by Lucy Coleman
‘Val? I thought you were at work,’ I exclaim.
‘I was, but Fisher suggested I pop in and get this sorted. He knows it’s been on my mind and I feel remiss having let it slip. Is that Christmas music you’re playing?’
‘It is, it cheers me up! Come in. The kettle’s on. Let me take your coat.’
‘Sometimes living with the boss has its perks.’ She smiles and I look at her, stifling a chuckle. This lady in front of me has changed so much in this last year and it’s wonderful to see.
‘While you’re here could I ask for your opinion on something?’
‘Of course!’
Val follows me inside and her eyes light up as the track changes and a choir begins singing ‘O Come, All Ye Faithful’. ‘This was one of my mother’s favourite hymns.’
As her words sink in I realise with a jolt that she’s talking about the grandmother I never knew.
‘It is a beautiful song. I wish I’d known her.’
‘Oh, Immi, that was tactless of me. I’m so sorry. It just popped into my head and I didn’t stop to think.’ Val looks mortified.
‘No, no. Don’t worry. Let me make some tea and we can sit down and have a chat before we sort out those dates.’
Val hesitates and I indicate for her to take a seat at the table. Turning down the volume on the music before I quickly make her an Earl Grey tea, I glance out of the corner of my eye as I watch her unpack her bag. She pulls out her iPad, a notebook and pen.
With my back to her, I begin talking. ‘I was surprised but delighted when Gray made the decision to ask Fisher to be his best man.’
‘Oh, I assumed you were in on that,’ she remarks.
When I turn around to carry the mugs over to the table, Val is watching me intently, and her sense of unease is obvious.
‘No. But it made me think about our situation.’
Val begins fussing around to find something to use as a coaster, anything rather than look up at me.
‘They’re probably under that pile of paperwork,’ I indicate, nodding my head, and she retrieves two of them as I continue. ‘It feels wrong that you will be standing by Fisher’s side and yet less than half a dozen people will know who you really are. And I’m not sure I feel comfortable about that any more.’
As I ease myself down on the chair opposite Val, she looks directly at me.
‘Why?’
I take a deep breath. I didn’t plan on having this conversation, even though the idea has been floating around inside my head for a while now. How does anyone know when they are ready to truly let go of the past? But I’m surprised to realise it feels right.
‘Because when I introduce you to Gray’s friends it’s only right that I acknowledge you as my mother. And how can I do that, if our wider circle of friends is still in the dark?’
Val fiddles nervously with her hair and I can see she doesn’t know how to respond.
‘You’re afraid that they won’t understand?’ I ask her, but I continue before she has a chance to answer. ‘Rona knows what happened and she doesn’t judge you. Neither do I. And Grandma and Tollie didn’t either, once they knew how you’d suffered.’
There’s sadness in her eyes, which is hard to bear.
‘But your dad never forgave me, Immi, and I don’t deserve… I mean… I don’t believe that it’s the right thing to do. I’m not thinking about myself here, because I hope by now you know exactly how much I love you and always have, since the moment you were born. But my illness caused me to abandon you and what if it’s you people question, as they struggle to understand what happened? I can’t put you through that.’
‘I think the time has come to call you Mum and so that’s going to be a bit of a giveaway, isn’t it?’
Val’s face visibly pales as we look at each other. ‘Drink your tea. We can do this, Mum. Everything is going to be fine.’
‘Hi, Daphne. I thought you might like these. It’s the last of the rosebuds on the climber and their perfume is so gorgeous, it’s a shame not to bring them indoors to be enjoyed.’
‘Thank you, Immi,’ she replies, taking them from me. Tollie appears behind her.
‘Are you coming in?’ he calls, over her shoulder.
‘Only if it’s convenient. You aren’t about to go out, or anything?’ I respond, hoping he’ll say no.
‘We’re just sorting through the Christmas trimmings, actually. Come on in.’
As I follow Tollie inside, Daphne shuts the door behind us and disappears into the utility room.
