All kinds of people were out and all kinds of bad habits were on display. Couples walking hand in hand didn’t seem to care that the person they were cozying up to had flakey skin or greasy hair. Guys still ogled the butts of groups of girls walking around in what looked to be ratty pajamas. No, if bad habits and the occasional disregard for personal hygiene prevented second dates, we would have died off as a species a long time ago. I was more determined than ever that I was cursed.
Realizing this, I turned back the way I came and sprinted back to the south side. There was one person who could answer my questions. The only trouble was, he wasn’t likely to. Still, I reasoned as I picked my way through the rubble that was once the old paper mill, I had to try.
Chapter 4
Truth & Consequences
The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to consider whether they were a good idea or not.
“You were always the one to keep my temper in check.”
It didn’t take but a moment for Seth to notice my errant wording and piece together the meaning. None of my awkward stumbling and backtracking mattered. The damage was done.
“Our connection,” Seth said with an entirely unreadable expression. “So that’s… I mean, you knew, so I guess that explains why you’ve been acting weird.”
“Weird?”
“Overprotective,” he said with a grimace. “I thought…” He trailed off with a nervous chuckle. “I just thought you were being cautious because… you know… my martyr soul…”
I will be the first to admit that tact is not my strong suit, but even I should have considered my next words before allowing them to spring forth unchecked.
“Well, yes, of course I was.”
The nervous awkwardness disappeared, replaced by a wounded look and I knew I could never take back what was said.
“Got it,” he said through his tensed jaw. “So your concern has nothing to do with who I had been, but rather because you do, in fact, think that I am so weak that I am incapable of defending Blackbird or myself?”
“Seth,” I tried and failed to keep the long sigh of exasperation from escaping, but in my defense, I was too far out of sorts. Arguing was going to get us nowhere. “Understand that the circumstances under which we met in this lifetime were perhaps… not ideal. I’d barely been in Blackbird for a week before you summoned an angel. You were ready to allow yourself to be a soulless slave of Chaos. And for what? To rid the world of one single Discordant threat? Seth, what was I supposed to think?”
“I don’t know, Desmond.” Seth’s voice held a decidedly irritated edge. “I’m not a Warrior, but somehow I managed to survive the last one hundred fifty years, ten of which I served in the Battle for New York, mind you. Amazingly, I managed to do all of this without sacrificing myself.”
“And in my lifetime, your death was a horrific and unnecessary tragedy,” I countered, squeezing my eyes shut, but it was too late. Images of Sarah’s broken and lifeless body filled my mind.
“I may be a martyr soul, Desmond, but I’m not suicidal. And I’m not…” He cut off and walked away from me, running his hands through his hair and over his face. When he turned back, there was conflict in his eyes and I can’t say that I didn’t understand where he was coming from. “…I’m not Sarah.”
I understood his intended meaning, but that didn’t make his words feel any less like a physical attack. Normally, I kept my emotions masked around Seth, but in this instance, I’d been taken unaware and did nothing to try and hide the pain his declaration caused me.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, flinching as he caught the full force of what his words did to me. A small, petty, and rotten part of my psyche was happy to turn the tables, but I quashed that quickly. “I should probably go eat something. I’m not thinking clearly.”
“I understand,” I said with a nod.
“I guess I’ll see you at the Penny, though…” He swallowed hard and gave me a weak smile. “You should take your own advice, you know.”
“About?”
“They’re coming, for sure.” He looked down, indicating the fissure. “But they’re not coming tonight.”
“Of this you are certain?”
It had been a rhetorical, sarcastic, and automatic response. I wasn’t expecting any reply, so I was quite surprised when Seth stopped walking away and turned back, furrowing his brow.
“Oddly, yes. I am quite certain.”
