Determinant, a YA Paranormal Romance (Book 3 of The Guardians of Vesturon)

by A. M. Hargrove

  Good Morning Everyone!

  Well, today is the day. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. Sorry I had to take off before you all woke up but since I am on all those committees, I needed to get there early. I also need to practice my speech. Wish me luck on that!

  Here are the tickets…you must have them or they won’t let you in. Make sure you arrive early if you want a seat. I’ll look for you in the parking lot afterward…that’s where everyone will congregate for pictures.

  Can’t wait to see you!

  Love,

  January

  I jumped in my car and headed down the street. Watching the sunrise at the neighborhood park beckoned to me. If I didn’t hurry, I would miss it. Early morning was always my favorite time of day. It must have stemmed from when I was little and scared of the dark. The sky quickly lightened from grey to light blue and the huge orange sphere inched up in the sky at last, casting everything in its warm glow. Morning had broken, so I headed over to the auditorium.

  The day flew by since there was so much to do but seven o’clock in the evening arrived entirely too fast. We all lined up for the processional into the auditorium. I looked around trying to spot my family, but didn’t have any luck. I wonder where they’re sitting?

  When I heard the MC say, “I’d like to present our valedictorian for this year, Ms. January St. Davis,” I found myself making my way to the podium. With sweaty palms and trembling hands, I held the pages of my speech. I had practiced it over and over and knew it by heart, but I was nervous nonetheless. This was the first time I would be speaking to a group this large and it was a bit daunting, given the fact that I was only sixteen years old—I had skipped two grades and was graduating earlier than usual. Relax January. Pretend you are all alone. Take a deep breath.

  And so I began. Initially, my voice shook and all the saliva in my mouth seemed to have evaporated. Water! I need water! My mouth felt like I had swallowed a huge gulp of sawdust. Just when I thought I was a hopeless failure, a miracle happened. Everything fell into place and my speech went off as smoothly as I hoped. It must have struck a chord because as I looked across the room, everyone was standing and applauding and I noticed several people were wiping their eyes. I was shocked because I never imagined I’d receive a standing ovation! I felt a huge grin spread across my face. Where are Mom and Dad?

  We marched across the stage to individually receive our diplomas, and then we were all filing outside and throwing our caps into the air. When we finished, everyone tore off in different directions to find their families.

  I scanned the crowd but soon realized my family was nowhere to be found. I puzzled over this because I knew I had left the tickets on the kitchen counter. I bet they left early to avoid the crowds.

  I snuck away from everyone and drove home as fast as I could without speeding. When I pulled in the driveway, I noticed my mom’s car was missing. I ran in the house anyway, yelling out in excitement, “Did you hear it? Did you hear my speech?”

  No one was in the kitchen so I tore into the den to find only my father there, sitting on his recliner watching TV.

  “Well?” I asked my voice laced with excitement. “Did you hear my speech? Can you believe I got a standing ovation?”

  “I wouldn’t know…I wasn’t there,” he responded in an emotionless tone.

  “W-w-what?” I stammered. “Where’s Mom? Did she see it?”

  “She’s not here and no she didn’t.”

  “What do you mean? Is she okay? Are Tommy and Sarah okay?” My stomach gave a sick twist as I thought that something happened.

  “Everyone’s okay. Your mother took them to Charlotte to Carowinds and they are spending the night.”

  “Wait. You mean she didn’t come to my graduation?”

  I felt like someone had just nailed me in the gut with a full fisted punch. Every bit of oxygen had been sucked out of the room.

  “No, she didn’t go,” he mumbled, sounding as if he didn’t have the time or energy to speak to me.

  He never took his eyes off the TV. I turned away and started making my way to the crummy staircase that would take me up to my crummy little room when his voice stopped me. I was having difficulty processing this news.

  “There’s no need to go up there.”

  “Well, I need to change out of this,” I murmured, motioning to my gown.

