Food for the Soul

by Ceri Grenelle

  “Ready?” Flynn asked. He had one arm around Harper’s shoulders while the other held the full duffel bag. Harper saw where he’d been looking but didn’t comment on who the girl was. He decided not to ask.

  “Yes. Let’s eat.” He met them at the door, holding it open for both of them. Flynn surprised Theo as he passed, leaning in to give him a quick peck on his cheek. Theo didn’t know if he’d ever get used to that short and easy affection, but he knew for certain that he liked it. Maybe if he didn’t get used to it, he would never take it for granted, always hold it as a precious part of his heart.

  Chapter Four

  For dinner, Flynn decided on a small but popular family-run diner. A young man greeted them at the host’s stand and instantly recognized Flynn. The kid asked about Ben, a favorite of the waitresses. Flynn seemed to come often with his kid. This delighted Harper. The more she learned about the single man and his son, the more she grew to like and appreciate him. She was almost impressed with her pigheadedness that she’d ignored this budding feeling for Flynn, a feeling that was now only exacerbated by her new attraction to Theo.

  After looking over his shoulder at the empty dining room, the host shrugged and told them to sit wherever they wanted. The trio chose a corner booth far from where the diner employees were milling about near the kitchen. Considering the heated direction their conversation had turned in back at the kitchen, it was probably better to sit in a more private location to avoid being overheard. Flynn settled on one side and waved for Harper and Theo to sit on the other. Knowing what they would probably be discussing, Harper appreciated Flynn’s gesture, as she worried Theo wouldn’t be comfortable sitting next to the first man he’d ever kissed. She hoped that wasn’t the case.

  There was nothing wrong or scandalous with what they were doing, but it was important to keep such a new entity to themselves and let them process it together before allowing the world to see and have its say. The world could be a cold, cruel place. A fact she was reminded of by the pitying look she received from the young waitress as she reached their table and eyed Harper’s bruise. Harper figured she would need to get used to that until it healed.

  “Flynn, I think you need to take better care of your friends,” the young lady said, eyeing Flynn like he’d come in late for dinner and tracked mud all over the floor.

  “I can take care of myself, thanks. And I’ll have a large plate of fries,” Harper said, not bothering to open the menu. “With sides of ketchup, honey mustard, and barbecue sauce.”

  This time, the waitress turned her stink eye on Harper. “There ain’t anything wrong with needing help or care, and it doesn’t make you a damsel in distress. It makes you human.” The woman turned to Theo and took his order, cutting off any chance of an argument from Harper. Harper wouldn’t have said anything, though, as the words echoed too close to home of something Callie had once said.

  They had been sitting on the sidewalk and writing signs on cardboard, asking for money. Harper had been appalled, but Callie—on and off homeless since childhood due to an unstable family life—turned to Harper and smiled, like it was no big thing.

  “It’s only human to ask for help, Harp. Most of us wouldn’t survive without a helping hand every now and then…no matter how small.”

  A warm hand on her wrist brought her back to the present. The waitress was gone, and both men were staring at her. Neither of them seemed to notice where her thoughts had been. They both look as content as they had since arriving.

  “That’s all you wanted?” Theo asked Harper. Lord, the man was beautiful, but at the moment, his expression was a bit too shrewd for Harper’s liking.

  She shrugged. “I’m not that hungry after throwing away all my food.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Is your jaw in pain?”

  “No…not really.” She crumbled under his steady gaze, feeling like a scolded child. “It only hurts a little.”

  “Have you been taking the pain killers we prescribed?”

  “Yes.” She grabbed the water-stained drink menu from the end of the table and began to blindly scan the options.

  “Harper…”

  “No,” she admitted, feeling weird about lying to him, though it was only a teasing halfhearted lie. “I don’t like to be muddled. I need to stay sharp. Will you stop looking at me like I’m some little creature to be pitied,” she snapped. “For the last time, I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine,” Flynn said. “There’s something else bothering you, something more than the attack.”

  She bit her bottom lip, hoping to keep avoiding the fact of her kitchen’s future for a while longer.

  Flynn leaned forward and tapped her lip gently. She wondered what he would have done if they were in a more private spot. “Maybe we can help?”

  Flynn was a kind soul, but there was nothing he or Theo could do to help. Nobody could help, and she needed to start facing the reality of her future. She would be on her own again, without a purpose. The desperate thought brought out a vulnerability that made her give herself up.

  “I don’t have enough money to make this month’s mortgage payment. The new bank owners have been strict about late payments, and I’ve been late a few times this year already, and now that there’s no money…I’m gonna lose the kitchen.” The thought of her account manager at the bank made her blood boil. “They’ll take it like it’s nothing, like everything I wanted and worked for on behalf of this damn community—that everybody conveniently forgot about—like it all means nothing. They don’t care.”

  Harper balled up the flimsy drink menu and threw it toward the wall, wishing it would break through the plaster. Instead, it bounced off and landed in Theo’s outstretched hand.

  “Can’t we have a fundraiser or something to help out?” Theo asked, dropping the menu on the table, then placing his hand on her shoulder to rub her muscles. His hands were large, and the pressure on her tired skin felt good.

