Do Not Forsake Me

by Rosanne Bittner

  Randy covered her face. “My God,” she groaned.

  “He’d just found out about your daughter, ma’am. He was headed to Guthrie to find out for sure, but somehow he already knew she’d been taken.” She shook her head. “I’ve never seen him like that, Mrs. Harkner, and I hope to never see it again. Never since I’ve known him has he scared me, but he scared me that day. And he was real upset over wanting to kill some…some loose woman up at Hell’s Nest who knew about Evie but didn’t tell him right away. She wanted…well, when he found out she knew and didn’t say anything, he told me that was the first time he wanted to hurt a woman, but he didn’t. He was just…my God, he had the darkest look in his eyes I’ve ever seen in a man, like Satan himself was boiling right up inside of him.”

  “Dear God,” Randy whispered, putting a hand to her eyes. “I knew it would be bad. He needed me in the worst way.”

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d be upset that he stopped at my place. I mean, he only stopped to change horses. I gave him some fresh food and made him promise to eat and try to sleep a little bit more. The man was killing himself trying to get to Guthrie. I came here hoping he was back and everything was okay. I’m just real worried maybe he rescued his daughter but got sick and died afterward from the way he was abusing himself. Then again, Jake’s a mighty tough man. He’s survived an awful lot in his life. And he had that son of yours with him. Still, I’m not sure which one of them was worse off. Poor Lloyd was beside himself too, thinking they’d taken his wife and son. I tried real hard to get them to stay a bit, maybe sleep for a while, but Jake wouldn’t have it. He insisted on going on.”

  Randy turned. “Dixie, I’m sure you helped both of them as much as you could. I couldn’t be there for them, and I just ache over that. I know Jake sometimes stops at your place. He likes to tease me about it. You’re a good friend, and you are always welcome in this house.”

  Dixie looked her over. “I saw you once in town. You probably don’t remember…”

  “I do remember—your face, anyway. I didn’t know who you were, but I knew…well…”

  “Yeah, we all have that look about us.” Dixie sighed. “I was so impressed by how beautiful and gracious you were. Jake said if I’d told you who I was, you probably would have invited me over, but he said he’d have a lot of explaining to do afterward.”

  Randy managed a smile. “Jake is Jake, Dixie. Nothing you could tell me would upset me.”

  “Well, then… I mean, you should probably know that he stopped by on the way to Hell’s Nest. That was before all of this other happened—before he knew about Evie. He was a real mess then too. He…I…he kind of broke down over you, thinking you could be dying. I held him half the night. I thought you should know. I swear to God it was just holding, that’s all. He needed someone to cry on, someone not close to him like family is. I think he just didn’t want anybody in the family to see that, especially not Lloyd. He was so damn scared for you. I’m glad to see you looking so well. And I hope you understand. He’ll probably tell you himself. I just want you to know nothing wrong happened.”

  Randy turned away. “I understand him much better than you think, Dixie. I know how he was raised. And I know the kind of people he turns to in times like this. Don’t fret about it. I know Jake inside and out. I believe you.” Her eyes teared at how much she loved him, how she missed him. “He teases me constantly about stopping there,” she added. “It’s kind of a running joke with us. He can be so exasperating sometimes, goading me about things like that. I think part of what he loves about me is that I understand.”

  Dixie smiled. “It’s easy for me to picture that. He teases me too. When Jake is in a good mood, he’s so handsome and likable and has that great sense of humor. He really cares about people. Really cares. You have no idea how much that means. I’m not just some prostitute who’s worth nothing more than—well, I’m a friend. Not many people, especially men, call me that.” She sighed. “Anyway, I hope he’s found your daughter and grandson by now. You just remember that this is Jake Harkner. If anybody can get them out of this and live through it, it’s Jake. I told him that to be strong and think straight he had to be the old Jake, the mean one, the one with no feelings. I said he couldn’t let feelings get in the way, and believe me, when he left, the feelings were buried way down deep and he was some other man I’d never met before.”

