A Heart's Endeavor

by Wehr, Mary

  “What happened to the SPCA?”

  Mel explained the abuse she had seen and pictured Paul nodding as he murmured his agreement. A moment of silence passed then he asked, “How are you really doing? Are you taking your meds?”

  That question burned deep in her belly. Mike had constantly nagged her about taking her pills. Just a slight show of emotion would have him in an uproar. “Yes.” Her tone was waspish, and she immediately regretted snapping at the only person who really mattered in her life. “I’m sorry, Paul. Thanks for asking, but you know how I feel about that particular question.”

  “I know, sis. I’m sorry. I told you before that the invitation to move in with me, Jane, and the boys is always open.”

  Tears burned Mel’s eyes. Paul had always been her protector. If he knew the cruel things Mike had said to her, he’d blow a gasket. It was always, “Take the freakin’ pills”, or “I don’t have time for this shit.” He had treated the condition as if it was her own fault, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. Wishing away the sadness and dread just wasn’t feasible. She sighed. It was pointless to tell Paul anyway. Nothing could be done to change the past. It was time to face facts. Her dreams of a loving husband by her side were gone. Paul was the only other man who knew about her problems, and she planned on keeping it that way.

  “Thanks, Paul, but I’m going to stay here for now.”

  “Okay. Now, tell me about your job.”

  “After I left the SPCA, I stopped to gas up the car. I saw a help wanted sign in the window at the Grab ‘n’ Go, and thought I’d give it a shot. I never expected to be hired on the spot. It’s hectic at times, but that’s just what I need. I’ve been holed up in the house for too long. If I scrub the floor one more time I’ll strip off the top layer.”

  After a few more minutes of lighthearted teasing they said goodnight. Mel hung up the phone and looked around with a heavy heart. Someday she might take Paul up on his offer and move to Florida. It’d be good to have family around.

  She sighed. So why did she miss a certain green-eyed trooper when she hadn’t even left?

  * * * *

  Day shift may have gotten hit with the morning crowd, but second shift got nailed just as well. Working wives and mothers rushed into the store in a hurry to beat the school buses home, asking that never-ending question, “What can I make for supper?”

  Mel listened with amusement as some of the women stood in front of her register and bitched about a certain doctor claiming that men needed to lie down on the couch after a long day of work to rebuild testosterone. A war could be started with such a statement. Hopefully, not too many men had gotten wind of it. One woman threatened to hit her husband over the head with his own boot if he so much as glanced at the couch.

  Along with throwing some ideas out here and there to help the disheveled women, Mel stocked shelves and wiped down the counters every so often after a pair of sticky little fingers would take delight in smearing the shiny surface. Aisles needed to be swept and mopped, and wastebaskets had to be emptied. She was too busy to ponder her problems and thankful for the distractions.

  She recognized a lot of the customers and soon was calling them by name. She saw Jen during shift change. She missed her, but Stacy was a nice girl of twenty-one. Even though Mel felt old around these girls, their never-ending chatter about school and boyfriends lightened the mood. The girls would ask her advice on sex, but Mel had a feeling that they could teach her a thing or two.

  Bob was a fair employer. Each girl was assigned certain duties for the evening. Chores completed were to be checked off the list and that list handed in at the end of the shift. Tonight, Mel was assigned to the deli area. It was also her job to see that the cooler was kept well-stocked with drinks. “Holy crap, it’s cold in there,” she said to Stacy as she tore off the jacket Bob had provided for just that task.

  Stacy grinned. “Wait until you have to fill the ice cream. It’s way below zero in the freezer side.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Mel hung up the jacket and blew on her cold fingers. She stopped short when she saw Jack standing in front of the deli.

  “Hey, Mel. I didn’t get to eat lunch. Care to fix me a late snack?”

  Damn that uniform. “W-what would you like?” She really had to stop this stuttering. So what if the man wore a uniform. So what if his muscles rippled underneath that shirt and his butt looked like two scoops of hard ice cream. So what if he was as handsome as Antonio Banderas. Aw, Mel, just face facts. You got the hots for the guy. From what she could tell his body was ripped. All that combined with his deep honeyed voice had her pulse leaping like beans on a hot griddle. No panic attack going on here, just pure sexual lust.