  “It’s not a matter of getting the money. What I need is time. The due date passed while I was in the hospital, and the bank is already leaving messages on my voice mail.”

  “Why did you start the kitchen?” Theo asked, not having had the benefit of volunteering at the kitchen like Flynn and hearing her spiel, as Flynn had called it.

  She braced herself for another look of pity and sympathy. Most people would never be able to fathom what living on the streets was like.

  “I was homeless for most of my teenage years.” She expected a reaction, but he remained silent, waiting for her to continue. “I was too independent for my own good, thought I knew better than my family on how I should live my life.” She remembered the fights she and her mother had had, the screaming and self-righteous anger of a teenager chomping at the bit for more freedom. Her mom had been right not to give it to her. She hadn’t been ready, but that hadn’t stopped her from taking it anyway.

  “How old were you when you ran away?” Theo asked, moving his hand from her shoulder to the back of her neck, massaging. She usually didn’t give these specific details out during her intro to volunteers, but the facts came easily for Flynn and Theo.

  “Fifteen.” That fact earned a muttered curse, but she didn’t respond, instead simply focused on the feel of Theo’s hand.

  “Where did you go?” Flynn asked, having never heard this much detail before.

  “The city. I spent time with a group of artists for a while, worked odd jobs to pay my portion of rent. We were evicted when the building was bought. We rented and were chucked to the curb like the trash. I couldn’t find another apartment after that.” Winters on the streets of New York City weren’t fun. The cold had eaten at her, and she’d walked all day to keep warm until she finally couldn’t walk anymore because there had been holes in her shoes and the wet slush of dirty snow had soaked her only pair of socks. It was the same every year, and now, when the wind had enough bite to it, the scents and sensations of living on the street came back to her and she felt the familiar despondency and anger sh
e’d often lived with during those years.

  “What about shelters?”

  “There aren’t enough, and they fill up quickly. You wait in a line all day to have a spot to sleep. Eventually, the subway stations become an answer to get out of the snow or rain, not that it’s any warmer down there than outside.”

  “When did you come back here?” Flynn knew she was from this neighborhood originally, though her family had long ago moved away to a safer area.

  “I was twenty-one. I’d been alone for a while at that point.” Callie had been dead by then. Harper wouldn’t talk about her or the night she died, not to Theo and Flynn. At least not yet. The only person she’d ever spoken about it with was the therapist she’d been mandated to see. After that cathartic yet gut-wrenching session, she’d never uttered a word about her long-lost friend ever again. Her street-urchin buddy. Shit, Harper missed that girl.

  “Harper?” Flynn broke into her memories.

  The server was back, placing a massive plate of fries on the table, three ramekins of her favorite condiments on the side of the wide white plate. The fries smelled good, making her stomach rumble in anger that she hadn’t fed it yet. She dug in, always going for the ketchup first. Need to start with the classics.

  “Good?” Theo asked with a smile as he watched her devour the fries.

  She nodded, her mouth too full to answer. The honey mustard was the good kind, sweet with the perfect amount of kick the mustard provided.

  “Want some burger?” Theo offered her the piece he held. It was cooked medium rare and stacked to the brim with all the fixings. Her mouth watered.

  She leaned forward and took a huge bite right out of his hand.

  “Thank you,” she mumbled around the amazing food. “How did you find this place?” she asked Flynn. “The food is good.”

  “Ben was a fitful infant. He used to keep me up late into the night, and I would get bored at home, so we went for drives. It seemed to calm him. I found this diner in the middle of the night when I needed to change him. The waitresses played with him nearly the entire time we were here, and I was able to get a little work done on my computer. Instant babysitting. We’ve been coming here ever since.” He turned his gaze toward the rest of the dining room, then back to the open-concept kitchen. “They’ve watched him grow up, are still watching and caring. Ben loves coming here.” He grinned. “He’ll be annoyed when I tell him we were here without him.”

  This was a special place for Flynn’s little family, and Harper felt honored that he’d wanted to take them here.

  “Thank you for bringing us here,” Theo said before Harper could swallow her food to get the words out. “I see how much it means to you. That you brought us makes it important to me as well.”

  “To us,” Harper agreed.

  Flynn nodded briefly, his mouth shut tight.

  “Would you tell us a bit about Ben?” she asked.

  “Don’t think you’re going to distract us from your financial troubles.”

  She waved Flynn’s concerns off. “We can talk about that later. I want to talk about something happy. Your son seems like quite the little guy.”

  Harper knew she hadn’t fleeced the men, but she was being honest. Discussing the details of her dream going up in flames would put her on edge and ruin the night. This outing was supposed to be about getting to know one another past the need and the lust they all felt, and Ben was a large part of Flynn’s life.

  “He is something else,” Flynn said. “The love of my life.”

  “As it should be with fathers and sons,” Theo said. He looked down at Harper and bumped her shoulder. “Fathers and daughters as well.”

  “At least when they’re children,” Harper conceded, hoping Ben wouldn’t become as crazy as she had been as a teen.

