Only the Heart Knows

by Lena Goldfinch

  And, she sensed, he’d die for her if he really loved her. For whomever he loved.

  That was the kind of man her Banks was.

  “Yes?” he repeated. It may have been her imagination, but Mandy thought he might have sniffed appreciatively at her hair. His hand pressed a little more securely against her back, sending warm tingles of awareness all through her.

  “I think I love you,” she mumbled into his shirt. She didn’t even have to duck her head to press her face against his shoulder. He was just tall enough. He was tall, warm, and solid. Manly. Strong. Fine. Yes, that was the word. Fine.

  “You don’t have to love me back,” she added in the calmest voice she could muster, afraid to let him go. If she loosened her hold would she see shock on his face? Or more than that—would he look caught?

  Trapped.

  Maybe he’d feel like he had to spare her feelings—

  “Did you—” He cleared his throat. “Did you just say you love me?””

  “Um-hmm.”

  Adam pried her loose and set her away from him, just a little, not so far that he stopped holding her, but far enough that they could talk more comfortably. His beautiful black Stetson had fallen to the porch behind him, but he didn’t seem to notice. He didn’t turn around to pick it up.

  “Let me get this straight. All this time, you were Mack?”

  “Yes,” she said quietly. Her voice wasn’t strong enough to be any louder.

  “And you’ve known from the start that Banks was me? That I was Banks?”

  “Yes.” A little stronger.

  He didn’t sound appalled. He didn’t sound betrayed. He was evidently still just gathering facts, as before.

  And she was good with facts. Facts she could handle.

  “You knew I was Banks when you saw me at church?”

  She nodded.

  “When you danced with me at the social? When you asked me to run the three-legged race?”

  Again she nodded, encouraged when he slid his hands up her arms, making her tingle there too, a most delicious sensation.

  “When you answered my ad—for a bride—did you know it was me?”

  “I did. I never meant to deceive you. I just—I just wanted to be the one you wanted. I wanted—I—”

  She had to stop then, rather abruptly, because he tugged her close and started kissing her.

  Her heart fluttered.

  Her knees nearly buckled, and she had to hang on tight.

  When he came up for air, and when she’d caught her breath too, Mandy bit her lip, shy all of a sudden.

  “Does that mean you love me too?’ she asked, barely daring to hope.

  “It does,” he said firmly, wearing the expression of a rugged rancher forced into talking about such uncomfortable, squishy matters as feelings and heartfelt emotions.

  He made such an adorable rancher.

  Mandy’s lips twitched. “Could you—could you say it just once?”

  He set his jaw, but she could see that his eyes were twinkling a bit.

  “No.”

  “No?” She couldn’t be wrong—it definitely seemed like he was teasing her, like he was working up to something big. It better be good, she thought, trying to hold down the giddy little bubbles of hope rising in her chest.

  “No, you won’t say it?” she asked. “Or...no, you don’t really love me?”

  Please let it be neither of those two choices. Please.

  She waited breathlessly, unable to move.

  “No, I won’t just say it once,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose.

  They got distracted for a few moments as he practiced kissing her cheeks, the delicately sensitive edge of her jaw, and finally a full-blown, knee-buckling kiss on her lips. It was the kind of kiss she’d read about in her secret stash of dime novels, all those dog-eared pages.

  When he finished, Mandy sucked in a breath. “Lordy.”

  He grinned in a satisfied way.

  “You were saying?” she reminded him ever-so-gently.

  He looked befuddled for a moment—as if kissing her, Amanda Grace MacKenna—had done that to him. Made him lose track of what he was saying. Oh, she liked that. She liked that very much.

  “I was saying...I think I can do better than that.”

  “You can?” She giggled at his very serious expression. She always giggled when she was nervous. Like now.

  “I love you, Mandy Mack”—he paused to stroke the backs of his fingertips down the length of her arm—“and if I want to say it a thousand times—or a thousand-thousand times—then I’m going to.”

  “You are?” She sighed happily.

