Food for the Soul

by Ceri Grenelle

  “Look at me.” His voice was still growly, and the base need made Flynn look over his shoulder at the large man. Theo sat on his haunches, licking the cum-stained hand clean, as he’d promised he would. And though he’d spent himself all over his kitchen floor, Flynn felt his cock twitch at the sight. “I love how you taste. I love how Harper’s honey tasted on your lips.” Once his hand was clean, he leaned forward and kissed Flynn, a slow and carnal dance of tongue and lips. “Stay there.”

  He left for a moment, and all Flynn could do was stay where he was and rest his head on his arms for support. He was strung out. The sensation of a warm cloth against his hole made him jerk.

  “Sorry. Wanted to clean you.”

  “The floor,” Flynn mumbled. He moaned when Theo’s tongue replaced the cloth.

  “Mm, I can’t wait to come back to this later.”

  Flynn pushed away from his insatiable love and turned onto his back, avoiding the wet spot on the floor. “It will be better with Harper.”

  “It’s great with either of you, but you’re right. It’s the best with all three of us together. I want to suck her off. The taste of her on you made me crazy.” Theo grasped his cock, still hanging free over his open zipper. “Shit, I could go again.”

  Flynn was about to help Theo by taking him in his mouth, when the doorbell rang.

  “Dinner!” Ben screamed from upstairs.

  Theo smiled as he wiped up the mess from their loving on the floor. “That will have to wait.”

  “Yes, but it will happen tonight.” Flynn stood, offering a hand to help Theo up, then kissing him. They helped one another straighten out their clothes, all the while unable to stop kissing and touching.

  “Daddy, stop making out with Theo and come get the dinner,” Ben cried from the doorway.

  Both men laughed and did as the tiny master of the house told them.

  Harper had done as she promised and ordered a vast amount of Chinese food. Flynn could only be thankful, as his appetite had expanded to that of twenty men once the food was in front of him. They ate at the kitchen island, keeping the dinner casual. Ben talked the most, usually about nonsensical things that Harper and Theo tried desperately to keep up with. It was pretty great.

  After dinner, they put away the leftovers, then traipsed into the family room to watch a movie. Ben picked the DVD, of course, and showed off his technical prowess by choosing the correct input on the TV and loading the disc to press Play.

  Theo held out his arms for Ben to cuddle into on the couch as Harper asked, “Who still owns DVDs? Isn’t everything available on streaming nowadays?”

  “I like to collect things,” Flynn admitted. “I like the sense of physically owning these movies, not having to search for them beyond my own library.”

  “Says the man who deals in cyber security,” Theo said, Ben now curled up on his lap and wrapped up in the start of the movie.

  “All the more reason for me to appreciate the tangible, don’t you think?”

  “Too right,” Harper mumbled, her head on Flynn’s shoulder.

  The movie sped by like a dream. Ben was asleep before the movie ended, and they all helped in putting him in his pajamas, making sure he had his nightlight on, and tucking him into bed. Before they left for the night, Ben reached out to grab Harper’s hand and asked, “Can you make pancakes for breakfast?”

  “Absolutely. What kind?”

  “Chocolate. Daddy doesn’t let me have those.”

  “Then we won’t tell him. I’ll make you the best pancakes ever, and it will be our secret.”

  “’kay. Good night, Harper.”

  She kissed him on his forehead and whispered, “Good night.”

  Flynn had trouble keeping his emotions together. This was what he had waited for, this sense of complete, contented happiness. This was what a family was, and he finally had it.

  * * * *

  Harper collapsed onto the comfortable, gray-patterned nesting chair in the corner of the large master bedroom. She leaned back and took the space in, growing to appreciate Flynn’s decorative style. The master bedroom, while painted white, was anything but stark. There was a beautiful hardwood floor, and the walls were accented with unique patterns and panels. The bed was large, thank goodness, and had a plethora of pillows she couldn’t wait to sink into. She didn’t dislike Theo’s apartment, but he had a serious lack of pillows.

  “I like your house,” she said, continuing to observe the room.

  “Thanks. I worked hard on it.”

