by Emma Vikes
Dylan and Theo both stared at me and Dylan stammered a reply, “Are…are you for real? Julian Hudson isn’t looking for a hook-up on Valentine’s Day?”
I glared at Dylan. “Does it really matter if I have a date or not?”
Dylan’s eyes shined with amusement. “Is that it or is it because the person you want to be your Valentine is also the same person you’re trying to avoid?”
After the argument I had with Audrey and after I had her leave with Amber, it became clear to the boys that I slept with her and that she had pulled my own move at me which amused them to no end. I’d never been rejected and Audrey was the first girl in history that had been the one who made it clear to me that it was just sex and nothing more, that it could never be more.
Before I could counter what Dylan said, my ringtone cut through the silence. I answered the call without even glancing at the name that popped on the screen. “Hello?”
“Thank God you finally answered,” Amber’s voice echoed in my ears and I gritted my teeth in annoyance. Amber didn’t exactly do anything wrong but I hated how she defended Audrey’s wrong actions. I get that they were thick but friends were also meant to scold you when you were wrong and not right the mistake made.
“I think you should’ve gotten the memo when I wasn’t picking up your calls, Am.”
She sighed on the other line. “You’re upset at me which is why I’ve been calling you to explain my part.”
“Just your part? This isn’t a trap where you’re going to convince me that Audrey’s innocent and trip me into feeling guilty for being mad, right?”
“I’ll send you an address and hope that you’ll come meet me. I don’t want to discuss any of this on the phone. Please, Jules.”
I closed my eyes as she ended the call and I gripped my phone tight. I stood up, knowing that I had to change and meet Amber wherever she wanted us to meet. I was surprised that the address she sent me was in Calabasas, in a fancy neighbourhood where I knew the Kardashians lived which made me wonder why she wanted me to meet there.
“Theo, you can leave now. I have to meet up with Amber.”
Theo didn’t move an inch as he eyed me. He was there in the hospital waiting area five years ago when Audrey forced me to leave and I was certain that he was aware that Audrey blocked me from Amber’s social media account. I didn’t want to be pissed at him too because it was tiring to be mad at everyone when in all honesty, I was just hurt with what Audrey did.
“Do I even want to know why you’re meeting up with Amber?”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the tone of suspicion in his voice. “We’re not rekindling anything if that’s what you want to know. I’m not interested in her and it’s clear to me that she’s only friendly flirting because that’s how she’s always been.”
“You’re no longer interested in Amber because you’re interested in her best friend, am I right?” Dylan chirped, teasing me. I grabbed a coaster and threw it at him, smacking him right on the face and he yelped in surprise as I ignored both of them and marched upstairs to change in my room.
It took me fifteen minutes to get ready and Theo had left by then. Dylan was in the living room still editing the video while watching something on TV and I told him that I was leaving. I took my car with me this time and felt a slight pang when I remembered it was the same car that I wanted Audrey to ride in when I planned to take her to the house I bought for the family that I sponsored but it never happened because Amber came with us.
It took me nearly thirty minutes to get to Calabasas from Malibu and once I was in the neighbourhood, I called Amber to ask her which house she meant. She told me that it was the fifth house from the entrance of the neighbourhood and I stared in awe at the mansion when I finally arrived.
Amber was waiting near the gate and I saw her when it opened for me. She waved a hand at me once I parked the car and got out. “Is this your parents’ place?”
I always knew that Amber came from a wealthy family but it never really occurred to me just how much. But Amber laughed and shook her head. “My parents live in Hidden Hills. This is where Audrey’s parents live.”
My mouth dropped in shock. “You mean this is where the Finch’s live?”
Amber nodded her head as she led me to the backyard without going into the house first. “Albert’s resting so it’s best if we talked in the backyard. If you’re wondering, Audrey’s not here. She had a meeting with the board of Finch Records and hasn’t been back since then.”
I remembered that Audrey wanted me to sign a day before our agreement officially ended which was actually today but that never happened. Amber motioned for me to sit under the gazebo in the corner of the backyard and I was surprised to see snacks already laid out there.
“I wanted to get some wine from the cellar but thought against it so I opted with tea instead,” Amber said, pouring me a cup and pushing it towards me. “Beth’s biscuits are absolutely the most delicious thing you could ever pair with tea.”
Pursing my lips, I stared at what Amber was offering me. “Did you ask me to come here to have tea with you, Amber?”
“I asked you to come here because Albert wanted to talk to you.”
Her answer was so simple but it made me pause. I stared at her. “Why would Mr. Finch want to talk to me? Is it because he thinks that I’m not going to sign with their label?”
Amber let out a long exhale and leaned back on her chair. Her green eyes stared at the flowers that surrounded us. “Beth was thankful that I was back since Audrey’s crap when it comes to taking care of her plants.”
I closed my eyes. “Why did you ask me to come here, Amber?” Why does Albert Finch want to talk to me?”
“Audrey and I met when we were young. Our parents usually spent Saturday nights with the same group of people so we always crossed paths when we were younger but never really became close until we were in the same class in high school.”
