Mentor's Match

by Tara Sue Me

  God, that made her sound shallow. Like she was using him. But the truth was, Cole had been using her as well. Surely he knew she wasn’t his great love either. He’d grown comfortable with her as well.

  “I won’t lie,” Kate continued. “Comfort has a lot of things going for it. I can see how it’d be easy to settle for comfort. But in the end, that’s what you’re doing. Settling. The day that hit me was the day I walked out on Cole. I knew we both deserved better than settling.” She looked briefly at the collared submissive before her. “Looking at you with him now, I see I was correct.”

  “Thank you,” Sasha said. “I'm not sure how much you know about my life before Cole.”

  Kate shook her head. She didn’t know anything about the woman who owned Cole’s heart. But as Sasha spoke, she saw reflected in her eyes a knowledge beyond her years.

  “I won’t bore you with unnecessary details. The short of it is that I was hurt badly in a scene. As a result, I was very scared and nervous and unsure. In fact, I decided not to be in the lifestyle anymore. But it didn’t take me long to realize that without submission, I was miserable. And, seriously, for a stretch of time, I thought I could live with being miserable. Miserable seemed to be so much easier than being afraid. Those seemed to be my only choices: misery or fear.”

  Kate nodded, understanding exactly what she was saying.

  “One day, I decided I’d had enough misery and I was so miserable, fear started to look good. The way I saw it, a good Dom might be able to help with my fear, but I was alone with my misery. And it also hit me that if I could get over the fear, I wouldn’t be miserable anymore. Does any of that make sense?”

  “Yes, and I see how it relates to you, but I’m not sure how to relate it to my situation.”

  Sasha took a sip of coffee. “I think we all have our own choices. Mine was between misery and fear. I’m not sure what yours are, but I’m sure they are there. You have to decide which one you can live with. Or if facing one will also take care of the other.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “The other thing that helped me was making a list of what I wanted and what I needed. Then I looked at each item and asked myself what I wanted out of life, what was important to me and armed with that information, if the item on my list was something I could live without.”

  Kate looked at Sasha stunned. “Wow.”

  She smiled. “Sorry, that’s way too deep for a conversation before noon, but maybe it’ll help.”

  Kate could only nod as she tried to take in everything the woman beside her had just explained.

  Sasha jumped up at the sound of a car pulling up the driveway. Kate didn’t miss the expression of excitement and love on her face.

  When Cole walked in, he didn’t look at Kate. His attention was focused on his submissive who stood silently to her feet and walked across the floor to kneel before him.

  Sasha kept her eyes on his as she spoke. “I’m glad you’re home, Master.”

  Cole slipped his fingers through her hair and his smile was so genuine, it almost made Kate weep. “Hello to you, little one,” he said to the woman at his feet and held a hand out to her. “Come here and give me a kiss.”

  It was only when he was finished greeting Sasha, that he even acknowledged Kate’s presence.

  “Hello, Kate,” he said, with his arm around Sasha. “Welcome to our home.”

  ~~~~~

  In the end, it seemed that her talk with Sasha made her conversion that followed with Cole seem anti-climatic. Cole of course, was very kind and told her it was fine. He said it was water under the bridge and she shouldn’t worry about. But she told him she did worry about it because she believed she left things in a bad place with him, and that they deserved better than that after all their years together.

  She admitted she was not as clear and honest with him as she could have been when they were together. She ended by telling him the breakup wasn’t his fault and that it was hers. He gently shook his head and said no, there were two people in the relationship and the fact that it ended was as a result of both of their problems and issues. Lastly, he added that there was a reason they weren’t still together, they weren’t meant to be.

  She had agreed with him. She knew she was not the great love of his life just as she knew he wasn’t hers. The three of them said goodbye. On her way back to the guesthouse, she felt peaceful. She had Cole back, though as a friend this time, and it felt wonderful. Plus, she had made a new friend in Sasha.

  Now she was getting ready to pack to go home and also thinking in her mind about what she wanted. She eventually gave up and put aside her clothes, snatching a nearby paper and a pen. At the top she wrote WHAT I WANT and then put down what came to mind, though not in any particular order. “I want to be submissive, but not all of the time.” She would not be a full-time slave again, that part of her life was done. She would not revisit it.

  Number two was, “I want it hardcore when I am submissive.” She had enjoyed that with Fritz. It didn’t have to remain a fantasy. Not if that was what got her off the most. She would embrace it and not be ashamed or embarrassed.

  Number three made her laugh. Sometimes she wanted “Play to be extended and to last for days. Sometimes.” Because she had enjoyed being a slave, just not all the time.

  Four: “Bossy when not in a scene.” The truth was the truth and there was no need to deny it. She was and she had no interest in pretending otherwise. It was time she stopped trying to please everyone because it was never going to happen.

  Five: “Alone time” Sometimes she had to have it and that was that. Anyone who wanted to be with her long term would have to learn to live with it. Bottom line.

  She felt a little depressed when she looked over the list. There was too much there and some of it seemed to contradict itself. But there she was on paper and she was sad because there was no way anybody could agree to all those things. No way anybody could check all the boxes she needed checked.

  Especially Fritz. He would not be happy agreeing to everything she needed. He’d made it clear back when she was in Berlin that he wanted twenty-four, seven. She sighed and went back to packing. If she had learned nothing else thus far in life, she had learned she could not be what she wasn’t. She’d tried for eight years and failed.

  She would rather be alone by herself than with somebody and not be herself.

