Determinant, a YA Paranormal Romance (Book 3 of The Guardians of Vesturon)

by A. M. Hargrove

  “I do not think January would be pleased with you Tak if you killed him. For some obscure reason, she is in love with this Guardian!” he spat.

  “Jurek, you underestimate your manly charms. You could easily make her forget him.”

  Okay, wasn’t this supposed to be making January mad, because right now I felt the greatest gust of anger roaring through my veins? I was sure they must have heard it too for it was booming in my brain, threatening to detonate at any moment. If I was not released from Command soon, I was positive I would explode.

  “Or better yet Jurek, let me be the one to make her forget!”

  Next I heard scuffling noises and then January screech, “Get away from me you dog!”

  In my head, I heard the most glorious word, “Release,” and my body crumpled beneath me.

  In the background I heard rumbles of laughter but I couldn’t focus on anything except the immense feeling of relief coursing through every fiber, every nerve ending, every cell in my body. I gulped gallons of air until my lungs were satisfied and I was unmindful of everything save the sensation of being agony-free. I lay on the floor, knees to my chest, until my senses returned.

  That is when I noticed my cheeks were wet. Curious, I brushed my fingers across the damp areas, for I did not know where the moisture came from. I gradually opened my eyes and she came into focus. Her tears ran freely down her face and pooled onto mine. Her wrinkled brow formed a frown and her eyes were awash with sorrow.

  She tugged her sleeve over her hand and used it to blot her tears from my cheeks. “I am so sorry Rykerian. I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t even know I could do it. I...I’m so sorry,” she sniffed.

  Her fingers gently moved through my hair and made their way down to my arms. I suppose she thought to comfort me somehow. All I wanted to do was kill those vile creatures and then run away...like the wind.

  As my body regained its control, I lost control of my emotions. They were a volatile mass churning inside of me, ready to burst forth. I had to get out of there.

  I brushed her arm aside as I wobbled to my feet. Without a word, I stumbled out the front door. Each step was an improvement over the last until I knew I was able to run. I heard her calling my name but I paid her no heed. Escaping her presence was more important to me than life right now.

  My first stop was the terrace, where Rayn stood with Jurek and Tak. I came very close to plowing into them but stopped myself at the last minute.

  I took a step forward, until I was nose to nose with Jurek and said through clamped jaws, “Stay away from her. Forever. Do not ever come near her again and if you do, I swear I will kill you.”

  “You can’t kill me Guardian,” he taunted.

  “Then I will die trying.” I turned and sped into the forest.

  I broke into a run and urged my legs on. As I gained speed, the wind beneath and around me began to reveal the hurricane of emotions brewing within me. Anger at January and those disgusting creatures, resentment, shock and awe at her abilities, sadness, despair, love, hate. They were a violent cascade thundering throughout my core and I wasn’t sure if I was capable of controlling them.

  My thoughts churned with how this emotion of love had been nothing but a huge pain in the ass. Did everyone experience these issues? It was becoming painfully clear that it could be more trouble than it was worth. I looked at my life as two separate chapters: before January and after January.

  Before January, I was miserable, but in a different way. Well, maybe miserable was too strong a word. I was not completely happy. I had always been the object of female attention. They would declare I was the Adonis, when I would have preferred to crawl in a hole, unnoticed. My shy demeanor was not suited to the attention that was bestowed upon me. It frustrated me and as a result, I withdrew from situations I knew would present a problem for me.

  With the exception of my family and my work as a Guardian, I had a lonely existence. Then January bursts on the scene, like a meteor shower lighting up my life, and ever since I’ve been a crumpled mass of erratic emotions, not knowing which way to turn half the time. I’ve vacillated between extreme joy, sorrow, misery, hate, frustration, angst, worry...just about everything. Could I handle much more? Or did I want to handle much more?

