Drowning in Stars

by Debra Anastasia

  “Mind your own fucking business.”

  I was about to retort when I saw Gaze’s two hands on the windowsill on his side, pulling himself up. I waited until I could see his face before saying anything else. He had a trickle of blood coming from the side of his lip. His scary father went out of focus as I locked eyes with Gaze.

  He mouthed, “No. Please…”

  I clenched my teeth together and swallowed, my nails biting into my palms. It was tricky business, being this close to people and how they lived. You learned more about your neighbors than you ever should. Privacy was more of a state of mind. That’s what Gaze was asking for. Privacy. I stepped backward. There were options when shit like this happened. Mom had called CPS on our upstairs neighbor because we could hear her beat her little kids. It was a fiasco, and ultimately after her kids were taken away for a little while, they were brought back. Then our neighbors hated us.

  But it was different for Gaze. He was older. His blood was still red, though, and his pain was obvious. His father was so much bigger than him. Gaze stood up the rest of the way and closed his window, never letting his stare leave my face.

  He was pleading with me without saying a word. He’d helped Fat Asshole today, and now he wanted a favor from me.

  I waited a few beats before walking forward and closing my window. Gaze mouthed, “Thank you.”

  It didn’t give me relief. I snuck into my mother’s room and cracked the window there. Gaze and his father were fighting, but I could only hear muffled words now. I sat under the window and prayed for Gaze. I felt helpless. Useless. I had to wipe tears from my eyes. I hated to watch anything suffer. Hearing the turmoil in Gaze’s room was torture.

  This was what I hated about being a kid without my mom around. I wanted an adult to make a decision on what was the right thing to do right now. Instead, I had to trust that Gaze knew what he was supposed to be doing. That somehow, getting into this fight with his father was the best possible outcome. Fight was actually too generous a word. What was happening in the building across from mine was a one-way communication. Gaze’s father seemed like a different person. How anyone could have that much rage was crazy to me. It tapered off as quickly as it started. I snuck back to my room and opened my window. I didn’t see Gaze again until morning, when the bruises on his face represented everything we weren’t talking about.

  Chapter 13

  Gaze

  THERE WAS NO hiding my face today. Which would be pointless because Pixie had seen enough to know where the marks came from. I felt shame deep in my chest for what she had witnessed. But I left my window open, like I promised her I would. She was afraid of the dark, but I had the monster with me on this side.

  I wished we had the plank to toss the ball on. It was a tension breaker and something we could do together. I tried the ball without it, but Pixie threw it a bit wildly. We decided to go get the ball together and get our day started.

  I was avoiding her eyes when we got to the alley. I didn’t want to see her feeling sorry for me. I found the ball and snatched it up. It was near our broken plank.

  I had an idea right then that would give us a mission and a way to get past this thing that was between us now.

  “You know the construction site like two blocks over? On the crappy side?” It was the part of the city we avoided in our daily forays.

  “No. Not really. We don’t go there.” She pursed her lips.

  “I saw a car ramp thing over there. Metal. Strong. It might be a better choice than the plank was. There’s only one, so it’s not good for anything. And that site has been like that for a while, I think. All the hill piles have weeds growing out of them and the bulldozer has a tree growing in its cab.” I pointed in the direction of the site I was thinking of pillaging.

  “That’s stealing, though. I mean, if it was good stuff, it’d be gone by now. How’d you see it?” She started walking in the direction I’d pointed despite her reasoning.

  “I made a wrong turn a while back. But it came to me this morning that a single metal car ramp might be perfect. If it’s long enough.”

  “And we don’t get arrested,” she helpfully mentioned.

  “They rarely arrest kids. Maybe a warning to our parents.” Shit. I’d brought up parents.

  She went in the other direction than I did mentally. “My mom is going to be home tonight.”

  “Oh, cool.” I was glad to talk about her situation.

  “She said she had a surprise for me. I think it might be a cat. Or a kitten. She’s been thinking about that for a while since I asked for one for my birthday when I was a toddler. In the past, the cost was too much. Vets, food bills, meds, but maybe this new job got her some more money. I’d love that. A cat to be with me at night.” She jumped over a large crack in the sidewalk.