  “And no one’s going to stop me.”

  “Not even me?” she teased. There was no ground beneath her. Only air. Nothing could hold her down or keep her from floating up as far as God would let her go. Everything sort of swam in and out of focus in a disorienting way, making her a bit dizzy. Like back when she’d first moved to Colorado country as a child and the air had seemed too thin. Like that.

  “Not even you,” he teased. “I’ll take your advice on just about anything else—particularly on ranch matters—but not about that.”

  “About what?” she asked, acting deliberately obtuse. He knew it too—that was clear.

  “About loving you.”

  “Oh,” she said, loving the sound of that, and then she couldn’t breathe much after that because of all the practicing kissing.

  He was actually quite good at it.

  Who cared if he couldn’t lasso a steer?

  She settled into his arms and kissed him right back.

  Oh, Mama was going to be furious all right when she saw them.

  Papa might even grab his shotgun.

  But she didn’t care.

  For once in her life, she didn’t feel too tall. She didn’t feel “too” anything. She felt just right. And she never wanted it to end.

  “Mandy?” Adam asked, leaning his forehead against hers and looping his strong arms around her back, loose enough to be respectable and firm enough to make her feel like he never wanted to let her go. In other words, perfect.

  Mandy noticed the curtain in the kitchen window flutter a bit. They were being watched. Was it Darby? Hopefully. She’d have to give him a piece of her mind, but that would be all right. If it was Mama or Papa that might be a bit more complicated. But if it was either of them, or both, wouldn’t they have come right out? Emma and Juliana would’ve started giggling. There was no sound of giggling. No sound at all.

  “Yes?” Mandy asked, lowering her voice now that she was conscious of their audience.

  “You will?” Adam asked.

  Wait.

  Had she missed something?

  She frowned at him. “What?”

  “You’ll marry me.” He simply stated it, no questions asked. Done deal.

  “You want to marry me?”

  “And have you help me with the ranch,” he added, only half joking from the sound of it.

  Mandy gasped aloud. “You want me.”

  He kissed her quick. “Oh yes.”

  “You want to marry me?”

  “Yes.”

  “You want me to help out on the ranch?”

  “Well...not like a ranch hand, not like that—”

  “I accept,” she interrupted, beaming from within. Her smile was likely two miles wide, and that little gap between her two front teeth was likely showing, but she didn’t care, not one lick.

  Adam didn’t seem to mind either.

  “Can I still be Ask Mack?” she asked suddenly. “Will you keep my secret?”

  He paused and looked off to one side as if deliberating.

  Mandy clenched her teeth, waiting. What if Adam thought the column would keep her from her duties as his wife, helping him on the ranch? Could she give up her column? Could she?

  It would cause a scandal if anyone found out she was Mack. Which would reflect on her family. And, if Adam married her—when he married her—it would
reflect on him too. He’d fought so hard to build his reputation here. People were starting to accept him, it seemed. But...he was still struggling to win his men’s good opinion. He did still have quite a ways to go with that in particular. You could say he was in a fragile state as far as his reputation went here in Cross Creek.

  She’d be willing to quit Ask Mack if she needed to protect her parents, wouldn’t she? Could she offer Adam any less?

  “Yes,” he said.

  “Yes, I can be Ask Mack or yes, you mind?” To be honest, Mandy forgot now what she’d asked or how she’d asked it.

  “Yes, you can be Ask Mack. And yes, I can—and will keep your secret.”

  “I can? You will?” She bounced up and down once, not unlike one of her more flighty younger sisters.

  “You are Ask Mack. And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

  She smiled at him, so touched she could almost cry.

  “I love you for who you are already,” he said.

  “You do?”

  “Of course I do. I have high standards—I chose you, didn’t I?”

  “Oh,” she said, laughing. “That was good.”

  “I try,” Adam said dryly, making her giggle.

  “Except, that ad. Your ad. The one for the bride?” she asked leadingly, reminding him none-too gently that he hadn’t chosen her. He’d wanted someone else.