  “I can tell. Did you design it yourself?”

  “Marcie and the designer I hired helped, but yeah, it was mostly me.”

  “It’s beautiful. I can see you everywhere in it.”

  “You never said anything like that about my place,” Theo said, striding into the room.

  Harper should have played along with the joke, but she couldn’t help herself; the niggling, itching sensation she usually felt when restless glowed like a red light within her mind. “Because your home looks like corporate housing.”

  “What?”

  “An apartment someone might stay in for a few months before finding a permanent home.” The words fell out of her mouth like a waterfall, and she couldn’t stop herself. “The pictures and art on the walls are stock photos, and the apartment itself is devoid of any character. The biggest part of you I found in that apartment was your Pandora station.”

  “Harper,” Flynn admonished. “Theo has a great home.”

  “I have pictures of my family and mementos from my life all over that apartment. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s all haphazard. It’s cold.”

  “You’re an interior designer now, are you?”

  “No, but I know when an item or a picture is important, and everything in those rooms felt like some obligatory shrine to—”

  “Harper!” Flynn said loudly. “Enough.”

  “To my parents?” Theo asked, not letting it go.

  “Yes. To the specters haunting your life. Why won’t you talk about them?”

  “They were my parents, and now they’re dead. I don’t know why you think knowing anything beyond those facts will benefit you.”

  She could hear Theo was well and truly pissed, but she was done with this wall Theo kept around himself. He gave his body to them but not his mind, and Theo’s intellect and memories were such a large part of him, it was almost like they experienced half of who he was.

  “Because they’ll help me know you,” she said, trying not to yell.

  “You want to know something about me, then ask.”

  “I do, and you never answer any questions. Over and over I ask you. Why are you afraid to talk about them?”

  “Why do you need to know?”

  “For someone who has an apartment filled with pictures of only his parents, it sure is odd that he’s reluctant to talk about them.”

  “Because if I talk about them, they’ll take me over,” Theo burst out, his arms spread wide. “All I had were my parents. We traveled for their work, and I never stayed long enough in one city to make any lasting friendships. It was them, into my college years, every fucking day. By the time I went to medical school, I was so used to being with them that I shunned any attempts at friendships. I had acquaintances and physical relationships, but…anything else was unfamiliar and awkward for me, and I avoided it. I don’t… I didn’t trust people.” His rancor seemed to dissipate as he went on, leaving him looking tired and defeated. “When they died, I didn’t know how to restart the programming they’d drilled into me. Study. Work. Work is passion, and that’s all one needs in life. People are fake and false, and all you have is your own mind. Keep your opinions to yourself except when it comes to work. Friendships don’t last. All you have is you.” Theo sank down onto the bed, his elbows resting on his knees.

  Whatever it was she had expected to hear, it wasn’t some twisted measure of mental and emotional abuse. Because no matter how much Theo
seemed to respect his parents, isolating a child like that and teaching him not to trust others was abuse.

  “Is that what you wanted to hear? That I’m a weird loner without any friends?”

  “I wanted—”

  “That’s what my colleagues think. I hear them whispering and joking about me. You happy?” He stood, then picked up his shoes from where he’d tossed them on the floor. “I think I should go.”

  Harper stepped in front of the door, her hands up, placating. “I wanted the truth. I wanted to know you. You said you didn’t trust people. Do you trust us?”

  “We’re fucking, but it doesn’t mean you get to rip me open and examine me.” Theo’s voice was hard as ice. “Why do you need to do this to me? Is this some sick obsession you have? Do you do this to the poor folks who come to your kitchen? Maybe it’s better it gets shut down to save them from having their dirty laundry dragged through the mud for all to see.”

  Harper ignored his tone, ignored his anger and the vitriol he spoke. She placed her hands on his chest and smoothed her palms up and down his shirt, wordlessly willing him to be calm. She knew this was only the tip of the iceberg, but it was her turn to prove he wasn’t the only one with baggage.