  “What color do you want? Like a black one?” I made the wrong turn that I had made in the past, which was the right one now.

  “I’ve always loved the ones that look like they spilled milk all over themselves. Tuxedo cats?” Her eyes twinkled. “But I’d take anything. Even a guinea pig.”

  “That’s cool. We can use it as a ball when we drop this one.” I tossed up the blue rubber orb.

  “Gaze Patrick Jones, don’t you even.” She grabbed it out of mid-air.

  I hurried our pace when I saw the chain-link metal that surrounded the construction area. “Check it out.”

  We were in the seedy part of town, but we were so early, it seemed like the whole place was still asleep. That was fine with me. I pushed on the section of fence that served as a gate. It was padlocked closed with a thick metal chain. But I made enough space for my head to fit through, and the rest of my body followed. I pulled on the fence hard so Pixie had a bit more room to trespass.

  “This place looks awful.”

  She was right. There were bags of trash, broken glass, and a few needles. I crawled over the first pile of dirt, and the car ramp was still there. It was rusted, but seemed like it was in one piece. I grabbed one side and waited for Pixie to pick up the other side. We lifted it and the roots of the vegetation that had been keeping it locked in place ripped away. After taking on one particularly stubborn one, it was free. And it wasn’t nearly as heavy as I thought it should’ve been.

  “We could do this. I mean, if you want to. I can’t imagine anyone can do much with one car ramp.”

  Pixie put her head from one shoulder to the other while she weighed the decision. Her eyes flicked to the marks on my face. “Okay. Let’s do it. I want to get started on my arrest record early.”

  I smiled at her. I knew that my injuries had swayed her agreement, but I was willing to take it. I liked being connected to her. My building and hers.

  It was slow going back over the hill, but the ramp did slide through the gap in the fence quickly. I kept waiting to hear someone yell at us. Someone confronting us about our obvious, daylight robbery, but no one did. Maybe that was the best thing about being in the city. People mostly minded their own business.

  We went up through Pixie’s building. We didn’t discuss it, but it seemed like common sense that my father would not be very hospitable today. I felt the shame deeper. Like it was made of cement shoes that lived inside me. I sniffled a few times, and then put my head down to help maneuver the ramp up the stairs. It was light to start off, but now felt like it weighed a million pounds.

  It took us a few times to get the right angle getting the straight piece to snake up the stairway. There were a few more dark marks on the walls where we memorialized this ramp’s trip.

  Getting it to Pixie’s room was a bit easier because the layout of the apartment was straightforward. The front door was even with her room’s window when her door was open. We set it down and got a drink of water and a handful of baby carrots.

  “Let’s get this ramp in place.” I put my glass in the sink and Pixie did the same.

  “I want to go stand in the hydrant after this.” Pixie’s hair was wet in the front, and when I
lifted my hand, I found mine was the same way. This was hard work.

  “Great idea,” I agreed, but then thought of my bruises. The water was pretty powerful, I was sure it would hurt. Plus, more people would see my injuries. “But let’s see how this goes.”

  We both picked up the ramp and slid it out as far as it would go until it was hanging in mid-air. I pulled the end in and propped it up so it would fall like a drawbridge—if it was long enough.

  “On three, let it go.” I flexed my fingers and checked for anyone underneath. No one was in the alley.

  “One. Two. Three!” Pixie counted for us and then we let go. The ramp made a horrible, grinding noise as it screeched into place on my building’s side. As we leaned out of Pixie’s window, a few other neighbors popped their heads out. We tucked back in. The Nerf ball we played with on the wooden plank hadn’t garnered any complaints. It was pretty quiet. I had concerns about the metal ramp. It was for sure stronger, but I didn’t think it was going to be quieter.

  Pixie squinched up her nose. “I hope they don’t complain.”

  “Let’s not try it until tonight, when it’s late.” I looked at the clock. “When’s your mom due in?”