  “I never placed that ad! I struck it out. Several times. I meant to throw it away. Or burn it. I definitely never meant to send it in to Gus.”

  “But you wrote it.”

  He ran his hand through his hair, rumpling the dark waves. His hair, she wondered suddenly, was it coarse or soft? She’d say silky smooth, if she had to guess. If she weren’t so intent on his answer she might have been distracted by the dilemma.

  “I thought you didn’t like me,” he said. “At the dance, at church, you kept looking away.”

  “I’m shy.”

  “What?”

  She shrugged helplessly. “With you. I’m shy.”

  “Oh,” he said, as if he’d considered this already and dismissed it. “Well, I wrote that ad after church one Sunday. I thought, you and Russell Girard...”

  “Russell?” She shook her head, aghast.

  “Well,” Adam continued, “I thought you had feelings for him. And I was feeling pretty low.”

  “You were?” she asked, touched that he cared about her enough to dip to a low point. It wasn’t her finest moment—being glad he’d been discouraged enough to write a mail-order bride ad—but there it was.

  “I couldn’t send it in,” he said, “because all I ever wanted was you.”

  Moments ago, when he’d said he’d chosen her, she’d thought her day couldn’t get any better.

  Mandy pressed her fingers to her mouth—somewhere along the way she’d dropped her letter and it had evidently blown off the porch onto the drive or into one of the paddocks.

  All he’d ever wanted was her.

  He’d said it right out loud. And if she thought about it any longer she was going to cry. In fact, her eyes were already burning, and her nose was doing that thing where it tingled high up. Her cheeks were probably flushed too.

  She held back a happy little sob.

  “Don’t,” he said, taking her hand in his and squeezing her fingers. “Please don’t cry.”

  Then her beloved Banks kept her busy for quite some time after that. He only broke off and let her catch her breath properly when the back door swung open.

  Chapter 27

  Adam let go of Mandy as her parents, her sisters, and Darby all spilled out of the house. He drew up straight and tall, waiting with a watchful eye. He noted right off that Mr. MacKenna didn’t have a shotgun in hand, thankfully, but his face was quite stern.

  Adam heard Mandy let out a gasp at the sudden interruption, so he slipped his hand around hers and held on. He gripped her fingers, and she gripped his back. It was a silent communication of sorts. They were in this together, no matter what.

  And then it seemed everyone was talking at once.

  “What is going on here?” Her mother.

  “What are your intentions towards my daughter?” Her father.

  “Mandy!” A high-pitched squeal, her sisters of course.

  Darby was just grinning. As if he already knew everything there was to know.

  “Mr. MacKenna,” Adam said, clearing his throat in a determined but respectful fashion. “It’s a bit after the fact, I’m afraid—”

  Mandy’s father’s eyebrows shot up.

  “Because I’ve already asked her,” Adam quickly qualified, “but I’d like to ask your permission for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

  Mr. MacKenna stood on the porch with his arms folded across his solid chest. He seemed taller and broader than usual—entirely capable of picking a fight with a man twenty-some years younger, if need be.

  “You want to marry my daughter?” he asked, stroking his jaw as if he hadn’t quite expected Adam’s response.

  “Very much so, sir.” Adam looked into Mandy’s eyes. Never had he wanted anything so much as to be her husband and to have her as his wife. To live together in that big old ranch house. Who would have thought his confidante and advisor would turn out to be the woman he loved? All along it had been her, Mandy. Mack.

  It still hadn’t fully sunk in and yet here she was.

  He’d spent the last however many minutes tasting how sweet her lips were.

  And now they were facing her whole family, right here on her back porch.

  Amazing.

  “I love her,” Adam said simply, his gaze still locked with Mandy’s. Hopefully, his sincerity was plain for all to see. What did they have to be ashamed of?

  Mandy gave Adam’s fingers a reassuring squeeze. Outwardly, she tried to appear calm, and not too terribly guilty. But inside? Her heart raced out of control.

