Exposure

by Kolleen Fraser

  “I like that one,” he says, nodding toward the picture displayed on my camera screen. His breath sends a shiver across my neck.

  “Me too but this one—” I flick through the shots, finding the one of him with the sun turning him into a silhouette. “—is my favorite,” I say, turning toward him. Whoa, this close I can see the flecks of bronze in his dark eyes.

  “I’m your favorite, hey?” he asks with a cheeky smile, nudging my shoulder. Looking up at him, I nod. “Check these out, Marco, she makes us look legit.” I pass the camera over, so they can look through.

  “You're pretty good with that thing,” Marco comments.

  “Thank you, it's what I want to be when I grow up,” I say with a smile then realize how stupid that sounds. I feel my cheeks flush. “I mean, I really like it.”

  “That's awesome! Marco and I are going to have our own tattoo shop. We’re pretty good. Check it out, Marco did this one,” he says, pulling up his shirt to show me the ink on his chest I had been admiring all day. Not all those who wander are lost is written on his ribs.

  Without thinking, I reach out and run my fingertips across the lettering. His breath hitches and I pull away. “It's beautiful. You did this, Marco?”

  “Hell yeah, I did. Every tattoo he has, I've done, he's done all mine too, see.” He flashes me his man boobs. We all laugh when Elise hits him.

  “Put your damn clothes on.” She looks around the restaurant before winking at me. “Tattoos are like crack to skanks.”

  We laugh and dig in to the best pizza I've ever tasted. I let out a moan when I take a bite. “Oh, my god, I didn't know pizza could be so good.” I open my eyes and they’re all just staring at me like I've gone crazy. “What? I've never gone out for pizza. It’s usually frozen pizza or day-old take out.” They all laugh, Noah wipes a drop of sauce off my chin, smiling.

  “So, what led you and your brother here?” Elise asks.

  I freeze, not knowing what to say, “Um... I don’t really know. We had nowhere else to go so why not here.” I cringe, hating the sound of my own voice, telling our sob story.

  Their faces are serious, but it's Noah who breaks the silence. “Aren’t your parents looking for you?” I dip my head, shaking it. “No, my mom’s always been a train wreck. We got in a fight and she walked out on us. It’s just me and Matty. He didn't want us to get split up in foster care and we couldn’t afford to pay the rent she owed, so we ran.”

  “Shit, I'm sorry, Lexi, we shouldn't be so nosey.”

  “It's okay, really, she was never a mom to me anyway, always messed up. It's better here with Matty. I just don't know how the whole school thing will work with no parents. Matty’s not even eighteen, pretty sure they will send me to foster care if they find out I'm living with him.”

  “It'll be okay, don't worry about all that. It's summer, just relax and have fun. Anyway, you don't have just your brother anymore, you have us.” Elise states this like it's an obvious fact. I smile at her. We each chip in to pay and head outside to say our goodbyes.

  “Lexi, give me your phone, I’ll put my number in, then you can text me when you're bored and need rescuing.” I hand my phone over to her. She types away frantically at it, all with a smile on her face, before handing it back. “Text me anytime, okay?”

  I nod. “Okay.” Shaking my head as she loops her arm in mine, we fall in line behind the guys.

  “You barely know me. Why are you being so nice? You could wake up tomorrow and realize I'm a mess.”

  She laughs a full belly laugh and almost falls over, pulling me with her. “Oh, shut up, I love you already, Lexi. I'm not letting you go. I'm going to be so annoying, you’ll rue the day you ever played Marco Polo with me.” We both laugh and talk about music and movies until we arrive outside my apartment. I don’t want to go up there alone.

  “You guys can, um... come up if you want.” I lead them upstairs and into our tiny apartment. “It's not much, it's usually just me here. Matty’s never home.” I feel so nervous having them here. The guys make themselves at home, and I offer them a soda from the fridge as they sit down on the couch. “It's awesome, just needs some love. We can hit up some thrift stores and give it a little style,” Elise says, wandering around, before settling on Marco's lap leaving me to sit on the couch beside Noah.

