Do Not Forsake Me

by Rosanne Bittner

  He grasped her hair and searched her mouth almost violently. She closed her eyes as he whispered in her ear in Spanish, and she could felt a wetness on her cheek from his tears.

  “We have to do this, Jake,” she groaned. “I don’t want this wall between us. I don’t want to go away from you without feeling you inside of me and knowing who owns me and who will be right there with me. I won’t be afraid if we do this now and again and again before you go.”

  “I might hurt you. That’s the reason I couldn’t make love to you earlier.”

  “I’m fine today, Jake. Maybe it’s just Brian’s medicine, but I’m having no pain. I want this, Jake. We both know that this time, more than all others, it’s important. Make love to me in the way only you can, because you know everything I love. You made me want you all those years ago in that wagon, and I’ve wanted you with the same passion ever since.”

  Somehow their clothes were off again, and the barrier that had been between them melted away so that there was only a wild taking and giving and taking again. He was the outlaw who’d taken her in that wagon years ago and made damn sure she knew who owned her. He moved over her body with hungry desire, tasting every part of her as though he had to remember every private place that belonged only to Jake Harkner. His fingers explored and claimed her depths and brought her to a wicked climax that made her cry out his name and grasp his hair, returning his kisses with wanton desire as he pinned her arms over her head and buried himself deep, with a fierce determination to make sure she knew who was claiming her. He meant to brand her in places no other man would ever touch.

  They finished making love…talked…made decisions…made love again. The second time he took her, he asked the inevitable question.

  “Who do you belong to?”

  “Jake Harkner.”

  “Who owns this body?”

  “Jake Harkner.”

  He devoured her mouth again with an insatiable need to make sure he remembered how she smelled, how she tasted, how she felt against his fingers, how it felt to be inside this woman who gave him life and a reason for being.

  “Are you all right? Please tell me if you’re in pain.”

  “I’m not in pain, Jake—truly.” She arched against him, glorying in the fact that this was still so incredibly pleasurable after all their years together. She doubted many men knew all the right moves the way this one did. He rocked her with a gentle rhythm, rubbing against that most pleasant spot, which brought her to another climax. “Don’t stop yet,” she groaned. “Please don’t stop yet.”

  His kisses again grew hot and demanding as strong arms wrapped her close and his chest pressed against her breasts. She loved it when he took complete control of her. She felt ravished and fulfilled and adored. He kept up the erotic rhythm in a way that made her feel as though she was in an almost constant climax, until finally he could hold back no longer himself. He wilted against her then, damp body against damp body.

  “You sure you’re okay?” he finally asked.

  “I doubt many men can be as forceful yet gentle as you can, my darling husband. I’m fine at the moment.”

  “That felt so goddamn good, Randy.”

  “The feeling is mutual.”

  Jake raised up slightly and kissed her once more. “I’m here to please.”

  “And you’re so good at it.”

  That brought a grin, but he soon lost his smile and moved off of her, keeping her close. “Don’t be afraid, Randy. You know how badly I want to be there for you. And I will be there…in spirit. Tell me you’ll feel me with you.”

  “Of course I will. I’ve always felt you with me when we’re apart. I’m not afraid any more, Jake. I’m only afraid for you because this might distract you. Please don’t let it. You have to come back to me, or I won’t care if I come out of this alive or dead. And please don’t ever let anything come between us—ever—ever. I hate feeling far away from you when you’re here even more than when you’re gone.”

  Jake hated the thought that they had only one more day before they would be separated by a good fifty miles, her to the world of a bigger city and the terror of surgery and a big hospital, with another man who loved her. What if she died and it was Peter Brown who held her in his arms as her life slipped away? It should be him. It should be Jake Harkner. He’d make sure it was…in her mind and in her heart, even though he would be riding off into backcountry with only the ground for his bed and a saddle for a pillow, no cities, not much of anything. Their little house would sit empty this time, the two of them so far apart.

