Ren: The Monster Inside the Monster

by Sarah Noffke

  And although the memory isn’t one I’ve experienced I immediately get a flash of what that day would have looked like. My imagination somehow is seeking to illustrate what Vivian is sharing.

  “I spent three years at that orphanage before Dr. Raydon found me. I was lucky that he visited my orphanage,” Vivian says.

  Dr. Raydon, the Institute’s therapist, finds lost Dream Travelers by visiting various places. He uses Aiden’s daft technology to find Dream Travelers by scanning frequencies. It’s part of his job to rescue them so they can be saved and properly trained. Another one of Trey’s humanitarian projects.

  “I was different then, when I was at the Institute,” she continues.

  “I remember,” I say, and my voice sounds strange. Sympathetic almost, but that can’t be right. And to my dismay, Vivian’s smile tells me she noticed.

  “Shuman tried to help me fix the block on my abilities. Dr. Raydon counseled me for years. But it was you who gave me the key.” She almost sings the last part. “And that’s the reason you’re all I can see. Everyone watches me. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I’m captivating. I can have anything I want. I’m a force to be reckoned with and you,” she says, pointing at me, “are all that I want and desire.”

  My teeth grind down on each other. I’m speechless. I see it. Vivian is captivating. She’s lightning. Everything about her is electric. And her eyes on me are tantalizing, especially knowing I’m all she sees. And her stare is a force I feel could shock my system like a defibrillator, restarting my heart. I shake off this obvious sorcery.

  “What did I tell you that unlocked your powers?” I ask simply.

  “You said that psychic energy was the strongest power on earth and yet it takes incredibly little to block it. A minor tragedy is enough to rip that power from a Dream Traveler making them a dud, as I was,” she says.

  “Your trauma wasn’t minor,” I say and can’t believe the words jumped out of my mouth. What the fuck?

  “I’m glad you recognize that,” she says nearing me, stopping only inches away. “You also said that a pair of flimsy sunglasses is enough to shield the sun, which burns at about six thousand degrees on the Kelvin scale. I think this was more of a holistic lecture on energy, but it spoke directly to me. There are many blocks on energy in this world, aren’t there?”

  “Yes,” I say. “Television, electricity, poor nutrition, lack of exercise can all dim a psychic’s energy. Only trauma can completely stop it though, that I know of.”

  “Well, then you informed us that all one has to do is find the thing blocking the energy and remove it. After that was accomplished the power would shine at full force,” she says, and her tone is full of an indulgent smile.

  “So you figured out your mother was responsible for the block on your powers,” I say, piecing this together.

  “Actually, I knew that already, but you made me realize what I had to do. I had to remove the physical block. I had to take out that which created the trauma,” Vivian says.

  “You murdered your mother,” I say, my eyes narrowing,

  “Naturally, and then my powers flowed forward like a dam being broken,” she says, and there’s no guilt in her voice; if anything a great deal of pride. “Really, Ren, what kind of woman abandons her child out of fear? I spent ten years with her and she just dropped me off at an orphanage like it was nothing at all.”

  My mind skips to Adelaide and those fearful eyes she had when staring at that little monster. And she, like Vivian, was abandoned by her mum all because of her powers.

  “Is it possible you misunderstood the experiences your mother had that created that fear?” I say.

  “You sound like Dr. Raydon,” she says and she’s bloody right. Again, what the fuck is going on?

  “And I know now what she experienced. My father was a tolerant man, but could still have anything he wanted. He could have anything he wanted and didn’t allow disobedience. I sought out Frank Bishop after my mother’s death and demanded he train me. It was then that I learned just how powerless my mother was in his presence,” she says.

  Fuckity fuckity fuck. How could our stories parallel so much? Just like Adelaide she had an absent Dream Traveler father and a Middling mother who abandoned her. And she sought out her father to better understand her powers. This is bloody bullshit.

  “And I know now that my mother never had a choice when in my father’s presence, as no one does in mine. I’m always in control.” And now she reaches out and touches my jaw. I don’t pull away from her chilly touch, her fingers like icicles. I regard her with a studying gaze.

  And yet, Ren, I don’t want to control you, I hear her voice in my mind. Please don’t make me. I want you to stand willing by my side. I want you to be the one person who wants me because you do and not based on my controls. I want us to get along and please each other because we’re in love and not because you can control me and I you. And all those words she pours into my consciousness using my telepathy linked to touch.

  Then Vivian steps back, a question in her eyes.

  “I already have all of that with someone else and she’s not a murderer,” I say simply.

  Vivian’s smile tells me she isn’t deterred. “But she can’t grant your wishes. She can’t understand you like I can. She’ll never comprehend our powers, the weight, the burden, the exhilaration,” Vivian says.

  And I can’t argue fully against her. Dahlia doesn’t completely understand me, but when I touch her I’m not bombarded. And she wants me without me attempting to control her.

  “I know how to funnel my thoughts, to give only the thoughts I desire to a telepath. I can shield. You taught me how, remember?” she says, like she’s been in my head and knows part of the argument that I’m pitifully constructing,

  I abandon this and force my attention in a new direction. “What are you doing with the Smart Pods?”