  ~~~~~

  The next Friday morning she stood in the offices of Luke’s club and said goodbye to everyone. It was shortly before noon, and though she had planned on leaving earlier, Luke’s admin had brought cake. And she couldn’t leave until they had cake, could she?

  Everyone had finished and only Fritz remained with her.

  “Well,” she said, looking over the empty room. “I guess that’s that.”

  “Are you leaving now?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she said. “If I leave now, I can get home before dark. Tonight, I will sleep in my own bed. Heaven, know what I mean?”

  He shook his head. “I travel so much, I’m not sure what my bed feels like anymore.”

  She couldn’t imagine. “Listen, about us…” She didn’t know how to say what she wanted and before she could decide, he started.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I was wrong and I was out of line."

  “No, you were right. And I know you did what you thought was best for me, to help me see the error of my ways. After thinking about what you said about how I wasn’t able to talk to Cole the way I should? I knew you were right. I thought I should apologize to him. Let him know that the entire break up wasn't his fault, like I’d claimed it was. I was in the relationship, too.

  “I went by to talk to him, but. He was out and I ended up talking to Sasha. She's a lot of things. And one of those things is she’s very smart. She gave me a lot to think about. I really like her.”

  “She is very smart and she loves him completely. Cole’s a lucky man.”

  That hurt worse than she wanted to admit. “Yes,
” she said. “He deserves that.”

  “Everybody does, Kate.”

  He looked as if he wanted to say something else and she waited.

  He just shook his head and said, “I hope more than anything you find what it is you’re looking for.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, but as he walked away, she couldn’t help but feel as if she already had and she’d just let it slip out of her fingers.

  ~~~~~

  A few days after Kate had left, Cole invited Fritz over for dinner with him and Sasha. The dinner had been enjoyable. They were a fun couple. He’d always enjoyed talking with Cole, the man was very knowledgeable and had a lot of world experience. He was slowly getting to know Sasha more and the more he did, the more he discovered she was quite the conversationalist.

  He remembered the Cole he’d mentored. How he used to wonder if he’d ever find a woman who would take him as he was. Fritz had always believed his friend had found her in Kate. But now, seeing him with Sasha, the differences between the relationships were obvious.

  After eating, they moved to the living room. Sasha had been sitting beside Cole, but after a while she scooted down to sit at his feet. Cole ran his fingers though her hair and she sighed in contentment and leaned against his legs.

  He couldn’t help but to feel jealous at the sight of the couple. It wasn’t that he wanted Sasha, he was jealous of the relationship they had. He wanted that. Wanted to find that contentment and that love with someone.

  Okay he was lying, not just someone. He wanted that with Kate. He’d never seen himself as the type to settle down with a woman, but with her, he knew he could.

  As if he could read his thoughts, Cole asked, “How’s it going in the office with Kate gone?”

  “She is missed,” he said. “I liked having her around. She was fun and jovial. Not to mention, she brought a breath of fresh air. Too much testosterone is never a good thing.”

  Sasha laughed.

  “Okay,” Cole said. “I can certainly agree with you on that. How did you leave it between the two of you?”

  “How do you think I left it? She’s still trying to decide what she wants. I’m not going to do anything to get in her way of doing that.”

  “I don't suppose you told her how you’ve felt about her for the last few years?”

  Fuck, was he serious? He thought he’d just drop that on her as she drove off?

  “No, you don’t have to answer that,” Cole said. “I can see the answer on your face.”

  “What do you expect, Cole?” He asked. “That I was going to just blurt it out? It’s not that easy.”

  “It's not supposed to be easy,” his friend said. “But how do you expect her to make a decision about something if she doesn’t have all the information?”

  “I think she had plenty of information. We talked a few times about what she wanted and what she should do. She mentioned she had a conversation with Sasha before she left.”

  He knew he’d done the right thing. Telling Kate about his feelings for her wouldn’t have made anything better. It would only confuse her more.

  “Come here, little one,” Cole said, and Sasha climbed into his lap. “Tell me what you and Kate discussed that day before I got home.”

  Fritz had the distinct impression he knew exactly what the women had discussed and he was only asking her to talk about it for his benefit.

  “I shared with her a little about what I went through before you,” Sasha said. “How I tried to ignore who I really was and how miserable I felt. How I finally decided to face my fear because I couldn’t live without that part of myself anymore.”

  Cole cupped her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “My brave, fierce girl.”

  “I told her she had to figure out for herself what she could and could not live without.”

  “Did she understand, little one?”

  “Yes, Master. I believe she did. She said she had a lot of thinking to do.”

  Cole gave her a quick kiss. “Thank you, little one. Why don’t you go prepare a bath for us? I’ll be right there.”

  After she disappeared down the hall, Cole turned to him. “I can see your point about it not being the right time and how Kate needs time to think, but you owe it to yourself and to her to let her know how you feel. And if you don’t.” He shook his head. “Then you don’t deserve her.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Four Months Later

  Kate stood in front of the mirror in her hotel room and double checked her suit. She thought she looked fantastic, and even though the job opportunity wouldn’t be given to her because of her looks, it never hurt in her opinion.

  She thought it was rather funny she was back in Berlin so soon. She had neither planned nor anticipated as much. In fact, it was truly coincidental that she was in Berlin in the first place. When she’d received the email about joining the international group whose purpose was to determine acceptable international guidelines, they had mentioned she’d probably be meeting with an executive member in London. She happily accepted the offer of an interview. It would be the first group of its kind and they wanted her.

  Last week, she’d received a message saying the member had moved to Berlin to be closer to her family and the meeting location had therefore changed. Kate had been surprised, but the group was able to adjust her airline tickets. More importantly, she thought with a half laugh, she had a hotel room.

  She didn’t know if Fritz was in town. He’d sent her a few texts after she got home from Wilmington, but she hadn’t replied. Clean breaks were the best and since she knew they didn’t want the same things, it didn’t seem fair to pretend otherwise. He eventually stopped sending them.

  She’d almost replied last week when she found out she’d be in Berlin, but what would be the point? Nothing could come of it except heartache and that definitely was not on her list of things she needed.

  After weeks of thinking about it, she never changed her list of things she needed. Yes, it would be hard to find someone who could meet them all, and if she never found him, that was okay. The important thing was, she knew she wouldn’t settle for anything less than that list.

  The phone in her room rang.

  “Hello,” she answered.

  “Ms. Herrington,” the front desk staff member said. “Your taxi is here.”

  “Thank you. I’ll be right down.”

  She had an interview to go to. Thoughts of Fritz would have to wait.

