Minutes later Willis guided Sparky down their driveway. The horse broke into a trot as he neared the barn. Willis pulled up, and Katie climbed out to help unhitch. Willis was well able to put Sparky away by himself, but Katie followed him. Inside the barn, the bright noonday light shone through the dusty windows. Sparky jerked his head up and neighed, the sound ringing through the building. From the barnyard, one of the other driving horses answered, welcoming Sparky back.
Even the horses felt at home in this place, Katie thought. Just like she did. Never in her life had she felt the peace and happiness she’d experienced these last few months since her baptism. Ben wasn’t going to rob her of this. He couldn’t be trusted. Not after he’d torn her heart apart by selling drugs while acting like a decent man. Ben had been kissing her in his buggy while committing such a horrible sin! Katie shuddered.
“Here, I’ll take care of Sparky,” Katie told Willis when he looked at her questioningly, wondering why she was tagging along.
Willis shrugged. “I guess I’ll get back to the fields then.”
Katie jerked the harness off after Willis left and threw it up on the wall hook. She quickly rubbed Sparky down and then led him to the barnyard door. She turned him out with a soft pat on the neck. He raced outside and threw his head high in the air, prancing a bit. The other driving horses joined him for a quick dash around the lot. Katie smiled. They were happy like she was. And it would stay that way. Walking through the barn, she walked out the door, closed it behind her, and hurried across the yard. She pushed open the front door.
Mamm looked up, startled. “Is anything wrong, Katie?”
“Yah, there is!” Katie pressed back the tears. There was no sense hiding her turmoil from Mamm. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. “It was terrible, Mamm!”
Mamm guessed at what was bothering Katie. “He didn’t want to see you?”
Katie shook her head.
“Then…” Mamm’s concern deepened. “Has Ben taken a turn for the worst?”
“Nee, Mamm. It’s my heart! Oh, Mamm, how can this be? How can I still have feelings for him?”
Comprehension dawned on Mamm’s face, and she came over to wrap Katie in her arms. “You poor thing. I would have kept you home if I’d known this would happen.”
“It’s not your fault, Mamm. Jesse thought I should go, and Willis too.” Katie collapsed on the couch. “And they were right in a way. But now what in the world am I supposed to do? I can’t see Norman and let him bring me home on Sunday night when I feel this way.”
Mamm sat down beside Katie and stroked her arm. “Feelings come and go, Katie. I wouldn’t be too worried. At least you know better this time.”
Katie groaned. “If you felt what I did, you’d be worried. What’s wrong with me, Mamm?”
Mamm sat for a moment in silence. “Did Ben tell you he was sorry?”
Katie nodded. “And I told him I forgive him.”
“Then leave it there,” Mamm said. “Ben has learned a few things by now. At least let’s hope he has. He knows your relationship is over. And I’m sure you’ve felt nothing in your heart that I haven’t felt myself. The feelings I once had for Daniel Kauffman eventually left my heart to be replaced by a beautiful love for your daett. Now Da Hah has done the same thing for Jesse and me. And He can do it for Norman and you.”
This is true, Katie thought. Mamm had told her often of the crush she used to have for the handsome Daniel Kauffman. For years she’d hung on to the hope that her love would be returned—right up to the wedding day when Daniel said the vows with his frau, Miriam Esh. The story had always fallen on deaf ears during the time Katie had dated Ben. But then Mamm had been proven right. And no doubt she was right this time as well.
“I’ll try to remember,” Katie whispered, glancing up as Mabel appeared in the doorway.
“You can send him my way,” Mabel said.
Katie glanced at Mamm, who shrugged. So Mabel had been listening to their conversation. Oh well. They shouldn’t keep secrets from her—not these kinds of secrets. When Mamm first married Jesse, they’d tried that approach and incurred Mabel’s wrath.
Katie sat up on the couch. “Mabel, what do you mean by that?”
Mabel looked sheepish as she took small steps into the living room. Katie motioned for Mabel to sit on the couch. “What did you mean by that remark? Do you have a crush on Ben Stoll?”