  “Your stuff isn’t up there anymore. I took the liberty of moving it into the garage.”

  “The garage? But why?” I was puzzled by his comment. I was also feeling the first stirrings of alarm.

  “Because as of this moment, you no longer live here.”

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

  “You heard me…you don’t live here anymore,” he said with a satisfied smugness.

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “Come on January! I thought you were a smart girl! After all, you graduated first in your class. What about, ‘You don’t live here anymore,’ do you not understand?” He asked me in such a nasty manner I was speechless.

  My mouth had turned into a big O and I couldn’t respond for a moment. “But what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?” I stammered.

  “That’s not my problem.”

  I opened and closed my mouth several times, but no words would come forth. I didn’t even realize I was crying until a tear fell on my hand.

  “All of your belongings are in the garage. You can load up your car…I’m sure everything will fit since there isn’t much. Your cell phone has been paid until August. When you move to North Carolina for college, you will have to get one on your own.” His eyes bore into mine but I felt like I was in the middle of a bad dream.

  “But why? Why are you doing this? What have I done to make you hate me so much?” I croaked. It was a question that I had wanted to ask for a long time.

  “January, I’m not the only one that hates you. Your mother abhors your very existence.” He smiled then, enjoying my anguish.

  “Why?” I choked out.

  “You mean you haven’t figured that out yet? I thought a smart girl like you would be a bit more perceptive. Haven’t you ever wondered why you were named January? Shall I tell you? It’s your mother’s least favorite month of the year. Cold, gray, usually nasty.”

  Memories from my childhood suddenly flooded my mind. My father would egg me on to do things that I now realized he knew would result in injuries. A slip down some stairs, a misstep on a tree limb; he would often dare me to do things that landed me in the emergency room with a broken something-or-other. Then I heard the words…horrible words that I knew he was thinking. How much he hated me…how he was glad I had finally graduated because now his obligation to me was over…how he couldn’t wait to see me out of there…how happy he was when I was moved to the attic. He totally loved the fact that I was scared to death. Who is this man? All these years I wondered about the treatment I received from him but now I was questioning his integrity.

  “Come on January. How did you not figure all this out? You’re so perceptive. You have to know I am not your biological father. Lucky for you, your mother decided to give birth to you instead of having an abortion. You see, your very existence is the result of a rape.” Again, he gave me that smug smile.

  His words, uttered with sheer joy, sucked the air from my lungs. I dropped to my knees in shock. This can’t be true. The fact that my mother was raped and I was the product of that nasty deed wasn’t the worst thing I was experiencing. It was the fact that the man before me, the man, who for sixteen years I thought was my father, was enjoying delivering this horrific news to me. His sadistic enjoyment of my pain was the very thing that was crushing my heart. How can he act this way?

  His thoughts assaulted my mind. I had always been able to pick up bits and pieces of things others were thinking, but now it was as if an information highway had been opened between us and I could hear everything in his head. It scared me because his thoughts were so vile and filled with absol
ute hatred. What have I done to him to make him hate me so? But wait…how could I be hearing his thoughts so clearly? I shook with fear. I had experienced this from time to time, but never like this. It was so…explicit!

  I fell back on my bottom and dropped my head into my hands. I have to get out of here! It was imperative that I put some distance between this man and me. His thoughts were so nasty and vicious they were making me tremble.

  I slowly stood, still dizzy from his words and stumbled to the garage. My paltry belongings were strewn across the floor, making it obvious to me he hadn’t cared if he had broken anything in the process. One by one, I placed everything into my car. It was pitiful that everything I owned fit into the trunk and back seat of a Toyota Corolla.

  The car cranked on and I backed out of the driveway and away from the only home I had ever known. I made it as far as the parking space of a nearby church. My tears were blurring my vision, making it impossible for me to drive.

