“What? Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think something’s wrong?”
Admittedly, acting casual and grace under pressure were not among my talents.
“So, you’re saying you destroyed a pair of my three hundred dollar pumps for nothing?”
“Oh come on, you bought them off Zappos,” I said in my defense. “You told me you got them on clearance.”
“That was the sale price,” she growled.
“Damn, really? You know there’s a Payless right here in town that sells shoes for like, twenty bucks, right?”
Well, clearly, from the way the energy started to shift, that was the wrong answer. Honestly, who spends that kind of money on shoes?
“Okay, let’s all try and stay focused,” Betty said as she tried to bring the energies back into balance. Not easy when Louise was doing her best wicked witch routine. “Now,” she turned her eyes to me. “Are we supposed to believe you just decided to go for a walk this afternoon barefoot and in your skivvies?”
In my…oops. It was a good thing we were all witches and had seen each other naked because I’m not sure of how many other roommates would think nothing of holding an intervention with someone wearing only a pair of undies and a threadbare tank top.
“Okay fine! I was sleep walking,” I admitted. “It happens sometimes.”
If I was being honest, it happened enough that I made a mental note to buy some better PJs. Or at least some new underwear. The elastic on this pair was shot.
“Donna, it happens a lot,” Louise said.
“It’s pretty obvious that you aren’t getting any sleep,” Betty added.
“Fine,” I said with a sigh. “It’s not like the secret isn’t out anyway. Clyde had a token delivered.”
“Clyde?”
“The incubus who was supposed to impregnate me,” I explained. “I just named him tonight. I don’t think he likes it.”
“Okay, hold up there, cowgirl!” Louise interrupted. “You’re having incubus dreams? As in…”
“As in, no,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I’m not a virgin, so he can’t do anything, but…” I sighed, wondering if I was making a mistake. I hated keeping secrets from the girls, and it wasn’t like Seth and Bogie didn’t already know. Still…
“But what?” Louise asked.
“But that’s the problem,” I said at last.
“Huh?”
Both witches looked at me in confusion.
“We’re not having sex,” I admitted. “He shows up in my dreams, naked, mind you, and just… wants to talk. I already know he’s just trying to get me to open the portal, so you don’t have to lecture me. I just… It’s a little frustrating and yeah, that’s why I’m not getting a lot of sleep.”
“That’s…” Betty began.
“…Gotta suck,” Louise finished.
“Tell me about it!” I huffed. “And worst of all, he’s always bragging about how many virgins he’s defiled and how many heirs he’s sired.”
“Wait, what?” Louise looked at me like I had two heads. “You’re seriously stressing over this guy? He sounds like an ass. Kick him to the curb.”
“Don’t you think I would have if I could have? I’ve looked it up. There’s no spell or potion for getting rid of an incubus because they don’t usually stick around once they have what they want.”
“There’s got to be something,” Betty said, pulling out the ancient tome her mother had sent her not long ago. It contained all the spells known to the Woods family.
“Good luck finding it in there,” Louise snorted and popped open her laptop.
I smiled. Despite knowing they wouldn’t find anything, I was grateful.
“Nothing jumps out at me,” Betty said, running her hand over the pages.
“The internet isn’t giving up any ghosts either,” Louise said with a frown. “Have you tried a ward?”
“I had a charm that worked well enough until I was dumb enough to take the token. Now, even Betty’s sleeping draught isn’t keeping him out. Maybe I’m just…” I looked around the table and a thought popped into my head. “Do you think we could be cursed?”
“We?” Louise asked, looking affronted.
“Yeah!” I said. “Maybe it’s not just me after all. I mean, I know my family curse was broken, so that doesn’t explain the bad luck that I’ve had ever since.”
“Well…” Betty shot a look over at Louise. “I guess it’s possible, but what does that have to do with us?”
“Really Betty?” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not the only one who’s had a string of bad luck here recently. Seems weird, doesn’t it? I mean, look at us. We’re not exactly unattractive, yet it seems we can’t have nice things, or at least, nice relationships.”
“Hey! I do have a nice relationship!” Betty bristled.
“Okay, fine,” I said with an exasperated sigh. “Bogie’s a nice guy, for a demon. But Betty, that’s pretty sad. You’re best relationship to date is with a demon. And don’t you even start, Louise! Every single man you have ever liked has been unavailable. We’re cursed!”
“Are you done?” Louise asked. I recognized the pucker of her lips. She was about to go off on me.
“I am now,” I said, crossing my arms.
“Good, because it’s time you got a reality check, sweetie. If anyone is cursed, and I’m not saying that’s the case, it would be you, Donna, not us.”
“But-” I started to interrupt, but she held up her hand.
“Oh no, I’m not done yet, darling. Admittedly, Betty has dated a couple of losers. Big deal. Everyone makes mistakes. But right now, she’s got a guy who treats her like a queen. So maybe we don’t see the appeal. Who cares? We don’t have to. She’s happy and that’s all that matters. Me? In case you haven’t noticed, I like things the way they are. I’ve got a career and this coven to worry about. I don’t have time for romantic entanglements. I freely admit to chasing guys who are emotionally unavailable to get it out of my system.”