Mabel’s cheeks flamed. “I didn’t say that.”
Katie stared at Mabel. “Norman Kuntz? You like Norman Kuntz?”
Mabel said nothing as she gazed at the floor.
“But, Mabel,” Mamm said, “Norman’s bringing Katie home on Sunday night.”
“You don’t think I know that?” Mabel muttered, still not looking up.
Katie stood up and paced in front of the living-room window. She burst out moments later, “Well, then, you can have him! Right now I don’t really care!”
“Girls, girls!” Mamm interrupted. “Let’s be sensible about this. Mabel, I had no idea you felt like this. Obviously Norman doesn’t share your feelings, so you shouldn’t interfere like this.”
“I’m not interfering.” Mabel glared at both of them. “So don’t blame me for that. I heard Katie say she was still in love with Ben, so why shouldn’t I speak up? She can leave Norman to me. I’ll get his attention.”
“You would wish Ben on me? Even after what he’s done?” Now Katie glared at Mabel. She’d thought her relationship with Mabel had grown, but it clearly wasn’t very deep. Not if Mabel was willing to undercut her because of some infatuation the younger girl had. Anger rose inside her. Katie faced Mabel. “What happened to Mose? Have you forgotten about how much you loved him? And Norman is much too old for you.”
A smile crept across Mabel’s face. “You know Daett doesn’t approve of Mose. He does like Norman though. So why shouldn’t I choose someone Daett likes? And lots of younger women marry older men. They’re the mature ones, of course. Not like you and Ben. You didn’t even know the guy was delivering drugs.” And with that, Mabel retreated to the kitchen.
With her heart pounding, Katie sat on the couch again. Surely Mabel couldn’t be serious.
Oh, if only she hadn’t agreed to the visit to see Ben, she wouldn’t be in this mess. Then Mabel wouldn’t have heard that her feelings for Ben still lingered.
Mamm took a long look at Katie and then marched out to the kitchen. She returned a few seconds later with Mabel in tow. “Sit beside Katie,” Mamm said as she pointed.
Reluctantly Mabel sat down.
What was there to say? Katie wondered. Obviously Mamm wasn’t going to let this problem continue. And the responsibility lay with her as the eldest sister to make the first move. Katie glanced at Mabel. “I’m sorry I threw Mose into your face.”
Mabel pretended to smile. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have spoken like I did.”
“There now. That’s much better.” Mamm looked at both of them. “And let’s not have any more of this foolish talk about liking men we have no right to. That’s not the way of our people.”
Katie nodded, and beside her Mabel did the same. But Katie knew her heart hadn’t changed and neither had Mabel’s. Not if all the blushing Mabel was doing was any indication. So now they’d driven the problem underground.
Oh, why had Ben ever come into her life? And why had she ever wished he’d notice her?
Chapter Eight
Ben awoke with a start, his eyes focusing on his surroundings. Yah, he remembered now. He was in the hospital with a gunshot wound. In some ways, it seemed like it had happened a long time ago, but that wasn’t possible. He’d been dreaming that Katie was still here asking how he was doing. But that wasn’t possible either. Katie hadn’t made any contact with him since his arrest. A single card had arrived from Zurich after Katie had left on her trip with a sweet note scribbled on the back—obviously written before Katie had found out about the arrest. After that, only silence.
A nurse pushed open the
door and peaked in. “Awake, are we?”
Ben hesitated. “Was someone here earlier?” he asked.
The nurse smiled. “Your girlfriend. You don’t remember? She was here with her brother.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Ben whispered, but the nurse was already gone. So he hadn’t been dreaming. Katie had really been here. Had that been a look of longing in her eyes he’d noticed? Or was it just his imagination? Could Katie ever consider repairing their relationship? If only he hadn’t broken her heart what a blessed man he would be today. But he had broken her heart, and that couldn’t be changed. It hardly seemed possible that Katie would ever trust him again. Yah, he’d dared hope, though, and he wouldn’t give up that hope. He was even willing to accept this shooting as a good thing if it turned Katie’s heart back toward his.
