Do Not Forsake Me

by Rosanne Bittner

  Her eyes widened. “You didn’t ask him about that!”

  He grinned again. “Of course I did. Do you think your son-in-law doesn’t know we still frolic in bed?”

  “Jake, I will never be able to face him again.”

  “Mrs. Harkner, who are you married to?”

  “Jake Harkner.”

  “Do you really think those closest to us don’t know a man like me still enjoys women?”

  “Women? As in plural?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I’m not sure I do. Did you really just take a bath at that brothel the last time you were gone?” she teased.

  “I really did.”

  “And who helped bathe you?”

  “Me, myself, and I.”

  Randy grinned. “I’m not sure I believe that.”

  “Who loves you more than his own life?”

  “You.”

  “And there is your answer.”

  “And those two years on the Outlaw Trail?”

  He nuzzled her neck. “That was a very bad time, and I thought you should leave me.”

  “And are we headed for another bad time? Do you think you’re losing me again, Jake?”

  He sobered. “I think I love you now more than I ever have—ever. And I will be here for you—all of me. I will never, never hurt you.”

  He started to kiss her again, but she put her hand over his mouth. “What did Brian tell you? You’re avoiding the answer, Jake.”

  He sighed and kissed her throat again. “He said he wants you to see Ed Rogers, who knows a lot more about these things than Brian does. He thinks you probably have some cysts or something on your ovaries and that they can easily be removed and you’d be fine.”

  She closed her eyes and thought a moment. “Did he mention cancer?”

  “We aren’t going to even consider that.”

  “Jake—”

  “Don’t you say that word. I mean it. You do not have cancer!”

  She breathed deeply, fighting her own fears. “Jake, I might need you to be really strong for me. You don’t know how to handle something over which you have no control, and this is something you can’t hit or shoot or put in jail. You might have to find a different kind of strength, Jake.”

  He studied her lovingly—the golden hair that still showed no gray, the eyes that changed from gray to green depending on the light, the nearly flawless skin. “I did look at you last night, but not in a bad way. I thought how perfect you still are, a woman any man would still consider desirable. I thought how absolutely unfair it would be if the worst happened because you goddamn well don’t deserve it. It should be me! This body has been wounded and battered and mistreated my whole life. I once drank too much, and I smoke too much, and I don’t eat right, and I’m out risking my life most of the time. I never even should have survived my childhood. I’ve committed every sin a man can commit, and here I am still alive, and as far as I know, there isn’t a damn thing wrong with me. So why should it be you?”

  She ran her fingers through his thick hair, searching his face as if she could sense his fear. She had to know losing someone in his family, his source of love, was the only thing on earth that frightened him. “Maybe it isn’t me, Jake. Maybe, like you said, it will turn out all right. Maybe if we make love, we can pretend nothing is wrong. Maybe we should just take a day at a time and enjoy what we have right now.” She leaned up and kissed him. “And maybe I’d like to know what disrespectful sex is.”

  He smiled sadly. “I assure you, you don’t want to know. You’re too good and perfect and beautiful for any man to make love to you in any way but just like that—good and perfect and beautiful.”

  “It’s always been that way with you…good…” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “And perfect…” She arched against his naked body. “And beautiful…” She moved so that he was between her legs. “And you deliberately left off my underwear, didn’t you?”

  “Of course I did.”

  He met her mouth in a groaning kiss, wanting her in a different way this time…wanting to brand her because they would see Peter later…wanting to claim her, and to tell whatever was sneaking around inside her body to go away and leave her alone…wanting to make sure he could still do this without hurting her. She didn’t seem to want any foreplay. She just wanted her husband inside of her, and he wanted the same.

  Nothing was going to take her from him…no man who might love her…no man who might want to hurt her just because she was Jake Harkner’s wife…and no disease…nothing…nothing. He raised up on his elbows to keep his weight off of her.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

  “You won’t.” Randy closed her eyes and sucked in her breath when he entered her. “Nothing hurts. It just feels wonderful.” She arched up to him, wanting to know she was alive and still able to please this man who took so much pleasure in return and knew how to enjoy both. Sometimes this was as erotic and fulfilling as all the foreplay and all the different ways there were to do this put together…just the act itself, because it was the utmost form of sharing souls and the most satisfying way of giving and taking and branding and owning. It wasn’t for wicked pleasure so much as a sensual, deep, gratifying way to express a love that nothing could destroy…two people so close to each other that they were one.

  He pushed her gown up with one hand while moving his other hand under her bottom to press deeper as he tasted one breast. He didn’t want to take too long, worried she’d feel pain. Before long, his life spilled into her. He pushed up the other side of her gown and kissed both breasts, her neck—and, hungrily, her mouth.

  “All of a sudden I can’t get enough of you,” he said softly, “but you were hurting. Don’t tell me you weren’t.”

  “Jake, I—”

  “We’re way too connected, Randy.” He kissed her eyes. “It’s okay to tell me to stop.”

  “It’s a good pain. I don’t mind it. It makes me know I’m alive and with you. I wish you didn’t have to leave again.”

  “I have to wait a good week yet.”