  “Oh! I have an idea!” Elise exclaims, jumping up.

  “Oh shit, we’re in trouble,” Noah mumbles. We all laugh. “Shut it, Noah. No one asked you.” She winks at him. “Let's play twenty questions. It's a perfect way to get to know each other.” The guys groan, but I smile and sit on the floor cross-legged with her.

  “Favorite ice cream flavor?” Elise begins.

  “Mint Chocolate.”

  “Me too.”

  “Favorite actor?”

  “Zack Ephron,” I answer with a smile, my eyes finding Noah’s.

  She busts out laughing, pushing my arm. “Yes! His tattoos are hot.”

  Our little game goes on for a while, and the guys, finding Matty's PS4, start playing some shooting game.

  A few hours later, the door swings open, and Matty walks in, freezing immediately when he sees us. His eyes narrow at the guys, then at me. “What the fuck is this, Alexa? Who are these people?” He's not happy.

  Elise stands up, walking over to him; she’s fearless. “Hi! You must be Matty. I'm Elise, that is my little brother, Noah, and that handsome fella there is Marco.” She beams her smile at his scowling face while pointing out the guys. “We met Lexi today and became fast friends.” Matty just stares at her, confusion painting his expression. Even he can't bring himself to be a jerk to Elise.

  “Well, as great as it is to meet you guys, at two in the morning, maybe you should call it a night. Alexa, you can't stand up Z tomorrow morning.” “Who's Z?” Noah asks.

  “He's her trainer, what the fuck is it to you?” Matty interrogates, glaring in Noah’s direction.

  “Matthew!” I chastise him for being rude. He ignores me, of course.

  “Trainer? What are you training for?”

  Once again Matty answers before I can. “Kicking the ass of anyone who tries to take advantage of her, that's what.”

  “Matty, stop being an asshole,” I say, glaring at him. I smile at Noah. “I guess it is pretty late, thanks for coming over, guys.” I lead them to the door.

  Elise hugs me. “I'll text you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Definitely. Thanks for today.”

  “Nice to meet you, Matty,” she calls over my shoulder. He grunts in response.

  They file out, Noah’s hand grazes mine as he walks by, winking at me. “Good night, Lexi.”

  I close the door behind them and turn to face the grumpy asshat that is my big brother.

  “You let strangers in our home.”

  “Oh please, we didn't do anything wrong.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. “You're right, sorry, Lex, it was just a shock. Next time text me or something so I'm prepared to walk into a full house. Fuck, I'm tired.”

  “I’ll let you know what I'm doing next time. It was an awesome day though, “I offer with the biggest smile.

  He smiles back and hugs me. “It's good to see you smiling, kiddo.”

  He heads to bed and I do a quick tidy before collapsing in bed. I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow. I lie in bed with a huge smile on my face, thinking about today.

  My phone buzzes on my nightstand with an incoming text.

  Noah: Hi.

  I smile and squeal into my pillow. Noah is texting me! Elise must have programmed his number in when she had my phone.

  Me: Hi back :) The world’s most eloquent speaker, I am not. Excited energy is zinging through my entire body, I press my face into my pillow and scream.

  Noah: Did u have fun today?

  Me: Yes! Elise was sweet to let me tag along.

  Noah: You'll never get rid of her now, she's always wanted a sister LOL. It was great spending the day with you.

  Me: It was nice to
spend it with you too. Lord, what is wrong with me? Relax, it’s just a guy. Just be normal, for the love of all that is holy.

  Noah: Nice? Ouch... Here I thought I was aloof and brooding.

  Me: Fancy words for a tatted skater punk LOL... FYI you were in fact aloof and brooding.

  Noah: So... your brother... he’s intense.

  Me: He is, yeah.

  Noah: Does he let you date?

  Me: Don’t know, it's never come up. My heart is racing. Is he really going to ask me out?

  Noah: Do u think he would let u go on a date with me?

  Me: I don't see how he could stop me ;) Noah: Can you really kick my ass?

  Me: Why? U planning to do something that requires an ass kicking?

  Noah: Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart. Any plans tomorrow?

