KIRKLAND: A Standalone Romance (Gray Wolf Security)

by Glenna Sinclair

  “Go ahead. The mugs are in the cupboard above the sink.”

  I settled on the couch, as he rummaged around for the cup he wanted, then poured himself a steamy portion of coffee. I could still smell the overpowering aroma, but it didn’t bother me as much now as it had when it was first brewing. It was like my nose had to get used to an unfortunate scent before it signaled my brain that this wasn’t something that should cause my lunch to come back up for an encore.

  He drank more than half the mug as he stood at the sink. I watched his throat muscles move as he did, wondering how he could stand the scalding heat. However, when he lowered the cup and moved to pour more, I could see the exhaustion that left shadows around his dark eyes. It reminded me of the many restless, nightmare filled nights I’d had since my mother died. I wondered if the same thing haunted his nights since Aurora’s death.

  He came around the narrow counter that separated the kitchen from the living room and settled again in the armchair. He glanced at me, his eyes finding my belly again, as though he couldn’t quite make himself believe it was real.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “My mother died,” I said, surprised at how quickly tears rushed to my eyes at the mention of that dark, horrible moment in my life. “It happened just two days after the procedure.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, a sincerity in his eyes that made me believe the sentiment was real. Then his eyes fell to the floor. “And, I suppose, I didn’t give you much reason to trust me, especially after what happened the last time we saw each other.”

  I blushed as the memory of that afternoon burst through my mind, as though it had been waiting at the edge of my mind for just this opportunity to shine once again.

  I’d stopped by their house at Aurora’s request. It was a day before the implantation appointment. She’d called me at lunch time, overcome with excitement because the doctor had just called to let her know the eggs she’d donated days before had successfully been fertilized with Nicolas’ sperm and were dividing at the appropriate rate. The doctor felt they would be ideal for the procedure that was already scheduled. Aurora wanted to celebrate, but she was apparently alone. So, she invited me over to have dinner with her and talk about this tiny human being that had yet to be inserted into my body. I was excited, too. The idea of creating life when my mother was facing such a dark period in her life had seemed like a nice distraction. But when I arrived at the house, Nicolas was there alone.

  ***

  “Aurora went out,” he said quite briskly, as he let me into the house. “But if she invited you over…”

  “Maybe she forgot.”

  “That wouldn’t surprise me. She’s done that a lot lately.”

  Nicolas walked to a nice bar set in the corner of his living room, pouring himself a healthy slug of brandy. As I watched, I couldn’t help but think that Constance would have to wash that glass in the morning.

  “Do you want some? Might be your last chance.”

  I smiled as the thought of the soon to be baby crossed my mind again. “No. I’ve never been much of a drinker.”

  “I never used to be, either.”

  He swallowed the drink he’d just poured himself and turned to the bar as though he was going to pour himself more. But then he pushed away from the bar and turned to me. His eyes were dark and smoldering, as though he was thinking thoughts that were too deep to be expressed in anything as simple as a general expression. And then he crossed to me and caught me by surprise by setting his hands on my shoulders.

  There had been a sort of smoldering attraction between us from the first moment we met. The way he looked at me, the way he asked me questions about this process, about my life, and how having a baby for someone else would change my life. He’d never done anything inappropriate, but there was something there, just under the surface, that I’d been unable to ignore. I thought it was just me, just the way I felt as if I knew him because of Constance’s stories of him, the way his face was familiar because of the many pictures I’d seen of him over the years. I had thought that it couldn’t be anything more than that. But now…

  “Ana,” he murmured in a sexy voice that’d kept me up almost every night since the first time we met, “you feel it too, don’t you?”

  I didn’t know how to answer. I was afraid he was talking about something complete innocent and I would make a fool of myself if I answered that I wanted him, too. Then, I looked up and met his eyes, and I was nearly singed by the heat I saw in their depths. We stared at each other in silence, neither saying a word, yet each communicating in a manner that was as old and as ancient as the mountains.