With the cryptic message delivered, he turned to leave. I waited until his shadow disappeared around the corner before I turned back to the fissure. The barrier Donna and I had erected still held, but barely. Another large quake and it would be damaged beyond further repair. Seth was correct. I don’t know how he knew or why I believed him, but I did. There was no immediate threat of invasion, so there was no reason to stubbornly make Arkady run the tests again.
I did not go home. I didn’t know whether Seth had gone there or to Louie’s, but I didn’t feel like risking another run in. What we both needed was some space and time to process this new dynamic to our already strained relationship, and for the most part, we were not going to be allowed either. Not with an impending war.
Instead, I went for a run. I headed for the woods that bordered the southern edge of the university campus. There was no point in lying to myself. I chose this route with the specific intention of running into some early rising wolves.
I do not know what I was thinking, revealing to Seth the one truth that could endanger us all. I don’t know if I was thinking. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d looked at Seth only to see Sarah staring back at me instead. Or how many times he’d used her exact words to admonish and keep me humble. In each instance, there was a nagging in my heart that wanted to reveal the truth, but I’d always managed to suppress it, knowing that the truth would complicate matters unnecessarily.
Seth had a right to know. In all honesty, I was surprised that neither Louise nor Nai had let slip what they knew. Perhaps there was something to the saying: The truth will set you free. Granted, I certainly didn’t feel free. But what did I know of freedom? Born a slave, died a slave, and when death gave me liberties, I abused them and found myself with a new set of chains. Yet, despite the utter mess I made, there was a part of me that felt I’d done the right thing.
So why do I feel as if I’ve done something wrong?
I ran for nearly a full half hour before I caught the scent of wolf and followed it down to the river, where I was pleased to find not one, but nearly a whole pack. Killing them did nothing to alleviate my guilt. It never did. But at least there were ten less of the flea-bitten bastards now. No, there was only one way I was going to even begin to reconcile what I had started.
* * *
“So the truth has been revealed,” said the Creator, resplendent in the shimmering scales of the benevolent dragon god of the east. “You had your reasons, I assume?”
“I can’t be sure that I did,” Desmond admitted with a deep sigh. “The words were gone from my mouth before my brain had a chance to catch up. Surely, you know this.”
The dragon writhed, bowing its enormous head in a semblance of a nod.
“I know that in you there is conflict, Desmond. But even your Creator is incapable of parsing all of the nuances and complexities of your mind. That, I might add, is by design.”
“Some mysteries of the universe must remain.”
“Why Desmond,” the Creator smiled widely, revealing several rows of sharp teeth, “I daresay you are learning. But you are not yet an enlightened being, so let us talk about that. You are here of your own accord. Do you feel that you have done the right thing?”
“I am not sure,” Desmond said quietly. “As I said, I do not believe the decision was conscious. The timing is not well. As you are well aware, Blackbird hangs in the balance. It is now simply a matter of days, weeks at best, before we are engaged in a full war with the forces of Chaos. I fear that personal conflict may become a distraction. I do not w
ish to discover that my slip of the tongue was the factor that tipped the scales in favor of Chaos.”
The Creator paused, its serpentine body writhing in place as it considered Desmond’s words.
“I am most certain that there is no way to avoid the distraction of personal conflict. That damage is done. But Desmond, you have weathered such storms in the past, have you not? The battle is inevitable, but all conflict brings about change. Perhaps that which you fear may prove to be the catalyst that tips the scales back in our favor?”
“Was that a prediction?” Desmond asked, barely able to keep the sarcasm to a respectable level.
“Do you wish it to be?” the Creator countered with a fair amount of its own snark. “You are quick to dismiss, Desmond. Too quick at times. Everything happens for a reason. That is the way of Order. What’s done is done. All paths now lead into battle. You would do well to prepare for what lies ahead. Do not dwell on what might have been.”
* * *
As usual, the Creator’s words held cryptic hints and veiled instruction. Unfortunately, I was not in a mindset to dwell on what I should be learning just yet. Granted, I wasn’t in the proper mindset to do what I could not avoid either, but the hour had grown late. I could no longer put off making an appearance at the Five Penny.
