Food for the Soul

by Ceri Grenelle

  “This isn’t working,” Theo said, crossing his arms as an idea formed in his mind.

  “Shit. I knew this would fucking happen, but I thought you would be stronger and it could last a little longer than the others.” As Flynn strode out the door, his face scrunched, Theo stared after him, wondering what the fuck had just happened. Then, with a curse for his idiocy, he replayed the words he’d said.

  “Flynn, wait, that’s not what I meant,” Theo yelled as he ran down the rickety hallway, catching Flynn by the back of his shirt before he began to descend the stairs. Flynn turned around, still standing on the top stair, looking obstinate. “Hear me out.”

  “It’s not necessary. I understand.”

  Theo cupped Flynn’s cheeks, unable to hold back his grin at Flynn’s stubbornness. “Shut up and listen to me. I have a spare bedroom that I’m sure Ben would be comfortable in. Why can’t you bring him over some nights? It will let you spend more time with us. I understand you can’t move a kid around too much without confusing them, but at least this will give us more time together. Other than us going to your house—”

  “You can’t,” Flynn burst, gripping Theo’s wrists. “I want you to, but there are things I need to take care of first. I—”

  “Stop. You don’t need to explain to me. We don’t need to know each other’s secrets yet.”

  Flynn raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

  “We may be nosy or curious about one another, but we’re not gonna run away because we’ve all got a bit of baggage.”

  “Most people consider a kid too much baggage.”

  “Those people are assholes,” Harper said from the bottom of the stairs. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah. How would you like it if we picked up Ben before coming back to my place? We can all hang out tonight.”

  Harper’s jaw dropped, alight with glee. “That would be fun! We’re doing it, no discussion needed.”

  Flynn looked over his shoulder. “I’m the father. I think I get to make this decision.”

  “Nope, you’ve been overruled. C’mon, let’s get him! What stuff does he like to do? Watch movies? Play games? What games? Should I bring some games?”

  The men laughed, enthused by Harper’s exuberance. “I can bring games,” Flynn said with a sigh. He turned back to Theo. “You sure? You might get crayon on a couch or handprints on the walls.”

  “Do you think I’m the kind of person who’d dump you because of your kid?”

  Flynn’s smile was a bit sad as he said, “I don’t, Theo, but how much can I honestly say I know about you? I trust you as a person. I can tell you’re a good man.”

  “That’s not enough?”

  “I don’t know anything about your past, who you were and how you got here. Maybe that’s why Harper is nosy.”

  “I heard that,” Harper yelled up at them.

  “She wants to know how you became you. It’s not a bad thing to want to know.”

  Theo nodded, resigned. “Well, there’s nothing shocking. You’re going to uncover the facade of a boring and plain dude.”

  “Nothin’ boring about that ass,” Harper called. “Now let’s go!”

  Theo knew this conversation would come up again and probably sooner rather than later. But he was willing to table the topic and spend a night getting to know Flynn’s son. Perhaps it wouldn’t be terrifying, to let two people understand and know him fully. What, after all, was frightening about love?

  Chapter Ten

  Theo had to admit, the night had been an unmitigated success. Theo and Harper had doted on Ben, as it was too easy to adore the rambunctious boy. Harper had put him to bed, and Theo and Flynn listened at the door while she told a story about two young women, wandering the streets of New York City and having a grand adventure. The girl’s name was Callie, and Harper claimed they had been best friends. After she finished the story, Ben asked where Callie was. Harper glanced over her shoulder, a hooded look in her eyes, before smiling back down at Ben and answering.

  “Callie is on a different adventure now.”

  “Is it fun?” Ben asked, his lids drooping as sleep overcame him.

  “I don’t know, but I hope so.” With that, she kissed Ben on the forehead and crept out of the room.

  Theo didn’t ask her about the girl—Callie—but he’d wanted to. Instead Theo made sure to turn the focus away from any morbid subjects. He’d pulled a large blanket out, and they wrapped themselves up in it on the couch and then in each other.

  The night had been beautiful, and it was now morning. Harper had run off to the bathroom but not before sarcastically disclaiming that she wasn’t fetching anyone coffee. It was Flynn and Theo in the bed, and Theo was pretty content with that.

  Flynn rubbed his nose against Theo’s stomach. His stubble made Theo chuckle, tickling him playfully. Flynn had been lighthearted as Harper flounced off to the shower. He was acting playful and cute, but Theo could sense there was something bothering him. Something had been weighing Flynn down for a while, and he’d been using Harper’s troubles at the soup kitchen as an excuse to keep the attention off him. But this wasn’t the Harper show or the Theo show. They were all equal partners in whatever it was they were doing, and now it was time for Flynn to receive some much-deserved attention. His little upset the previous night when he thought Theo was breaking up with him was evidence enough that something wasn’t right.

  As Flynn made his way down Theo’s abs, nuzzling and teasing as he went, Theo threaded his fingers in Flynn’s hair, then lightly tugged to get his attention. Flynn looked up, a devious smile that didn’t reach his gaze tugging the corners of his mouth.

  “Not what you want this morning?”

  “Nope.”