Ben held his throbbing head with one hand. What would it be like if Katie loved him again? Was that even possible? If he didn’t stop these wild thoughts, his head was going to split wide open! The door of the room opened again, and the same nurse appeared, bringing in his lunch. As she set the food before him, she said, “The detectives are back. They wish to speak with you. Are you up to it?”
Ben looked at the meager meat loaf, smattering of peas, and Jell-O salad before him. “Yah, I suppose so.”
The nurse left, and moments later the two detectives entered.
“Mr. Stoll,” Detective Barton began without delay, “we won’t keep you long. We’ve made an arrest in your case. And things look good with the evidence. We thought you’d rest better if you knew.”
“Who did you arrest?” Ben asked. He tried to appear interested, but what would really make him feel better right now was to have Katie beside him.
“Mr. Stoll, are you okay? You look a little pale.”
The concern in Detective Barton’s voice cut through Ben’s thoughts. “Yah.”
“We want you to look at some pictures. Tell me if you recognize the man who shot you. It would sure help us if you did.”
Ben’s hand went to his head again. “I didn’t see anything. There was a light in my eyes, and it was dark outside.”
“At least look at the photographs,” Detective Barton insisted. “It might jog your memory.”
Detective Lessen handed several black-and-white printouts to Detective Barton.
He held one in front of Ben. “Take a look, Mr. Stoll. Do you recognize this man?”
Ben focused and shook his head. Another picture appeared in front of him. This time Ben looked at it longer, but he shook his head again.
“I did hear his voice,” Ben finally whispered. He was duty bound to tell the detectives the truth, even though there might be trouble down this road.
The detective looked relieved. “What did you hear, Mr. Stoll?”
Ben gathered his thoughts. It was time he said what he knew. He owed the detectives that much. “A man’s voice said, ‘This is from Rogge’ just before he fired.”
“Did you recognize his voice?” Detective Barton’s voice was excited.
“I’m sure I did,” Ben whispered. “His name is Martin Lap. I used to make drug deliveries to him. He was Rogge’s best customer.”
A quick look passed between the two detectives. “This is very helpful, Mr. Stoll. We’ll be in touch. Thank you.” And with that they were gone.
Ben picked at the food in front of him. He’d named the correct man, he was sure. He could tell by the looks on their faces. Martin Lap was already in custody. Now Ben really was in trouble because he knew he would never testify in open court again. And the police and prosecutors would surely ask him to.
While Ben struggled with his thoughts, the nurse returned and checked his monitors, touching his head for a moment. Noticing his barely touched food, she said, “You need to eat. Give it another try, Ben.”
Ben rolled his head away from the light streaming in through the window. “Yah, in a minute.”
The nurse smiled and left the room.
Ben’s troubling thoughts continued. He’d just identified the man who had shot him. This could lead only to one place. The last time he’d justified testifying on the basis of needing to be honest, hardly knowing what he was doing but realizing it wasn’t the usual Amish practice. Now he knew better. His actions had endangered the people he loved; it had garnered the disapproval of the Amish community. He was sure his daett and the ministers would never agree to his testifying again. It went against a deep conviction of his people. They believed in forgiveness, in reaching out to those who had harmed them hoping to draw a lost soul into the love of the Savior. Punishing people for their crimes didn’t soften hearts, the community believed. It usually only hardened them.
If he ever wished for a chance to be accepted in an Amish instruction class and become a member of the church, it was high time he started playing by the rules. And he firmly believed in Jesus now and in the Amish way. His doubts were gone. And he wished to win Katie’s love again. He could never accomplish that outside the Amish church. Yah, he would answer the detectives’ questions, but he wouldn’t testify. Such a thing was out of the question regardless of the cost to him personally. Oh, how he loved Katie!
Da Hah would have to help him find his way through all of this. The first thing would be to submit to his daett’s decision. Daett wanted him to move in with Grandpa and Grandma in the dawdy haus once he was released. That would be embarrassing. His parents were treating him like a child who couldn’t run his own life. But the truth was he couldn’t run his own life. He’d done that and ended up in jail and placed his family in harm’s way. And now the police wanted more testimony from him. What a mess he’d made. Ben groaned again.