  “You want him?” Papa asked, looking at her seriously. Perhaps Darby had been inside explaining matters, for her father didn’t look entirely shocked. “You want this...this young banker fellow? You’d be happy?”

  “Oh, yes,” Mandy said, perhaps a little too dreamily because Papa let out a short laugh. Mama, Emma, Juliana, and Darby all laughed too. Mandy blushed, peeking over at Adam. He seemed relieved to hear her say it—and pleased, so very pleased. So perhaps it was worth a little embarrassment on her part.

  “Well, then,” Papa said, “I guess he’ll have to do.”

  “Is that a yes, sir?” Adam asked, standing straight and tall. He looked for all the world like he might cross Papa if he’d decided against the match after all.

  “That’s a yes.”

  Adam smiled then and tugged Mandy closer, unbalancing her. She caught herself before she fell completely against his side. A helpless happy giggle escaped her lips.

  “Thank you, sir. I promise I won’t let you down,” Adam said.

  “Oh, you better not,” Papa teased, though from Adam’s perspective Mandy could see how he might not know her father was joking. Papa had that way of looking ever-so-serious when he was actually pulling your leg.

  “Papa,” Mandy said, in mock reproof, “you’re supposed to wish us happy.”

  “I do, I do. And I’m happy for you both. This is the best birthday present I could have gotten today.”

  “That’s good, because I forgot to buy you one when I went into town,” Mandy said.

  “But you went to town to buy a present,” Mama protested. “That’s what you said.”

  “I got a little distracted.” Mandy peeked at Adam, then looked down at their entwined hands.

  Darby snickered at this.

  “She’s staying!” Papa exclaimed then, startling them all. “And you said she wouldn’t find someone here in Cross Creek.” He threw his arm around Mama and squeezed her tight.

  “William!” she gasped, slapping his shoulder playfully. She didn’t pull away, but seemed content to stand there with Papa’s arm around her. Her expressio
n softened a bit.

  And Papa didn’t seem at all embarrassed to be seen with his arm around Mama.

  Mandy’s sisters swept in for enthusiastic hugs, full of warmth and the faint scent of toasted coconut from their baking. They chattered on and on, saying things Mandy could barely understand she was so overwhelmed with emotion. She nodded and replied as best she could, unaccustomed to being the center of attention, but enjoying the moment, her face still hot with embarrassment.

  She saw Darby shaking Adam’s hand. They were talking in lowered tones, but quite companionably, and she wondered if she should be worried what they were saying. She definitely overheard the words “mail-order bride” and hoped against hope that her parents hadn’t overheard. For now, she decided, it didn’t matter even if they did. She was so relieved that her family all looked happy, even Mama. They were all happy for her. But not nearly as happy as Mandy felt inside. Not nearly.

  Adam returned to her side and kissed her cheek. He circled his strong arm around her back. Right there in front of everyone. That didn’t matter either—even though everyone was watching, even though the ranch hands had gathered outside the stables and were gawking at them.

  It didn’t matter because the Rocky Mountains stood tall in the distance. The sky was as blue as she’d ever seen it. The air was fresh and crisp, and the rolling green fields were spread out all around. The carriage horses were chasing each other around one of the paddocks, letting out joyous whinnies.

  And Daisy wandered over, her tail wagging madly. She leaned against Mandy’s leg, wanting to be part of things too.

  Mandy couldn’t be happier.

  She was staying in Cross Creek, the place she loved.

  And she was staying with Adam.

  Chapter 28

  Seven interminable months crawled past...

  The morning of her wedding, Mandy stood in her bedroom before the beveled mirror—a full-length standing affair, rectangular, with an ornate silver-leaf frame, and equally ornate curved feet. The mirror had been brought in from her mother’s dressing room and was now propped against her own wall, where Mandy could see herself in all her wedding day finery. The soothing scent of rose-water lingered in the air from her bath earlier. She loved roses, especially peachy-pink rosebuds, and Mama had made sure she had them today.