I’d heard this story before because Amber used to just talk about Audrey out of the blue. Sometimes I wondered if they were more than just best friends but it was clear that neither one of them batted in the other team. “I know, Amber.”
“Of all the people that I have in my life to see me in vulnerable states every time someone broke my heart, it was Audrey,” Amber’s voice had grown quiet as she said all of this, “but she never really saw past my smile sometimes. I was really good at keeping it all together and falling apart in the right time. She didn’t know that the struggle was worse inside of me than the fire that I allowed to rage outside.”
I remembered the accusation I made at Audrey when I told her that she felt guilty for not noticing the signs. Often, people close to suicidal patients felt guilty that they couldn’t save their loved ones. Amber was fortunate to be saved but it didn’t meant that Audrey felt less guilty because of that when she could’ve saved her sooner had she seen the signs.
“Audrey’s always been protective and she went overboard after I tried to kill myself.” Amber looked at me with a sad smile. “But more than that, she felt guilty that she couldn’t have helped me sooner and to ease her guilt, you became the receiving end of her blame since she already disliked you.”
I picked up a biscuit and then broke it in half, inspecting it, wondering if it could be deemed as a physical manifestation of heartbreak. “She knew how much I begged for your forgiveness because she must’ve seen all the messages I sent and yet she still had the audacity to call me out for breaking your heart.”
To my surprise, Amber’s lips twitched into a small smile. “Audrey’s very loyal and sometimes it’s to a fault. She saw me after you dumped me and in her mind, the breakup was the triggering point of the attempt. She didn’t know that it was a compilation of everything I tried to keep inside but it was one of the things. She knew that so she still held you accountable.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better and forgive her?”
“No,” Amber answered quickly, shaking her head. “It w
asn’t her call to erase your existence from my life but mine and yet even when I noticed that you weren’t in any of my social media accounts, I didn’t even think of reaching out to you because I knew it was over between us. I was unaware of your guilt. For that, I’m sorry too.”
“How could you be aware if she never said anything?”
“Audrey did what she thought was the right thing to do as my best friend as long as it meant protecting me. She must’ve thought that our paths might cross again and she was trying to do her best to keep us apart.”
“But what about blaming someone for their own guilt because she couldn’t accept to herself that she couldn’t stop you?”
“To each his own,” Amber answered coolly and then sighed, “Audrey was a wreck but she tried to hold it together for me. She was so scared that I might do it again and she was so angry at herself and that anger was wrongfully directed at you because she never really liked you and it was easier to have an object for your own anger.”
I scoffed. “You’re not really making things better, Amber.”
“She’s only human, Julian. She was hurt by what I did and she felt guilty because she couldn’t have done anything sooner to prevent me,” Amber’s voice had grown quiet again as she said this, “but at the end of it all, I was the one who did it and neither of you were at fault. Audrey’s still trying to process that and I hope you give her time to fully grasp it.”
I wasn’t sure what I was meant to say and Amber was staring at her tea. She was excited to drink her cup earlier but she hadn’t even taken a sip yet. “So are you trying to ask me to forgive her?”
“No,” Amber looked at me with a small smile, “I’m asking you to try and understand her. It wasn’t easy for her because I’m the only person she has close to a sister. If you were in her shoes and you thought you would lose your brother and someone had recently broken your brother’s heart, wouldn’t you react the same way?”
I swallowed, knowing that Amber had a point with that rhetorical question and I clenched my fists and let out a shaky exhale. I wasn’t sure what I was meant to do now because the anger I felt at Audrey for what she had done between Amber and I was slowly dissipating and the only thing I had left was the pain of her rejection.
“Julian Hudson.”
I looked up and met kind blue eyes that had called my name. I knew him. I had personally given him a demo and begged him to listen five years ago to our band. Albert Finch. Abruptly, Amber and I stood up and she approached him. “Albie! You didn’t have to come out all the way outside. I was going to bring him in after our conversation and wake you from your nap.”
He looked at her the way a father would look at his child and patted her hand. “You two should come with me in the living room. Come along.”
Amber and I followed him and I couldn’t help but admire the spacious house. When I was younger, my grandfather used to tell me how he wished he had the capacity to build a huge house that we could all live in. I told him how unconventional it was since the day would come that we would all have to move out and he simply told me that if he had a house like that, when the day came that we didn’t have a home, we still had one with him. Audrey’s parents’ house sort of reminded me of that dream my grandfather had.
As we approached the living room, it was then that I started to hear. At first, they were simply keys from a piano, followed by a guitar and then I soon realized that whatever Albert Finch was listening to was someone recording in a loop station. As we finally arrived in his living room, it was then that I heard the first notes of Lorde’s song, Royals.
But more than that, it was the voice that struck me most.
It felt as if my heart was in my throat when the voice filled my ears. For five years, I had been searching for the owner of that voice, that sweet melody that had wrapped itself in my heart and had latched itself to my soul for five years. When I was asked if I’d ever fallen in love, all I knew was that I fell in love with a voice because it was the closest I’d felt of what love could be even if for most, it didn’t make sense to fall for a voice.