  “Do not forsake me, mi querida esposa, just as I will never forsake you.”

  She grasped his hand and kissed it. “Never. I would never forsake you.”

  Twenty-two

  Randy woke to see Jake already dressed. Her pain had returned tenfold. All yesterday afternoon and last night, she’d been plagued with it. Now she’d ended up oversleeping from the medication Brian had given her. In a bit of a daze she watched Jake. He was already wearing his gun belt, with a third gun tucked in a holster behind his back and his extra belt of cartridges hung on a hook nearby. He pulled on his leather vest with his badge pinned to it, then picked up his duster and hat.

  “Jake Harkner, if I didn’t know who you were, I’d be terrified of you. You look like you’re ready for an army.”

  He glanced at her. “There just might be something close to an army at the Buckleys or the Bryants, maybe both. I have to take death certificates to Jessie Buckley for her husband and son, both of whom I killed, so it will be no picnic. That woman is as formidable as a man.”

  “Well, if you want to look intimidating, you’ve done a good job. You’ll probably scare your own grandchildren away.”

  Jake grinned. “Not Little Jake. He’ll probably walk up to me and want to touch ‘Gampa’s guns.’ That little devil is the only child I’ve ever known who truly tempts me to smack his little butt.”

  “That will be the day.”

  Jake walked over to her and knelt beside the bed. “You were sleeping so well and you need it so much that I didn’t want to wake you until the last minute.”

  “Well, it’s a good thing you intended to wake me. If you’d left without doing that, I’d never forgive you.” She reached out and touched his face. “You’re still such a handsome man. I have to say this is how I like you best—guns and badge and looking mean—which is funny, because only I know how not mean you are.”

  He grinned. “I know a few men who would argue that. And you’re talking like you’re a little drunk.”

  “And did we do…terrible, disrespectful things…last night?”

  Jake’s heart ached at her slurred words. “Not this time. We just held each other.” He leaned in and kissed her. “Peter Brown is sitting in the porch chair out front,” he told her then. “I don’t like leaving you in bed and half-drunk with him around,” he teased.

  She grinned. “He’s not my Jake.”

  “Well, just for insurance, Evie is out there in the sitting room to make sure that man doesn’t come in here. She’ll help you get dressed.”

  “Oh, Jake, he wouldn’t…and I wouldn’t… You stop thinking like that. Kiss me again.”

  He sat on the edge of the bed and gently pulled her into his arms, kissing her softly. “Who do you belong to?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.

  “Jake Harkner.”

  “You bet your ass. Yo te amo, mi querida.”

  “Tell me this won’t be the last time you hold me.”

  “It won’t. You’ll come back…and I’ll come back…and we’ll both be alive and well, and this nightmare will be over.”

  “It will, Jake. I know it will.” She put her arms around his neck. “Hold me another minute. This is the one thing I miss most when you’re gone—these arms around me. I feel so safe when you’re holding me.”

  “The
y’re around you, Randy, even when I’m not here.” He held her tightly, hating to leave her. “God, I love you.”

  “I love you more.”

  With great reluctance Jake let go of her, caressing her hair for a moment before getting up. “I have to go.”

  “I should have made you breakfast. I always make you breakfast before you leave.”

  “It’s all right. Lloyd and Jeff will probably want to eat anyway. We’ll stop at Sadie’s.”

  “To watch Mary Ann pour coffee?”

  Jake grinned. “Right out of her cleavage.”

  “Don’t you dare.”

  “I’ll be thinking of your cleavage,” he joked. Then he sobered, needing to leave, but just standing there watching her. “I meant my promise the other day, Randy. If you come home fine and well, I’ll go to church. God might take that as a bribe, and I guess maybe it is, but it’s a promise.”

  “Be careful what you say, Jake. He’ll take you up on it.”

  “That’s fine with me if it means having my wife back.”

  He still just stood there.

  “Go, Jake. It has to happen and we can’t stop it, so please just go, because I can’t stand lying here watching you and wanting to hold you and wanting to beg you to stay. Just go.”

