Unsuitable

by Ainslie Paton

  “Audrey. Audrey.” He sat on the bed and shook her. “Fuck. Fuck. Audrey wake up.” She was hot to touch, feverish, her breathing shallow. He planted Mia on the bed and shook Audrey more firmly. She moaned, but otherwise nothing. Mia started to cry again while he called for an ambulance. The wait to connect far longer than was reasonable. He tucked Mia into his lap and climbed further into the bed so he could be close to Audrey, so he could hold her. None of that sound or movement had any impact on her.

  “Mum’s sick.”

  He stroked Audrey’s damp hair. “Yeah, she’s sick, but the ambulance is coming and the doctor will make her better.” Shit, he had no idea what was wrong with Audrey, what he should be telling Mia.

  “You broked the door.”

  “We’ll fix it.” That’s something he could do. He called Polly, told him the barest details, made him promise to run late on a job, detour here to measure up for a new door.

  When the ambulance arrived he realised it was exactly as serious as he’d feared. The paramedics got Audrey to wake briefly. They shook her much harder than he’d been prepared to, almost rough with her. She whimpered, opened her eyes but couldn’t focus or keep them open. He couldn’t answer any of their questions except yes, she’d been feeling tired, had a headache and a stiff neck. No, he no idea how long she’d been unconscious or how to contact her next of kin. But he’d work it out.

  They moved fast, lifting her onto a stretcher. While they moved the stretcher out of the house he found Audrey’s phone and called Les. He got her message service and left a voice recording to say Audrey was unwell and wouldn’t be at work today. While they were loading Audrey into the ambulance he scrolled through her phone address book and found her mother’s number. He needed to ring that number. He needed to know where they were taking Audrey first. He needed to get Mia cleaned up.

  “We’ll call Nanna.”

  “No.” Mia clung to him, her fingers digging into his neck. She hardly knew Nanna.

  “Want to get dressed?”

  She shook her head. “Mum.”

  “We’ll go see Mum in hospital but you can’t go in your jammies.” How long had Mia been awake trying to wake Audrey? What the fuck was wrong with Audrey? Why hadn’t he paid more attention? Was she feverish last night? Did she feel faint? He should know that. How could he have spent the afternoon and evening with her, held her in his arms and not know?

  Polly arrived as the ambulance pulled away from the front of the house. “Holy shit, Reece. What did they say?”

  They’d said nothing, except where they were taking her. “Can you fix this?”

  Polly assessed the doorway. “Fuck. You couldn’t use keys like a normal person. Or maybe the back door.”

  Mia whispered, “Fuck,” into Reece’s neck.

  He swung her across to the other hip, held her face to the crock of his neck and snapped at Polly. “Mind your mouth.” But hadn’t he said that earlier ? God, he might’ve said anything, the dread that sat in his throat. When he couldn’t wake Audrey, when all he could think was she was already gone before he had the chance to get to love her.

  “I’ll fix this temporary till you buy a new door.”

  “Just get the house secure.”

  “What are you going to do with Mia?”

  “I’ll have to call Grandma. But she’ll be fine with me, till we work out what to do.”

  “I don’t want Nanna. She’s not nice to me.” Mia’s breath quickened, close to tears again. She tucked her fingers into the collar of his shirt, tried to climb inside it.

  Polly pulled a tape measure out of his tool belt. “Mia, will you help me fix the door?” She peered at him through her hair. He held out a builder’s tape measure, showing her how it worked. “Would you hold this for me?”

  “Don’t let her jam her fingers in that. Can’t you give her a pencil or something simple?”

  “Hold it together there, mate.” Polly whipped out a chewed HB. “Here is my magic pencil.” He held it out to Mia and she looked at it with suspicion, but it was a good distraction. Reece wouldn’t put her down till he got the glass cleaned up and shoes on her feet. He was about to get to that when a taxi pulled up.

  Les got out and walked towards him with a smile for Mia that became a frown when she saw the shattered door and Polly, and hit Reece with a blur of questions: “What happened? Did someone break in? Where’s Audrey? Is she hurt? You said sick. She’s never sick. Why is Mia wet?” She pointed at Polly. “Why is he here?”