  One of his hands moved and cupped my breast. I let out a gasp, both because of the pleasure that shot through me and shock that he would want to touch me in such a way. I felt like I was on fire. I should have slapped him, or pushed him away. He was a stranger to me in the most basic way. Yet, I felt like we’d known each other for ages. And so, even though I knew it was a mistake, I held myself still, waiting for his next move.

  His eyes still on mine, he rubbed the pad of this thumb over my nipple slowly, and it grew even harder than before—impossibly hard. Even though I didn’t want to want this man, my body was doing its best to broadcast a totally different message. A more honest message.

  Then, slowly, giving me enough time to retreat if I wanted to, he drew me to him at the same time he lowered his head and kissed me. It was not like any kiss I’d ever experienced before. There was none of that tentative getting-to-know-you stuff that first kisses seemed to be made of. Nicolas’s kiss was hot and wild and so passionate that I immediately went up in flames.

  I opened my mouth and he slipped his tongue in, and I began to tremble from the curiosity that spoke volumes in his movements. My whole body was responding to this man, and I was lost. I pushed my body against him and sank my hands in his hair. He had one hand on my butt, holding me closer to him, and I could feel the heat of his erection pressing against my belly. It was driving me wild.

  He broke the kiss and I heard myself whimper in protest. Why did he stop? Then, he began to trail kisses down the side of my neck. I moved my mouth against the column of his neck, using my tongue to taste him, and felt him shudder. I couldn’t believe that I was having such an effect on this powerful, sexy man.

  “I want to feel you,” he murmured against my skin.

  “I want that, too,” I whispered.

  The sensations going through my body were nothing like I’d ever known before. I couldn’t seem to get enough of him and, guessing from the smile on his face, he knew it. But the look in his eyes told me he couldn’t get enough of me, either.

  Suddenly, he picked me up and carried me across the room, balancing me on the low edge of the corner bar. He stood between my parted legs and cupped my breasts, gently massaging them, paying particular attention to the hard nipples. My head began to spin as my thighs shook. My breasts were so sensitive and his hands so skillful that I moaned deep in my throat.

  “Oh, Nicolas, I like that,” I gasped out.

  “Yeah,” he said, his voice raspy.

  It all seemed so surreal. It couldn’t be real, could it? This was Nicolas Costa, billionaire director and husband to Hollywood screen goddess, Aurora Parker…Aurora. With that, I suddenly remembered that the man touching me, the man making me feel things I had never felt before, was a married man. Not only that, but this married man was the father of the embryo that would be inserted into my uterus first thing tomorrow morning. I felt such disgust for myself that I was sure it was seeping from my pores.

  Nicolas was kissing me again, and I could feel myself melting into a puddle. I began to panic. I needed to do something before I grabbed him and kissed him back like I so badly wanted to do. I wanted to slip my tongue inside his mouth and kiss him with all I had. I wanted to feel his hands all over my body and his mouth everywhere his hands had been. I wanted to… I bit down hard on his lip.

  “Ouch!” He jerked back, his
finger pressed to his lip. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Get off me, you bastard!”

  Chapter 4

  It was official, I had finally gotten in touch with my inner slut. At least that was how I felt as I ran out of Nicolas and Aurora’s house.

  Kelly, my best friend, would have been so proud if I’d told her about it. Kelly and I are so different that it’s amazing we’re friends at all. Kelly is a flight attendant who looks like a lingerie model. All those clichés about models? That’s Kelly in a nutshell. I, on the other hand—after that debacle with my college boyfriend, Travis—decided I was done with relationships. Besides, there was my mom. But when Nicolas touched me, everything I thought I was just flew out the window. I do not do casual sex. Ever. I’m just not like that. Oh, and my mom was a strict Catholic, which only made things worse. I have only ever had sex with two men in my entire life. Kelly insists that I’m basically a virgin since one of those times was a brief, in-the-backseat-of-his-dad’s-car encounter that lasted all of three minutes. Yet, Nicolas made me feel like everything I’ve experienced before was nothing compared to the magic he could bring into my life.