  ~~~~~

  Eight hours later, the woman across from her stood and shook her hand. “Thank you for coming to Berlin, Kate. I truly appreciate it.”

  “It was no problem.” When she first heard she had to fly so far for an interview, she’d thought it was odd, but now after such a long day, she saw why. She was also glad she had a few days before flying home.

  “The partners will be having a meeting tomorrow morning, so I should be able to let you know something definitive tomorrow afternoon.”

  “I look forward to hearing from you.”

  She said her goodbyes and left the building, but instead of catching a cab back to the hotel, she decided to walk for a bit. She’d been stuck inside the entire day and she needed fresh air. Not to mention some space to think.

  The weather was a bit nippy and she was thankful for the thin sweater she’d brought just in case. Wrapping it around her shoulders, she crossed the street and started walking in the general area of her hotel.

  She’d gone a few blocks when she saw a street name she thought sounded familiar. Why would it? She kept walking and it hit her. It was the street Fritz’s BDSM club was on. She walked faster, trying to remember the street number and hoping she was headed in the right direction.

  Up ahead she could see a crowd of people starting to gather around a window. Curious, she hurried to it. From what she could gather, it was some sort of live display taking place in the window. Unfortunately the people in front of her were tall, so she couldn’t see very well. Eventually, the person i
n front of her stepped away, and she gasped. It was the club. It was Fritz’s club.

  It appeared as if club members were currently taking turns being the window display, As to what they were doing, she wasn't sure if performing was the right word. But it did look like some sort of organized play.

  She should walk away; she had never been a voyeur before. Watching had never turned her on, in fact she typically found it a bit uncomfortable. But she told herself they weren’t actually having sex and she couldn’t forget that it was his club. He belonged here. She tried to get a sense of him, to see if she could feel him in anyway around the club area. But she couldn't.

  The players in the window were wrapping up. A few people started to walk away, She should go as well. There was no reason for her to stay. She turned away, but right as she prepared to take the first step, the crowd shifted, drawing her closer to the window and cheering. Curiosity got the best of her and she looked up and into the window to see what or who could cause such a stir.

  It was him. Standing and looking all kinds of magnificat, just as he had back in Delaware. He was shirtless, and she could see his expansive chest, with those delectably defined ab muscles. But his arms were crossed and he had a dour look on his face. At the moment, he was looking that way towards a submissive, scantly clad and kneeling at his feet.

  She should go, she really should. She could not stand down here and watch him scene with a submissive. But her feet didn't want to move. It was as if she was frozen in place.

  He was speaking to the submissive. She could tell by the way his lips moved, but of course with the window, she couldn’t hear what was being said. Off to the corner, she saw a man standing to the side of Fritz. His stance matched Fritz’s, his arms were crossed and he had a matching frosty expression. He was watching the couple like everyone else, but with a curious look in his eye. He said something to Fritz and suddenly, she knew what was going on.

  Fritz had told one time that he had a job, a side job, where he worked with submissive in need of discipline. This must be one of those cases.