by Emma Vikes
“Audrey…”
I pursed my lips as I pulled the blanket tighter. “Go home, Julian. I’ll be there in an hour and a half and still be your assistant. Besides, we’re meant to shoot another video for your channel.”
But Julian didn’t budge and when I tried to move past him, he grabbed my arm to stop me. “Why are you doing this?”
I pulled my hand from his grip and faced him. “Isn’t this how it’s supposed to be done? Isn’t this what you normally do? You’re meant to fuck and leave, Julian, and you’ve perfected it over the years. Don’t ruin your record because of me. I’ll see you at your house so you may now see yourself out.”
With that, I quickly left him in my room and headed to the bathroom. Once the door was locked, I leaned my head against the door and took in deep breaths to calm my irregular beating. It was then that the tears began to sting my eyes, the lump in my throat becoming too big that it made it difficult for me to breathe as the tears fell no matter how much I tried to keep myself together.
Of all the things that I thought would be the cause of my breakdown, not once did I think that it would be because of Julian Hudson and not because he broke my heart but because I think I was breaking mine by putting an end to whatever it was that was going on between us.
I let out a shaky breath and wiped away the tears that had fallen and turned on the shower, dousing myself with hot water to remind me of what my current situation truly was. Julian wasn’t in the house anymore when I went downstairs but there was a complete breakfast waiting for me in the kitchen and the sight of it pricked at my heart even more.
Forcing myself to eat, my phone began to ring halfway through the meal. It was Amber calling and I answered her via FaceTime. She looked better than I did despite the fact that she went partying last night. I could only hope that my makeup made me look a tad bit better than I felt or else Amber would quickly catch on the fact that there was something going on with me.
I didn’t want her to worry.
“Buttercup! I’m sorry I couldn’t get home this morning,” Amber was pouting on the screen. If only she knew that I was relieved that she didn’t get home.
But I couldn’t tell her that. “It’s fine. I have to prepare for work anyway.”
“Ooh! You’re going to Julian’s, right? Send me the address. I miss the other boys too.” How was it that Amber could quickly forgive someone who broke her apart and was willing to spend some time with him?
“Amber,” I said her name slowly and she looked at me again and I knew she could see that I was serious this time, “you’re not falling in love with Julian again, are you?”
Despite the fact that Julian made it clear to me earlier that he had no intention of being with Amber again, I needed to confirm the same thing with Amber. She just freshly got off a relationship and the Amber before that incident would’ve jumped into the dating wagon in an instant to ‘heal the wound quickly’ as she used to put it.
But Amber laughed and waved me off with a hand. “Julian’s still insanely gorgeous and all and has even become hotter than he was five years ago but he no longer interests me the way he used to. I was caught up in the bandwagon of falling in love with Julian Hudson at that time. To be honest, I don’t really see what I saw in him before anymore.”
Why did I feel relieved at that admission?
“Why do you ask?”
I licked my lips and then shrugged, making sure I seemed nonchalant. “You know I don’t want you to get your heartbroken by the same guy, Amber.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s been five years, Audrey. Stop holding him accountable for something that I did to myself. Besides, I thought you two were in good terms now. In fact, I think it’s even better than good.”
I choked on the orange juice and Amber laughed. “What the fuck, Am? That’s disgusting.”
Disgusting but you asked him to fuck you thrice. “I’m kidding. Text me his address and then I’ll grab an Uber and head over there. See you in a bit. Don’t miss me too much!”
So that meant I was going to have to spend the day with Amber and Julian with his friends and I wasn’t really sure how I was meant to survive it after what had happened between Julian and I. With a sigh, I washed the dishes that were used and then began to pack my things in my purse, checking the list that Julian recently sent. To my surprise, there were a lot of things that he wanted me to do first before I went to their house. I guess he didn’t want to see me.
I sent Amber a text that I had to get Julian and the boys their grocery, along with a couple of things that he wanted me to get at Target. With the traffic in LA and the line at the cashier in the supermarket, it took me about two hours to finish grocery shopping and then I had to head to Target to buy Julio his doggy things.
It was around 2 PM when I finally arrived at the house. I knew Amber was already there because she sent me a photo of her and the boys and I didn’t really know how I was meant to react to that. The boys were already playing and I could hear Julian’s voice echoing throughout the house. They must’ve been in the recording studio but that didn’t make sense because we’d gotten around to recording the song and were only meant to shoot it today.
Amber was seated in the booth and I was certain that she was trying her best to man the panels but had absolutely no idea what she was doing. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned to me with relief clear in her eyes. “Oh thank God, you’re finally here!”
She stood up and forced me to sit and then pointed at the band. They’d stopped playing and Julian was turning to everyone and he looked a little upset. “What the heck, that wasn’t what we’ve discussed earlier! Dylan, you’re not supposed to play during Carlos and José’s part!”
Carlos was the bass guitarist while José played the electric guitar and sometimes the acoustic when they did acoustic covers. Dylan played the drums and as for Julian, most of the time he didn’t have an instrument but sometimes he played the keyboard when it was needed. Then Julian turned to look at the glass that separated us and I knew he was looking at Amber.