  Randy nodded. “I’ve seen that Jake.” She turned away and went to sit down on the bed. Dixie stared at the bed, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. So, this was Jake’s bedroom.

  “Mrs. Harkner, I have to ask…how did your surgery go?”

  Randy wiped at tears. “Good. I’m fine. There was no cancer.”

  Dixie breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, I’m so glad! Jake would be so lost without you. If anything happened to you, I’m not sure he wouldn’t turn one of those guns on himself. It just broke my heart to see how bad he was hurting that night he came to me. Can you beat that? He can face down fifteen men with those guns and it doesn’t scare him a bit…but losing you? That terrifies him. And I gotta say, for a man who grew up unloved, he sure knows how to love back. That little boy I brought here with me, Jake already loves him…treats him like his own kid. I brought him here to tell you about him so’s you’d be prepared. Whether Jake comes back or not, he’d expect you to take and love that boy.”

  Randy motioned for her to sit down in a nearby rocker. “Who is he? Why would Jake expect me to take him in?”

  Dixie sat down, removing her gloves. “I won’t need to explain once I tell you how he found him.” She looked Randy over. “Are you all right? I mean, am I wearing you out? You can lie down if you want. I don’t mind. Maybe I should leave now.”

  “No. Please stay. I’m fine. In two more days I’ll have stitches taken out, and everything is healing well. I just still get tired easily. Tell me about that boy out there.”

  “His name is Ben Perry. After Jake left my place and headed for Hell’s Nest, he came upon the kid being…beat…with a belt.”

  Randy closed her eyes. “Dear God.”

  “Yeah, you can imagine what that must have done to him. Jake dropped him off at my place on his way to Guthrie, and he was in such a hurry he didn’t have time to explain much more than that. But I’ve talked with Ben since then, and the kid told me that Lloyd had a hell of a time stopping Jake from beating the kid’s pa to death with the same belt once he got it away from him. It was pretty bad, I guess, and Jake fell against a shovel and cut that handsome face pretty bad. I saw the cut. I have a feeling that once it’s totally healed, it won’t much mess up his looks, but it looked real bad the day he stopped at my place. Lord knows men don’t come much more handsome than Jake…except maybe that son of yours.”

  Randy wiped at her eyes. “It must have been horrible for him…seeing that man beating on the boy.”

  “Well, the way little Ben tells it, his pa said for Jake to go ahead and take him…said he didn’t want him. Jake—he knows that feeling of not being wanted, I reckon’. It must have broke his heart, so he took the boy. Apparently he wants to keep him, Mrs. Harkner, raise him as his own and love him like he ought to be loved. The boy was a real mess when Jake dropped him off—terrible welts all over his body. He’s a real good boy, very polite, kind of lost. He’s scared Jake won’t come back. I told him I figured you were kind enough that if you can’t keep him yourself, you’d make sure he was with real good people who would love him.”

  Randy pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of her robe and blew her nose, then wiped at her eyes. “Of course I will.” She sighed and stood up, walking to a window. “I’m glad you came, Dixie, so I’d know what to expect. If Jake makes it through this, it’s still going to be hard for him. He’s very good at blaming himself for everything bad that happens to his family.” She turned to meet Dixie’s gaze. “But Evie—she will find a way to help him. No matter what has happened to her, she’ll be conc
erned about Jake instead of herself. She’ll never let Jake take the blame for any of this.”

  Dixie nodded. “I hope she can manage that, and I hope with all my heart he makes it back, Mrs. Harkner, all in one piece, with your daughter and grandson in tow, as well as your son, of course. I saw a lovely redheaded woman headed across the street earlier—came from this house. Might that be Lloyd’s new wife?”

  “Yes. Her name is Katie. And she’s a strong, brave young woman. She has already lost one husband and a child. Stephen has taken to her like the mother he needs, and she’s going to be a perfect wife for Lloyd. She even held off some of those outlaws when they raided the town. When one of them came through the bedroom door, she shot him with a rifle. Isn’t that something?”