  “I’m scared for you to go this time. Marty Bryant is out there.”

  “You know I can damn well take care of Marty Bryant.”

  “And this thing with me…I’m scared, Jake. I want you with me.”

  “I’m right here.”

  “Make love to me again. We have time.”

  “You’re in pain.”

  “I don’t care. It’s not that bad. I’m scared time might be short and we won’t be able—”

  He stopped her words with another kiss. “Don’t say it,” he told her then between more kisses. “It’s not going to happen, Randy. We’re going to think positive about this and realize we won’t know a damn thing until you see that doctor. Things could turn out just fine. God isn’t going to take away someone as good and beautiful as my wife.” He reached down to guide himself into her again, moving both hands under her hips and pulling her to him.

  “Who do you belong to?” he groaned next to her ear.

  “Jake Harkner.”

  “Who?”

  “Jake Harkner.”

  “Every inch of your beautiful body.” He met her mouth again, running his tongue deep while invading that sweet place no one else had touched since he took her in a covered wagon somewhere out on the plains on the way to Nevada twenty-six years and a lifetime of heartaches ago. No damn disease was going to take her away from him. He wouldn’t let it. There had to be a way to fight this thing. Fighting and killing his enemies was all he knew, and whatever was wrong now, it had become his worst enemy. He would claim her and claim her and make sure that this new enemy knew she belonged only to Jake Harkner, and that it could not have her.

  Her reaction surprised even him. She kissed him in an almost unfamiliar, wild way. She dug her nails into
his back, and after several minutes they climaxed again, together. He kissed her eyes, tasted tears.

  “God, Randy, don’t cry. It will be okay. I know it will.” He pulled her tight against him as he rolled to his side.

  “You’ll come back, won’t you? The next time you go away, you’ll come back.”

  “Of course I will. Why wouldn’t I come back? I always come back.”

  “I just don’t want to be alone for this, Jake. I’d have Katie and Evie, but that’s not the same. I can’t do it without you. When you leave again, you can’t let this make you careless. If something happened to you now…”

  He kissed her over and over. “Nothing will happen.”

  “But this last thing…when I thought you were dying, I felt like I was dying. You think you can’t live without me, but I feel the same way, Jake. I feel so safe right here in your arms. Even if it’s the worst and I am dying, I want to die right here in your arms.”

  “Don’t!” He crushed her against him. “Don’t talk that way. It’s not like you to give up so easily, Randy Harkner. Brian said to think positive about this, and if I don’t, I’ll go insane. You need to be positive too.” He pulled back. “Look at me, mi querida.”

  She wiped at her tears with a shaking hand and looked at him.

  “This is you and me, and we’ll fight this together. My God, we’ve been through so much, Randy. And the way you look, so beautiful and radiant and flawless…that just tells me this isn’t something ugly and life threatening. You wouldn’t look so healthy and perfect. You keep telling me I need to have more faith, so that’s what I’m going to do. If that God of yours brings you through this, I’ll even go to church with you. How’s that for a promise?”

  She seemed to brighten. “You will?”

  “I will.”

  “Oh, Jake, won’t that make people turn and stare?”

  He smiled for her. “I’m sure it will. The preacher will probably end up speechless and forget his sermon.”

  That made her smile. “That really might happen.”

  “This could be really interesting.”

  She ran a finger over his lips. “I wonder what they would all think about disrespectful sex.”

  “I’m sure most of them don’t even know what that is.”

  “Well, before you and Lloyd leave again, I want to have disrespectful sex with you.”

  “I told you I already did that to you last night when you were acting like a wanton drunk.”

  “But you said you made that up.”

  He kissed her again. “I guess you’ll never know, will you?”

  “Well then, was it good?”

  “It was the best I’ve ever had.”

  “Now we’re back to the whores.”

  “At least I’m a man who knows what the best should feel like.” God, how he ached for her. He’d keep her smiling. He had to keep her smiling. “And I have some news for you.”

  “Oh?”

  “You’re going to have a third grandchild.”

  She beamed. “Who? Katie or Evie?”

  “Evie. Brian told me last night.”

  “Oh, I’m glad for them! They’ve been trying. Brian is so good to her, Jake.”

  “Well, now we both have something to look forward to, and all the more reason to fight this thing. I’ll be right here. Let me be your strength.”

  “You’ve always been my strength. You thought I was the strong one, but I am weak without you, Jake Harkner. No woman could love a man more than I love you.”

  “Then you’re a crazy woman, because I have to be the least lovable man on the face of the earth.”

  “Oh, no. You, Jake Harkner, are easy to love. You might not be easy to live with…but you’re so easy to love.”

  “And I’d like to make love to you again, but if we don’t get up and wash and dress soon, we’ll never be ready when Jeff gets here.”

  She gasped. “Oh my gosh! What time is it?”

  “I’m not sure, but I have a feeling we’d better get out of this bed.”

  “I could stay here all day.”

  “Do you think I wouldn’t enjoy that? I don’t know how many years I have left before I’m too old for this.”

  “You? I have trouble picturing you too old for this. That gives me all the more reason to live long enough to see if that’s possible.”