  I dropped my head to the steering wheel and cried. Where can I go? What will I do? I had to work in the morning. Could I stay here and sleep in my car? What would I do for a shower? I didn’t have many close friends. My parents always discouraged any of my friendships and the few times I had spent the night out, I was never asked back. I’m positive now it was because I never reciprocated. I was never allowed to.

  This sheer helplessness was overwhelming. As I sat there, I began to think about my ability to hear my father’s thoughts. It was frightening because I had literally been reading his mind. Was it because he hated me so? Was it a temporary thing? Or would it plague me forever? What is wrong with me? I was a freak…I had always felt I was different but now I knew for sure. Maybe that’s why they hated me so much. Maybe they had known about this aberration all along…maybe that’s why they had deposited me in the attic, segregating me from little Tommy and Sarah. They didn’t want me to infect them with whatever it was that possessed me. Maybe I was possessed…maybe the devil had invaded me. I didn’t feel evil. It was all so confusing. My head was throbbing.

  I must have slipped into a light sleep because I awakened to someone tapping on my window. Whoever it was had one of those LED flashlights and he was shining it in my eyes, blinding me. My spirits briefly rose when I thought that perhaps it was my dad, coming to take me home.

  I shifted my head so the beam from the light would not be directly in my eyes and realized there was a police officer standing next to my car.

  “Miss, roll your window down please,” he ordered.

  I immediately complied. “Yes, officer.”

  The police always made me nervous and on top of my earlier episode, I found myself trembling. My heart was hammering in my chest, threatening to explode. I dragged my fisted hands across my eyes and face in a futile attempt to wipe away the mascara that I was sure had streaked down my cheeks.

  “Miss, what are you doing here?”

  “Um, nothing sir. I was just sitting.”

  “May I see your driver’s license and registration?”

  I fumbled around a bit before my hands landed on the required items.

  “According to this, you live right around the corner from here. Is there any reason in particular why you’re parked here?”

  “No officer.”

  “I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the car.”

  I did as he asked.

  “Miss, have you been drinking?”

  “No sir. I don’t drink.” I dropped my head and stared at my twisting fingers.

  “Hmm.” He cocked his head to the side, inspecting me. I was assaulted by his thoughts and I immediately responded by taking a step back.

  “She doesn’t seem to be intoxicated but it is graduation night and there’s been a lot of drinking going on. Why else would she be parked two blocks from her house? She must be afraid to go home.”

  Without thinking, I responded, “Sir, I swear to you I’ve not been drinking. I don’t drink… I promise. I’m a good girl. I really am.” The stress of the entire evening, along with his presence overwhelmed me and I suddenly found myself sobbing.

  “I think it’s best if you allow me to drive you home.”

  “No…no, please. Officer, I promise I’ll go straight home. Please don’t drive me there.” I couldn’t bear the thought of the humiliation of having to tell him the truth.

  “Miss, you’ve just turned sixteen. That’s much too young to be sitting out here alone at this hour. It isn’t safe for you to be out here like this. Now tell me the truth. Why are you here?”

  After I could control myself enough to speak I decided to tell him the whole ugly story. There was no reason to belabor this any longer, as he was not going to leave me sitting there. I had nowhere to go. I felt like he had left me with no other choice.

  “I can’t go home because my father—well he isn’t my father but I didn’t find that out until tonight—he’s kicked me out of the house.”

  “Why? What did you do?”

  I bristled with anger as I wiped the tears from my face. “I didn’t do anything except be the unfortunate offspring of my mother’s rape.” The more I thought about this, the more it angered me.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Yep, you heard correctly. My so-called father informed me tonight that my mother was raped and I happened to be the result of that. And then he kicked me out of the house. He said his obligation to me was over now that I had graduated from high school. Honestly, I believe he enjoyed saying those things to me.”

  “Miss, are you sure you’re not making this up?” His cynical tone indicated his disbelief.

  I sighed as I dropped my head and stared at the pavement. How embarrassing to have to tell some stranger that your family doesn’t want you to live with them anymore. To make matters worse, that stranger now thought I was making it all up. I drew in a quivering breath.