  And having him here, in my tiny apartment, made all those feelings come back.

  “I think about that night a lot,” he said quietly, leaning forward as he cupped his coffee cup in both hands. “I meant to apologize to you, but the next day…it just seemed inappropriate to do it as the doctor was inserting the embryos into…” He gestured toward me, a little color making his naturally dark skin look even darker. “And then you disappeared.”

  “Aurora died.”

  He nodded, his eyes dropping to his mug. “Yeah. That was a shock to a lot of people.”

  “But not you?”

  Something about the way he said it made me wonder about the rumors that floated around in the weeks after her death that Nicolas had something to do with it. A lot of Aurora’s fans suggested that Nicolas had someone slip drugs into her food that night—as it clearly and unequivocally was proven by the autopsy that Aurora died of a cocaine overdose. But then a slice of pain rushed across his face, and I knew instinctively that he would never do such a thing.

  “I knew my wife better than almost anyone. And I knew that she was a brilliant actress who showed the world a façade that covered secrets no one could ever imagine.”

  “Like drug use.”

  “Like the fact that the night she died was not the first time she overdosed on some sort of drug.”

  That surprised me. I hadn’t known Aurora long, or very well, but she always seemed like a strong, confident woman. I curled up against the arm of the couch and tried to remember something, anything, in my encounters with her that would suggest she was a woman in the throes of a bad drug habit. But I couldn’t think of a single one.

  Nicolas stood, setting his coffee—which was empty once more—on a low table and crossed to the windows. He turned away from me and stared outside. I had a sudden hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought for a moment I might be sick. He must have glanced at me…I don’t know. I was clutching my middle, trying to fight the unpleasant waves rushing through my stomach. And then he was beside me, his hand between my shoulder blades. I looked at him and felt my heart skip a beat.

  “The last time I touched Aurora was more than a year ago.”

  I stared at him, not sure what it was he was trying to tell me.

  “But you were trying to have a baby. She told me. She said you wanted a child, that you thought it would complete your family. But she couldn’t carry one because of a heart defect or something.”

  “There was no heart defect. She just didn’t want to ruin her perfect figure.”

  Again, I tried to reconcile what he’d just said—words that were wrapped in so much bitterness that my tongue stung from the taste—with the woman I’d met. But I couldn’t. Aurora was so gentle and kind. I’d wanted to hug her every time I saw her because of the sadness that seemed to linger in her eyes.

  “What happened? I mean, between the two of you. You were only married for five years when she died.”

  He sighed and leaned back against the couch. “Aurora was the biggest mistake of my life.” He shook his head, as his eyes landed on my face again, practically begging me to believe him. “She changed almost as soon as we got home from our honeymoon. She wasn’t the sweet ingénue I met on the set of Paper Men. She was controlling, demanding. She used everything from sex to threats to attempts on her own life to get me to do what she wanted.”

  “Why didn’t you divorce her?”

  “I had no idea what she might do if I did. She was unstable.” He shifted, clearly agitated. “And it would have ruined her career. I couldn’t take responsibility for that.”

  There was something that felt hollow about his last words. A memory of Aurora laughing as we talked about my students filled my thoughts for a moment. How could a woman who could appreciate the unpredictability of children be the same woman he was describing? It just didn’t make sense.

  He raked his fingers through his hair again, his next words coming out on a deep sigh. “I asked her for a divorce, three years ago, and she tried to commit suicide.”

  “But…what happened between you two? You were Hollywood’s most romantic couple.” There’d been dozens of magazine articles on them from the time they were dating until a few weeks before her death, and a piece the E! channel did that my mom and I stayed up late one night to watch. They seemed so perfect together, as though they were one of those rare Hollywood couples that actually functioned well together.

