by John Goode
“There is always someone better-looking, and right now is the best shape you’re ever going to be in your life. So if that was what you were hoping to coast on for the rest of your life… trust me. You won’t be able to.”
I heard Colt crying and could not believe what I’d just heard.
Sebastian’s lecture had left me as stunned as Colt. A minute later when Sebastian walked out, looking completely unsurprised that I had been eavesdropping, I had not the faintest idea what to say.
“You get all that, champ?” he asked me. “’Cause I’m not going to repeat myself.” He walked past me and said loudly, “Come on, people, we’re burning daylight and we have a flight to catch.”
I felt my stomach turn, and I knew in my heart of hearts… I had been dead wrong about Sebastian.
Part Three:
Broken Hearts, Humpty Dumpty, and The Beatles
Name three things that can never be put back together again.
Kyle
SO I felt bad because I went in to pray with Father Mulligan, and at some point I fell asleep.
I couldn’t help it! The little room was so quiet and peaceful, and I had been running around all crazy since I left California… I mean, are you shocked I nodded off? I was sure it meant I was going to hell or something, but I figured the whole liking-guys thing was taking me there anyway.
I wasn’t shocked to see Father Mulligan had left.
I was shocked to see Troy in one of the back pews, looking like he was praying silently. I had no idea what to do. I mean, it was like looking at someone while peeing or something. Was it bad taste to talk? Add to that my insane aversion to talking to anyone while my penis was out, and I could assure you if I was on fire in a bathroom, I wouldn’t call out for help.
So I wasn’t sure what the edict was in this case either.
As quietly as I could, I got up and tried to leave the chapel, hoping he wouldn’t see me.
“You snore,” he said, his eyes still closed.
Fuck.
“Um, sorry?” I offered, since he had talked first, making it okay.
“Doesn’t matter to me,” he said, doing that cross thing over his chest and opening his eyes. “But you might have insulted the guy upstairs.”
My brain told me he wasn’t talking about Mr. Childs, so I looked up at the ceiling and offered a sincere, “Sorry.” When I glanced back at Troy, he was giving me a questioning stare, so I added, “Amen?”
He laughed, and it made him appear completely different. He went from looking like a Big Dolores to a handsome guy who was built like a brick wall. “I wouldn’t figure you’d be the religious type.”
My eyes narrowed. “Why, ’cause I’m gay and an abomination?”
“No.” He looked back at me like I was stupid. “Because smart people have a hard time accepting that the universe might have a higher power that doesn’t have normal rules.”
“You think I’m smart?” I asked, sitting down in the pew ahead of him and turning around.
He pshawed. “You had to be smart to get into a college like Berkeley. That ain’t no small feat.”
It was weird, because he sounded like a hick but he talked like he was most definitely intelligent; it was completely throwing me off. “Why didn’t you go to college?” I asked, honestly curious.
“Because I never got through high school.” He sounded bitter. “I heard that’s a requirement they don’t let slide.”
“Didn’t like school?”
I could see it had been the wrong thing to ask. “Why’d you ask that? Because I come off like a rock to you? Guys like me can’t like school because I’m too stupid to understand what’s going on around me?”
Now I looked at him like he was stupid. “No, because it’s obvious you’re smart, so the only reason I could think that would cause you not to graduate would be you not going.”
It wasn’t what he expected me to say, and it took him a second to recover his game face. “My dad travels a lot; no time to settle in one place and attend regularly.”
“So you’re homeschooled?”
He gave me a glance like he was looking to see if I was making fun of him or not. “Yeah, I was homeschooled. I know how to hotwire a car, so that’s electronics right there. I know how to eat loose fruit at a supermarket so you can fill up and not buy anything. That’s agriculture and business sense in one lesson. I know how to grab all my stuff and duck out the back window of a motel room when there are guys banging on the door. That has to count as PE or something. And I know how to swallow a sealed gram bag full of dope without gagging when we get pulled over. Extra credit if it’s still sealed when I shit it out. Now tell me that shouldn’t count as biology credit.”
I felt sick to my stomach. I really did.
“So yeah, homeschooled, that’s me all over,” he said, getting up, obviously upset.
“Hey, you hungry?” I asked to his back.
He looked over at me. “Why?”
“I was about to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat and wanted to know if you were hungry too.”
“Nah, I’m good,” he said, sounding pretty unconvincing.
“I’m buying,” I added.
“I can eat,” he said, smiling at me.
We walked out, and again I was stunned by how empty the hospital was. Everything I knew about places like this came from TV, where people were always rushing around, and that lady over the intercom saying “Stat,” but not here. It was like an empty building where people had left the lights on.
It felt like the world was holding its breath, almost.
“Y’all are lucky,” Troy said as we headed down the hall. “Normally little towns like this are lousy with biker gangs or drug smuggling, but you’re so far north, it kinda misses you altogether.” He sighed as he looked around. “Kinda nice.”
“It’s not that nice,” I assured him as we walked into the cafeteria. “Trust me.”