  Polly laughed. “Hello, Les. You never showed at the pub.”

  Mia giggled and that was the best thing that could’ve happened. “Mum went in the ambulants.”

  “What?” Les tried to push past Reece to get into the house.

  “I couldn’t wake her. They’ve taken her to St Vincent’s.”

  “Oh God. Oh God. What did they say?”

  “Reece broked the door.” Mia held the pencil out to Les. “This is a magic pencil. I wet myself. I was scared.”

  Les took the pencil and looked it over. “Why didn’t you say it was serious on your message?” She handed it back to Mia.

  He didn’t know it was the right thing to ring Les, but he’d had to tell someone at Audrey’s work. “I—”

  “We have to make an arrangement for Mia.”

  He hoisted Mia to his other hip. “I was going to—”

  “Let him get a word in,” said Polly.

  “I wasn’t talking to you.” Les shut Polly down further with a look that said crowbar to the ear.

  Polly hand’s came up to his head, but he grinned at her. “Not so shy when you’re taking charge.”

  “Why don’t you fix the door?”

  “Yes, Ma’am, that’s what I’m here for.”

  “Then why is there glass everywhere?”

  Reece left them to it and took Mia inside. Les and Polly argued while he gave Mia a bath, got her dressed and plaited her hair. They were both in the kitchen, quietly seething at each other, when he came in to make Mia breakfast.

  He got Mia sorted, drank tea Les made and called the hospital. No news. Audrey was critical but stable. They said not to come in yet, it would be a little while till they knew what was going on. He hung up, fear knotting tighter in his chest. Knowing he needed to ask what symptoms to look for in Mia, and in himself. Then he rang Audrey’s mother, Esther and after that he needed something with more kick than tea.

  He had five minutes to collect himself and he was confronted with Merrill and Joe. He’d met Merrill but not Joe. Mia was happy to see them. Joe looked tense. Polly went back to the door.

  Merrill started making plans. “Thank heavens you were here, Reece. I don’t want to think about what might’ve—” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m not thinking about it.” She smiled at him grimly. “Joe and I will take Mia until we can talk to Audrey.”

  “They don’t want us at the hospital yet.” They were unlikely to want all of them in any case. And no adult here qualified as family, but they wanted to talk with him and see Mia.

  “No, I mean. I’ll take over. Joe and I, until we can ask Audrey what to do.”

  He looked at Les, searching for an ally, but she must’ve called Merrill and Joe. Was that the right thing for Mia? Esther was a day’s travel away and didn’t intend to make the trip unless it was necessary. He’d thought unconscious, ambulance and hospitalised, plus granddaughter, might have been enough necessary. Apparently not enough to override Audrey choosing to be an unmarried mother. Jesus, that was hard core.

  “Might be best, Reece,” said Les.

  He got Mia’s attention. This didn’t sit right with him, but then his feelings were all tangled up: shock, guilt, fear. “Merrill and Joe are going to look after you today.”

  Mia looked at Merrill, looked at Joe, turned her eyes to him. “No. You.”

  Joe laughed. “Merry will take you to the park, Mia.”

  “No.”

  “You like the park,” he cajoled.
>
  “No. Today we have swimming.”

  “Not today, honey bun. Next time,” said Merrill.

  Mia shook her head. “No. Today.” She got up from the table where she’d been dressing Princess Olivia, walked into Reece’s side and wrapped her arms around his leg.

  He put his hand to the top of her head. She’d been so brave. “It might be better if we keep her routine as close to normal as possible. She’s had a hell of a morning.”

  “We appreciate your effort, but this is a time for friends and family,” said Joe.

  He studied Joe, a suit and tie stiff. “It’s my job to look after Mia.”

  “Yeah, look, mate. We can’t leave Mia with you,” Joe said. “We want to do what’s best for Audrey.”

  Reece shook his head. He didn’t like where Joe was going with this. The guy had obviously detoured from work and needed to be back there. He kept checking his watch.

  “I’ve taken the day off,” said Merrill. “I’ll take the week if I have to. Whatever Audrey needs.”