‘Goodness, it seems we’re both having a Christmas fest today. I’ve been doing the schedule for the cruises.’
‘How’s it lookin’?’ Tollie asks.
‘Good. Packed and we’re going to factor in three Little Stars cruises.’
‘Amazin’. The toys for the kiddies are starting to come in and we’re storin’ them in the attic for the time bein’. It’s goin’ to be a bumper year by the look of it. That’s why Daphne and I are sortin’ through these boxes to try to condense them and free up some space.’
I stand idly by, not sure where to sit, and Daphne breezes into the room with a small jug containing the roses.
‘Are you staying?’ she asks, looking directly at me. ‘If you are, I’ll make a drink.’
‘No. It’s just a quick visit.’
Tollie looks directly at me. ‘There’s news? What’s goin’ on?’
Oh dear. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, after all. I glance at Daphne and Tollie follows my gaze.
‘Come on, Immi. I can tell from your face that you’ve got somethin’ to say. What’s said between these four walls goes no further,’ he states firmly. I can see Tollie wants Daphne to stay, and I have no choice but to respect his wishes.
Tollie needs to hear this directly from me before word gets out.
‘Val and I have decided it’s time to share the secret.’ His face doesn’t alter, he simply extends his hand, indicating for me to take a seat on the sofa, but I continue standing. ‘Really, I can’t stop as I need to forewarn a few people before it becomes general knowledge.’
‘I see. Well, the choice is yours, Immi. It’ll be a shock, but you know that.’ He sounds hesitant and I can understand his apprehension.
‘It’s bound to come out at some point and I’d rather it was before the wedding. As it’s family and close friends only, Val… I mean, Mum, has had a key role in planning the wedding together with Rona, and it’s only right to acknowledge how close we’ve become.’
He shrugs his shoulders. ‘There’ll be no goin’ back once it’s done.’
Daphne stands by, silently watching, but I notice that her face doesn’t register even a hint of surprise. Has Tollie already talked to her about this?
‘I wasn’t sure I would ever get to this point, but I’m ready. And so is Mum. Gray will be in touch as you, him and Fisher will need to sort out the suits for the wedding.’ I turn to face Daphne. ‘The general colour theme is silver, grey and soft heather, as I’m not going for the traditional white. It won’t be a big frothy dress and morning suit affair,’ I offer, trying to engage her in the conversation.
‘Daphne isn’t coming to the wedding,’ Tollie informs me and I turn around to look at him.
‘I think it’s for the best,’ she adds. When I turn back around, she’s wearing a pleasant smile as if she hasn’t just dropped a bombshell. ‘It sounds like it’s going to be a wonderful event.’ With that she places the jug of roses on the coffee table and heads for the door.
I feel as if I’ve just been slapped in the face. ‘I’d… um… better go. Lots to do.’
As Tollie sees me out he stoops to place a quick kiss on my cheek. I can’t help feeling he’s disappointed by my decision about Mum, and that has thrown me. I thought after all these years he’d be glad to know that finally I’m acknowledging my mother, and I’m somewhat bewildered by his reaction.
November
23
A Ceremony Without the Pomp
The excitement is building and the last month has flown by. Jade, Jude and I have dusted off our Christmas elf costumes and they are freshly pressed and waiting. The cruises begin tomorrow morning and we’re doing two trips a day, every Saturday and Sunday through until Christmas, with three additional specials for our Little Stars silver ticket holders.
The padlock is still firmly attached to the gates of Aysbury’s new playground, but this evening, as soon as Gray arrives, a small group of committee members will be gathering to affix a commemorative plaque to one of the benches.
‘I’m nearly home, Immi,’ Gray says the moment I pick up his call. ‘I’m just driving past Adler’s farm. The traffic was awful. Give me twenty minutes tops and I’ll be there.’
‘Listen, take care when you go through the avenue of trees. It’s a little icy out there tonight. I’ll start making up the thermos flasks. Love ya, honey.’
I immediately give Fisher a call. ‘He’s on his way. If you can let everyone know and get them to head down to the playground in about half an hour, that would be perfect. Thanks, and I’ll see you in a bit.’
