Do Not Forsake Me

by Rosanne Bittner

  Lloyd nodded. “True.” He nodded toward the front door. “At least outside that door. Oh, he has a few friends, is amiable to most people, but don’t cross him and don’t mess with his family and don’t do something that means he has to come after you. And don’t abuse a kid or a woman. That’s part of the reason he brought those prisoners back in such bad shape. It wasn’t because they robbed a bank. It’s because they holed up at a ranch where they raped a fifteen-year-old girl. My dad went nuts.”

  Jeff dared to ask, “Does it have anything to do with his father?”

  Lloyd shot him a dark look that said he’d gone too far. “Probably, but let’s not talk about that.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jeff quickly covered. “I should have known better than to ask.”

  “You’re right, and if you ever dare to ask Pa, you’d better pick the right time. Better yet, let him bring it up, and then hope he’s not in a bad mood when he does.” Lloyd leaned forward, studying his cigarette as he spoke. “My dad seldom drinks. I’ll bet you are surprised at that.”

  Jeff frowned with curiosity. “I am.”

  Lloyd continued to stare at the cigarette. “You want something for that book of yours. That’s something. He’ll down a beer or two—sometimes a shot of whiskey, but not around my mother or my sister or the grandkids. Only once or twice in my whole life have I seen him actually come close to getting drunk…but even then, he seemed to know when to stop…and those couple of times were only when we were out on the trail. The man is terrified he’ll turn into his father if he gets drunk, so you’ll never see him pull a cork when he’s here at home. He made me promise a long time ago never to drink either. When I ran off on him and tried to defy everything he ever taught me, I drank a lot, but I quit after that.” He stopped to smoke. “Jeff, there is a war going on inside Jake Harkner, between his father’s cussed mean blood and his mother’s goodness. Pa says she was beautiful—and he still wears rosary beads that were hers. There’s a beautiful crucifix on the end of the beads.”

  “Really? That’s strange, for a man who won’t step foot into church.”

  Lloyd grinned sadly. “Yeah, well, that’s a bone of contention between him and my mother. But I don’t think it means he doesn’t believe there’s a God.” He kept the cigarette at the corner of his mouth as he spoke, just as, Jeff noted, Jake would do.

  Like father, like son, in looks, actions…

  “Pa’s mother was Mexican,” Lloyd continued, “and her name was Evita. My mother named my sister after her, and Pa says Evie looks a lot like his mother. He loves her more than anything, because she always had his back no matter what.”

  Lloyd set his cigarette in an ashtray and cleared his throat. “I’ve said way too much—more than he would have wanted me to tell you. Don’t let him know. Just let him tell you what he wants, when he wants.” He rose. “I’ll get you some coffee.”

  “You really don’t have to—”

  “It’s okay.”

  Lloyd walked into the kitchen. “Want anything to eat?” he called back to Jeff. “Half the town has stopped by with food.”

  “No, thank you. I’m fine.” Jeff took another look around the very pleasant but small house. Lace curtains graced the windows and front door, wool mosaic rugs decorated the wide-plank hardwood floor, and knickknacks and plants were appropriately placed. He thought how the house did not fit the big, often violent man who lived in it.

  Lloyd came back with two cups of coffee, and Jake’s gun belt hanging over his arm. He handed a cup to Jeff and laid the gun belt on the sofa, then sat down. “No, I can’t just leave it there. You see, Pa worships the ground my sister walks on—calls her his angel. To him, she walks on water, and to her, he is just one step down from Jesus Christ himself. Pa is going to feel awful for yelling at her like he did this morning. He’s never once raised his voice to her or Mom or the grandkids. Pa and I have had words—like any father and son, I guess—but I know he loves the hell out of me. Still, Evie is the one who stuck by him when he went to prison. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving, but Pa forgave me—”

  The bedroom door opened then and Randy stepped out along with Brian. Again, Jeff was struck by how lovely Randy was, though pale and tired-looking now. Her light blue dress was covered with bloodstains, as was Brian’s suit.