  He closed his eyes and sighed, then turned and took the extra cartridge belts from the hook. He walked out, wiping at a tear he didn’t want her to see. Evie met him in the parlor, reaching out for an embrace.

  “She’ll be okay, Daddy. I know she will.”

  “She was in a lot of pain yesterday. Help her get dressed, Evie. I don’t want Peter seeing her this way, and she wouldn’t want it either.”

  “I know. And I’ll help her pack for her trip.” She hugged him once more. “Oh, Daddy, I’ll hate having both of you gone! That’s never happened before.”

  “And it won’t happen again, baby girl.” Jake touched her face. “How are you feeling?”

  “A little better. I’ve just had a lot of morning sickness.”

  “Well, you let Katie and her mother help around here. Don’t do too much.”

  “I’ll be careful. I’m married to a doctor, you know.”

  Jake grinned. “And I’m glad of it.”

  Lloyd came inside, wearing just as many weapons as his father. “Can I go see Mom?”

  “Go ahead,” Jake told him. “She’s a little groggy from pain medication.”

  Lloyd touched Jake’s arm. “Say something decent to Peter Brown, will you? He’s doing us a big favor, Pa, even though you don’t think so.”

  “I know what he’s doing. I just don’t care for the reason he’s doing it.”

  “It isn’t just her, Pa. I honestly think it’s partly for you. The man respects that you’re her husband. I’m not happy about his feelings either, but he’ll take damn good care of Mom.”

  Jake sighed. “I’m sure he will.” He turned back to Evie. “You know the rules, baby girl, and they are more important than ever this time around. All of you stay in town, and stay together as much as you can. Keep a tight rein on the boys and don’t go shopping alone. If I could get out of this damn trip, I would, but I can’t, and Lloyd won’t let me go alone, so you and Katie and the kids and the Donavans stay together. Pat Donavan knows how to use a gun, and Lloyd said Katie isn’t bad with a rifle. Her brothers taught her because of rustlers and such out at their ranch, but she hasn’t used one in a long time, and a person needs to stay in practice with a—”

  “Daddy!” Evie interrupted. “You are rattling on like a mother hen. I’m a Harkner, remember? I know the rules.”

  He reached out and tugged at her hair. “And I’m damn sorry I have to make those rules. Once I’m done with all of this, life will be a lot easier.”

  “And in the meantime, God will take care of all of us like he’s always done. Mother is going to be fine, and that means you’ll be joining us in church when you get back.”

  Jake grinned. “I can see neither you nor Randy is going to let me off that hook.”

  “Certainly not. Now go do what you have to do and get back here so we can all have the extreme pleasure of watching you take off those guns and walk through the church doors. It will be an epic moment.”

  Jake couldn’t help a light laugh. “And lightning will probably strike the steeple, and it will topple right to the ground.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “And anything that makes you happy makes me happy.” He gave her a wink. “We’ll see about the church thing. Let’s concentrate right now on your mother getting well and me getting rid of Marty Bryant so he’s no longer a worry.”

  “Well, the way you look right now, I’d be shaking in my shoes if I was Marty.”

  He patted her cheek and headed for the door, noticing both grandsons were waiting outside with Brian and Katie to see their grandfather before leaving. Little Jake was running around babbling about “Gampa’s guns.” Jake just shook his head. He headed out the door, finding Peter leaning against a porch post, watching Brian help Stephen get his foot in a stirrup so he could climb up on Lloyd’s horse.

  “The older one likes to cheat at cards and the little one is totally wild and unruly, which means the poor things both belong to me,” Jake told Peter.

  Peter turned, looking Jake over. “You have to be the most intimidating man in this entire territory. Far be it from me to set you off, so don’t be worrying about my intentions while you’re gone. No man wants to answer to you when you look like that.”

  “Well then, I’ve given you proper cause to respect my marriage.”