  “It sure is! She’s the kind of wife Lloyd needs, just like you’re the kind of wife Jake needs. He told me once that you shot a couple of men yourself, back when you went with Jake to rescue Lloyd from some gang of outlaws up in outlaw country in Wyoming. I’m surprised he took you with him.”

  “I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I wanted to find my son.”

  Dixie nodded. “And whatever Randy Harkner wants, she gets, I’ll bet.”

  Randy smiled more. “I know how to handle Jake Harkner.”

  Dixie grinned. “I’ll bet you do—but I won’t ever tell him you said that.”

  “Please don’t.” Their gazes held, and Randy realized this woman loved Jake in that distant, untouchable way that Peter Brown loved her. “Life can be so strange can’t it, Dixie?”

  “It surely can, Mrs. Harkner.” She rose to leave then. “I just thought you should know all these things before Jake gets back…and he will come back any day now, I’m sure.”

  “I’m hoping he’ll make it here in just another day or two,” Randy told her. “It will depend on Evie’s condition and if they have to stop somewhere with her first. She could…lose her baby.”

  “She won’t. I just know this will work out, Mrs. Harkner. God is looking down on your family, and this whole thing will somehow help Jake. He’ll realize prayer can be answered.”

  The remark surprised Randy, coming from a woman who likely had never set foot in a church in her life. But then neither had Jake…yet he was a good man who loved with every fiber of his being. “Do you want to know something that might cheer you up, Dixie?”

  Dixie smiled. “Sure.”

  “Jake made me a promise that if I came home cancer-free, he’d go to church.”

  Dixie raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Jake?”

  “Yes.”

  “In church?”

  “Yes.”

  Dixie burst out laughing. She waved Randy off. “Oh, I’m so sorry, but that does give me something to laugh about. Jake Harkner in church!” She laughed again. “Oh my, I am going to stick around—not just to make sure Jake gets back okay, but to watch him walk into church.” She looked at Randy kindly. “Ma’am, it is absolutely amazing how tightly you have that man roped to your side. He’s wild and wicked and mean as a hungry bobcat sometimes, but when it comes to you…he just melts right down. I’ve met that Jeff kid—the one who wants to write a book about Jake—and he said he couldn’t do it without you being a big part of the story, and he’s right about that.” Her smile faded. “You’re an angel of a woman, Mrs. Harkner. Jake is the luckiest man who ever walked, and he damn well knows it.”

  Randy walked back to the window. “Thank you. What he doesn’t know is that I feel like I’m the lucky one, Dixie. Not many women are loved the way I am loved, in spite of the wild shoot-outs and the brothels and the rough life he lives. When we’re together it’s nothing like that.”

  “Oh, I can see that.” Dixie rose and walked toward the door. “I’d better get out of here before Lloyd’s wife gets back. She might not be so understanding about her husband visiting my place.”

  “Katie will need to learn patience, because Lloyd is a lot like Jake, and believe me, Jake isn’t always easy to live with.” Randy blinked back more tears. “But the way he loves someone…that makes it easier. He treasures the people he loves.” She took a deep breath, struggling to keep from breaking down completely. “And you don’t live with a man like Jake for twenty-six years and not trust him, because Jake is the kind of man who just blurts out everything he’s been up to…right out in the open…no bones about it.” She faced Dixie.

  “That’s Jake, all right,” Dixie answered with a sly smile. “You know, Mrs. Harkner, Lloyd told me once that Jake said a man can have all the women in the world, but they don’t mean a damn thing compared to having that one special woman that’s just his alone and who loves him inside and out.”

  Who do you belong to?

  Jake Harkner.

  Who owns every inch of this body?

  Jake Harkner.

  Yo te amo, mi querida.

  “I hope to hell he’s alive, Mrs. Harkner,” Dixie told her, interrupting Randy’s thoughts, “and your son and daughter are all right.”

  “They have to be, Dixie. They have to be. What will I do if they aren’t?”

  Dixie shook her head. “Ma’am, I’m going to stay right here in town till I know, too, that he’s all right. And I can keep the boy with me if you want, till Jake gets here. Then you can talk about it with him. You don’t need the extra burden right now. I just wanted you to know about him. I brought him here because the boy was getting anxious to know if Jake got back yet. That kid already thinks the world of Jake.” She turned to go.