  “No, I swear officer. I wish I were though. I came home from my graduation tonight. I’d searched for my family after the commencement but couldn’t find them.” I paused because I flashed back to earlier in the day. Initially, I didn’t even realize I had started speaking aloud. “When I woke up this morning, I thought this would be the greatest day of my life. My whole life…” I had to pause and swallow the gigantic lump that had lodged in my throat. “My whole life was spent trying to get my father to notice me…to get him to say one word of encouragement…have him tell me he was proud of me…anything. I never heard him utter anything positive to me. So today when I woke up I thought that this would be it. I was graduating today and giving the valedictory speech. They never even showed up. My mom didn’t even come. She took my little brother and sister to Carowinds to spend the night there. I’m only sixteen, I graduated two years early and I was the valedictorian. And they didn’t even come to my graduation.”

  I was silent for a few moments, trying to regain my composure as my lower lip quivered. Then I lifted my eyes and asked, “Why in the world would anyone do that to her child?” It was a rhetorical question, but he answered me anyway.

  “Miss, I don’t have an answer for you.” Then he did the oddest thing. He opened his arms to me but I backed away. Never in my entire life had anyone done that. My mother never held me…not to comfort me when I was scared or sick or even to show love. My father certainly never did. I was so unused to affection that I didn’t quite know how to respond.

  “I’m sorry Miss; I didn’t mean to offend you.” He sort of shuffled his feet. I realized my reaction had made him uncomfortable.

  “It’s okay…I’ve never…I mean, well never mind and you didn’t offend me,” I sniffled. I looked at him for the first time—I mean really looked at him. He had sandy brown hair and a kind face with soft hazel eyes. He was tall, maybe six feet or so and a bit on the heavy side. My guess would be that he was in his mid-thirties.

  “Where will you go tonight?”

  “I was planning on staying here in the parking lot until you blew my plans.” I made a poor attempt at giving h
im a lopsided grin. For some reason I felt really sad that I had made him feel awkward when he was only trying to comfort me.

  “Look, let me make a quick phone call.” Before I could respond he was on his cell phone and seconds later he was speaking with someone. When he ended the conversation, he turned to me and said, “Follow me in your car. You’re going to stay with my wife and me tonight. I know it sounds weird and all, but I wouldn’t feel right leaving you out here by yourself.”

  “Oh, I don’t think…oh no sir, I can’t do that. I don’t even know you or your wife. Please sir, can you just pretend you never came here…that you never saw me here? Please?” I was most uncomfortable with this. I prayed he would just leave me be.

  “Look Ms. St. Davis…”

  I interrupted him, “It’s January…please call me January.”

  “Okay then, January. Look, if I leave you out here I’m going to feel miserable. But, that’s nothing compared to what I’ll feel when I go home and you’re not with me. My wife would kill me and you don’t know what it’s like being around her when she’s mad at me.” He gave me a wink then and I couldn’t help but give him a watery smile.

  “That’s awfully kind of you sir, but I don’t even know your name. I’m not comfortable with any of this.”

  “Well, I’m Seth and my wife is Lynn…Campbell. And if you don’t follow me, I’ll just have to handcuff you and drive you over in my cruiser here,” he said with another playful wink.

  He made it impossible for me to refuse so I followed him for a couple of miles until we pulled into a driveway in a neighborhood that I wasn’t familiar with. The light over the porch was on and the door opened to a slightly heavy woman in a bathrobe. She had long brown hair and huge brown eyes. Her friendly smile eased my trepidation about staying with these strangers.

  “Hi,” I said sheepishly.

  “Come in, come in,” she said. We made our introductions and Seth left to go back out on patrol. He wouldn’t be finished until 2 am. Lynn and I sat at their kitchen table for another two hours while she held my hand (a first for me) and I poured out my heart to her. Then she led me to a small bedroom and I crawled into bed and promptly fell asleep.