Seth sat at the bar, speaking to Bogie. Of course, he had to have sensed my discomfort and from the overly casual way he glanced in my direction and nodded, it was obvious that he was just as uncomfortable. I had no one to blame but myself.
“Anything out of the ordinary?” I asked addressing both him and Bogie.
“Nothing to report yet,” Seth muttered while taking a long drink from his glass of beer. It appeared there was still awkwardness between us.
“Where is Donna?” I asked Bogie, who looked as if he was about to make a comment that would do nothing to alleviate the situation.
“I sent her home. The poor kid weren’t doing us or herself no favors by being here.”
“You can say that again.”
Louise slipped in between Seth and myself and gave us each a strange look before giving Bogie her drink order.
“Uh oh,” she muttered, just loud enough to hear. “I don’t know what you did, big guy, but I can so feel the awkward. I’m here if you need a heart to heart.”
“That’s quite all right,” I said, perhaps a hair too quickly. “But thank you,” I added, softening my tone. This was not proving to be one of the easier moments in my life.
“Is she getting any sleep?” Seth asked Louise.
“Honestly, I don’t know. She keeps such different hours from Betty and I that it’s hard to say what’s going on. Although…” She trailed off and pulled out her cell phone. “Oh good. I don’t have anything scheduled tomorrow afternoon. Hey Bogie. Do you think you might be able to cover Betty for a couple of hours tomorrow?”
“What are you planning?” I asked.
Louise pursed her lips and tapped away at her phone for a minute before smiling and putting the device away. With a grin that seemed a little too predatory, she answered, “An intervention.”
“You think that’s a good idea?” Bogie asked, setting a glass full of amber liquid in front of me.
“What’s in here?”
“Red shirt,” he answered, giving the glass a nudge in my direction. “I know you says you don’t drink on the job, but if I may be so bold, Des, you look like you need it.”
“I’d prefer a glass of water,” I growled, but instead of jumping, Bogie just stared at me with a look that bordered on concerned parent. I had to admit, the lure of a depressant to take the edge off my shattered nerves was tempting. “Perhaps a glass of red wine,” I conceded, sliding the beer over to Seth, who watched the entire exchange with slightly glassy eyes. Apparently, he’d had more than his usual two beers this evening. I probably should have been concerned, but to be honest, slightly inebriated Seth was easier to deal with than emotionally confused Seth.
“Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?” Louise asked.
“Come on,” Bogie said, setting down the bottle he’d held. “You know Red better than I do. She don’t like being bossed around anymore than any of yous do. Tell her not to do somethin’ and that might just make her wanna do it more, ya know?”
“He’s got a valid point,” I added with an apologetic smile.
“I don’t know,” Louise said, tapping her long, painted fingernail against her lip. “I can’t just sit back and do nothing. I mean, she’s my coven sister. I have a responsibility. What do you think, Seth?”
“Hmm?” Seth raised his eyebrows and set down the beer, which I noticed was already half drained. “If you’re that concerned, you should say something. Sometimes it’s better to just tell the truth rather than hide it because you think someone isn’t strong enough to handle it.”
Though he was speaking to Louise, his eyes, suddenly much clearer than they had been a moment before, were on me.
Seth was the Observer, not me, though I could not help but to wonder if the clarity with which I felt the pain and betrayal was not intentional. Even worse, both Louise and Bogie seemed to have gotten the vibe that something was not right and both looked as if they wanted to say something. I’d never in my life been so relieved to see a group of vampires descend on the Five Penny as I was at that moment.
“Pardon me,” I said and drained the entire glass of wine in one swallow before heading off in the direction of the back door.
By the time the sun was coming up, I’d dispatched several vampires, a couple of early arriving winter fairies, and nearly enough werewolves to satisfy my hatred for the beasts. Nearly. I’d returned to the Five Penny only once and that was to make sure, from a hidden distance, mind you, that Seth made it home safely, if not soberly.