“I thought you and Eller had something going,” Betty asked.
“We’re just friends,” Louise dismissed.
“Friends?” I snorted. The two of them were a train wreck waiting to happen.
“With benefits,” she added with a wink and I nearly gagged.
“You get into philosophical debates that turn into arguments and then you end up going home with him. I’m guessing that’s where the benefits part comes in, but honey, that ain’t friendship.”
“Some people enjoy spirited debate,” she said with a smirk. “Seriously though, Donna, I get that you’re going through a rough patch, but don’t try to bring us down with you, okay? It’s not cool.”
“Okay, sorry,” I muttered with a huff, just barely resisting the urge to stomp my feet. I knew I was acting like a whiny idiot, but really, Betty and Donna could have been a titch more sympathetic. “Okay, so I’m the only one who’s cursed. Are either of you willing to help me figure out who or what cursed me or are you too busy having perfect relationships?”
“Look, Donna, I don’t think…” Louise began, shooting a look over at Betty, whose expression was equally as perplexing. In fact, it appeared as if the two of them were having an entire nonverbal conversation using their eyebrows and it was getting on what was left of my nerves.
“Ugh! What? What is it that you two aren’t saying?”
“Well,” Betty started. “It’s just that we’re pretty sure you’re not cursed.”
“What? Of course I am! Nobody’s luck can be this bad.”
“Luck has nothing to do with it,” she said with an oddly pained expression. “It’s just… well… you’ve got some habits…”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Habits?”
Betty squirmed and shot a look of desperation over to Louise.
“What Betty’s trying to say is that you’re kind of gross sometimes.”
“I beg your pardon?”
I’d only ever been punched in the gut once. I was in tenth gr
ade and there was this girl who was at least twice my size who got it into her very thick skull that I was somehow standing in the way of her getting with a guy friend of mine. She cornered me one day in the girl’s locker room and sucker punched me while I was changing and couldn’t fight back. I remember feeling like I was going to die.
That was the last time. I’d gone home and immediately looked up a protection spell and never let my guard down again. At least, I hadn’t until just that moment, when I learned that words could pack just as much wallop as fists.
“Look, Donna, it’s not as bad as that,” Betty said, shooting a dirty look over at Louise, who just rolled her eyes.
“Actually, it kinda is,” she said, but before I could think of a hex to send her way, she threw up her hand and a blocking spell. Not that I couldn’t get through it if I really wanted to. “Donna, listen to me and try not to freak out for a moment, okay? You’re a Nyx and a witch. That’s a lethal combination on the hotness scale. Enough that I’m totally jealous. But girl, sometimes you aren’t really mindful of what you’re doing and it can be a turn off to those around you.”
“Like what?”
“Like right now,” Betty said, indicating my left hand with a slight wince.
“What, this?” I said, holding up my thumb. I’d just chewed part of the nail off of it and it was a little bloody. “I had a ragged nail.”
“And we have a manicure set in the bathroom,” Louise countered. “Look, things like this might seem small to you, but they add up.”
“So I’m not girly,” I said with a shrug, trying to act like their words weren’t affecting me. “Loads of tomboys get dates too, you know.”
“Donna, it’s not just being a tomboy,” Betty said with a concerned smile.
“You pick your zits, you chew your hair, there’s grease under your fingernails that has been there longer than I’ve known you,” Louise stated while ticking off each point on her fingers. “There’s always something between your front teeth, you belch like a man...”
“Okay!” I shouted. There was only so much damage even my ego could take. “I’m a disgusting pig. I get it.”
“Donna, it’s not-” Betty began, but I got up and cut her off.
“No, you guys wouldn’t have said anything if you didn’t think it was true. I’m going to go shower now. At least I do that regularly, don’t I?” Great. Now I was having doubts about my own hygiene.
“Yes, you do,” Louise admitted.
“But?”
“But what?”
“You’re sucking in your cheeks,” I pointed out. “You do this when there’s something you really want to say but don’t think you should.”
“Well, maybe it’s best if I don’t-”
“Just spit it out,” I growled.
“I was just going to let you know there’s a fresh, unopened stick of deodorant in the hall closet.”
“Noted,” I said and stalked out of the kitchen.
* * *
After a five-minute search for clean underwear, I had to admit that maybe, just maybe, there was a little something to what the girls were trying to tell me. Though they really didn’t have to be so rude about it. I still had a couple of hours before I had to be at the bar, so I threw on my least wrinkled pair of jeans and headed for the mall. Some new undergarments and maybe an outfit or two would be a good start toward being more mindful of my appearance.
Two hours and several stores later, I was jammed into a dressing room stall with five outfits, debating whether or not I wanted to spend the last of my cash on a red and white polka dotted romper. Sure, I couldn’t wear it until next summer, but the clearance price was so low I’d be crazy to miss out. I turned, taking a peek at how it made my rear look and wondered if Clyde would like it.
Wait. Did I just…?
With a deep sigh, I put the romper back on the hanger and left the dressing room. It was one thing to spend my nights dreaming about the guy, but invading my daydreams as well was bad news. Worse news, really, because I knew better than to think that it was anyone’s fault but my own. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to fall for the damned incubus and there was no way that could spell anything except trouble.