  My feet continued to carry me through the forest. My heightened senses began to notice things around me. The air was crisp upon my face and my nose was filled with the scents of the forest...earthy pine, moss, and...citrus? How could I be smelling citrus?

  My eyes scanned a three sixty pattern and I glimpsed a slight movement in the distance behind me.

  Impossible. She could not move fast enough to be able to follow me.

  Ghost girl was on my tail and she had clearly pursued me. I could not stop the unwitting grin from spreading across my face. I admired her moxie...not to mention the fact that she had used her Power of Speed. I decided to make a game of this...a game of hide and seek.

  I took off again with a blast of velocity. Let’s see how fast she can move. I knew I was testing her ability, but that was the point after all. If she wanted to catch me, she was going to have to work at it.

  Skirting rhododendron thickets and sailing over fallen trees I hastened on. Before long, I found myself on the mountaintop. I waited, my chest barely moving as I breathed. I lifted my head and inhaled deeply. I could detect her scent getting closer and closer. The snap of a distant twig, the whisper of a cluster of pine needles were the only indications of her progression. She was good...fast and quiet in her movements.

  Seconds later she was by my side. I could hear her heart wildly beating in her chest and could only assume it was her anxiety and not exertion, for she did not look the least bit winded.

  She craned her neck to look at me, trying to read me. My mind was guarded, and I had no intentions of letting it slip.

  Sweet Deity, she looked more beautiful than ever. Her gold and platinum tresses were in wild disarray and her cheeks were like pink roses blooming in the summer. She was attired in white from head to toe—soft leggings that hugged her slim legs and a soft tunic that graced her lean body. Her ruby lips were swollen and lush and my desire to taste them as I drank in her loveliness was nearly unbearable.

  I wanted to hate her at that moment for making me feel as such. I once heard that there is a fine line between love and hate. I knew that to be a fact for right now I straddled that line, teetering back and forth between the two.

  Viciously, I jerked my mind to the present issue at hand. Her eyes had misted and her lower lip trembled. She took a deep breath and began speaking.

  “Before you tear off again, I have to tell you what happened. Please hear me out. Then if you want me to go, just say the word and I swear you won’t ever have to look at my face again. Okay?”

  Chapter 6

  My head flicked up then down once, indicating to her to continue. And so she did.

  She relayed everything that had taken place between the time she left and today.

  There were moments I wanted to scream at her to shut up...my mood swinging from love to hatred back to love. Jealousy raged in my heart. I should have been the one to teach her how to use her powers, not HIM! I should have been the one to show her the stars and moons...not HIM!

  Perhaps I was being childish, but those precious moments had been stolen from me and I was incensed over it.

  “Rykerian, it WASN’T MY FAULT!” she screamed in frustration. “It just happened!”

  Those words crashed into me with overpowering clarity. It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t. She had asked for none of this. My blame was misplaced. I could be angry and jealous until the sun burned out, but was it fair for me to hold her responsible?

  My chest was still heaving with my inner chaos but heavens above, I needed to feel her in my arms. It was like the first time I had ever kissed her. I had tried so hard to resist but could not. I was now in the same predicament. It was the only thing I could think of. Unable to stop myself, I took one, then two ste
ps toward her and suddenly we were in each other’s arms and I was devouring her, kissing her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, much like a man lost in the desert greedily guzzles down water, desperately attempting to quench his thirst.

  “I want to hate you!” I said between kisses.

  We tasted each other and lost ourselves in the moment. We couldn’t touch each other fast enough. Her hands moved over my body like she had never touched me before. They danced through my hair, across my shoulders and up to my face. She tenderly stroked my cheek and then I pulled away.

  “I hate you not for what happened, but for how you were acting with him,” I gritted.