  Me: I’m supposed to go to Elise's after the gym. Noah: Cool. Text me after your ass-kicking lessons :) Me: Okay, I better get to sleep. Good night, Noah.

  Noah: Sweet dreams, Lexi.

  I lie there staring at his text, sweet dreams indeed. This whole day was like a dream. I can’t believe she and Marco are married and expecting, at their age! You can tell she's going to be an amazing mother, and I get to watch it all. They’re so sweet with each other. I couldn't imagine being married at eighteen, though it suits them just fine.

  Seeing Noah again was... surreal. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of him more than once since we first met. There’s something calming about him that sets him apart from everyone else. I've had this huge wall up in my life between me and everyone really, especially the opposite sex. Never wanted them to look at me the way Noah does. I never thought I would want their attention, but he makes me feel alive just by smiling. And the way my body sizzles when he’s near me or when we touch... It's exciting and terrifying. And completely new territory for me.

  I run my fingers over the ridges of cuts lining my forearm, the sight of them ruining my good mood. Why would he want me? He knows I’m already broken. Tears sting my eyes. Why would he pick trash like me, he could have anyone? They probably only let me tag along because I was so pathetic. I told Elise my sad life story and she couldn't say no. Erica’s voice comes rushing in fast and furious. “Whore, stupid, useless bitch.” In my weakest moments, she’s always there to bring me to my lowest.

  With tears streaming down my cheeks, I reach a shaky hand into my nightstand drawer, taking out a small safety pin. I open it, touching the tip with my finger. It's sharp enough to do what I need but not suspicious if Matty goes snooping in my drawers. Razor blades are too obvious and would never pass Matty’s search. I’ve learned to be careful in my self-destruction. Bracelets and long sleeves cover most of the damage and honestly, most people don’t notice or care.

  I pull the sharp tip across my forearm leaving one line of blood in its wake, then another. With each cut my anxiety eases and I can block out the hateful voice intent on breaking me. Closing the pin, I put it away for safe keeping. The aftermath of my moment of weakness stings. Three angry looking cuts across my forearm. I run my fingers over the lines, smearing the blood across my pale skin. I don't know what calms me more, cutting myself or watching the wound bleed and heal. If only the rest of me healed so easily.

  I fall asleep clutching my wounded arm to my chest, wishing I were a little less broken. Dreaming of an aloof and brooding Prince Charming who will kiss away the pain of the world and make me whole.

  Chapter Five

  After dragging myself out of bed, and regretting staying up so late last night, I walk like a zombie into Z's. The gym is alive with activity as always; I don't think this place ever sleeps. When I walk into Z's office, he's on the phone so I collapse into the chair opposite his desk. I lean my head back and close my eyes, slowly drifting off. The phone slamming down snaps me awake.

  “You look like crap.”

  “Gee thanks, Z. I’m tired as hell. I was going to stay home but didn’t want another lecture from Matty about respect,” I reply, rubbing my hand over my face. “So here I am, showing you my respect.” I wave my hand around in a mock salute.

  “I think I'd rather you not show up at all than come unprepared. But since you're here, let's get to it,” he says, standing up and walking through the door. I scramble after him.

  After a while I get up the nerve to ask the question that has been bugging me for weeks. “Why did you agree to help me? I mean I know you own this place but why are you training me? It’s not like there are any other girls here.” I motion around the all-guy gym.

  “Doesn’t take a genius to figure out why Matt asked me to make sure you can hold your own in a fight. When you first came in here I could feel the tension radiating off you just being around me. I could tell that someone had hurt you, and it was up to me to make sure you were strong enough, next time.” He holds up his padded hands and I start firing punches into them.

  “How did you meet Matty?” I ask before repeating the punching pattern again.

  “None of your business, kid. He helped me out of a jam once. That's all you're getting, enough fucking questions.” I smile. He's like a big growling bear, but he’s a good man. We continue our usual workout.

  “You're a good man, Z. I hope you know that,” I tell him before I head to the showers to get cleaned up for my shift at the front desk.

  “Nah, I'm not, kid, you just don't know any better.”