  Mel couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so blasted horny for a man’s touch. Just a few weeks ago she had gotten up the nerve to purchase a vibrator over the internet. Relieved that it arrived in a plain brown package, she had rushed into the house to give it a whirl. What a disappointment. And trolling for a man was out of the question. How did one troll for a man these days anyway?

  She studied Jack beneath lowered lashes. He wore his usual calm, cool facade, yet at times she thought she saw a spark of something in those green eyes. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Was it desire? Desire for her? No way. She was an older woman. Men fancied younger, more impressionable, girls that didn’t carry a few extra pounds around the belly or hips. Long gone were the days when a size six graced her body. Depending on the make, she could shove herself into a size ten pair of jeans and feel a small degree of comfort. Size twelves were stashed in the closet in case she felt bloated and just plain fat.

  “How about throwing a sandwich together for me?” He winked. “A fourteen-inch Italian sounds good.”

  To hell with a fourteen-inch Italian, Mel thought, a certain dark-haired trooper would work quite nicely for her. She had no clue how big Jack’s equipment was, but judging from the bulge she had seen the other day, he appeared well-endowed. A whoosh of heat skimmed up her cheeks and settled on her ears. What the hell was she doing wondering how many inches of cock the man sported? Holy smokes, she was as bad as the girls she worked with. If one spotted a hot guy pumping gas or walking past the registers they’d spread the word to their co-worker. They’d fight for the perfect position at the window facing the gas pumps.

  Elaine had the bright idea that if she paired an older woman with a younger one, it might keep the horseplay down to a minimum. If all the troopers looked as good as Jack, she might as well forget it.

  Mel’s belly quivered nervously. Jack stood in front of the sandwich unit with his muscled arms folded across his broad chest. He oozed authority, and her fingers shook just knowing he was watching her every move. “Could you please stand somewhere else?”

  He arched a brow. “Am I making you nervous?”

  “I—um—think it’s the uniform. Either that or it’s the way you’re crossing your arms. It’s quite intimidating, you know.” Geez, could he arrest her for calling him intimidating right to his face? That would mean he’d have to break out the cuffs. Oh my.

  Jack dropped his arms to his sides and smiled. “Sorry. The last thing I want to do is intimidate you.” Distracted by the appealing curve of his mouth, Mel jumped when her wrist was captured in a gentle, but firm clasp. “Don’t douse it with that motor oil.”

  Puzzled, she looked at the bottle in her hands.

  “That’s the stuff with balsamic vinegar, oil, and some other ingredient Bob won’t divulge. Just squirt a little bit of plain oil on it.” His thumb brushed the inside of her wrist before he dropped his hand to his side once again. “There are a few things I like soggy, but not my sandwich.”

  Mel’s knees almost buckled. Okaaay, so he liked certain things soggy. Well hell, was a soggy pussy on his list? Her face heated. Lord, that word was not a normal part of her vocabulary. Perhaps being around these young girls was loosening up her usual conservative nature. Or maybe it was the hot state trooper standing
right in front of her. Either way a picture of Jack in his uniform with his head between her legs, her totally naked, was now permanently embedded in her mind. Not a wise thing to be thinking about. Not at all. She had to get a grip. Her mind was constantly on sex whenever Jack was around.

  She started babbling. By the time she was finished wrapping his sandwich, she had told him how her entire day had gone so far. “Is there anything else?” she asked.

  “No, that’s it. Are you going to check me out?”

  Now how in the world was she supposed to respond to that question without tripping over her tongue and making a total fool out of herself? Mel managed a nod and went to the sink to wash her hands. Oh, man, now she was growing warm all over and it wasn’t a hot flash. She doubted tingling nipples were a sign of going through the change. All she had been doing was checking him out and it had to stop. A man of his caliber wouldn’t want a mental case hanging on him. After she finished washing her hands, Mel met him at her register.