Mum is stirring the large pan of mulled wine and I’m heating hot chocolate in another one that Kurt kindly lent us.
‘Is this looking chocolatey enough?’ I ask her and she peers in.
‘Hmm… it’s a bit pale. Give it a taste.’
Pulling out a teaspoon, I gingerly take a sip. ‘It’s hot but it’s too milky.’ I add a whole heaped dessertspoonful of powder and give it a stir, but Mum looks at me encouragingly and I add another one.
‘That’s more like it.’
I turn the heat onto low and go in search of the disposable paper hot cups and lids, then pack them into one of the two wicker baskets.
‘I wish Tollie had agreed to having his name on the plaque,’ I murmur, thinking out aloud.
‘I know, but he’s just happy it’s done, and tonight’s little ceremony was a great idea of yours. He’s not one for being the centre of attention, is he? Just like you.’
That thought makes me smile. A flicker of light flashes over the table and I look up, knowing that my man has just pulled up in his car and I can relax.
‘Right, let’s get pouring. I hope the others remember to bring the lanterns.’
By the time Gray rushes into the room we’re all ready to go and he stands there beaming. Striding across, he throws his arms around my waist, lifting me off the floor.
‘You’re all coat,’ he moans as it bunches up around me.
He lifted me with ease and when he puts me down, I poke him playfully in the rib area, although he’s equally well wrapped up.
‘I think it’s more to do with that six-pack of yours,’ I joke. He’s lost his cuddliness now and I’m still trying to get used to the new, toned Gray.
‘Don’t sound so disapproving. How do you feel about me cutting my hair?’
I look at him aghast. ‘Why?’
‘For the wedding, remember? It’s coming up.’
He walks over to Mum to give her a hug. ‘How are you doing, Val?’
‘Great, thank you, Gray.’
‘Please don’t cut your hair. I love it.’ That shoulder-length, floppy jet-black mop of his really suits him. ‘I won’t recognise the man standing beside me when we say “I do” at this rate.’ I’m only half-joking as I pick up the last of the thermos flasks and pack it into one of the baskets.
‘Well, you need fattening up a bit, Immi. You’ve been working far too hard in my opinion and pre-wedding nerves tend to add yet another stress factor,’ Mum joins in, a frown creasing her brow.
I catch her and Gray exchanging a brief look of concern. It’s true that I’ve lost a fair few pounds recently, but that’s probably down to the yoga classes and eating a little less due to tiredness. Winter makes me want to curl up in bed and sleep, not sit on the couch and munch away. I certainly am not lacking in body fat, that’s for sure.
‘Here,’ he says, ‘I’ll take those. You ladies lead the way. It’s a firm no to the trip to the barbers, then? I thought I’d try something more up to date, you know, shaved up the back and longer on the top.’
‘If you’re doing it for me, then please don’t. You are perfect just as you are. But if you fancy a change, go for it. Who knows? It might feel like I have a new man in my life.’
We continue the banter as we walk along the towpath. The icy blast doesn’t bode well for the temperatures overnight. We’ve already had a couple of hard frosts, and I always worry about black ice. Not only is it dangerous, but if people can’t get to Aysbury through the narrow lanes, then our bountiful Christmas celebrations could fall flat. Think positive, Immi, I tell myself sternly. Adler’s farm has extra staff on call this year and, as usual, they are more than prepared to make us proud if the snow begins to fall.
‘Did you remember to bring the plaque?’ Gray enquires when we’re literally only a few paces away from the playground.
‘I did. It’s in my pocket and Tollie is bringing a drill, and some screws. Ah, don’t the lanterns look wonderful?’ I exclaim as Gray swings open the gates and we step through.
Waving across to Kurt, Fisher, Rona, Abe, Ethel, Martin and Patrick, who are standing in a huddle, I can see that they are in good spirits and the laughter is raucous.