“Yes, it is,” he said back. “Anyone ever get found in the outskirts with his hands cut off?” I paled and shook my head. “Ever have a trailer park go up in flames out of nowhere?” Another shake. “Ever find a whole family shot in their homes, adults and kids?” I stopped and just looked at him in shock. “See? This place is a paradise compared to the places I’ve been. You may think it sucks, but it doesn’t. Places like this are like… oases from the real world. Islands in the middle of nowhere that people hear about but never get to see.” He gave another sigh and snagged a tray. “You have no idea how good you have it.”
I took a tray and followed him, but I had lost my appetite.
He grabbed two sandwiches and a Coke while I took a slice of meatloaf and some mashed potatoes back to the table. I paid for it, and the woman who took my money looked over at Troy and then back at me. “If you need anything, just holler.”
What she meant was, “If the hoodlum you’re with tries to cut you, make some noise and we’ll call security.”
“I’m good,” I assured her and walked back to the table to sit down across from him.
“Lemme guess,” Troy said between bites. “Blink twice if you’re being held against your will or some shit?” He nodded toward the cafeteria ladies. I didn’t say anything, and he laughed. “Figures. I told you. Places like this aren’t used to people like me.”
I wanted to argue with him, but that would have been a waste of time; he’d nailed how they looked at him. “Why do you stay with him?” I asked after a few bites.
We both knew I was talking about Billy. “He’s my dad” was all Troy offered.
“And?” I countered with. “You have to know that he isn’t a good person.”
“Why did you stay with her?” he asked back.
And we suddenly knew where each other was in life.
“Because she’s my mom and I had nowhere else to go or I would have. In her defense, she never held someone hostage for money before.”
“If the guys that are after my dad were after her, she might.” Troy finished his food. �
��At best, they’ll kill him. At worst, they’ll cut his hands off and kill him.”
If I hadn’t been hungry before, I knew I wasn’t now. “So then run. Call the police. Do something that doesn’t put someone else’s life in jeopardy.”
He looked away, which meant to me that he agreed with what I was saying.
“Troy, that’s my mom up there, and she could be dying as we speak. If the roles were reversed and it was your dad in the bed, what would you want me to do?”
“I’d want you to let him die so I could go and live my own life,” he blurted out. “I’d want you to do back what he’s doing to you. But you won’t, and you know why? ’Cause you’re soft. You think the world isn’t a giant cesspool of fucks who are just out for themselves, and you can’t imagine people like my dad and me living off nothing day after day. You don’t have the guts to make the tough choice and let him hang by his own balls. Instead you’re gonna sit there and try and find the good and nice way to solve this.”
He stood up and leaned over the table and gave me a serious look. “There is no good and nice way out of this, Kyle. You want my dad to leave? Play his game and maybe lose your mom, or give him the money. Anything else is a waste of fucking time.”
He grabbed his tray and began to walk away. “Thanks for the food,” he said, tossing his garbage away and walking out.
I didn’t want him to be right… but he was.
Matt
BY THE time we all got onto a plane, it was the last flight out for the day. I dunno about Jennifer and Sebastian, but I was exhausted and Brad didn’t look any better. Jennifer and Sebastian got two seats together again since they were using Robbie’s miles. I picked up Brad’s and my tickets, and we got a couple of seats in the back. I sat by the window and he sat next to me as an older guy grabbed the aisle seat.
“I still don’t know what I’m going to do,” Brad said as we waited for the flight to take off. “Kyle is not going to be happy to see me.”
God, save me from teenagers.
“Look, you’re going to have to realize that this whole love thing? It isn’t a race.” He looked over at me so intently, I could tell he was really waiting for some wisdom to come out of my mouth.
Come on, Matt, time to be smart.
“No, you know what? It is a race, but not the kind you’re running. It’s not a sprint. No one cares who got where first or fastest—that doesn’t matter. You’ll see people like that with this insane checklist of things that they want done by this or that age. It’s bullshit. It doesn’t matter when you fall in love or get married or any of that. Love is a marathon, my friend, and trust me, you’re about to drop dead because you started pushing for the end before you’d even suited up.”
He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was paying attention.
“Love is about taking your time, picking your battles. Knowing when to let the Wookiee win and when to really dig in and fight. You and Kyle, you’re both so fucking intense that I bet you guys fought about every little thing in California, right?” He nodded. “See, that’s a fool’s game. So what if someone didn’t pick up the dishes or used the last of the toilet paper? You can’t get geared up for that. Just say you’re sorry and move on, because you’re going to need your strength for the real fight.”
“Is this the real fight?” he asked, sounding like he was ready to fall asleep.
“This is the title bout, my man. This is where you come in and let Kyle know he isn’t alone. That you love him and you’ll stand by him no matter what, and he will draw strength from that and not lose his mind that his dad is an asshole and his mom could be brain damaged. That’s going to consume him, so you need to be there for everything else. You get it?”
He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t get it all.
“You love him, right?”
Brad nodded instantly. “Of course I do, but Matt….” He paused, and I prompted him to continue. “Everything you said to do, I always do. I’m always there for him and he’s always blowing the relationship up. I just don’t know how many more times I can convince him that being together is worth it.”