I felt like I’d searched for a lifetime for the voice that sang the song that kept me going and now I finally found its owner and she was always right under my nose.
“She can sing?” My voice was hoarse and I sounded like I was crying and I had to clear my throat and repeat the question, “she can sing?”
Albert Finch turned to look at me and I could see the pride shining in his eyes. “My Audrey has the best voice I ever heard, more than any artist I’ve had signed.”
I stared at the screen as Audrey continued to sing. It seemed to be a video from YouTube and I never thought that she had a channel there too. She looked like how she did five years ago, young and carefree and with her passion burning bright in her fiery brown eyes. Hell, she looked like how I did when I was pushing our band to our goal.
“How come you never signed her?” I asked when the song ended and Amber reached for the remote and turned the volume down as another video of Audrey came up.
Albert let out a long exhale as he sat down on the couch. He motioned for me to sit but I remained standing as the questions began to pile up. Albert sighed again and shrugged. “I offered. She declined.”
Amber let out a small chuckle after Albert said that. “Audrey’s a woman of her own principles, Jules. Just because her family owns a record label never meant that she was a shoo-in for the music industry. But she never really made it on her own. She hated you even more when you and your band did.”
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It doesn’t make sense.”
Albert clucked his tongue and I turned to look at him again. “My daughter was passionate about singing and her music but like Amber said, she wanted to make it on her own until she didn’t. Until she had to give it up because she had a business to run. To her, what my great grandfather had built was more important than her heart’s desire.”
But for what it is worth, your music is amazing. It always had been. Audrey had sounded so sincere when she said that to me during her father’s admission in the hospital that time and there was a sad sparkle in her eyes when she said it. I remembered the way she held the kalimba I gave Violet in her hands and how she looked like she was born to hold an instrument.
I looked at Audrey through the screen. She looked so free as she sang and her voice was so sweet that it felt like it could heal heartaches. I wasn’t sure what I was meant to say. “Audrey chose the company because she knows how important it is for me. She’s willing to do absolutely anything to get her position back.”
Albert wasn’t looking at me anymore. He was staring at her daughter who was singing on the screen. “What are you trying to say to me, Albert?”
He smiled. “She was so happy every time she got off work with you and came to me to check when I was in the hospital. The last time she came here she looked like she was carrying the world on her shoulders and I had to bribe Amber to tell me what had happened.”
When I looked at Amber, she didn’t even look the least bit guilty with what Albert just said. Instead, she shrugged. “He has good taste in shoes. He had me there.”
Albert chuckled in his seat. “You’re not in good terms right now and I can only hope that you won’t let a fight get through the one month that my daughter worked for you just so you could sign with us. She kept through her word, Julian, I do hope you keep yours.”
I stared at Albert as he slowly got up and Amber was quick to assist him. He looked at me evenly and it was then that I was reminded that this was Albert Finch, the same guy who rejected my demo five years ago. “I made a bad call when I rejected your band. For what it’s worth, I am sorry, Julian.”
The time that I got their rejection letter, was also the same time that I first heard Audrey sing and when I found out that Amber tried to kill herself. In a span of an hour, so many things transpired then. Now here I was. In a span of an hour, I learned so many things and I wasn’t really sure what the next bes
t course of action should be.
“And other than saving my company, Julian,” Albert’s voice had grown a little unsteady when he spoke and he looked at me with pleading eyes, “I hope you bring back my daughter’s passion too. She had this big smile on her face and I reckon it was because of you. I think you might be making my daughter happy, Mr. Hudson, and as her father, please continue to do so.”
He turned to look at Amber. “I should rest again, Amber. And if this guy changes his mind or makes a decision, the contract’s in my office. Give it to him.”
Amber helped Albert get into his room and I stayed there in the living room, staring at Audrey singing on the screen. She had about thirty videos up on her channel. Most of them were covers but there were a few original songs too that barely had any views. She didn’t even have a lot of subscribers. I chose one video and turned up the volume.
Tell me, brave heart
Can you chase after the wind,
Even when sunlight burns your skin?
Do you have the courage
To pursue even if it breaks your heart
Continuously,
Over and over and over again?
“Jules?”
When I turned around, Amber was standing behind me with a document in her hand. “Audrey just got home. I think she’ll stay there for a little while to rest because she doesn’t want Albert to see her stressed.”
I approached Amber and took the document from her and kissed her cheek. “Tell Albert I’ll pay him another visit soon and that I’m sorry I can’t say goodbye.”
Amber laughed and let me go and I rushed to the front again and got in my car, Amber following closely behind me to open the gate. I honked at her once and then sped to Santa Monica, where Audrey lived.
I wasn’t sure what I was meant to feel right now because I was overwhelmed with emotions. First, Amber wanted me to understand Audrey and although she wasn’t asking for me to forgive her best friend instantly, she wanted me to understand why Audrey blamed me. She wanted me to understand that it wasn’t anything personal, it was simply someone acting human.