  It's funny how good men never think they’re good and bad men never think they’re evil. I know a bad man when I see him and though he may look the part, I know Z has a good heart. He gives me this feeling of empowerment, this spark of hope that next time life throws me down, I’ll stand up and fight back. The world needs more men like him.

  I rush into the apartment, dropping my stuff by the door. Digging my phone out, I see that Elise has texted me her address. I do a little happy dance. Yay, I have a friend. I let her know I'm on my way. Then shoot a text to Noah.

  Me: Hey! Heading to Elise's now.

  Noah: Cool, see u soon.

  I stare at his response; will he be there?

  Me: Is Noah at your place?

  Elise: He lives here, so yeah.

  Me: !!!

  Elise: LOL Get your cute butt over here.

  Me: Leaving now.

  Grabbing my shoulder bag, I shove my camera in, and grab my keys as I hurry out the door. The prospect of seeing Noah puts a skip in my step and a flutter in my heart. The address she gave me is only a fifteen-minute walk away. I put my earbuds in and crank my favorite playlist. Any excuse to slip into my own world.

  The sun is shining and I’m feeling strong after my session with Z. The cuts hiding under my sleeve are a constant dull ache in my arm, reminding me that no matter how strong I feel, part of me will always be weak. Part of me will always need to hurt myself to calm the noise in my head.

  A hand grabs my right shoulder and instinct takes over. I reach out, grabbing the hand, pulling the pinky back and in the same motion I strike my right elbow back to take out my attacker. My elbow connects with a thud at the exact moment I see Noah’s face. He doubles over, holding his head. Oh crap! What have I done? I pull my earbuds out. “Oh shit! Noah! Oh, my god I’m so sorry!”

  “Fuck, you weren't kidding. You really can kick my ass,” he says, laughing and shaking his head. I smile at him.

  “You really shouldn't sneak up on people.”

  “Sneak up? I was yelling your name.” His smile is slightly crooked and so incredibly kissable.

  “Sorry, I was still in the zone from the gym I guess.” I can't believe I assaulted the first guy I like.

  “It’s okay, no blood no foul. Come on.” His hand is warm and strong as it takes mine, leading me into the apartment building. Elise is in the kitchen and Marco is lounging on the couch with a game controller in his hand when we walk in.

  “Hey, Lexi, you find us all right?” Marco asks.

  “I did, yeah,” I say, looking over at Noah. We both burst out laughing. Elise walk
s in carrying two coffees, hands one to Marco and snuggles in next to him, smiling.

  “Hey, Lexi. What so funny?” she asks.

  “Lexi kicked my ass for touching her on the street,” he admits, barely holding in his laugh. I slap his shoulder.

  “You grabbed me from behind! What did you expect me to do?”

  “Definitely didn’t expect to be elbowed in the face and nearly have my finger broken. Seriously though, I pity anyone who tries to mug you. That was bad-ass,” he says with a sweet smile. A blush blooms on my cheeks.

  “For real?! Oh man, I wouldn’t tell people, that shit’s embarrassing,” Marco says, laughing.

  “You try it, she’ll fuck you up too!”

  “Nope, I think one of us getting our ass kicked by a little girl is enough for one day.” He smiles at me.

  “Coffee?” I nod when Noah asks, and he leads me to the kitchen. Their apartment is bright and colorful; you can see Elise in every aspect of this place. It's very lived in, unlike mine.

  “How long have you all lived here?”

  “Just over a year, the three of us have always been close. I don't have a single childhood memory that isn't wrapped up in those two,” he says, smiling at Marco and Elise on the couch.

  I smile up at him; he’s so handsome, his eyes so full of light. He steps closer to me and the air between us sizzles. He closes the gap and brushes his soft lips over mine. I gasp at the feeling it creates in my body. I lick my lips but with him so close my tongue touches his bottom lip. He loses whatever control he was maintaining and kisses me, his hands holding my face. It is the single most spectacular moment of my existence. I cling to his shirt as we continue to explore each other. He pulls back and looks deep in my eyes. Our breaths are gasping.

  “Damn,” I whisper, breathless.

  “You okay?”