  She winced, then ran her tongue along her lips and whispered, “I love you...more than anything Rykerian. I know things looked awful back there, but it’s you I want...it’s always been you. Only I didn’t know it. Or maybe I did but wouldn’t admit it. Because I’m so scared. I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared of life without you. I’m scared I’m not good enough for you...that you’ll get tired of me in a couple of years and think you made a mistake. I’m scared you’ll wake up one day and say, ‘What the hell was I thinking?’ I’m scared you’ll walk away from me right now and we’ll never know what could have been. I’m scared of everything because I’ve never gotten anything right in my life. I’ve failed at almost everything I’ve tried. I’m only nineteen years old, I’m inexperienced and I’m scared to death over all of this. I didn’t mean for that Command stuff to happen. I’m even scared of that! I’m so sorry I hurt you I...”

  Her words forced their way into my soul. I could stand it no longer so I cut her off.

  “Stop. Let me speak,” I said against her lips as I briefly kissed her.

  She nodded, her eyes imploring.

  “I still want to hate you, though it seems I cannot. However, I cannot stand the thought of you with him, seemingly enjoying his presence. That is intolerable to me January.”

  I stopped and took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry for everything Rykerian, but I didn’t choose that path. It was forced upon me.”

  “You looked as if you enjoyed being with him!” I insisted.

  “Because I do! But not in the way you think!”

  “I want to kill him January...and that other one too. So fierce is my anger.”

  “I don’t want you to kill him. I care for him.”

  “WHAT?”

  “Not in that way. You are so aggravating! He’s like an older brother. Like the way you feel about your brothers.”

  “Bloody hell January, you’ve only just met him. I have known my brothers my entire life!”

  “It doesn’t matter. There is something between us. Not like what’s between you and me. It’s different. Besides, I’ve only just met you too!”

  I stared at her shaking my head.

  “You do not understand our ways January. Vesturions are dominant males. I am not sure if I can accept that.”

  “I can’t give him up. We are friends...nothing more. I am not asking you to give up any of your friends or the close relationships you have with your family. I won’t accept you demanding I give him up.”

  I ran my hand through my hair and looked up at the sky. The question wasn’t whether I loved her. Undoubtedly I did. The question was whether I could live with Herdekian in my life.

  “My instincts are urging me to kill him January. For taking you prisoner and holding you against your will. You are asking something of me I am not sure I am capable of doing. I want you January, always by me side. I want to hold on to you forever.”

  “Rykerian, love isn’t always about holding on. It’s also about letting go and trusting each other. That may seem like an impossibility for you, but sometimes you have to stretch as far as you possibly can to achieve the impossible.”

  “You are my ‘impossible.’”

  Her fingers traced my lips as I kissed them. They touched my cheeks, nose, and eyes and ended in my hair.

  “As you are mine. I never thought in a million years I’d ever find someone like you. You are so beautiful Rykerian. I missed you so much.”

  I lifted her in my arms, wrapping her in them and kissing her as if my life were ending. I didn’t want to let her go for I was afraid of losing her, yet I wasn’t sure I how I could live with her demands. I would have to find a way.

  I felt her wrap her legs around me as we continued our exploration of each other. I leaned against a tree and slid down its trunk, not wanting to let her go. Her hands were all over me, finding their way under my shirt, stepping across the planes of my chest. I sucked in my breath at the myriad of sensations I was experiencing.

  “Don’t leave me Rykerian.”

  “I am not going anywhere.”

  “We can make this work. I know we can. Please trust me.”

  “Yes,” I said into her mouth.

  She pulled away when she heard me.

  “Really?”

  “Yes! I don’t want to live without you in my life. I want you beside me, every single day. I will never tire of you or wake up thinking, ‘What the hell have I done?’ It will ever be quite the opposite. I will always be amazed that you wanted me. I was a bloody ass...a complete idiot. I apologize for that. I said some hateful things to you that were unforgivable and I scratch my head when I think of it. I normally do not act so childish. I was extremely jealous when I saw you with him and I acted like a complete and total bloody fool. So it is I that needs to beg for forgiveness. I am begging now. January, will you please forgive me?”