  He laughed bitterly. “She began cheating on me right from the start. I caught her bed with the chauffer once. And then I came home early from a trip to Hawaii to scout locations and found her snorting cocaine off of a glass hors d'oeuvre plate we’d gotten as a gift for our wedding. I tried to get her into rehab. I even called her mother. I watched as she begged Aurora to do something about her addiction, but even she couldn’t get through to her. Aurora wasn’t interested in being clean. She only wanted what she wanted.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “But, I don’t get it. How come the media never got wind of this?”

  He shot me a look filled with indignation. “I’m Nicolas Costa.”

  “Yeah, sure, that explains everything.”

  “Sarcasm does not become you, and yeah, it should explain everything. The paparazzi knows better than to trifle with me.”

  I raised my eyebrows to show him just what I thought of his arrogance but, inside, I was shaking. Nicolas had a reputation for being a ruthless man. And I wasn’t sure where I stood with this man. Why was he here? What did he want from me? I wrapped my arms around my chest, resting them on the top of my bulging belly. It was almost big enough to serve as a perfect shelf for arms, glasses, almost anything I wanted to sit on it. And the peanut inside…she’d be here in less than five months. What would happen then?

  “Why are you here, Nicolas,” I asked, my voice not betraying the roiling emotions inside of me this time.

  He studied my face for a long moment, then his eyes fell again to my belly.

  “It wasn’t Aurora who wanted the baby,” he said softly. “I don’t know how much you know about me, but I came from a large Greek family. My father was a garbage truck driver, my mother a nurse. They worked themselves to death trying to provide for me and my seven brothers and sisters. I always imagined I would have a large family, too.”

  He tilted his head, something like clouds moving across his eyes as a soft smile lifted the corners of his full mouth. “All my brothers and sisters have children now. I love being an uncle. Yet, the idea of holding a baby that’s mine, that’s part of my body, my soul, is the ultimate goal. Everything I’ve achieved in my career, in my life, pales in comparison. I almost couldn’t believe it when Aurora finally agreed to the idea. I think it was because all her friends were having kids and she felt left out or something…I don’t know. I never understood what motiv
ated Aurora. But whatever it was…” He looked at me, his hand coming close—but not touching—my belly. “I finally have that one thing that I couldn’t achieve on my own. And I’m not giving it up.”

  “But this is Aurora’s baby,” I said, grasping at the only straw I could see. “Do you really want a piece of her in your life for the rest of your life?”

  I thought he might get angry, but he only looked pensive for a moment. “That crossed my mind,” he finally said. “But Aurora was a kind, gentle person before the drugs changed her. I think her child will be just as kind and gentle. Especially with the right guidance.”

  “Your guidance?”

  He nodded. “Believe me, Ana, I’m well-prepared to be a father to this child.”

  “But what if I can’t give her up?”

  He simply shook his head. “You have no choice. You signed a contract.”

  Chapter 5

  I burst into tears and Nicolas took me in his arms. He seemed to understand even though I wasn’t sure I did. I pressed my face against his shoulder and cried as though I hadn’t cried in a lifetime, holding on to him as a damn broke and all the tears and sobs I’d held in since leaving California unleashed themselves on his linen shirt. I cried for my mom, for him and Aurora, for the poor, innocent little baby that was caught in the middle of this ridiculous triangle. And I cried for myself. Nicolas simply held me until the tears slowly subsided.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I straightened up, wiping my face with a corner of my t-shirt. “It’s all the hormones and stuff.”

  “A good cry helps,” he said with a shrug.

  “Yeah right, like you cry about anything.”

  A wry smile touched a corner of his lips as he leaned back against the chair.

  “Sometimes I wish I could.”

  Our eyes met, and a brief something passed between us. It was not like the fire of that one, long ago encounter, but there was something there, and it was tinged with heat.