  “I met Callie three months after being thrown onto the street. I was starving, unable to take care of myself or find food. I thought death would be a better solution than living the way I had been, and I was too proud to call home and ask for help. I did things to survive that…” She sighed, letting them make their guesses, knowing they’d guess right. “Callie found me in Central Park. I’d found a dull razor in the trash and taken the blades out, had it against my skin when she stopped me. She convinced me to keep breathing for one more day, and then she turned living on the streets into an adventure. Yes, there were shit days—most days were shit of varying levels. But Christ, she made it better. She was my sister.” Harper clutched her shirt over her heart, where the pain of Callie’s death lived on and always would.

  “Where is she now?” Theo asked, cupping her shoulders.

  “Hit by a car. There were dangers and bad people looking to hurt kids like me living on the street, and a drunk driver hit her. The pointlessness of the whole thing made me wake up, see the world for what it was.” She framed Theo’s face, trying to keep smiling through the pain of memories. “All we have are the people around us, who love and support us. The way we live is what we bring with us into the hereafter. The way we love.” She glanced over at Flynn, leaning against a dresser with his arms crossed, his lips tight. He wouldn’t have wanted her to pry, but she couldn’t let Theo continue to simmer in his silent rage. Now she needed Flynn’s help, unifying them in this one thing. “Don’t keep your love from us because of all this.” She balled her fist up and pressed it against his chest. “I see it in your silence, how you keep away from others…to protect yourself. It’s okay to be scared.”

  “I don’t know how to do this, to be with you both, to be the normal person you need me to be,” Theo said, clutching her shoulders hard now, his face twisted. “I am scared.”

  Flynn came up behind Theo and rested his chin on Theo’s shoulder, wrapping his arm around the big guy’s waist. “Of what?”

  “That my parents were right and I can’t trust you. Or that you’ll both leave like they did and I’ll be alone again.”

  Harper rested her cheek against his chest and made a promise, to herself and to the men. “No matter what happens, we’ll always be here for you.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  “I know that I mean it now, and the now is all that matters.” She looked up at both of them. “I don’t want to know what my life would have been like without you both.” Her breath hitched. “I’ve become dependent on you, and the last time that happened with a person, she died for no reason. I know the fear you feel, Theo. I know it makes you angry and unwilling to share yourself with us, but we’ll never be truly together unless you share a little bit. Only a little, every now and then. Let us learn who you are. What your parents convinced you of is wrong, and it was a gross miscalculation on their part. Trust us. Please.”

  Theo nodded, his hair rubbing against Flynn’s, silken and beautiful. He licked his full lips, then looked down at his feet, silent. His gaze went toward the ceiling, and he mouthed wordlessly, lost.

  “You don’t have to say anything now,” Flynn said, brushing his lips against Theo’s neck. “We’ll learn each other in time, but know that you can trust us. We are here for you, always.”

  Harper frowned up at him, unable to understand why Flynn was letting Theo keep himself bottled up. This wound needed to be opened, cleaned, and then resealed in order for it to heal properly. Was Flynn that blind to Theo’s pain, or did he not care for the inconvenience of a wounded lover? Did he think she was perfect?

  Flynn gently pulled Theo’s head back until it rested on Flynn’s shoulder. “We’ll know you on your time, Theo. We’re trusting in you that you will trust in us. One day.” Flynn looked down at Harper as he said to Theo, “When you’re ready, we’ll be here.”

  Harper didn’t think that giving Theo an unending amount of time would provide him with the kick in the butt he needed. But she had pushed enough that night and agreed to give Theo a rest.

  FLYNN SQUEEZED THEO tight around his middle and gave him a sloppy, nibbling kiss. Theo turned around for a full-body hug. Flynn’s heart heated at the clear disorientation Theo was experiencing. He wanted to be honest with his new lovers, new friends, but was afraid of the consequences of showing his true self. Years of what sounded like mental coercion from his parents could have only left him scarred and confused.

  What would someone who had spent the past few years completely alone and without any friends or companions to confide in be feeling? And there was Harper, pushing and pulling, making Theo think he was letting them down by keeping his secrets. Flynn was angry with Harper, and he could have screamed from the feeling bottled inside his chest, but he knew none of that would help Theo, still new to accepting his bisexuality, let alone showing his true self for the first time in years. It was too much too soon.