  “Yes! I was so afraid Rykerian. I was afraid that when I got back here you wouldn’t want me anymore. I was so...”

  “Sshh. I think we’ve said enough. Let’s go home, shall we?” I said against her lips as I sought them out once more.

  “Yes, let’s,” she whispered against my lips. We briefly explored each other again.

  “Would you like to teleport or run?”

  “Let’s teleport. It’s faster,” she grinned.

  I tapped my shadar and in seconds we were on the front porch. I turned to her and she charged me, flying into my arms. Her lips took possession of mine and the familiar current of electricity tore through me, setting me on fire.

  I lifted her to where our heads were level and carried her up the steps, kicking my bedroom door open, and then kicking it closed behind us. I threw her down on the bed and my body followed hers. Alarms were ringing in my ears and I knew I should stop but I had to drink in my fill first.

  Her arms were around my neck, pulling me into her. I had never felt such ecstasy before and I was reluctant to stop. Her lips were soft and sweet and her tongue met mine, as we tasted of each other. I groaned into her mouth and spread my hand across her cheek as my thumb massaged circles on her neck. I rolled over and pulled her on top of me as we continued to caress each other with our lips.

  By now, the alarm bells were accompanied by flashing lights and sirens so I physically forced myself away from her mouth.

  I kissed her face, her cheeks, taking the last traces of her tears away. I softly pressed my lips to her eyes, and traced the shell of her ear with my tongue. I moved to her neck and found myself becoming intoxicated by her scent. My hands fisted in her hair, feeling the silken strands sliding around my fingers.

  “Heaven help me you are so beautiful. Your skin is flushed with desire and your lips are so soft I can barely keep from kissing you.”

  “Rykerian can we,” she put both of her hands on either side if my face and asked, “Can we, you know, make love?” Roses bloomed in her cheeks when she asked me, but she didn’t look away from my eyes. I could relate to her shyness regarding this subject so her attempt at boldness warmed my heart.

  “I would love nothing more and heavens above you push me to the edge, but you know of our ways. We cannot until we unite.”

  “Then let’s do it! Get married I mean! Tonight!”

  “Wha... what? Are you serious?”

  “Yes! We can do it however you want...here or
on Vesturon. I don’t care. I just want us to be together forever!”

  “January, you are not just saying this are you? Because you are afraid of losing me? If that is the case, have no fear. I am going nowhere without you.”

  “No! That’s not it. Well, I would rather die than lose you, but I want us to be married. I want to spend the rest of my life with you so why not just get married? I don’t care about a fancy wedding or anything about that. I just want us to be together.”

  “My family is...well we are the First Family of Vesturon and therefore we must have a public ceremony, announcements along with all the formalities.”

  “Let’s do what Maddie and Rayn did. Let’s just get married and then have all that later!”

  “You are sure about this?”

  “Absolutely sure.”

  “Come with me.” I pulled her to her feet and guided her into my bathroom. I took a cloth and moistened it with warm water and wiped her face and eyes. I then filled a glass with water and handed it to her to drink.

  “Thank you,” she smiled as she handed it back. I should not have looked at her because she was so beguiling my arms automatically reached for her and we found ourselves kissing again.

  “Hmmm. When we are united, this may present a huge problem for us.”

  “What do you mean?” My comment had puzzled her.

  “I will not be able to keep my hands off of you for any reasonable length of time.” She must have been happy with my explanation because when I looked at her she was beaming.

  Chapter 7

  When we arrived back on the terrace, the green monster of jealousy had crept its way back into my gut, and I felt myself bristling even before Jurek Herdekian came into view.

  January smiled at him and the green monster nearly engulfed me. The feel of her hand squeezing my arm was the only thing grounding me.

  I leaned into her and placed my arm around her announcing to all present that she was mine.

  Rayn was detailing to Jurek the events of what had taken place on Xanthus. He showed no signs of anger or remorse about the death of his father, which was quite puzzling to me.