  Peter folded his arms. “Jake—”

  “Don’t say it.” Jake pulled a cigarette and a match from inside his duster. “Sometimes she needs holding, Peter, and you damn well know it.” He struck the match and lit the cigarette. “And I’m telling you to do the holding if she needs it. She’ll be scared of the surgery. And if…” He took a deep drag on the cigarette, hating the fact that he couldn’t hide the tears that again stung his eyes. He wasn’t used to this. “If they find out the worst, I guess all you can do is tell her and bring her back home to me. I can at least hold her while she’s…” He stopped and cleared his throat, then took a drag on the cigarette.

  Peter removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair. “Jake, I’ve lost a wife. I know how it feels. And I know my feelings are partly from just being lonely. I have no bad intentions. I just want to know I did something for her—did my part in helping her. Can you understand that?”

  Jake kept the cigarette at the corner of his lips. “I’m trying. She trusts me, and that takes a lot, because I have a very good woman friend out there who runs a brothel—so I guess it’s my turn to trust her.”

  Peter laughed lightly. “Why does the fact that you have friends at a brothel not surprise me?”

  Jake grinned but quickly wiped at watery eyes. “Peter, there’s a whole lot about me you still don’t know.” He watched a crowd start to gather. “I’m a little worried about people talking, Peter. I don’t want anything bad said about my wife traveling with you.”

  “I’ll set straight anyone who asks. I am your attorney, going to Oklahoma City to see about shortening your sentence. Randy is going with me to help plead your case. I won’t mention a doctor, because maybe she doesn’t want the whole town to know what’s going on. I’ll ask her about that.”

  “I’d appreciate it.”

  Jake noticed the strap of a shoulder holster under Peter’s suit jacket. “Let me see that gun.”

  Peter took it out and handed it to him. “Not very big, but it will do the job. It’s Italian made, but the design is called Chamelot-Delvigne—French gunsmiths. That particular gun was made in ’79, and it’s a 10.4 millimeter center-fire…double-action, which is rare.”

  Jake studied the gun, spinning the chamber. “I’ve heard of these but never saw one. If I wasn’t re
ady to leave, I’d take this out and shoot it.”

  “I collect foreign-made revolvers.”

  Jake lowered the gun. “Do you now? Why didn’t I know this about you?”

  Peter shrugged. “I guess I figured someone like you wouldn’t be interested in smaller revolvers.”

  “Like hell!” Jake looked the gun over again. “Someday my living will be as a gunsmith, Peter. I need to see every kind of gun I can get my hands on, and I intend to design some of my own. I’ve already modified the ones I wear to suit my speed and shoot with a smoother single-action, which is why I can draw and cock and shoot a gun faster than most.” He handed the revolver back to Peter. “That’s a nice piece. I wouldn’t mind seeing what else you have when I get back…if things work out, that is.”

  “You can come and see them anytime, as long as I don’t need to grab one in self-defense when you come over.”

  A little part of Jake was beginning to like the man. “Yeah, well, we’ll see about that.” He took one last draw on his cigarette and tossed it. “Look, Peter, I talked to Sparky yesterday. He’s going to accompany you and Randy to Edmond, where you can get on a train. He’ll deputize and bring along three or four good men. My guess is that Marty Bryant is already up here somewhere planning something, but just in case he’s still south of here, I want to take extra precautions. I think once you board a train in Edmond, you’ll be safe from there on. The man wants my hide, and he’ll have no problem getting it by using my family. You remember that and keep an eye open.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  “And before you leave, talk to Juan and ask him to please take care of Randy’s roses while she’s gone. She loves her roses.”

  Peter nodded. “I will make sure someone keeps them trimmed and watered.”

  “Gampa, ride!” Little Jake ran up to him and grabbed his leg. Jake picked him up, still watching Peter. “I promised him a ride on Prince before I leave.” He glanced at his bedroom window. “All I really want to do right now is go back inside and be with my wife, but life doesn’t always let us do what we really want to do.”