I decided to hit up the food court. If I couldn’t find happiness, I could at least find pizza. As I waited in line for the guy in front of me to stop flirting with the girl at the counter, darkening my already stormy mood, I turned away and noticed Jem carrying two drinks across the way. I smiled at my luck. Sure, he was just a kid, but Jem had a rather obvious crush on me and if nothing else, saying hello would be enough of an ego boost to get me through the day.
That is, until I noticed the cute little blonde girl he handed the drink to wasn’t Nai. I don’t know what was worse, the fact that I was disappointed or the fact that I had honestly planned to do something as morally cheap as flirting with a teenager to make myself feel better. Even worse, the girl behind the counter at the pizza place was giving her number to the guy ahead of me, so I left. Without finding happiness or pizza.
* * *
“Why are you smiling?” Donna asked. They were sitting at a small bistro table outside of a café in what appeared to be Paris, but not the real Paris. It was the dream Paris where all of the landmarks were clearly visible and too close together. Donna, of course, had never been to Paris, but she hoped to visit someday. Being inside her head, Clyde, of course, knew this, which did not make her happy, but she’d come to grow used to such oddly cobbled together locales from her mind. Over the course of the last week, her dreams had taken her to a postcard version of Hawaii and she wondered if at some point, Clyde would show up for her on the bridge of the USS Enterprise.
“I am smiling because I finished work early and I can spend more time with you.”
At the mention of his work, Donna’s mood darkened.
“Why do you even want to spend time with me?” she snipped. “We can’t do anything and you’ve already proven you can have any virgin you want, so why hang around here with me?”
“Why Donna, is that jealousy I detect?”
“What? No… I mean. Fine,” she sighed. “I’m not jealous, but I am a little envious.”
“The difference?”
“I’m sexually frustrated, Clyde.”
“Well, if you hadn’t…”
“That’s just it. You shouldn’t be here. I broke the curse and I should be able to have sex with whoever I want.”
“But I want to be here.”
“Again, why?”
“Oh, Donna! Sex is my job. It’s dreadfully boring and if I may speak freely, well… one does not typically make it to adulthood with their virginity intact by being attractive.”
“Ouch,” Donna said with a wince. “Hey, that’s not fair. My mom was not unattractive and she made it to her sixties.”
“Yes, but like you, your mother was marked. She could have been the most beautiful woman in the world and still no man would have touched her. The same was supposed to have been said for you,” he reminded her with an admonishing cluck.
“Well, it didn’t help, now did it? I’m still marked, as you call it.”
“What? Of course you are not,” he said with a look of confusion. “Had you remained marked, we’d have our progeny by now.”
“So why can’t I… never mind,” Donna muttered. The last thing she wanted to do was dwell on her own problems. “You’re just trying to get me to open the portal anyway.”
“Portal?”
“Don’t play dumb,” she snapped.
“I’m afraid I’m not playing. Certainly, I am aware of portals between our realms, but they are of no use to me as I am incapable of passing through.”
“Really.” Donna gave him a flat look of disbelief.
“Really,” he said with a nod. “In your world, I am incorporeal. Even if there was a way to bring me over, I’d need a body and I’m afraid incubi aren’t on the possession spectrum.”
He was telling the truth. Just knowing that
he wasn’t using her to open the portal made Donna’s heart flutter. Though still, she had to wonder what he was using her for.
“Clyde,” she said, noting that he winced when she used the name. “Let’s just say for a moment that you had a body in my world. A nice, perfect body not unlike this one. What would you do with it?”
“Are you trying to get me to talk dirty to you?”
“Well, I hadn’t been, but since you mentioned it,” Donna said with a saucy wink.
“I see.” Clyde leaned in over the small table and took her hand. “Well, the first thing I would do-”
The rest of his words were cut off as a large truck came barreling down the narrow road, blaring its horn and drowning out all sound.
* * *
Once again, my alarm clock lay in scattered pieces around my room. At least this time I used my own shoe to bash it to death. Despite being beyond exhausted, I got up immediately. There was no point in lingering in bed. If I fell back to sleep, I was just going to fall back into another frustrating dream. I didn’t bother looking in the mirror either. I just pasted a glamour over my hag self, did a quick sniff check, and threw on some clothes. I was halfway out the door before the painful reminder of yesterday’s intervention hit me and I went back inside to at least brush my teeth.
I decided to take advantage of the clear day and go for a walk. The cold air and the connection to nature would go a long way toward pepping me up, and after yet another night without proper rest, I was going to need all of the pepping I could get. I crossed the bridge to the west side and took the jogging trail that ran through campus, admiring the bright fall colors. Blackbird didn’t have much going for it, but at least we got a proper autumn.
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought a Friday afternoon walk was a good idea. The path was full of students who had just ended their academic week. As I snaked my way around groups and couples, my mood took a dive. I wasn’t typically the judgmental type, but because I was still stinging from Betty and Louise’s revelations, I was hypercritical, looking for flaws in everyone. The trouble was; I found them.
Friends without Benefits (Rise of the Discordant Book 4) Page 4