  “He’ll be a good kid as he grows, I can tell. He’ll try to outsmart me any chance he gets. He’s already doing that. The other night we had a ten-minute debate on the benefits of him staying up late. Of course, he was able to stay up ten minutes later by taking the time to argue with me. I didn’t realize it until after he was asleep. The kid is tricksy.” Flynn sighed, a warm smile lighting up his features. “I wouldn’t have him any other way.”

  “His mother?” Theo asked gently. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to…”

  Flynn shrugged, his mouth turned down. “We had a fling. It was sex, nothing more. Two months after our final…encounter, she came to me and told me she was pregnant and she wanted me to pay for an abortion. I asked her if she would have the baby because I wanted to raise it. She agreed.”

  “It couldn’t have been that simple,” Theo said doubtfully.

  “On top of paying for all the medical care…I gave her a sizeable donation.”

  “You paid for him?” Harper asked, an ill feeling like acid churning in her gut at the thought of the woman bargaining away her kid. “Did you have a DNA test done?”

  “The methods for prenatal paternity tests are extremely invasive and have a risk of miscarriage. I would recommend waiting.”

  “Thank you, Doc,” Flynn said sarcastically, sliding down in his chair to kick the good doctor underneath the table. “Yes, I paid for him; no, I didn’t have a paternity test done. It didn’t matter. The second I heard I was having a child, something inside me switched. I wanted that baby so much, I paid for everything—doctors’ appointments, housing for her, vitamins, the birth, everything.”

  “Did you make some sort of court agreement?”

  “Oh, fuck yes,” Flynn said around his sandwich. “We did that soon after she gave me the deal. Good thing, too, because she fought me for him in the end.”

  Harper couldn’t help but gasp. This was straight out of a soap opera. “She wanted him?”

  “She thought she did. Halfway through the custody battle, she gave up, changed her mind. She was a flighty, inconsistent person. She never knew who she wanted or what she wanted to do with her life. I’m glad she came to me, though there’s a chance he’s not mine. She wouldn’t have been a good mother. Too selfish.”

  “You still don’t know if he’s yours?”

  “Nope, but does that stuff matter? Blood may be thick, but love and care are the foundations of parenting. I love him with all of my heart. I won’t ever abandon or give him up. He’s my life.” Flynn swallowed hard, looking them both square on.

  “He’s my life,” he said again. “He’s my main priority. If you both have an issue with me having a kid, then we should pay the check and leave. You two can continue this if you want, but I can’t, I won’t put others before my kid.”

  Flynn looked defensive, prepared to battle or argue about how important his son was. Harper could only imagine conversations he might have had with past relationships. Why couldn’t he spend more time with them? Why did Ben have to come? Can’t he find a babysitter? Such inconsiderate requests set Harper aflame. Ben was a beautiful and funny little boy. She would never dare to take away or claim control of the affections of a father who would clearly give his life for his son. Contrary to making her want to run away, his capacity to love made her want him more.

  “Whoever asked you to put them before your kid was an asshole. We wouldn’t do that, and I can’t wait to get to know Ben.” As she spoke, Harper reached across the table, past half-empty plates, and placed her hand over his.

  They both looked to Theo.

  “Your kid is funny; I’d like to hang out with him as well. I have no problem dating someone with a kid. But can we just, for a second, talk about what is happening here?”

  “We can talk, or we can go somewhere and do what we want to do.”

  Theo made a sound similar to a growl. Harper couldn’t decide whether it was funny or sexy, but when she heard how deep Theo’s voice had become after Flynn’s offer, she decided definitely sexy. “As tempting as that sounds, I don’t know if I’m ready for it.” He huffed. “I don’t know half of what we’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you
do,” she said gently, placing her hand on his knee. “The three of us together, in a monogamous relationship.”

  “Can three people be in a monogamous relationship?”

  “Yes,” Flynn answered.

  “You’ve done this before.” It was less a question, as Flynn seemed to be the most confident out of all of them that what they were doing was right.

  “I have been secure in my bisexuality for a long time. Since I was a teen. I’ve had threesomes but never one in a sustained relationship. This would be new for me, but I’m not gonna lie and say I never thought about it before.”

  “Bisexual…” Theo muttered, rubbing his eyes. “I’ve never wanted a man like this before.”

  “You’ve been attracted to men in the past?” Harper asked, her curiosity piqued once more.

  “Yes,” he said on a sigh, as though he were expelling a long-held secret. “But never anything absolute. I’ve always been with women. I’ve been content being with only women.”

  “Until me,” Flynn said with a smug grin.

  “Yeah.” Theo didn’t hedge or prevaricate, and Harper loved that honesty.

  “What are you thinking?” Flynn asked, catching Harper’s eye.

  “That I’m pretty lucky.” She leaned on Theo’s arm and reached across the table to once again take Flynn’s hand. This time, their fingers intertwined.

  “How can you be that optimistic, considering everything that’s happened?” Theo asked.

  “When you’ve lived as I have, what happened this week will eventually become a small bit of nothing in the grand scheme of things. Now it hurts, and I feel like there might be a drought, but I’ll get more money, I’ll rebuild. It’s part of the cycle.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Life, death, and rebirth.”