  “Oh. Soon. Lost track of the time. I’ve got to get cleaned up. She and I will have a lot to talk about. Plus the surprise!”

  Ms. Stone was thinking of her. Which was good. I had to get out of here and let Pixie have her time. I didn’t want to go back to my place just yet.

  “Maybe the cat?” I was excited about the prospect of a cat walking across our new ramp and visiting me. I left Pixie and walked the neighborhood for a bit. I checked on our ramp from below, and it seemed good.

  “Hey, look, it’s Assbag without his bodyguard.”

  I didn’t think they were talking to me, but they said it again. I turned around and recognized the kids from the playground the first time Pixie and I went to it—Alfie and his buddies.

  “Me?” I pointed to my chest before looking over my shoulder.

  “Did you get in a fight with your girlfriend? Playing basketball with the big guys?” The three of them came closer to me. The alley between the buildings was slim and cluttered. Running through it was my only way out. I looked over my shoulder. The way the dumpster had been dropped last time had it angled in a way that made it a dead end.

  “I’m just headed home.” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to get in it with three guys. I had nothing against them, but apparently, they were looking to have something against me.

  “Oh, are you? What does Pixie’s bitch do when she lets him off his leash?” They laughed amongst themselves, putting their shoulders next to one another.

  I didn’t say anything else—they were just going to twist whatever I said. I let my face go flat and darted my glance around, trying to see if I had an escape.

  “I want to see if he shits glitter like a girl.” The bulky brown hair one sneered.

  I gave him a look and said something like I had just promised myself not to, “You think girls shit glitter?”

  The sneer fell from his face and meanness became a brick wall. “Are you talking to me?”

  “Well, you’re here in my face, so I guess so.”

  Like snakes lying in wait, my words gave them permission to let go.

  The three descended on me. It was a shower of punches and kicks. I fought back as hard as I could, even though they fought dirty.

  “HEY!”

  The brown-haired one, who had a fistful of my hair, suddenly had his knee bent violently from the back.

  Pixie was there, red hair like a wild woman’s helmet. “Three on one? You wussy-assed jerks.”

  Pixie Rae was standing there with a bat, slapping it against her palm, not a bit of fear in her. I watched with awe as the three staggered and tried backing up.

  The brown-haired one stood up, rubbing his knee. “Maybe your friend Tocks isn’t here right now.”

  “You threatening me? I don’t need him to help when I crack your head open like an egg.” She swung the bat in his direction, clipping the pavement in warning. “I’ve called the cops, too, so I hope your parents will like going down to the station to get you later. And, Alfie, maybe you can just visit your father while you’re there. I’m sure he’ll be proud.”

  They were apologetic now. Alfie even held out a hand to me to try to help me up. I swatted it away and called him an asshole. Pixie shuffled over to stand near me.

  “Head out. And I’m telling all the guys that you’ve pissed me off for the last time.”

  She was an avenging angel. She made me feel protected like I’d never been before.

  Chapter 14

  Pixie Rae

  THESE ASSHOLES WERE so predictable. They waited to find someone to mess with until they were alone. I’d kept an eye on them for years. They were one year younger than me, so in my head I was in charge of them. Tocks warned me that the kids would get bigger than me someday, and that I’d have to watch my back.

  I also knew they’d give Gaze hell for being helped by me. But I guarantee if I showed up with a bat to help them, they’d be grateful, too.

  As the alley cleared out, Gaze and I gave it a few minutes before we started to get him home. He leaned against the wall while I checked to see if the coast was clear—I didn’t want the jerks to bring reinforcements. Though I knew that they didn’t have many more friends in the neighborhood.

  I left the bat next to Gaze and looked in one direction down the sidewalk, and then when I checked down the other, my mother stood in front of our building’s entrance.

  “Pixie Rae! What are you doing? You’re so sweaty.”

  Mom was beautiful in an all white suit. I instinctively ran toward her, arms flung open. I missed her so much.