  “Dixie—” She turned back around, and Randy surprised her by walking up to embrace her. “Thank you for being there for him when I couldn’t be. I feel so much better knowing that. You might have saved his life.”

  Dixie patted her back. “He’s a good man, and a good friend. He respects women like me, and that means a lot.” She pulled away.

  Randy wiped at her eyes with a handkerchief. “I guess I had better go have a talk with Ben.”

  “Well, I don’t want him to be a burden to you right now. You need to take care of yourself. Like I said, Ben can stay with me at the hotel, or with Katie’s folks for a while. I don’t know them, but that’s who Jake thought would take him in if it’s too much for you. Lloyd told me what good people they are, and you still need time to heal, Mrs. Harkner. And when Jake gets back, you two will need some time alone. Ben will understand if you explain it right.”

  “Well, if Jake loves this child, then I do too. How old is he?”

  “Eight.”

  “That’s the same age Jake was when—” Randy closed her eyes. “Maybe little Ben out there can help heal his wounds, Dixie…the unseen wounds deep inside. I think God sent that boy to him.”

  Dixie nodded. “I’m thinking the same.” She turned. “I’ll leave you to your rest now. I really have to get going before people know I’m here, Mrs. Harkner. They might talk.”

  “I couldn’t care less if people see you here. My husband is Jake Harkner, and Lord knows the rumors that abound about that man. And from now on, if we meet again, call me Randy.”

  Dixie pressed her arms. “Thank you. And I’ll be praying Jake comes back.”

  “The whole town is praying.” Randy opened the bedroom door. “Thank you again, Dixie. Let’s talk to Ben together.”

  They walked into the parlor, where bullet holes still showed in the walls. One window remained boarded up. Randy’s heart ached at the empty table where her beautiful lamp used to sit. She remembered when Jake bought it for her, on a trip together to Denver…a lifetime ago.

  Peter frowned, meeting Randy’s gaze. “This boy here told me how he met Jake…says Jake has adopted him. That true?”

  Randy glanced at Ben, who looked at her with wide, hope-filled blue eyes. “Yes. It’s true.” She imagined Jake at eight years old, terrified and alone and horribly abused. How could she not take this little boy and love him?

/>   “So you’ll take him in…just like that?” Peter asked.

  Randy watched the hope in the child’s blue eyes. She nodded. “Just like that.”

  Thirty-seven

  “Do you want more coffee?”

  “No. How do I look?”

  “Randy, Jake will be so glad to see you, it won’t matter how you look. In his eyes you are always beautiful.” Peter studied her lustrous hair, brushed out long because Jake liked it that way…her pale-yellow dress, Jake’s favorite color…the tiny diamond earrings she wore that Jake had bought for her years ago when he asked her to come to him after two years away doing only God knew what…the slim figure of a woman she was, determined to stay that way for…who else? Jake.

  All men find you beautiful. Peter watched her pace, watched her go to the door again, hoping this was the day Jake would finally come home, still worried he wouldn’t come home at all.

  “Randy, please sit down. You should be resting.”

  “I can’t. It’s been eight days since he rode after Evie. I’m so worried about her, what my precious daughter has been through. And poor little Ben is so scared.”

  “It’s amazing how attached he apparently became to Jake, when he’s known him such a short time.”

  Randy watched the quiet street. “I’m not surprised. They share the same soul.” Please come home, Jake! Bring our Evie back. “Peter, what if he’s dead? What if they killed him? Maybe Lloyd too. Maybe they even killed Evie.”

  “He didn’t go after Evie alone, Randy. He had Lloyd and Brian and Jeff and four men from town who are good with guns. He probably could have gone after them alone and still made it back.”

  Randy smoothed her dress and looked at herself in a mirror. “Sparky said it takes close to four days to reach Dune Hollow. Knowing Jake, he probably made it in three. By the fourth day, he would go after her. He’ll probably take it slower coming home, for Evie’s sake.”