  Flynn looked a little surprised at Theo’s response. He shifted to a kneeling position, straddling Theo’s thighs. “What pleasure can I pleasure you with this morning, sir?” He was being his usual facetious self, but it wasn’t clicking. There was something wrong, off balance.

  Theo framed Flynn’s face, rubbing Flynn’s stubble with his thumbs, then brought him down for a kiss. It was far from the hesitant and nervous first kiss they’d shared, at least hesitant and nervous on Theo’s part. Who knew that kissing a man could be as equally pleasing as kissing a woman? He loved being able to switch from the hard and soft bodies, delighted in Harper’s curvy, smooth thighs and at the same time Flynn’s hard and hairy ones. A myriad of different sensations to explore all in one relationship. They were separate, the three of them, but in this affection and love, they were one. Yes, love. That was the uncomfortable sensation he kept feeling in his chest.

  And it was why it was felt keenly between all of them when one was hurting.

  Theo pulled away from a kiss that could have easily escalated and pushed the hair off Flynn’s forehead.

  “What wrong?”

  “What are you talking about?” Flynn asked, a little breathless from the kiss. He moved in again, but Theo put a hand on his chest.

  “Stop. I know something is bothering you.”

  Flynn pushed away with an annoyed sigh and sat back on his heels. “I don’t know what you want me to say. There is nothing the matter—at least there wasn’t until you stopped me from getting what I want.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Fuck you, man.”

  “I’m serious. I call bullshit. You’ve been going through the motions to please us, and I’m sick of it. Talk to me. Talk to Harper.”

  “Talk to us,” Harper said, standing in the doorway of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her, hair damp and cascading over her shoulder. “I’ve seen it too, Flynn. You can’t hide from us.”

  “Why did you jump to the conclusion that we were leaving you last night?”

  “What you said was a pretty common break-up phrase. You can’t blame me for—”

  “Have we ever given you a reason to make you think you having a kid bugs us?” Harper asked self-righteously. “Please, Flynn, you know you can talk to us.”<
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  Flynn stepped back off the bed, crossing his arms over his chest as he stood tall between them.

  “It’s shit with my dad. Don’t worry about it.” He looked over at the time and said, “I’m gonna go check on Ben.”

  “He’s fine. He’s asleep. The baby monitor is on. Now tell us what your dad did.”

  Harper wrapped her arms around Flynn from behind, her head resting on his back. “Please,” she whispered. “Don’t shut us out.”

  “You won’t want me if I tell you.”

  Theo felt like his heart might stop. It couldn’t be that bad.

  “You can tell us,” Theo said, feeling like his airways were constricted. Had he slept with someone else? The image of Flynn with another man or woman crushed him and threatened to turn into something toxic and hateful. He took a deep breath, attempting to keep himself from jumping to conclusions.

  “Nothing could change the way we feel about you.”

  Flynn sighed, giving in to them but not looking at either as he spoke. “My family had money when I was young, and then the market crashed as I was graduating with my master’s and starting my business. Luckily, I was earning a good wage and cyber security was in high demand. When I was a kid, my dad worked hard to support me and put me through college. I owe him a lot.”

  Now Flynn looked at them, anguished.

  “I want to take you both to my home. I’ve been feeling so fucking guilty that I haven’t offered you a place to stay over, Harper. I want you both to sleep in my bed and eat with me at my kitchen table with my son. I want you to help me tuck my kid in, into his own bed. But I can’t…because my dad is a bigot. And he takes every opportunity to call me a fag and wouldn’t hesitate to call you both one either. Or maybe some other racial slur he can come up with. He’s not a good person, and I would never want to take you to my home and subject you both to him. I’m ashamed of my own father.”

  “Hey, sexy,” Theo said, coming to stand behind Flynn and leaning on Flynn’s shoulder, rubbing Flynn’s arms up and down. “We know those people, and we know you’re not those people. We care about you…more than simply care about, to tell you the truth.” He winked down at Harper, whose eyes were wide as saucers. “But it’s too early to get into that.”

  “And we care,” Harper said with no lack of sass, “about Ben. Hearing your father be a dick isn’t going to change that. Is that truly what’s been bothering you?”

  His shoulders sagged a bit. “I’ve been anxious to take you there because he’s there all the time, and there’s no avoiding him. But I want to include you in my life.” Flynn bent his head back to nuzzle against Theo’s cheek. “I care about you both as well. A lot. You’re important to me. When I called last night to say I was picking Ben up, he was crazy excited. He’s been talking about seeing you both again. You guys were great with him last night.”

  “Is it that bad with your dad?” Harper asked.

  Flynn nodded.

  “Why do you tolerate it?”

  “Because he supported me as a kid, got me out of scrapes and through college, and he loves Ben. He probably loves Ben more than he ever loved me. And that’s fine, as long as he treats my son well. But now I need him to treat you both well. You, who are part of my queer lifestyle, which he hates because he doesn’t understand that a man can love another man and still retain his masculinity and respect.” Flynn scoffed but then turned inward, his gaze focusing on some faraway memory.