“One more time past the last one,” I told him and tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I could tell he wasn’t buying it. “Things will look better once we land, I promise.” He yawned and nodded as he closed his eyes. Within minutes he was out like a light, his head resting on my shoulder.
The man on the aisle looked over and said in a quiet voice, “You’re a good father. I wish my dad had given me that advice two marriages ago.”
I opened my mouth to correct him and then stopped.
Brad wasn’t my kid, but he might as well be Tyler’s. Which made me his stepdad in a fucked-up metrosexual way. I looked down at him and could remember vividly disliking this kid for being so close to Tyler because he was so fucking good-looking. Brad was like every single guy I’d lusted after in high school rolled up in a letterman jacket, and there was the guy I loved sharing Cokes with him every day after school.
I had gotten jealous as shit and lost my mind a little.
But looking down at him now, I could see what Tyler saw in him. He was trying so hard and he meant so well…. How could you not root for this kid even a little?
I put my arm around him, and he leaned into me and fell deeper into sleep. “Thanks,” I told the man. “He’s a great kid.”
Now to pray Kyle thought the same.
Sebastian
I WAS halfway through the new Captain America movie when Matt walked up to Jennifer and me.
“Jen, can I talk to Sebastian for a few?” he asked.
“Get tired of Brad drooling on you?” she quipped, unbuckling her seat belt.
“I just gave him the window seat. He’s out cold.”
She chuckled. “Too bad Gladys isn’t here. I want to know how things turned out with Kathy.” He cocked his head, confused, and she slapped his shoulder. “You asshole. Kathy was her daughter who just left her asshole of a boyfriend.”
My hand moved over my mouth to cover my laughing.
Jennifer declared, “I swear, all men are jerks,” and then stomped down the aisle to Brad and Matt’s seats.
Matt sat down next to me. “I really hope Brad doesn’t catch the tail end of that attitude or he’ll start looking for a parachute.”
I flipped up the screen. “How is he?”
He gave me a solemn look. “Not good, if I’m being honest, which is what I came up here to do.”
“Look, man….” I began to say, but he cut me off.
“I was wrong and we both know that.” He paused and let that sink in. “I didn’t know you and I jumped to the wrong conclusions—at least, I did if that speech you gave the kid was real.”
“It was.”
“Yeah, it seemed a little too specific not to be. I don’t know how much Robbie has told you about everything all of us—Tyler, Brad, Kyle, and me—went through, but let me tell you, it was rough.”
I nodded but said nothing.
“I mean, a kid killed himself, another held Kyle in school with a gun, there was Riley dying and… it was just insane, and though none of us said it out loud, we were a family after all that, which means we would do anything for each other. But then, your boyfriend got on a plane and flew here because of one phone call, so you know that.”
I nodded again.
“In my family, we don’t let family get hurt. I have three older brothers, and I was taught if one of them is in trouble, you lead with your fists and figure out the rest later. Robbie is my family now, so I came at you with fists, and that was wrong.” He gave a nervous laugh and then added, “Funny thing is, I don’t think he likes me very much.”
“You want to know something?” I asked, leaning toward him. He nodded. “He didn’t like me very much either. Robbie has a problem with guys like us.”
“Like us?”
“He looks at our physique and our looks and assumes we’re assholes, because there’s no shortage of good-
looking assholes in the gay community. It’s a defense mechanism—easier for him to dislike you first than you treat him like a douchebag later. He’ll come around.”
“We are kinda hot,” he said, trying to keep a straight face.
It took all of ten seconds for us to burst out laughing.
“So yeah, let’s try this again,” I said, holding my hand out. “I’m Sebastian.”
He shook it. “I’m Matt.”
“I’m dating Robbie.”
His face got serious. “And what are your intentions?”
We laughed so loudly the stewardess had to come and ask us to keep it down, which of course made us laugh even more.
Kyle
AS MUCH as I hated to admit it, Troy was right.
There was no way to just wait Billy away, which meant doing something. So I went to Mr. Childs’ office, counting on the fact he wouldn’t go home with all of us causing trouble there. When I got up there his office door was open, and he was on the phone. I knocked on the door and heard the last part of his conversation.
“—to do, Tina? I can’t leave here until this is resolved.” He saw me, and a look of distaste crossed his face. Not about me, probably just at the whole situation. “I have to go. I’ll call you back.”
Tina must not have liked that, because from the way Mr. Childs flinched from the phone, she’d slammed it down. “What can I do for you, Mr. Stilleno?” He made it sound like, “Please get eaten by wild animals so I can go home.”
“I wanted to go over exactly what the hospital needs to allow my mom to get the surgery she needs.”
“Clinically speaking she doesn’t need it yet, which is the problem. If her life was in immediate danger, then it wouldn’t matter what your father—”
“He’s nothing to me.”
“—wouldn’t matter what the other Mr. Stilleno wanted.”
I countered with, “If I can prove he doesn’t have her best interest in mind?”
He sighed. “You can try, but your evidence would have to be pretty compelling. Without a judge’s ruling, any decision we make will leave us open to a lawsuit, so your proof would be our only defense.”