  “I’m exhausted and ready for bed. What about you two?”

  Theo pulled out of the hug and nodded, still without words. He scrubbed his hair with one hand until it was an endearing mess and smiled at the both of them, looking embarrassed. When he picked up his overnight bag and shuffled off to the master bathroom, Flynn turned to Harper, ready to give her a piece of his mind. But she was there meeting him eye for pissed-off eye.

  “Why did you do that?” she asked in a whisper. Good. Flynn didn’t want Theo to overhear either. “We were making progress; he was opening up to us.”

  “We are not his therapists, Harper. If Theo wants to keep his thoughts or feelings to himself, then that’s his choice.”

  “And that’s enough for you? You don’t want more from him, more of yourself? If you don’t expect greater things from yourself, you’ll never achieve greatness.”

  “This isn’t some fucking Olympic race, Harper. We aren’t the people at your soup kitchen who need that inspirational rhetoric. We are your boyfriends, not some lost souls in need of saving. Why don’t you try to focus on your own shit before trying to fix everyone around you?” Flynn couldn’t look at her stunned, hurt expression. He skirted around her and dashed out the door.

  He was a dick for saying those things, but they needed to be said. Harper was losing her outlet to help people, and she was focusing all that energy on them. Yes, they were as fucked up as any normal person was, but that didn’t mean they needed saving.

  Flynn found he’d marched himself into his office on the first floor. The room was a sanctuary, a place he sometimes stormed off to when he had an argument with his father. This wasn’t how the night was supposed to go. They should have been snuggled up together in his large bed, enjoying each other’s bodies or their company. Now he dreaded going back up there and facing Harper again. Maybe this had been a mistake.
r />   “Don’t do that.”

  “Do what?” Flynn asked Theo. “Where’s Harper?”

  “Checking on Ben. We thought we heard something on the monitor.”

  Well, now Flynn felt like an ass. He reams her, and then she goes to check and make sure his kid was all right.

  “What did you say to her to make yourself pissed?”

  “You’ll only get angry if I tell you, and I don’t need both my lovers annoyed with me in one night.” Flynn stood. “Let’s get to bed.”

  “Don’t be mad at her for trying to wrangle emotion out of me.” Theo looked embarrassed. “She’s not completely wrong in how she went about it, but I did appreciate the surcease you gave.” He kissed Flynn lightly. “See? I need both of you to wake my cold heart.” Theo rested his forehead against Flynn’s. “It’s been asleep for a long time, and it hurts to rise.”

  They went back to the bedroom holding hands, secure in one another and the relief an end to a long day could bring. The lights were dimmed in the bedroom, and Harper was resting under the covers on one side, looking small and tense. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn’t fooling anyone.

  Flynn undressed until he was nude, paused a moment to watch Theo do the same, and then pulled the covers down off Harper. Before she could protest, he scooped his arms under her and carried her into the middle of the bed. She opened her mouth to speak, and Flynn covered it with his, kissing her until they were both breathless.

  “Go to sleep,” he whispered, slipping under the covers and tugging her until she lay quiet against his chest. “We can yell and talk about everything later. I want to feel you both with me tonight.”

  Theo came up on the other side of Harper and pushed his thigh between her legs, settling into a comfortable position with a deep sigh. She stared up at Flynn for a second before nodding. She pressed deep and sure against Flynn’s chest, and he fell asleep to the lull of his lovers’ breathing. They would talk tomorrow, and it would all be better.

  Chapter Twelve

  It was easy to find her way around Flynn’s kitchen the next morning, everything stored in a logical spot and with plenty of design flair. Harper again wondered who had their hand in helping design and furnish Flynn’s house. He said he worked hard on it, but to get it this perfect, there must have been a skilled designer involved. Had it been a woman? Had he been involved with that woman? Hell, it could have been a man. Harper snorted, thinking what a wonderful mess she was in. Living on the streets, she’d learned to be possessive of the few things she’d been able to call her own, and she’d protected those items with rage and the darkness that could grow inside a person when hunger and desperation were their waking friend.