“Amber, you’re supposed to tell us when the music sounds good or not!”
This was why they weren’t meant to start recording without me in the room or Theo since we knew what we were meant to do. Amber looked at me, eyes begging for help. I leaned close to the microphone. “Why are you even re-recording the song in the first place? The previous arrangement was good and we’ve all agreed to it.”
Julian’s eyes narrowed when his eyes fell on me. “And why are you here when you have errands to run for me? Julio’s meant to be groomed today or did you forget that, assistant?”
He was mad at me and he had all the reason to be. I treated him like trash this morning when all he did was be nice to me. Julian didn’t even allow me to respond because he turned back to the boys. “Let’s have a break until Theo gets here since Amber has absolutely no idea what she’s doing.”
Julian opened the door and got out of the recording booth. Amber looked up at him but even she was ignored by Julian as he walked past me and then pushed open the door and left the room. “What’s up with him? He’s been an ass since this morning.”
Dylan was the one who complained. I felt someone tug at my hand and I turned to look at Amber. “Did you two fight again?”
The boys were still in the room with us and since the recording studio wasn’t exactly the biggest room in the house, we were all cramped. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “It’s a silly argument. You know how it is with the two of us.”
I couldn’t really tell her the whole reason why because well, I didn’t want to have a fight with her too if it’d lead to that. “Okay. Maybe Jules is just overreacting. Can you order us pizza?”
Carlos looked hopeful but he knew that Julian didn’t like it when they ordered me around too even if it was mostly favors but I nodded my head as we all piled out of the recording studio and headed downstairs. Julian was sitting on the couch, checking the things that I got him a
nd then he motioned at the grocery bags.
“Put them in the pantry,” he said monotonously. Dylan glanced at me and began helping like he always did, when Julian let out a low growl, “and I didn’t ask you to do it, Dyl. What’s the point of having an assistant when she has other people do her job?”
Carlos whistled lowly. “Whatever argument you two had must’ve been a big one if he’s this pissed.”
José cleared his throat as I began to pick up the bags one by one and headed to the kitchen. Amber was sitting close to Julian and had Julio on her lap and she was playing with him. “So Amber, we didn’t really get the chance to chat. How have you been doing?”
Amber looked up at him and smiled bashfully. “I went to Paris after my incident. I’m sure you’ve all heard of it.”
“You were the buzz in the campus for a while,” Dylan said quietly. “You’re okay now, right?”
Amber nodded and smiled at him. “Yes, I am, Dylan, so please stop treating me like fragile glass. And you know what, I’m a little upset none of you came to visit me. I thought we were all friends.”
By the time that Amber made that remark, I was halfway back in the living room from the kitchen and my heart dropped to my stomach. José rolled his eyes. “Jules and I came running to the hospital when they rushed you in.”
Amber’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You weren’t there.”
“We were.” It was Julian who answered this time and his gaze was fixed on me, cold and hard and I felt a shiver go through my spine and the fear of the truth slowly numbing me. “But Audrey demanded that we leave stating that it was my fault that you did what you did.”
Yesterday, none of us mentioned the incident and I thought it was something that we all wanted to put behind us. Amber had moved on and I had warmed up to Julian but here we were now and there was no point in denying.
“I knew that Audrey’s been mad at you because she knew you broke my heart but she knows the heartbreak had nothing to do with what I’ve done to myself. She was just being protective.” Amber was defending my actions no matter how truly irrational and immature they were.
Julian pursed his lips. “So you weren’t ever mad at me?”
Amber looked at him and shrugged. “You were Julian Hudson, the Casanova in NYU. To be honest, it would’ve been a lot more surprising if you didn’t dump me.”
Julian blinked and then tilted his head to the side, looking deep in thought. “So if you weren’t ever mad at me, why did you block me on all your social media accounts right after?”
My heart was about to burst out of my chest with how fast it was beating. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and the fear made me dizzy. “I didn’t.”
Amber’s answer was so simple and even she sounded confused. It was then that I felt all eyes fall on me and I shifted uncomfortably from where I stood. I could feel Amber’s penetrating gaze on me. “Did you do it, Audrey? Or did my parents ask you to?”
I swallowed and then chewed on my bottom lip. “Your Dad left me in charge of your phone and I…I blocked everything that was affiliated and connected to Julian because I wanted to erase him out of your life. To me, he broke you and I…I thought that if you got better and maybe you’d still be in love with him or he’d try to contact you and you would fall for him…”
“That’s a load of bullshit, Audrey.”
Julian’s eyes resembled a raging storm as he glared at me and he stood up from his seat. Everyone sprang up, seeing the rage that simmered through him in his eyes. I backed up, my heart dropping to my stomach because it was now time to face the consequences of my own actions.
Amber was quick to defend me as she stood in front of me and looked at Julian. “Audrey did that to protect me. Won’t you do the same thing for your friends or your brothers, Julian?”
But Julian ignored her as he advanced towards me. “That’s not the point. She knew, Amber. She knew how the guilt pained me because even I thought I was the reason. And it took me so damn long to realize that maybe you had other issues and the breakup was just caught up in the mix of it all.”