  “I was happy to be rid of him. Starting my own company, living on my own. Then the dumb bastard lost everything, and I had to take him in. I feel like a teenager when I say this, but…it’s not fair. He’s too old to get a job and support himself now, but I have suffered with him enough. I can’t—”

  “Daddy?” Ben cried over the baby monitor, the sound crisp and clear, as though they were in the same room as the kid. “Daddy!” Now his voice sounded laced with tears.

  Flynn moved to leave, but Harper placed a hand on his chest before he could go. “I’ll get him. Stay here.”

  “You sure?”

  “Of course.”

  Harper went up on her tiptoes to kiss Flynn, gently rubbing and nuzzling her lips against his. Theo smiled, appreciating the sight, knowing Harper was loving the pain out of him, as she liked to say. She stroked her hands over his cheek before walking out the door.

  Theo tugged Flynn’s arm, pulling him around to face Theo. Theo framed Flynn’s face, studying the beautifully constructed jaw and cheekbones, the stubble that tickled his skin whenever Flynn rubbed against him, the look that pierced into his heart whenever Flynn’s gaze caught his. But those eyes were turned down now, looking away, caught in memories that made him more than miserable.

  Theo knew that look, the helpless anxiety of feeling trapped in a situation he could do nothing to escape. Theo agreed with Flynn; it wasn’t fair. But that’s what Theo and Harper were for. They would make it better. They could make that house a home for Flynn once more.

  Theo wrapped his arms low around Flynn’s waist, pulling him close, bringing their bodies into alignment. Flynn laid his head against Theo’s shoulder now, resting his arms along Theo’s chest. They stood like that in the dim lighting of the room, no words passing between them. All that remained was comfort and shelter from their hectic and frequently painful lives.

  After a moment, they could hear Harper on the baby monitor, cooing and speaking to Ben, reassuring him. Ben asked something Theo couldn’t make out, but soon Harper’s voice rang throughout the room, singing. It wasn’t a traditional lullaby, but it was a song with a soothing melody when slowed down. The lyrics to “Blackbird” carried over them, and Theo smiled. He started to sway to the music of Harper’s voice. It was simple and hoarse with disuse, but it was still beautiful in its raw austerity.

  By the time Harper reached the second verse, Flynn seemed to come back to himself. He looked up at Theo. “Are you dancing with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Don’t stop.”

  “Never.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Flynn gripped the steering wheel as they pulled into the driveway of his house. He lived on the outskirts of the city in a neighborhood that made no qualms about how wealthy and well-off they were. Flynn wasn’t friends with many of his neighbors, but he liked that the community had security—that his company had designed and installed—and it was extremely kid friendly. Ben had a lot of kids to play with on the street, and all the parents forgave them their trespasses, despite play becoming rough and marring up a lawn or two.

  It seemed all the adults in this little enclave wanted their kids to have as normal a childhood as possible, away from the gang violence and pain of the nearby city. It was why he’d decided on this location, to give Ben a better life and a safe space to grow.

  “Whoa,” Harper said next to him in the passenger seat. She was staring out the front window at the large house. And yes, it was large by current standards. He had six guest rooms aside from the master suite, and his father lived in his private cottage out back behind the pool. That separate living area gave Flynn the rest and space he needed from his father, especially when the old man was being particularly taciturn. And that was the nice way to put it.

  “Shall we?” He looked at Harper, feeling his nerves amp up, wondering what she and Theo would think of the home he’d made for his son.

  Despite her initial reaction, the smile she turned his way was vibrant. “Yes, please.”

  As they exited the car, Theo pulled into the driveway behind them. He shut the engine off before exiting the vehicle, his gaze trained on the house with a maniacal grin. “Where’s the household staff? Aren’t the butler and housekeeper supposed to line up outside of the house to greet you?”

  “You’ve been watching too much Downton Abbey.”

  “I’m a man. I don’t watch girly period dramas.”

  “The fact that you know they’re called period dramas makes it clear that you watch them. And I know you cry wheneve
r a character dies; don’t try to hide it!”

  Theo raised his hands in surrender, his smile bright as he walked toward them. “I admit it, I give up. I love Pride and Prejudice and can watch Jane Eyre a thousand times.” He placed one hand over his heart and breathed an emotional and overly dramatic sigh. “Those stories are beautiful.”

  Harper rolled her eyes at Theo, swatting at him for his playful teasing. After defending himself against Harper, Theo wrapped his arm around Flynn’s shoulder and steered them all toward the front door. He leaned in to Flynn’s ear and whispered, “Your house is stunning. You’ve made a perfect home for your son.”

  Harper walked alongside Flynn’s opposite side. She took his hand and laced their fingers together, the rightness of her small hand in his perfection.

  “I can’t wait to see Ben.”

  “He’s been excited that we are having a sleepover.” Flynn’s father, on the other hand, had experienced a full-on tantrum when told that his son’s two lovers were spending the night. He’d invited his dad to dinner, but his father had declined, saying he was going to his friend’s house to play some cards with real people who knew what was right and wrong. At least they had the start of the evening free from distraction.

  The front door opened before they made their way up the sweeping lawn, and his sister—a skinny woman with short blonde hair and thick Coke-bottle glasses—stepped out on the porch.