‘It’s all official now,’ Tollie calls over his shoulder. ‘My solicitor confirmed this morning that the legal agreement with the parish council for the transfer of the playground, and the land, is now complete.’
‘Well, better late than never. And it’ll be open tomorrow, which will make all the hard work worthwhile.’
‘Can you hold that lantern a bit higher?’ Tollie instructs Fisher, a screw now tucked between his lips. How many times have I warned Tollie about doing that? Old habits never die.
‘Here’s the plaque.’ I hold it out, stepping forward, and Tollie turns to look at me, taking the screw out of his mouth.
‘I’m just doin’ the guide holes. Nearly there.’ He takes the little package from me and as we look at each other it’s a special moment. ‘It’s goin’ to look grand on this bench,’ he adds softly.
While the others help to pour out the drinks, Fisher and I stand watching Tollie finishing off drilling the holes and then screwing the plaque in place. In the golden hue from the lantern, it sparkles.
‘We’re ready, folks,’ Tollie says, straightening, and I can’t help but reflect that this task would have been impossible for him six months ago. The old Tollie is back. ‘Gather around. I feel a speech comin’ on.’
‘Mulled wine, or hot chocolate, Tollie?’ Mum asks.
‘Hot chocolate, please, Val. That will go down a treat.’ He takes the cup from her with a genuine smile.
‘My goodness, this day has finally come and it’s humblin’. Ten years ago, I had this crazy idea and all my friends and family jumped on board with me, literally.’ Tollie pauses and there’s a groan, followed by laughter. ‘How many children and parents have joined us on The Santa Ahoy Special is almost impossible to count, but, when all is said and done, we’ve brought smiles to faces and succeeded in spreadin’ the Christmas joy. This toast isn’t just to us, but to every single person who made this playground a reality.’
‘Read what it says on the plaque, Tollie,’ Kurt prompts him.
Tollie turns to begin reading, as Fisher raises up the lantern to illuminate it:
To commemorate the 10th anniversary
of The Santa Ahoy Special
and everyone who sailed in her.
‘Your name isn’t on there?’ Abe points out, as if it’s something we’ve overlooked.
‘No, it isn’t. If you want to put my name on somethin’, then when I’m dead and gone you can stick it on the other bench. But I ain’t dead yet and I hope I have a good few years left in me!’ With that he bursts out laughing and we all join in.
‘To Aysbury and the children whose voices will fill the air with their laughter as they revel in using this playground, and to
you all, for your sterlin’ efforts.’
We raise our cardboard cups and there isn’t a dry eye amongst us.
It’s going to be a long night, but I don’t care. A little group of us are aboard The Star Gazer and it’s time to turn it into The Santa Ahoy Special.
‘It’s so kind of Kurt to let us use one of his lock-up garages to store the presents, and bits and pieces for the trips,’ Mum remarks as we clear the kitchen area.
‘How are the Cruise in Style evenings going?’ I ask tentatively. The fact that she hasn’t mentioned them at all, and they’ve been going for three weeks now, is probably telling.
Mum looks around, anxiously, to see if anyone is within earshot, but Abe is busy adding more wood to the stove, while Fisher and Tollie are checking the lights for the three small Christmas trees. There’s some head-scratching going on and only one set is working, which is par for the course and happens every year like clockwork!
‘It was awful at first, Immi. Those first couple of trips were a nightmare. I tried everything – ginger capsules, some herbal tablets and even patches I bought at the chemist and nothing worked.’
‘Why didn’t you just tell Fisher? How are you going to get through this next round of trips?’
She shakes her head. ‘To see his face when he’s on board tells me how important it is to him. Anyway,’ she eases back the sleeve of her jumper, ‘acupressure helped, so I bought these bands. They have a small plastic bead sewn into them and you simply slip them on and make sure the plastic ball is about two finger widths away from the wrist.’ She looks pleased with herself.
‘And it works?’
‘Yes. Mostly. Towards the end of the evening I sometimes feel a bit wobbly, but it’s okay. If I can survive until Christmas, then I will have proved to myself I can do it.’