  So, all three of them have been with Jake this whole time, never even changing clothes.

  Jeff couldn’t help feeling sorry for what Randy Harkner must have been through in her life, yet there she stood, lovely and composed. He jumped up and nodded to her. “Ma’am?”

  “You’re that reporter, aren’t you?” she said, stepping closer and putting out her hands.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He found himself trying to figure out if her eyes were green or gray. Should he take both her hands? She offered, so he did. She squeezed his hands warmly. Was this lovely creature really married to Jake Harkner? “You grabbed on to me when they were treating Jake out there in the street, Mrs. Harkner. I don’t think you even knew who I was.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t even remember that. All I know is that Peter Brown visited earlier and told us about you warning Jake this morning.” She smiled softly through eyes that looked slightly puffy from crying. “Jeff Trubridge, right?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Well, I don’t know what to say but thank you, Jeff.”

  “Ma’am, I was just lucky to see those men before Jake got there.”

  Brian also stepped forward and shook Jeff’s hand. “Thanks for your help.”

  Lloyd rose. “Is Pa awake?” he asked his mother.

  As Randy let go of Jeff’s hands, he could see the devastation in her eyes. “No,” she answered, turning to face her son. “After all these years, this is the worst I’ve ever seen, even worse than finding him beaten up and suffering pneumonia in prison.” She looked from Lloyd to Brian. “I want both of you to go home to your wives. Brian, poor Evie probably wants to come over here and sit with her father for a while, but she’ll just have to wait. Tell her he’s still unconscious, and there is nothing she can do. And tell her I know without a doubt that Jake didn’t mean to yell at her like he did. He was losing blood and not in his right mind, and he was devastated that Little Jake could have been hurt.”

  She turned to Lloyd. “And you—please go home to Katie, Lloyd. This has been a terrifying first day of marriage for her.”

  Lloyd glanced at the bedroom door. “What if he needs me?”

  “Katie needs you. Take it from a woman who knows what it’s like to have her husband in constant danger. She’s never experienced something like this before.”

  “But what if he—”

  “Are you listening to me, Lloyd?” Randy spoke the words more firmly. “I know what she’s going through right now, and you need to be there. Jake would tell you the same thing. He’ll understand if you aren’t here when he wakes up. For heaven’s sake, that’s why he didn’t ask for your help this morning. He wanted you to stay with Katie.”

  Lloyd sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You tell him—”

  “I know what to tell him, Lloyd, only I won’t have to. He’ll understand.”

  Lloyd stepped closer and embraced his mother. Jeff made a mental note. The outlaw/lawman Jake Harkner, who is often referred to as meaner than a snake, has one of the most loving families I’ve ever met.

  “Mom, I hate to leave you yet.”

  “I’m fine—really.”

  Brian walked up and touched Lloyd’s shoulder. “Go ahead, Lloyd. You need to be with Katie right now.”

  Sighing deeply, Lloyd reluctantly let go of his mother. “Hey, by tomorrow it will be Pa holding you, okay?”

  Randy nodded, blinking back tears. “I doubt it will be that soon, but at least he’s alive. Brian is more sure now that he’ll make it through this, but one more ounce of blood and we would have l
ost him.”

  Lloyd still hesitated. “You don’t have to always pretend to be so strong, Mom.”

  “Yes, I do. If I truly give in to the terror I feel sometimes, I’d crumble into a raving maniac and be no use to any of you.”

  “And I have strong shoulders if you need someone to lean on. Pa always jokes about how you like to be hugged, so I’m here for that too.”

  “You go home and hug Katie. Let her lean on those shoulders.” Randy backed up and pointed to the door. “Go!”

  With great reluctance, Lloyd nodded to Jeff and finally left. A very tired-looking Brian gave his mother-in-law a quick embrace. “You clean up and change and get some rest yourself, Mom.”

  “I will.”

  Another note: Her son-in-law also calls her Mom. This woman seems to be everything to everyone.

  “Do you need something to help you sleep?”

  “No, Brian. I’ll be fine. Please get your own rest.”

  Brian sighed. “You keep that man still.”