  Just before I made contact with her, and got the snuggle I was aiming for, a tall man stepped between us and put out his hand. His palm hit me in the chest, stopping me in my tracks. “Hold up there, little lady. Wouldn’t want to get your mother’s wedding dress all dirty, would ya?”

  I looked up at him like he was speaking a different language. “Who are you?”

  He let out a loud guffaw. “I’m your new daddy, baby! I’ve always wanted a daughter. So happy to finally meet you.”

  Then he grabbed me up in a bear hug while I struggled against his chest. I looked frantically at my mother. She was laughing, too, but I saw that her eyes were guarded. Like she was regretting the way this was going down. Whatever this was. I struggled for an uncomfortable amount of time before Mom put her hand on his shoulder. “Maybe put her down, Bic. I think she’s in shock.”

  Bic turned his face and mashed his cheek against mine. “I can tell she’s crazy about me. I knew this would be the best. Happy family group hug!”

  My mother was dragged into the “hug” with me. Bic was squeezing me too hard. His breath smelled like onions and his armpits were wet. Finally, I gave up trying to be nice and started kicking.

  “Oh. Oh! She’s a feisty one. Just like her mom.” Bic set me down hard on my feet and snaked his arm around Mom’s neck to pull her in for a long, disgusting kiss. Her hands dangled on either side of her body, and I saw the shiny gold band on her left hand.

  I touched her fingertips. My mom was mine. We didn’t get to spend a lot of time together, but it was she and I. I was her number one.

  Mom’s fingers curled up like she was trying to hold my hand, but Bic swung her and dipped her, pulling her out of my reach.

  I stepped back.

  Bic made a growling sound and pretended to bite Mom’s neck. “Time to make a full-fledged bride out of this woman.”

  Then he picked her up like she weighed nothing. “You run along. Be back in like two hours. I’ll be resting up for round two.”

  I didn’t understand what the hell he was talking about, but it felt icky, like my soul had stepped in some crap.

  I knew the tears were coming, so I turned and ran back into the alley. Gaze had slumped down with his fist curled aro
und my bat. I got a better look at him. His bruises were not accompanied by cuts and blood.

  He might actually have needed an ambulance. “You might need to go to the hospital. They got you good.” I wiped my tears away with my fingers, pressing the moisture into my cheeks.

  “Don’t cry, Pixie. It’ll be okay. I’ll be fine.” He proved it by struggling to his feet. I slipped my arm under his and supported his weight.

  “We have to at least get you upstairs and clean you off.” I started walking us toward his building.

  “No offense, Pixie, but I’m not sure what my dad’s doing. Can we—”

  I interrupted him, “No. We can’t. We have to go to your place.”

  I’d bring my bat. If Gaze’s dad came near us, I’d attack the hell out of him.

  Gaze stared at the sidewalk, nodding solemnly. He was going to have to face a fear now that he had clearly been putting off. I sighed.

  “My mom just got home. And normally I would trust her to—”

  He interrupted quickly, wincing while speaking, “Awesome. Go home. You must be excited she’s home early.”

  “No. That’s the thing. She got married? While she was gone? And now her new person wants to be alone with her.” I was crying again.

  Gaze patted my shoulder. “What the hell?”

  “I know. But let’s take care of you. Then…”

  Then, I didn’t know what. I focused on Gaze, helping him into his building.

  The stairs took a while and he had to stop and sit on them a few times. While he caught his breath, he rubbed my back while I cried. We were a sight, I’m sure, for the few people who passed us in the stairwell, but they didn’t say anything. People were good at ignoring weird things in this neighborhood. Everyone had their demons.

  When we got to Gaze’s apartment, the door was slightly ajar. He pushed it open and his father was passed out on the worn couch, snoring and drooling.

  “He’ll be like that for a while. We’ve got time now.”

  I helped Gaze into the kitchen and found a rag to wet. I went from the top of his head to his legs, slowly asking him if anything hurt. We found out that his jaw was very tender. His cheek was cut, but we were able to reduce the swelling a bit with some ice in a Ziploc bag.