Guarded Passion

by Bonnie Dee

  I threw on my flannel shirt to cover the bulge and gave myself a few seconds for it to go down before joining Rianna and Travis in the other room.

  She sat on the couch, holding her boy on her lap, his face burrowed into her chest and his arms gripping her neck like a baby koala. Sorry she mouthed over the top of his head.

  I shrugged. No problem.

  “That was a short nap, baby,” Rianna said.

  “I want Teddie,” Travis whined.

  “His stuffed zebra,” she explained to me. “He’s not in the bag, sweetheart. I couldn’t find him, so we’ll have to look for him when we get home.”

  “I need Teddie now!” Travis’s pale hair stuck out in wild tufts, and his face was quickly turning red.

  I recognized the signs of a kid about to throw a temper tantrum. He’d woken up grumpy and spoiling for a fight. Reminded me of how Micah used to be, except my brother hadn’t been little and cute when he’d acted up that way.

  Rianna looked at me with an apologetic wince. “I think we’d better be going home now. Thank you so much for…everything. I’d like to get together soon and, um, finish what we started.”

  I smiled. “I’d like that too. Let me help you get your stuff together.”

  It was an ordeal getting Travis stuffed back into his snowsuit when he was thrashing around, as inconsolable as if we’d blindfolded and executed his stuffed animal. But eventually all of us were dressed for outdoors. I carried Travis out to Rianna’s car and strapped him into his seat.

  He continued to sob and yell as Rianna and I stood in the snow saying good-bye. We kissed, too briefly and chastely, so much less than what I wanted to do.

  “See you soon?” she said.

  “Looking forward to it.” I ran my hands over her snowy hair, then pulled up her parka hood to cover her head. One last peck, and then I had to let her go.

  My hands jammed into my pockets, I watched the Camry pull away. When I went back into the house, it suddenly seemed a lot colder and emptier. I considered what I might cook for my solo dinner and realized I wasn’t hungry, so I poured a glass of wine, put on music, and sat in my armchair, eyes closed, reliving the entire afternoon.

  Only a few minutes later, the doorbell rang.

  Rianna had forgotten something. She’d come back for some item of Travis’s…or maybe she couldn’t bear to be apart. Maybe she’d gotten her boy calmed down and now we’d have dinner and spend the evening and maybe even the night together. Like a family, the thought teased at the edges of my mind. I practically leaped from my chair to answer the door.

  I stared blankly at the stranger on my front porch. For several seconds, I had no idea who the scrawny, liver-spotted, white-haired old man was. Then our gazes met, and I got sucker punched so hard I literally stumbled back a step.

  “No. You’re… They said you were dead,” I gasped as the world spun around me.

  “Not quite yet,” my old man said drily, and his sarcasm sounded just like Micah. “It’s cold out here. Can I come in, son?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Rianna

  “I think if you just move it to the… Yeah, that’s right, hold it up, and then I can maneuver it around the corner here.” I stopped a few feet inside Travis’s bedroom with the box spring of his bed wedged to fill the entire doorway. I couldn’t even see Cyndi, who supported the weight on the other side.

  “It’s too big,” she called from the hallway. “I don’t think it’ll fit.”

  “That’s what she said,” we both recited in unison.

  I laughed because that joke never gets less funny, but I was also almost in tears—and it wasn’t just because it seemed like Travis’s new bed wasn’t going to fit into his room.

  Since the afternoon we’d spent with him, Jonah had been giving me the cold shoulder. He texted me the following day to tell me he wouldn’t need me to clean that week, though he insisted on sending me money anyway. A payoff? For what? I hadn’t even gotten his rocks off that afternoon at his house.

  I didn’t know what to make of his sudden freeze-out. Things had been so good between us that day, warm and friendly and sexy and good. I’d made it clear we’d go to the next level when I saw him again. If he was annoyed because I hadn’t had a chance to blow him—well then, fuck him! I had a kid. What was I supposed to do?

  I had a kid. Maybe that was what it was about. Once Jonah had taken the time to think about what it actually meant to date a woman with a child, maybe it had cooled off his interest in me.