Part of me, the dark and petty part that I tried my hardest not to nurture, felt that any repercussive hangover Seth experienced was his own damned fault. After all, as upset as he was, he could have handled the information like a grown adult. But a bigger part of me, the part that I could not avoid, knew better and left a bottle of aspirin, a glass of water, and one of Arkady’s cleansing tinctures on the kitchen table before retiring to the refuge of my own room.
* * *
“I don’t care how many times we’ve been over this, Arkady. I need to test every variable together before I am comfortable eliminating any of them.”
I’d begun to develop a new daily routine. Upon awakening, I would go immediately to the mill site and check the integrity of the barrier. If it needed, I would work with Arkady to develop a fortification. Only once I was certain that it would withstand another strong quake would I leave. I knew as well as anyone that my efforts would soon prove to be fruitless. The war was coming and there was nothing we could do to stop it.
But I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have a history of tackling seemingly impossible situations rather than face those I found uncomfortable. It was a flaw, yes, but one I managed to avoid addressing for a number of years. Besides, it seemed fittingly ironic that I would spend my time attempting to strengthen a barrier that would inevitably be torn asunder rather than chip away at the seemingly impenetrable one that had sprung up between Seth and myself.
I reached into my pocket, expecting to find an infusion of golden ash and sunflower oil, but instead, my fingers wrapped around a candy bar. A Snickers, to be precise. Arkady was not known for his subtlety.
“Fine, I get it,” I muttered. Admittedly, I’d not bothered with breakfast and it was now passing the noon hour. “I’ll break for lunch, but when I get back here, I expect to have a selection of golden ash infusions to test.”
Automatically, I slipped from the Cycle and headed in the direction of the unemployment office before I realized what I was doing. I switched directions and headed for Myrna’s, but again paused. As much as I enjoyed the psychic’s company, I was anxious to get back to working on the mill and Myrna could at times be a talker. After a brief deliberation, I decided
a fast food restaurant, while not ideal, would satisfy my hunger and allow me to quickly get back to work.
Upon returning to the mill, I sensed immediately that I was not alone. I’d been gone for less than a half hour and with the wards, it was unlikely that an unsuspecting soul wandered in by mistake, but that didn’t make me any less uneasy. I moved to position myself behind one of the partitions that was still standing before stepping back into the Cycle. From there I could see the chasm in the earth and much to my unease, but to no surprise, I spied a familiar head of red hair hunched over the side.
I walked slowly, deliberately scuffing my feet across the loose rubble that littered the ground. Sneaking up on a witch was never a good idea and as close as Donna was to the edge of the sinkhole, I didn’t want to be responsible for an accidental fall either. She turned around slowly and I tried not to let my shock register visibly.
“Oh, hey Desmond,” she said in the raspy voice of someone who hadn’t gotten nearly enough rest for far too long. She wasn’t even trying to hide behind a glamour. Her skin was drawn and had a grayish, waxy pallor. The dark hollows under her eyes gave her a skeletal appearance and even her hair, which was usually a vibrant shade of red, seemed dull.
“Donna, are you getting any sleep at all?” I asked. Yes, it was blunt, but to be frank, her physical appearance was worrisome and her appearance here, at the mill, was alarming.
“Sleep? Oh I’m getting plenty of sleep,” she said with a sarcastic snort. “I’m just not getting any rest,” she added.
“Forgive me if this sounds accusatory, but I have to admit, Donna, hearing that and seeing you out here is worrisome.”
She frowned and rolled her eyes.
“Desmond, I’m not dumb. I’m not out here looking for a way to open the portal and I’m not even trying to summon Clyde, so don’t worry.”
“Clyde?”
“I was sick of referring to him as my incubus problem so I named him,” she explained. “I’m trying to figure out how to get to my dad.”
Friends without Benefits (Rise of the Discordant Book 4) Page 5