The nurse returned and looked at the food tray. She clucked her tongue. “Mr. Stoll…”
“I’ll try to do better with supper,” he said unconvincingly.
“I hear it’ll be a good meal. Chicken, they say.” She offered a sympathetic smile.
Ben tried to return the smile as she checked the monitors again and then left. The nurse might think the upcoming supper was good, but Ben knew better. At home he would get a real supper. Hospital food just couldn’t compete.
In jail he hadn’t thought of home more than he had to. The memories were held back by guilt and by the knowledge of how hard it would be to become part of Amish life again. And he hadn’t been wrong about that. He couldn’t blame his family for how tense they’d been the past few days. They were doing much better at handling the situation than he would have. And now they had this shooting to deal with on top of everything else. The community would have questions by the hundreds. He mulled them over.
“Why had Ben agreed to testify knowing the strong negative beliefs of the Amish community on the matter?”
“Why had Ben been involved in drug dealing to begin with?”
“Hadn’t his daett trained him well enough?”
“What kind of example was his daett setting for the family and community?”
“What kind of example was Ben setting for the community?”
“Does Ben know how much his actions cost the Amish community?”
And so they would speak and ask, going on and on, and the shame of it would mount ever higher. He ought to be thankful Brenda had sat with him at all last night and that his mamm and daett had visited this morning. Ben wiped away a tear and prayed silently.
Dear Hah, please forgive me for what I’ve done to my family and for what I’ve ruined with Katie. I don’t deserve any consideration from You, but will You help Katie see I’ve changed? I don’t know where to go anymore or what to do. The way is dark. I don’t know what lies ahead for me, but I do know You’re here with me. Will You please help me?
I’ve thrown things away in my pride, thinking I could handle life on my own. But I know now that I can’t, and that I don’t deserve anything from You. So I ask for Your forgiveness. Forgive me like I want to forgive others. Even this man who shot me—help me do the right thing when I’m asked to testify agai
nst him. Bring Martin to a saving knowledge of You, dear Hah. And please let Katie find a happy life, even if that isn’t with me. She deserves all that and more. Amen.
Peace settled over Ben as he looked around the empty room. If any blessings were to be given from here on out, they would surely be way above anything that should rightly come his way. He would be content with whatever Da Hah chose for him.
Chapter Nine
Katie stood up after the hymn singing ended and walked past the few young people still sitting on the benches in Bishop Miller’s living room. Sunday morning church had been held here, and now the hymn singing this evening. All morning the whispers had been about Ben and the shooting last week.
“He wasn’t wounded too badly, was he?”
“Why did Ben get involved with such evil people?”
“Will he be home soon?”
“Yah, but he’s going to live with his grandparents in another district.”
“Will he bring further danger to his family?”
“You’d think going to jail was bad enough. But now this…”
“Did you hear they captured somebody? I hear they want Ben to testify again.”
“That poor Stoll family! It seems their troubles never end with that boy.”
Katie had shut her ears as much as possible. She wanted to stop thinking about Ben and his problems. Norman was taking her home tonight, and she was moving on with her life—as well she should.
Norman had vanished out the front door some five minutes ago, and he would have his horse hitched to the buggy by now. Katie made her way to the walk to wait for him. Norman too had heard the talk about Ben. It was a wonder he still wanted to take her home because every time Ben’s name was mentioned, everyone glanced in Katie’s direction. Tongues were wagging, and Norman couldn’t miss hearing what was being said. If he were to head straight home without her, Katie couldn’t blame him. Then she’d have no way home tonight, since Leroy had left soon after the hymn singing—driving Lizzie Kuntz, Norman’s cousin, home. Apparently Leroy had mustered the courage to ask the young woman home now that Norman was taking Katie in his buggy. Sort of riding the Kuntz family wave, she figured. If Norman bolted, she would never live down the humiliation. The community would certainly find out. This was, after all, their first date. Many eyes would be watching.
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