  But somehow that didn’t feel right. He’d appeared happy to spend time with Travis. I hadn’t got the vibe that Jonah was merely putting up with him.

  His text was so terse, I couldn’t read anything into it. There was no subtext to ponder over, only the simple message that I wouldn’t be needed this week. And the part about paying me anyhow. Which still felt like being paid off.

  “Hey! Are you going to make a move anytime soon? I can’t hold this up forever,” Cyndi called. “I’m pushing right now. We’ll just ram it through somehow.”

  The box spring began to move. I whisked my fingers out of the way before they got smashed against the door frame. We both grunted and cursed and maneuvered, and then suddenly, the bed was in the room.

  Cyndi and I leaned it against the wall and dropped to the floor, panting and wiping sweat from our faces.

  “I hope the kid appreciates this bed,” she said.

  “Oh, he will. Travis loved that there were pirate-ship stickers on the headboard. One of the great things about buying used—the furniture has character.”

  I’d sold Travis’s crib to a woman in the trailer park and found the twin bed through an online ad. Of course it wouldn’t fit in the Camry, so Cyndi had borrowed her current boyfriend’s truck to haul it to my place. Too bad she couldn’t have gotten the boyfriend to help too, but in the end, we’d managed on our own.

  “You’d think they’d make the door frames and the hall a little wider so you could move stuff without scarring the walls. Do you have beer? I’m dying of thirst.”

  “Sure do. A six-pack for you like I promised.” I got back on my feet. “Let’s just whip the bed together first.”

  “Aw man, I never promised to do that.” But Cyndi got up and helped me screw together the frame and plunk down the box spring and the mattress after we’d gotten it inside. We made up the bed with the rocket-ship sheets and blanket I’d bought at the dollar store, then we both plunked down on it.

  “I’ve been patient long enough,” Cyndi said. “You aren’t ever going to tell me if I don’t ask, are you? What’s going on with you and that sexy Wyatt guy?”

  “Nothing. Whaddya mean?”

  “Come on. Don’t tell me nothing. He gave you that check. And then you quit Cock Teasers to go work for him. I don’t believe you’re just cleaning house. What’s the deal?”

  “No deal. I clean his house. That’s it.”

  “Nuh-uh. I know better. Before you sent him next door, Travis was babbling at me about sledding with Mr. Wire, and playing at Mr. Wire’s house. Are you going out with the guy? Is it getting serious?”

  Cyndi crossed her legs and leaned forward with Travis’s pillow in her arms, blue eyes wide. “Come on. Speak, girl.”

  Whatever I told Cyndi would be spread to the rest of the girls at the club by the end of the day. But maybe it was better they had the truth than whatever crazy story she might concoct on her own.

  “Fine,” I sighed. “Yes, I went out with him. Once. To Lexington. We had a very nice time, dinner and a show, and that was it. A few days later, Travis and I went to his house and spent the afternoon.”

  “He invited both you and your kid over for sledding? That’s weird.” Cyndi frowned. “Most guys would rather pretend their girlfriend’s kids didn’t exist. For him to welcome Travis on only your second date… Hell, you must have Wyatt head over heels for you. What sort of sex mojo did you work on him?”

  “None. Nothing. We haven’t gotten that far yet.�
��

  Cyndi leaned back and tossed the pillow up, then caught it. “Well, there you go. Withholding is a good way to reel a guy in. I should try that some time. I’m too easy. That’s my problem.”

  “I’m not trying to ‘reel him in.’ I have no agenda. We’re just…spending time together. We enjoy each other’s company.”

  “Uh-huh, because he wants something from you. Now what do you think that is?” Cyndi teased.

  “This isn’t about sex,” I protested. But how did I know that? What did I really know about Jonah’s feelings toward me? Maybe he’d simply had enough of playing family man or whatever game he’d been up to. He must have plenty of women at his beck and call who wouldn’t get interrupted just when things were heating up.