  “You probably think I’m going to use my voice control to force people to surrender to me so I can rule the world? Is that right?” she says, sounding amused.

  “That would be in line with an evil dictator and murderer,” I say.

  “Well, I don’t want to rule the world. I actually want peace and that begins in the home. I’m listening in, cued by key words, tones of voices. I’m finding the dysfunctional families,” she says.

  “Why?” I say, struck by this seemingly innocent search.

  “So I can then use my voice control,” she says simply.

  “To…?”

  “To fix them. To make the abusive father stop. Make the neglectful parent love their offspring. To stop the mother who sounds like she’s about to abandon her kid from doing it. To stop him from leaving,” she says, and her words are marked by her personal journey and yet carry no pain or pity.

  “You can’t do that,” I say, and yet I realize she can. And where is the problem really? What’s wrong with intervening for good? It’s what the Lucidites have been doing for decades.

  “I pretty much have the system automated now. It’s only a matter of time before domestic households operate as they should, in functional loving ways,” she says.

  “Vivian, this isn’t right,” I say and yet my argument doesn’t continue as I wanted it to. Her smile stops me.

  “I like hearing you say my name. And soon you’ll see that this is right. Soon you’ll see this as a worthy endeavor. And soon you’ll join me,” she says in that voice, the one I want to keep talking, to say more just so I can hear it.

  “Have you seen this reality?” I say, wondering if she’s been granted a clairvoyant vision on this.

  “Oh no, but I know you well enough to know you won’t be able to resist something like this. It is your perfect scenario. Me. Fixing the broken world. And stopping bad guys. What else could you want?” she says.

  I swallow down what feels like a ball of wax. I, the master of strategy, have no idea how to handle this.

  I’m fucked.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “How
the fuck do I fight a villain who isn’t fighting me?” I say, pacing the room, the blue carpet making a soft crunch with each of my steps.

  “Are you sure you’re asking the right question?” Dr. Raydon says from his armchair covered in happy little polo players. Whoever created that fabric and plastered a chair in it should be shot.

  I halt. Turn and face the man with a mustache the size of a wiener schnitzel. “We had a deal,” I say, tapping my foot. “I’d talk to you about my problems as long as you didn’t say dumb shit like that.”

  He chuckles and slaps his knee like a bloody sailor at a saloon. “Are you certain you need to fight Vivian? Maybe you’re viewing this the wrong way.”

  “That’s impossible. I never do anything the wrong way,” I say with a huff before continuing my pacing. “Tell me everything you remember about your sessions with Vivian.”

  “Now Ren, you know that information is classified.”

  I halt yet again and face the man with a beach ball for a belly. “She’s trying to force families to get along. She’s imposing happiness on people. It’s…it’s…”

  Dr. Raydon gives me a clever smile. “You want to say it’s wrong, but is it? Do you really believe that?”

  “You can’t force people to be happy,” I say.

  “I’m not arguing that, Ren,” he says, his hands sandwiched together in the prayer pose. “I personally believe you should inspire people to be a better version of themselves. But what I’m calling you out on is your own struggle with this. I don’t agree with what Vivian is doing, but do you?”

  “Of course I fucking don’t agree with this plan of Vivian’s. But still it’s not like she’s Antonio and blowing up churches. She isn’t Chase and stealing people’s life force. She’s trying, in her own sick way, to make a better world,” I say.

  “You’re conflicted on how to handle this.”

  “No fucking shit, Freud,” I say.

  “Please don’t give me such accolades,” he says with another chuckle. This guy…I want to hate him, but I can’t.

  “Can you offer me any insights on who Vivian associated with while at the Institute? I need to find this bloody mole and fucking take them out,” I say.

  He shrugs. “I did as you requested and went over the files. She talked about things you already know about: her mother, her father, her struggle with her lost abilities, and she had an unhealthy obsession with you,” Dr. Raydon says.

  “Thanks, Doc. That’s something you could have warned me about earlier,” I say.

  “Ren, if I told you about everyone who went on about you while in one of my counseling sessions, well…” He trails off with a laugh.

  “So you have no idea who this mole could be?” I say, realizing how defeated I must be if I’m asking my bloody shrink for clues. I’ve questioned half of the employees at the Institute. My agents have detailed the other half. No one is suspicious of leaking information to Vivian. And yet I know that she’s one step ahead of us. Roya’s abilities to news report have been sabotaged, which has put us at a serious disadvantage in multiple ways. Worst of all, Vivian is watching my every move and I can’t stop it.

  “If I did know anything about the mole then I’d tell you because the security of the Institute and its members is my top priority,” the doctor says. “However, I will offer you this because I dare say it might help. I know you’re an extremely talented man with the ability to think critically. You’re what I’d also call an efficient thinker. That’s what’s made you so successful in your role as the Head Strategist. You can size up a situation fairly quickly and make snap decisions. And from watching you I think this is mostly because one, you understand the human condition better than most and two, because you operate based on statistics and probabilities.”