“I called you out on the reason why you hated me because you felt guilty that you didn’t see the signs,” Julian’s voice was shaking as he spoke, “and I hurt you when I called you out on it so I had to understand that you were appeasing your own guilt but fuck, Audrey, you blocked me in all her accounts when I was trying to say sorry, when I was trying my best to apologize to appease my own guilt.”
I clenched my fists and tried to stop myself from crying and could only quietly reply, “I was trying to protect her.”
“What if I told you, that up until this point, even I blamed myself sometimes because I broke her heart?”
I remembered the countless messages that Julian sent and even through text, I could hear the desperation and plea in them. I was aware of his guilt but just like had said, I was busy trying to appease my own and masking it as protecting Amber. “Julian, I…”
“Is that why you rejected me earlier? To give me a taste of my own medicine?” Julian asked, his voice falling into a whisper as his eyes looked at me with pain. “Because I broke so many hearts so you took it upon yourself to let me know what it feels like.”
“That’s not why I did that!” I exclaimed, pushing Amber aside gently as I faced him and I could feel my own hurt slowly coming up. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going on between Julian and I and last night... “Last night was a mistake. I knew better. We both did.”
I’d always wanted to see Julian Hudson look defeated but not like this. “I hope you’re happy.”
“Julian…”
“Get out.”
“Julian, please. I get that you’re mad at me for rejecting you. I get that you’re mad at me for blocking you when you were trying to apologize to Amber but know that…” I couldn’t even finish what I was trying to say because I wasn’t sure if I was making any sense at the moment. “I was just trying to protect her.”
Julian let out a dry and humourless laugh. “And so I’m guessing that the rejection was you trying to protect yourself.”
“That’s not what I meant!”
Julian smirked but the pain was palpable and radiated from him to me. “I guess this is what heartbreak feels like and not once did it occur to me that it’ll be served to me by you, Audrey Finch.”
19
Julian
Audrey hadn’t reported to me for two full days and had Theo fill in her spot for me. There were moments when I wanted to ask Theo about how she was doing but would catch myself before I did. I wasn’t sure if Theo knew what had happened between us but even if he did, he was doing a really good job as an assistant to me than Audrey ever did.
“Isn’t she coming back?” Dylan asked when Theo walked in after bringing Julio from the vet post a check-up. We were in the kitchen and José was still editing the video that we shot two days ago after the argument that Audrey and I had. We already started working on the channel again and since we came back, our views doubled than our previous ones and so did our subscribers.
Theo looked at Dylan when he asked about Audrey, glanced at me and then sighed. “She wants to. But her Dad got admitted to the hospital again the other night and just got out this morning. I think she and Amber are staying at her parents to take care of her Dad for a while since her Mom has something to do in New York.”
“So is that like, a breach of contract?” Dylan wondered, looking at me. “Technically, this is the last week until we sign with them. We are still signing with them, right?”
I pursed my lips and could feel Theo’s gaze on me. He cleared his throat. “Audrey can’t be here because she has to take care of her Dad which is why I’m here, serving as a substitute for the meantime. But then again, the decision lies on Julian since he’s the one who suggested this agreement in the first place.”
Both their gazes fell on me and I gritted my teeth in annoyance. I wasn’t exactly angry at Audrey per se. To be honest, I was a lot more h
urt because of how cold and cruel she could be for blocking and erasing me from Amber’s life when she knew all I wanted was to apologize to her best friend. If she read all my messages to Amber, she would know just how much it affected me too.
And yet she had looked at me straight in the eye and still blamed me for what Amber had done to herself.
More than that, the rejection did sting. I’ll admit that I wasn’t used to a girl blatantly rejecting me right after sex because I was usually the one to do so. I never stayed in the morning and although there had been women I would cook breakfast for when I enjoyed the sex, that really never meant anything and I always made it clear with them.
But it was different with Audrey. I wanted…
I wanted to go for it and make it real.
“What are you looking at me for?” I asked, trying to sound gruff and callous.
Theo sighed and then set down the folded the paper bag that had the groceries in. “Julian, please don’t tell me that Audrey became your assistant for nothing if you’re not going to sign with us. She would’ve been here if she could.”
“Are you really sure about that?” I countered. “We got in a fight and it’s not the kind of fight that we usually get into. After knowing that she really hurt me this time, do you honestly think she has the guts to show her face?”
Theo looked at me with a smirk which I have to say surprised me. “You don’t know what Audrey would do if it means getting your band to sign and securing her position in the company that had always been her birthright.”
“Maybe she’s tenacious,” I drawled and shrugged, “but then it also makes her cold-hearted and a bitch.”
Theo pursed his lips and I knew he was biting his tongue from retaliating at me. Dylan cleared his throat and then clasped his hands together and decided to change the topic after he realized the tension in the room. “So I’m assuming that you guys will be busy tonight since it’s Valentine’s Day. I know that Carlos and José wouldn’t be home.”
I completely forgot that it was Valentine’s Day. Normally, if I didn’t have any date, I would just head to a club or party with friends and I would end the day with a hook-up but I wasn’t really in the mood to do so. “I think I’ll have a date with Julio.”