  Cyndi’s dark eyebrows, which didn’t at all match her blonde hair, rose high. “Hah. I know that look. You’re falling for him. You really like him. But you’re afraid he might be using you. News flash, honey. All men are users. Best thing you can do is take them for all you can as long as they’re gaga over you.”

  I clicked my tongue and threw Teddie the zebra at her. “How’d you get so cynical? Don’t you have any heart left?”

  Cyndi looked down the front of her blouse. “Nope. I don’t think so. Just a nice pair of fake tits.”

  She hopped off the bed and led the way to the kitchen, where we each cracked open a beer. “Seriously, though. The man treats you decent, and he’s got money. You could do worse. Date him awhile.”

  “I’m not sure he wants to,” I admitted. “He seems to be pulling back.”

  Those dramatic eyebrows rose again. “Oh yeah? Since when? This sledding date with the kid?”

  I nodded. “Last Sunday. Things were going great. I thought… I mean Jonah seemed to be… I don’t know. It all felt right. He didn’t give any sign he wasn’t having a good time. But we haven’t talked all week.”

  “Hm.” She tapped her finger against the bottle. “And you haven’t had sex yet.”

  “We’re headed that direction, but not yet.”

  “Well then… I think the answer’s fairly obvious. You have to go over there and pussy whip him into submission. Make him so hot for you he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. Sex! That’s your mission. Can you do it, soldier?”

  Laughing, I shook my head. “You’re nuts. I’m not going to try to control a man with sex. But you might have a point about going over there. We need to talk—in person.”

  Cyndi slapped a hand to her forehead. “Oh my God. You’re hopeless. That’s exactly what makes a man want to stick around, the we-need-to-talk speech. More action, less words, honey.”

  She clicked her bottle against mine and took a long swig. “Good luck.”

  “Hey, Cyndi. Can you keep this to yourself? I don’t really want every girl at work to know the details of my life.”

  She pressed her hand to her chest in a “who me?” gesture. “I wouldn’t say a word.”

  That was a lost cause. I ran a hand through my sweaty hair and blew an audible breath. “Look, can you do one more thing for me today? It’s not that I don’t trust my neighbor with Travis, but I don’t like to leave him with Carol Ann for very long. Could you possibly watch him while I run an errand?”

  Cyndi grinned. “Only if you come back with an interesting story to tell. I guess I can hang here for a couple more hours. Terrance can wait to get his stupid truck back.”

  “Thanks.” I wished I had time for a shower, and that my best top was clean instead of crumpled in the bottom of the clothes hamper, but I needed to take advantage of the brief time I had a sitter.

  Riding on a wave of I can do this! I said good-bye to Cyndi, got my keys and coat, and headed toward Jonah’s house. By the time I was a mile from home, my courage began to fade. By the time I pulled into his driveway and saw his parked vehicle, I was jittery with nerves. One thing to big-talk to a girlfriend about laying it on the line with some dude. Another thing to actually face him and have that talk.

  And it was worse because Jonah was more than a potential boyfriend. He was my employer. If I messed things up, I’d have to try to line up even more houses to clean to replace my lost job. In the area around Sawville, people who could afford to have maid service weren’t exactly in abundance.

  By the time I reached Jonah’s front door, I was mentally back at Cock Teasers, dancing for my wages. Somehow, I thought stripping would be even harder this time. I didn’t know if I could separate mind from my body as I’d done before.

  I took a breath and rang the doorbell. Listened to birds whistling and the breeze rattling the bare branches…then rang again.

  Still no answer.

  He might not be home. He could’ve gone off in someone else’s car. Maybe he was sleeping. Sick. Staring at me through window blinds and hoping I’d go away. Any of these was possible.

  I raised my hand to ring the bell one last time, but before I could, the door opened.

  Jonah towered over me in the doorway. He wore sweatpants and a sleeveless undershirt that showed his amazing biceps that stretched tightly over all the rest of his muscles. His arms were folded over his chest, and his face was a block of granite. No expression on it. He looked like the man I’d first met, the one who’d offered me money to fuck him.

  He didn’t ask me what I was doing there. He didn’t say a thing. Just stared at me and waited, which, of course, made me babble.