  “If there is one thing I’m sure of, it’s being able to handle Jake Harkner…at least when he’s in this house with me. And you said yourself you’d be surprised if he regained consciousness before morning.”

  Jeff drank some of his coffee while Brian walked into the bedroom to get his doctor’s bag.

  “Ma’am, if I may ask…how do you do it?” Jeff asked Randy. “How do you manage to put up with all this? You’re a mother, a grandmother, and wife to a man who has to be difficult to live with.”

  Randy glanced at Jake’s guns lying on the table. “No one understands my husband the way I do, Jeff. No one. I know every detail about his life, including when he was a little boy. I know how he thinks and what his needs are. I know how he suffers silently on the inside. That’s how I do it.” She wiped at her eyes. “Jake has a good heart. He treats me with total devotion and respect, so no, he’s not difficult to live with. We’ve had some really bad times, a couple of them a big test of our marriage, but deep down I’ve always known how much Jake Harkner loves and needs me. And sometimes he does the sweetest things for me. That lamp cost him dearly, but he bought it for me once when we went to Denver together in those early years when we were so happy in Colorado.”

  She seemed to be in another world for the moment. “And years ago, not long after we’d met and then gone our separate ways, thinking it was best because he was a wanted man…Jake rode out of my life and I headed west to find my brother who’d gone out there to look for gold. I got into some trouble—traveled with the wrong people and ended up left behind at a filthy trading post all alone. I was dying from a snakebite. The men there were…awful. I was in terrible pain, sure I was dying, and I was sick and dirty and…and one day I heard Jake’s voice, felt him lift me into his arms and promise me he’d never let me out of his sight again. I remember how gentle he was when nursing me back from death, bathing me, feeding me, keeping me warm…and never once did he take advantage of me or touch me wrongly. I knew then all I needed to know about Jake Harkner, and right then I knew it couldn’t be true he’d violated that woman when he rode with the Kennedy gang. That was one of the things he was wanted for, but I knew there had to be a mistake. Jake has done a lot of things, but never that. Never that.” She met Jeff’s eyes, and without one ounce of jealousy in her own eyes or in her words, said, “Jake adores women. He respects all women, even the prostitutes, because there were many times when women like that took him in and protected him. He was just a little boy without a mother.” She looked away. “Anyway, I fell totally, deeply, madly in love with the real Jake Harkner.”

  She suddenly stiffened and drew in her breath as she wiped at her eyes. “Oh my. I’ve said way too much! Jake would have a fit if he knew I told you all that.” She forced a smile. “You come back in three or four days, Jeff. He should be awake by then, and I know he’ll want to see you. And we need to ask you a few questions before we go any farther with your idea for a book.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Randy walked over and picked up Jake’s gun belt from the sofa, then reached over and put his guns into the holsters. She carried the belt to a coatrack near the front door and hung them there. “Do you know if these are empty?”

  “Yes, ma’am. Your son emptied them.”

  Randy nodded. “Just making sure.”

  Jeff wished he could do something for her. “Are you sure you’ll be all right?”

  She sighed. “People need to stop asking me that.” She turned to Jeff. “Thank you again for what you did.”

  “Well, I just wish I could have done more earlier today. If I’d known how to use a gun, it might have helped.”

  “Well then, Jake will have to teach you how to shoot, won’t he? If you’re going to hang around him for your book, you’d better arm yourself.”

  Jeff breathed deeply against the realization she was probably right. “I never thought of that.”

  Randy smiled warmly. “Young man, you’ve set up a tall order for yourself in wanting to write about Jake.”

  “I suppose I have, but I’m excited about it.”

  Brian came into the room then and took his hat from the rack where Jake’s guns were hanging. “Let’s go, Jeff. Randy needs to clean up and get some rest.”

  “Yes, sir.” Jeff nodded to Randy. “Good night, ma’am.” He left with Brian, wondering what he’d gotten himself into. Arm himself? He’d better wire his father tomorrow and let him know this job would take a lot longer than he’d originally thought.