  Their gazes held, each pulling strength from the other. “Thanks to your demanding sexual needs forcing me to ravish you half the night, I’m very hungry now,” Jake told her. “Let’s go have breakfast, Mrs. Harkner.”

  She frowned. “Please tell me you really did make all that up.”

  He got up. “No, ma’am. I’ll just let you always wonder.”

  Randy put her hands over her face. “Oh my God.”

  Eighteen

  Jeff walked behind Jake and Randy, watching and listening as numerous townspeople stopped Jake and asked how he was doing. It was the pied piper all over again, people following him down the street, some close, some at a distance.

  The morning was cool, and Jake wore his wide-brimmed hat and a duster over denim pants and a blue shirt with the leather vest, his badge hidden under the duster. He wore both of those famous guns and kept an arm around Randy as they walked.

  “Jake! By God, other than needing to gain a little weight, you’re looking well!” The greeting came from the same man who’d urged Jake to come into church that Sunday morning Jeff sat on the steps.

  “He shouldn’t be up walking around, Cletus,” Randy answered as Jake shook the man’s hand.

  “Well, I’m glad he’s trying,” Cletus answered.

  Jake thanked him as more people commented on his health.

  Jake kept insisting he was fine, but he walked with a limp that suggested a good deal of pain. Jeff sensed something else—something amiss. Maybe it was just the fact that Marty Bryant was on the loose again…or maybe the fact that they were going to see Peter Brown…or maybe something Jeff didn’t know about.

  All the way to the restaurant, more people followed, both men and women, asking questions, greeting Jake and Randy both. For several days after the shoot-out, the Guthrie newspaper had been filled with different versions of the event, some making Jake out to be an emotionless murderer who killed men as easily as shooting a rabbit. Jeff decided that was probably true when it came to men threatening his family. Some stories showed Jake as the hero of the day, saving the entire town of Guthrie from peril and tragedy. When papers arrived from other towns, stories of the shoot-out were in those too, some grossly exaggerated.

  Jeff had also read stories about Marty Bryant’s escape and the murders that took place. Rumors abounded over where Bryant might be now and what his intentions were.

  They went inside a restaurant called Sadie’s and sat down at a table. A woman of perhaps twenty waited on them. “Glad to see you’re all right, Jake,” she said, leaning a bit too far over to pour his coffee. One too many buttons were open on her blouse. After pouring his coffee, she turned to Randy, giving her a look that told Randy the girl thought she could seduce Jake anytime she wanted. “Coffee, Mrs. Harkner?”

  Randy, who Jeff thought looked incredibly beautiful this morning in a soft green dress and a matching velvet hat that drew the green from her eyes, smiled kindly to her. “Why don’t you just pour some coffee for Jeff here, Mary Ann. You can first pour it down your blouse, and then you can lean over even farther than you just did for my husband and let it spill out of your cleavage into his cup.”

  Jeff could not control his laughter at the remark, and Mary Ann straightened and lost her smile. “I’ll get you a cup,” she told Jeff, turning and walking away with a deliberate flounce.

  Jeff glanced at Jake, who was obviously struggling not to laugh out loud. Finally Jake couldn’t help a soft burst of laughter. “Randy, your jealousy
is as green as that dress,” he told her.

  Randy removed her gloves, eyeing her husband with a sly grin of her own. “The girl couldn’t have been more obvious. She might as well have stripped right in front of you.”

  “I’m sure Jeff wouldn’t have objected.” Jeff and Jake both laughed again. “And you think I’m the mean one?” Jake added to Jeff. “Get this woman’s dander up and watch the claws come out. She can handle a rifle and handle me. That says a lot.”

  A different waitress came out then with an extra two cups, one for Randy and one for Jeff. She was slightly older and smiled with genuine friendliness. “Mary Ann says she doesn’t want to wait on you anymore. What did you say to that girl, Jake?”

  She poured the coffee.

  “Right away you blame me?”

  “Well, I know how you can be with words at times, Jake Harkner,” Sadie joked. “I also just happened to see her waiting on you.”

  “Then you’d better ask what my wife said to her.” Jake was still grinning and Jeff nearly spit out his first sip of coffee in a need to laugh more.

  Sadie gave Randy a sly grin. “I think I have a good idea. And I told Mary Ann to button up that blouse or go home. I don’t need my waitresses flaunting themselves around like saloon girls.”

  Jake removed his duster and let it fall over the back of his wooden chair. “Sadie, you tell Mary Ann that if she wants to flaunt something, have her come back out here and flaunt it in front of Jeff. He’s the one who needs a woman. I already have one.”

  Jeff laughed again as Jake introduced him.

  “Sadie, this is Jeff Trubridge, and he’s going to write a book about me. What do you think of that?”

  Sadie studied Jeff a moment. “You want to write a book about that worthless, no-good outlaw?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Well, you’d do better writing about his beautiful wife. She’s got some stories to tell, I’m sure of that. I’ll bet she could tell you things that would curl your toes.”

  Jeff nodded. “I’m sure she could, Sadie. I wouldn’t think of writing about Jake without including the woman who has stood by him all these years.”