  “Hi. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay. You’re not sick or anything? I mean, you seemed fine on the weekend, but there’s that flu going around everyone’s been suffering from, so… Jeez, I could’ve brought you soup or something. I didn’t think about that.”

  “I’m not sick.”

  What is it, then? Why are you suddenly being so cold? What happened to the guy I thought I was starting to get to know? The one who had his hand down my pants last time we were together?

  “Well, that’s good. I’m glad.” I crossed my arms too, so uncomfortable I wanted to melt into the floorboards of the porch. “What’s wrong? Why didn’t you want me to come this week?” I pretended I was talking about the cleaning, but I think we both knew I was asking about the other, the relationship between us that had fizzled with a snap of Jonah’s fingers.

  “Some things came up that I have to deal with. Family things.”

  “Your brothers?” I was pushing now. Clearly, he didn’t want to be specific or he would be. Maybe I had no right to pry, but curiosity was killing me.

  “No.” He looked over my shoulder rather than into my face. “Look. I’ll sort this out, but right now, it’s all I can deal with.”

  “My housecleaning is getting in the way of your family issues?”

  He met my eyes at last. “I’ll continue to pay you. You don’t have to work at that place anymore.”

  I clenched my teeth so hard it hurt my jaw. “That place did just fine supporting me and Travis before I met you. I’m not your charity case. I can find my own work.”

  Jonah frowned and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “I didn’t mean to insult you. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I’m not in any frame of mind right now to get involved with you.”

  Who asked you to? I almost blurted, but held my temper and my tongue. “I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.” What the hell happened to you?

  Jonah continued to stand there like a mute.

  “You know, it might help if you talked about it. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

  His dark eyes stared at me—through me, at some point far away. He shook his head. “I can’t.” He started to close the door.

  Maybe it wasn’t family but drug dealer stuff he didn’t want me to know about. Maybe he was about to be arrested or something. Maybe I was better off not knowing his secrets. All that made perfect sense, but with a mind of its own, my foot jammed between the frame and the door, stopping him from shutting me out.

  “Jonah. Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  He stared at m
y boot, then at my face. “It’s… You don’t want to know.”

  “I do want to know. That’s why I asked.” Too late to back out now. I pushed past him into the foyer, tracking in snow to melt on the carpet. “Please, just talk to me. There’s nothing you can say that will shock me.”

  “Really? Because I’m still getting over the shock myself.” He closed the door and folded his arms over his chest again. He looked like Mr. Clean, the way his muscles stretched that T-shirt. “It turns out my father isn’t dead after all. How’s that for a wacky family story? Turns out when I asked around up in Nashville a couple of years ago, I was given wrong information.”

  “Oh.” I hardly knew what to say. Should I offer congratulations or condolences? “How did you find out?”

  He jerked a thumb at the door. “Turned up on my front porch, just minutes after you and Travis left the other night.”

  “What did he say? Where has he been?”

  “I don’t know. He asked me for help. I told him to get lost. It was a short reunion.”

  “So, he’s not staying here?” I felt like I was navigating a minefield, not knowing what words would set off an explosion.

  “I don’t know where he’s staying. Maybe he went back to Nashville, but I doubt it. The guy’s broke and desperate.” Jonah ran a hand over his stubbled jaw. “I had to pay the damn taxi, plus extra for taking him into town.”

  “He’s staying in Sawville, then?”

  “I told you, I don’t know. I have no idea what he’s doing. I don’t want to know. I don’t ever want to have to deal with him again.”

  To buy time, I peeled off my gloves and stuffed them in my pockets, then unzipped my coat. “All right. I can understand that after what you’ve told me about him. But he’s here now, and broke, so it sounds like he’s going to be sticking around the area. Don’t you want to at least talk to him?”

  “No! I don’t need some hug-it-out moment with my old man. We’re not going to ‘heal’ or get over all the shit that’s happened. All I want is for him to disappear again. I want him dead again.” His voice rumbled deeper and darker with every sentence, and his face twisted in rage. For the first time, I realized Jonah Wyatt could be pretty damn scary.