  Eleven

  Lloyd paused outside his house, leaning against the wall and lighting a cigarette. He’d gone to Evie’s house first after leaving his mother, figuring Katie and Stephen would be there. They hadn’t been. Now he needed time to compose himself before going inside his own house to Katie. He’d seen the terror in his poor new wife’s eyes this morning, and she’d been alone to deal with it ever since. He had to be strong for her. She couldn’t see tears in his eyes.

  What a hell of a way to start a marriage. They hadn’t even consummated their marriage yet. Last night was spent talking, planning, and just holding each other. He wanted Katie. She wanted him. Yet his heart was still full of Beth, and hers still ached for a lost husband and baby girl. They shared so much of the same pain that they couldn’t quite get past it, and last night had just felt awkward. They were good friends, and Katie had suddenly felt too shy. He’d felt her pulling away, so he’d not pressed the issue. They had a lifetime of love and making love ahead of them. All of that would come when the time was right. Still, he wanted to give her the baby she longed for. She deserved to hold a baby again.

  Right now his poor wife must feel so alone and confused. Stephen was home, but a six-year-old boy wasn’t much comfort. The kid had probably cried himself to sleep, scared for his father and grandfather. On top of that, Lloyd remained shaken himself. When he heard all the gunshots this morning, he thought for sure his father had been killed. He’d never seen so much blood in his life and hoped to never see something like that again—not when it was his father who was bleeding.

  He tossed the cigarette to the ground and stepped it out before quietly going inside. He was glad as hell now that he had a woman to come home to, someone to hold and to hold him in return. He hung up his hat and guns in the tiny house that consisted of a living room, a kitchen, and two small bedrooms. Figuring Katie to be asleep already, he quietly entered the bedroom to find her sitting in a rocker beside the bed table, a lantern dimly lit. She looked wide-eyed at him and held a rifle in her lap.

  “Katie?”

  “I wasn’t sure it would be you. There are still some relatives of those men out there somewhere.”

  He walked up to her and took the rifle away, setting it aside and pulling her into his arms. She was shaking. “Katie, if I thought you were in danger, I wouldn’t have stayed over at my pa’s place. Besides, I thought you were w
ith Evie. I went there first to look for you.” He held her tightly. “You’re shaking.”

  “I’m sorry. I should be strong like your mother.”

  He felt like an ass. “You are strong like my mother.” He kissed her hair as she hugged him around the middle. “Katie, it’s over. Even though there are some Buckleys and Bryants left, they live over a day’s ride from here. There hasn’t even been time for them to hear about this and get back here. And the ones involved today were the real troublemakers anyway. There is only one left and he’s in jail, and in a couple of days a prison wagon will come for him.”

  “That Brad…he’s still alive.”

  “He’s hurting so bad, he’s not going anywhere for days, maybe weeks. They can’t even move him from the jail to a room somewhere.”

  “His mother will come looking for him. She’ll bring men with her.”

  “I don’t think so. Jessie Buckley is kind of a recluse. She’ll send someone else for Brad.”

  Katie started crying. Lloyd wanted to kick himself for not realizing how traumatic this must have been for her. She’d never been around this kind of violence.

  “Baby, everything is okay. God, I’m sorry for leaving you today. It’s too bad your folks left yesterday afternoon, or they could have been here for you. I didn’t want you to come to my folks’ house, because I didn’t want Stephen to see his grandpa like that. There was so much blood.”

  “I know. You still have bloodstains all over you. It’s just that…you ran out of here so fast this morning…and then I heard all those gunshots…and I saw your father lying in the street and you down too. At first I thought you were hurt, till I realized you were holding Jake down. And Little Jake was screaming…and all those…bodies…”

  “Katie. Katie. Katie.” He kissed her hair. “Honey, you should have stayed with Evie.”

  “I felt like I was going crazy. Stephen wanted to come home and wait for you, and I needed to keep busy, so I came home to clean some more. Heaven knows, with no woman in this house for so long, it needed it.” She pulled away. “Oh, Lloyd, I haven’t even asked how your father is.”