  “Are you off tomorrow?” he asked.

  She placed his hoagie in a plastic bag and threw in some napkins. “Yes, and I could sure use a break. I haven’t worked outside the house for a while so I’m just getting back into the swing of things.”

  “How about we do dinner? There’s a restaurant down the road that makes killer hamburgers. I can pick you up at seven.”

  Mel’s mouth hung open. She shut it quickly before she started drooling. Did he just ask her out on a date? “Um, I don’t know.”

  “Come on, nothing fancy.” His coaxing smile was her undoing.

  “All right, I guess so. I’ll have to call security first so they let you inside.”

  “You live at The Lake, right?”

  She nodded.

  “The guys know who I am. Just tell him it’s Dog.” With that said he was gone.

  Mel’s elbow was grabbed in a grip so tight she winced. “Oh my God, a state trooper just asked you out. Aren’t you excited?” Stacy’s eyes shined with excitement.

  Mel tried to remain nonchalant but couldn’t hold back a smile at the girl’s excited chatter. “For Pete’s sake, Stacy, out of uniform he’s the same as any other man.” Now if she could make herself believe that line of garbage everything would be hunky-dory. She counted out some money to throw into the safe. Stacy stayed glued to her side. Obviously, the girl was fishing for something. “Now what?”

  Stacy waggled her brows. “Are you going to get him out of his uniform and check that theory out?”

  Mel didn’t have an answer for that.

  Chapter 4

  Mel stood in front of her closet and stared at her clothes. What in the world should she wear on her date with Jack? She expelled a loud harrumph. She never imagined that at her age she’d be dating again, but here she was, forty-one and acting like a lovesick teenager. Okay, so she wasn’t ancient, but geez. She was positive she had started menopause which made her much closer to death than birth. Sure, Jack wasn’t exactly young either, but men aged far better than women. Time seemed to be a lot easier on men. Mel’s gaze landed on the clock. Speaking of time, she’d better get ready or she’d be meeting Jack at the door in her birthday suit. And she wasn’t so sure that could be considered a good thing.

  It was late June and humid so jeans were out. She eyed a pair of shorts, but advertising her chunky thighs wasn’t a good idea so she settled on a lavender sundress with narrow shoulder straps and a flared bottom skirt that brushed her knees. It was her favorite dress. The bodice had a built-in bra. She’d do anything to get away from stuffing her breasts into a brassiere when it was this hot outside. Her underarms could use some toning, but at least her skin didn’t flap back and forth like bat wings when she waved.

  Jack knocked on her door at seven o’clock sharp. Once they were outside, he wrapped his hands around her waist and lifted her into the passenger seat of his black Durango. His hands lingered a little longer than necessary, but she wasn’t complaining. His touch felt…nice.

  Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the restaurant and he escorted her inside.

  “Hi, Sally. Is that booth in the far corner open?”

  The young blonde smiled. “Anything you want is opened, Jack.”

  Mel tamped down the sting of jealousy and kept her eyes ahead as the sexy, thin-as-a-reed waitress led them to a table in the corner of the room. Mel schooled her features and placed her order. Her gaze lingered on the exaggerated swing of the waitress’s hips as she walked away. Mel knew if she attempted such a twist, she’d probably throw a hip out of joint.

  “Tell me about yourself,” Jack said offhandedly. He leaned back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest.

  Mel tore her eyes away from those bulging biceps and scanned the crowded restaurant. What could she tell him? What should she tell him? Hey, I’m depressed, nice to meet you. What’s your sign? That wouldn’t work. She had no intention of getting close, but as she readied herself for bed last night, thoughts of Jack Horan were swirling around in her head. She had to stop thinking about him.

  “There really isn’t much to tell,” she replied. “I didn’t go to college. I lived with my parents until I got married, and they passed away shortly afterward. I have one brother. He’s married and lives in Florida. I knew my husband, Mike, all my life. We started dating during high school.”