  “Well, thanks for the character analysis, but that wasn’t as helpful as you thought,” I say, realizing this guy certainly has me pegged better than most. However, I’m not going to tell him that.

  “I also think that in a rare case, such as this, your efficient thinking might be responsible for you missing something. Is there a person you’ve missed or dismissed or not investigated properly because of your way of analyzing?” Dr. Raydon says.

  “That’s fucking ridiculous,” I say, but to my surprise I don’t really believe it. I have definitely missed something. I’ve glazed right over this mole. There’s someone I’ve crossed off the list prematurely and it’s most likely because the superior reasoning skills in my head failed. I guess there’s a first for everything.

  “Ren, do you mind if I’m blunt with you on this Vivian situation?”

  I narrow my eyes at the carpet before taking a seat in the other repulsive chair covered in dumb hunting dogs. I’m actually a little unnerved by the observations Dr. Raydon could make. What the fuck is going on with me?

  “What,” I finally say with a growl.

  “You’re used to a villain who you can fight. One you have to track down, stop by using your powers, and one who is purely evil. And you’re struggling with Vivian because you’re trying to approach her with the same methods you’ve used on other enemies, but based on what you’ve told me and the expression you get when you talk about her—”

  “I don’t get an expression,” I snap.

  He nods slowly, a knowing look on his face. “Right. Well regardless, I want you to consider that this isn’t a villain you can defeat by fighting her.”

  “Dr. Raydon, do you mind if I’m blunt with you?” I say.

  “By all means,” he says.

  “You have no idea what you’re fucking talking about. Defeat happens when two sides oppose and one wins. Hence a battle. Vivian and I aren’t in a partnership. She’s an evil witch who I’m trying to stop from controlling unsuspecting Americans,” I say, and still I don’t fully buy everything I’ve said. There’s something not right here. Something I’m undoubtedly missing.

  “Well, Ren, you yourself admitted that she’s not pushing back at you. Vivian has brought you in and told you her plan. And therefore my best advice to you is to use what you have in this situation to your advantage. Stop making this into a battle when it could be a negotiation.”

  And just like that, the daft shrink gives me the solution I’ve been looking for. I stand at once, intrigued by this new idea.

  “Ah, I recognize that look. You’ve had an epiphany,” Dr. Raydon says, sounding proud.

  “Yes,” I say, rolling the plan around in my head. I have been approaching this all wrong. The bloody hippies were right. Make love, not war.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “The key is to make yourself as small of a target as possible,” Clint says, as he stands with his body on profile. The fighting instructor is as tall as me, and we’re built about the same, which makes it easier to model his positions. I pivot my feet to match his, one in front of the other, body turned to the side, hands in front.

  For years Clint Solberg has been responsible for teaching my agents everything from kung fu to kick boxing. It was one of the rare trainings I never had since I was never in the field. However, I required that all my agents be trained in at least one martial art. I was reminded of why this had been such a genius decision on my part when I confronted James, the paralyzer, in San Francisco. He’s now under the protection of the Institute since Vivian would no doubt use him as a weapon again or murder him the way she killed Sophie, the girl who made me hallucinate in Dallas.

  Sometimes we can’t rely on our gifts. Sometimes they don’t work. Or as in that circumstance with James when I wasn’t allowed to use my power. I have to remind myself that as much sympathy as I might have for Vivian, she can still disable my powers if she so desires to. Thankfully she didn’t at our last meeting.

  “Now I want you to think constant movement,” Clint says, bouncing on the balls of his heels. “A moving target is the hardest to hit properly.”

  I check myself in the mirrors on the studio wall. Maybe I don’t need this shit. It makes me feel common, like the re
st of the people in the Institute. Then I’m reminded of the fingers I broke when I punched James to stop him from murdering three men. He was successful and one, Vivian’s father died; the other two, her uncles, are still locked in comas with little hope of waking and/or functioning in a healthy capacity. And then I remind myself of what this woman is capable of. I keep finding myself deluded into thinking she’s somehow just misguided. I keep wanting to believe she’s not evil. But she has the power to control anyone with her voice. She’s used that power to recruit innocent Dream Travelers and turn them into assassins. Her ultimate mission may be somewhat altruistic but the end doesn’t justify the means. And still I’m torn on her ultimate mission. Controlling even for good can’t be right. Making people get along is wrong. And I get that in some ways it’s what the Lucidites have done. Even Trey isn’t sold on the idea that Vivian needs to be stopped, but this is my mission and something tells me that it isn’t right even if I’m not firm in that opinion yet.

  “Now hands up, blocking your face, elbows close to your body,” Clint says.

  I do as he says a bit reluctantly. “Just tell me how to hit someone without fucking myself up,” I say.

  He shakes his head. “Ren, the best offense is a—”

  “Save the strategy talk for the idiot agents I send to you,” I say, dropping my hands. “Teach me how to take someone out. And punching is fine but what I really want is the most efficient way. Pressure points. Kill spots. If I’m using my hands then I want to have the quickest, most direct way to turn the odds in my favor. I’m not interested in bloodying my hands or their face.”