  “There’s no reason for you to do that. I can do my job.” Is that what Audrey would want? They’d never talked about this kind of emergency and they should’ve thought to.

  “Mate, we’ve got this. How about you leave your number with Merry or Les and we’ll keep you in touch.”

  Fuck. “No.” He shook his head. He almost laughed. He sounded like Mia with her declarative statements. He wasn’t letting them shut him out of this. He’d kissed Audrey last night and this morning she was deathly ill. Everything had changed even before he broke the door down to get to her and Mia.

  Once he’d seen her so pale, so fragile, all the life washed out of her, something had shifted inside him. He was not going to be shut out of this willingly.

  “Looking after Mia is my job and there’s no reason to change that. I think Audrey would expect things to be as normal as possible for Mia.”

  “This isn’t simple, Reece. Audrey might be out of action more than a day or two,” said Les.

  “I couldn’t wake her. The paramedics shook her so hard I thought they were going to break her. You don’t need to tell me how serious this is.”

  “That’s right, mate. But you’ve done your part. Let us take over now,” said Joe.

  Merrill got down on her haunches to go face to face with Mia. “Let’s get Harry Giraffe and whoever else you want and let’s go.” She gave Reece a wary look and clapped her hands, smiling brightly to encourage Mia. Mia turned her head away and ground her forehead into his leg. He tried not to look smug about that.

  “Pick her up, Merry—” said Joe.

  Merrill frowned. “I’m not—”

  Mia grizzled. Reece watched as his position got eroded like a set of waves eating at a sandcastle.

  “What if—” said Les.

  Joe cut her off. “Look, you seem like a nice enough guy, Reece, but we can’t rely on Audrey’s mum and it’s not your responsibility. Mia is better off with us.”

  “You’d rather take her away from her routine than let me do my job?”

  “Never thought she’d hire you. No hard feelings. Merry and I are Mia’s legal guardians. We’re not leaving Mia with you.”

  No hard feelings. “Please let me do my job.” If there wasn’t a very unsettled three year old in the room, Reece would have a different response to suit and tie, legal guardian or not. If he was a woman would they even be having this conversation? Would there be any doubt Mia was better off with him, with her regular routine for now?

  Joe shook his head. Mia started to cry. Reece picked her up and glared at Joe. Fuck Joe. Mia wasn’t some toy to pass around, and he wasn’t some two bit teenage babysitter you could send home with a pat on the head when things got tough.

  Merrill plucked at Joe’s arm. “Why don’t we wait and see what we learn from the hospital. Audrey might be conscious and she can tell us what she wants.”

  “Good idea,” said Les. She handed Mia a biscuit. Mia threw it at her.

  The day got worse. Audrey had meningitis. The type that could kill you. That came on suddenly with ordinary feeling off-colour symptoms. She was gravely ill, on oxygen, being fed antibiotics and fluid intravenously. He should’ve broken the house down to get to her quicker. They had every expectation she’d recover. They said that as though they also had any number of expectations she might not. But they’d caught it soon enough, before the rash, before limbs and brainstems were compromised, so there was hope.

  Hope. Jesus Christ. What if this had been the weekend? Holy fuck.

  He stood with Merrill, Joe and Les, in a hospital waiting room and tried to absorb what they’d been told while they waited for a doctor from public health to consult with them. Mia wouldn’t leave his arms, didn’t want to be put down.

  Merrill tried to take her. “Mia, can I have a hug too?”

  “No.”

  “Oh please.” Merrill was good at this, she was trying to help, but Mia had superhero stubbornness

  “No. Leave me alone.” Merrill tried a tickle attack. Mia turned her head away but said very succinctly, “Fuck.”

  Merrill gasped, but knew enough not to make a big deal of this, with Mia at least. She gave him a death stare, and what remaining position, what limited moral authority he had took another knife to the guts and bled all over the sanitised hospital floor. His only salve was that Mia knew exactly how that word was meant to be used. Clever, like her mum.

