

  “I see.” I gestured to his beer.

  “I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss you. Can I get you anything to drink?”

  This wasn’t a date, which meant I had to be very careful not to send the wrong signals. “I can get myself something.” Then I remembered, “Wasn’t I supposed to buy? I mean to make up for the tip?”

  He shrugged. “I was kidding about that.”

  “Okay.”

  I glanced around the crowded bar again. “Are you meeting anyone else?”

  “Not specifically, but there’s a usual crowd here on Tuesdays.”

  “Oh ok.”

  “Your brother comes sometimes.”

  “Oh.” He still hadn’t stopped by or called, but I refused to read into it. I hadn’t made the effort either.

  “So let’s get you something to drink.”

  “I’ll just have a diet Coke.” I usually enjoyed myself more with a real drink, but I didn’t want anything clouding my judgment. I was out of it enough already.