  The conversation paused when Sally returned to their table, setting a hamburger the size of a Frisbee in front of her. Jack laughed at Mel’s open-mouthed expression and requested a doggie bag. Mel took a bite of the burger, chewed, and swallowed before she continued. “Mike was coming home from work one snowy night. He lost control of his car and drove into the path of a semi.” Her voice cracked. “I was at home waiting for him.” Actually, she was lying on the couch reading a romance novel. Hey, a girl had to get her romance fix somewhere.

  “I’m really sorry for your loss. I’d drive at a crawl just so I’d get home safely to my wife.” He leaned forward. “I’d keep her warm in bed on a cold, snowy night.”

  A flood of moisture seeped from Mel’s vagina and coated her panties. She squirmed in her seat. His possessive tone echoed in her ears and went straight to her clit. She wished it was snowing right now so he’d be stranded at her house for the night.

  Now that her thoughts were spinning out of control, she changed the subject to something less sexually stimulating. “Where are you from, Jack?”

  “Franklinville.”

  Mel arched a brow in surprise. “Gee, that’s a good fifty miles from here. Doesn’t Franklinville have its own state police station?”

  “Yes it does. I was stationed there for a few years, but I accepted a promotion so I had to transfer to another barracks where there was an opening for a corporal. The Reidsville barracks was the only one that had an empty slot for my rank.”

  Mel nodded. She asked Jack about his family, and Jack told her that his dad had been a coal miner, and he’d died of silicosis, or ‘black lung’, over ten years ago. His seventy-year-old mother lived by herself. He made sure to call her every day, but she was quite independent and not at all hesitant to tell him so. She still drove her blue Oldsmobile and got around on her own. He had no brothers or sisters and had never been married. He had wanted to be in law enforcement since he was a child, and he joined the Pennsylvania State Police Department as soon as he turned twenty-one.

  Jack fiddled with his fork. “Mom wasn’t too thrilled when I told her about my decision to join law enforcement, but both my parents respected my choice.” His expression turned sad. “My dad was a wonderful father. I really miss him at times. I’m thankful I still have my mom, even though she harasses me on a daily basis about the fact that I haven’t given her any grandchildren.”

  Mel’s chest tightened at the mention of children. She and Mike tried to have a child years ago, but to no avail. She had gotten her female parts checked, but Mike refused to undergo a simple sperm count. He had stated emphatically that if they couldn’t make a baby on their
own then that’s the way it had to be. After she had been diagnosed with depression he deemed the subject of children absolutely, positively out of the question. No way would he have a child with an unstable woman. Mel worried more about passing her depression on to an innocent babe, but her doctor had assured her that plenty of women with depression had babies. Depression may be hereditary or it may not. There was no reason why they shouldn’t have a child. Unfortunately, Mike hadn’t seen it that way.

  Suddenly, Mel felt dead inside her soul. “Sounds like your parents were very open in expressing their love for you and each other,” she remarked softly.

  “Oh, yeah, my mom still gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek when she sees me, no matter who’s around to witness it.”

  A hug from a parent was always welcomed to a child hungry for affection. “That’s nice,” Mel replied. “The only thing my dad ever hugged was a whiskey bottle and my mom kept to herself.”

  “That’s too bad.” Jack shifted in his seat. “The love of a parent plays an important role in the growth of a child, both physically and mentally.”

  Mel lowered her head. Yep, this guy would make a wonderful father. “My dad worked in the coal mines too, but he died of a pickled liver. My mom followed shortly after.”

  Helena Jacobs lived to please her husband and had died not knowing what it was like to please herself. Mel knew she had been on that very same road of destruction. But that was before Mike died. She had no intention of traveling on it again. She had set goals for herself. She was determined to be a happy, single woman and conquer her fears on her own. Now Jack had come along and had her wishing he could be by her side as she tackled her fears.

  “How’s the job going so far?”

  “So far so good. How long have you been a state trooper?”

  Jack scratched the side of his face. “Twenty-four years. I’d like to retire in another year. If I happen to get bored I can hire on as a security guard. The mall in Franklinville is always looking for help with security.”