  The doctor from public health chose that moment, when Reece was the poster boy for bad child care to arrive. He needed to talk to her about whether meningitis was contagious and if Mia was at risk. If he was. The doc briefed them further on Audrey’s treatment. The best thing was learning he didn’t need to beat himself over knowing how ill she was.

  Symptoms onset for bacterial meningitis was sudden and for the most part unremarkable: a sore neck, sensitivity to light, a fever, a rash, which was partly what made the disease so dangerous.

  Reece kept his voice down and his enquiry about himself neutral, it was entirely unreasonable to be concerned, but he saw naked curiosity fix in Les’ eyes, and knew Merrill was made of ears.

  Close contact made meningitis contagious. Sharing cutlery, coughing, sneezing. Kissing. The doc wanted Mia on antibiotics. Told him what to watch out for, what to do. Explained that Reece should be fine, have enough immunity to combat casual contact, but he couldn’t muck about with this.

  “We, er, might’ve had closer contact.”

  “Oh yes. You found Audrey this morning.”

  “I held her.”

  “You’re right to ask,” Doc stoked one of Mia’s plaits, “but you should still be fine like this little one.”

  She turned to go. The others were watching. He was forced to speak up. “We had closer contact.”

  She stopped, turned and studied him. “Mmm, how close?”

  He frowned. This woman was criminally intelligent. She could guess what he was getting at without him having to say it. If he didn’t have to say it, he could protect Audrey. Once he said it there was no going back, it was everything Audrey wanted to avoid.

  “Did you have sex?”

  Joe said, “Holy shit,” and Merrill shushed him.

  Reece kept his focus on Doc. He didn’t want to see how he was screwing Audrey over with her friends. “No. We kissed.”

  “When? Are we talking a peck on the cheek?”

  He shook his head. “Last night.”

  “You need a course of antibiotics too.” She walked. “Come with me.” He followed.

  “Reece.”

  He let Joe call after him. He wouldn’t make a scene, he had no rights here. He wouldn’t even get to see Audrey, and it needed to be about her and Mia, not his own wounded pride.

  When he came back with the filled prescription, Merrill reached for Mia. She had a pink iced donut as a lure and Mia was hooked, going willingly into Merrill’s arms.

  “We’ll look after Mia. We’ll stay at the house tonight so she’s in her
own bed. Give me a call tonight and I’ll update you on how Audrey is.”

  “Merrill will call you when Audrey needs you again, okay?” said Les.

  Not okay. Not right. Not best. Not fair. He’d been dismissed, because he was an unknown with no rights, a threat, because Mia learned a swear word, because he’d kissed Audrey and no one knew what to make of that, and he couldn’t tell them it was the most incredible thing that’d happened to him, because it hadn’t meant that much to her, other than a drought break, a moment out of time, something she might not remember when she was well again.

  Merrill kept Mia busy while he left. He had to rip her car seat out of his car. The only pleasure in that was knowing it’d be a pain for Joe to refit in his. He called Polly and gave him an update. He was finishing up. He drove to Audrey’s and found Polly had installed a new door identical to the one Reece had trashed.

  “Thought you said it’d be a temporary fix?”

  “It was. Then I got lucky with stock. And man, Audrey needs a break. This is a present from Pollidore Homes, because shit, meningitis.” He shoved his drill in his tool bag. “Where’s little Audrey?”

  “With Merrill and Joe. I’m out.”

  “What do you mean, out?”

  He tried his key in the door. Polly had used them to key the lock the same, making it easy for everyone. “I dunno, dismissed for now at least.”

  “Can they do that?”

  He shrugged. “They’re her legal guardians.” He re-pocketed his keys. He wasn’t giving them up yet. “Until Audrey is awake we don’t know what she wants.”

  “Right, right, but this is a temporary thing, because she’s going to wake up, right, and she’s going to want you back on deck.” Polly ran a hand over the door, brushing a sprinkling of fine sawdust off the glass panel.

  Reece looked at the door. You wouldn’t know its twin had been in pieces a few hours ago. You couldn’t know how close to death Audrey would come this morning, when you kissed her breathless last night. The shock of that still hadn’t left him. The idea that she might not recover was bigger than he could grasp.