Unsuitable

by Ainslie Paton

  She put her palm to the side of his face. “I would never.”

  “I know that, but I found the program trying to shut your laptop. I found the footage and the cameras. I lost it. I was trying to not be here before you got back. I’d have calmed down, I’d have run it off.”

  She looked back towards the house quickly. She’d be worried about leaving Mia alone. “What did you do?” She didn’t mean today.

  This wasn’t the time to talk about it. “Nothing you need to worry about. Something I’d like to forget.”

  “You’ve had no time to yourself since I got sick. One weekend off and you spent that at a working bee for Flip’s school.” She curled her fingers around his ears and shook his head side to side. “Go, run. Take a break from my life and visit your own.”

  He nodded. It was good sense. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll go back to my old bed tonight, but tomorrow night a date. I’ll get Etta and Flip to sit for us. We’ll have a proper night out, a drink, dinner.”

  She smiled. “I haven’t been on a date for...” She shook her head, gave him a shy smile. “No pressure.”

  He brought their foreheads together. He’d more than make it up to her. “Let me dance with you instead of Mia. I promise no propellers.”

  She laughed and he let her go, watched her run into the house. They’d survived their first fight. He didn’t need propellers, he had wings.

  20: Past Lives

  What was she supposed to wear on a date? Audrey stood in front of her wardrobe while Mia played on the bed behind her. Drinks, dinner and dancing Reece said. But that’s it, no other clues. He’d kept himself out of her way all morning. No kiss, no hug, just dark, intense, possessive looks that’d probably give her ingrown toenails they knotted her up so much.

  She was still not entirely straightened out after seeing him loose his cool over the nanny cam. Mia had been shy with him when he’d arrived too, though he was his regular sunny self again. But his anger had been such a palpable force, a black and red engine of titanium hard steel, coming at you with the speed to hurt, it was impossible to forget.

  Yesterday, her instinct had been to get out of his way, but he’d had destruction in his eyes and fear he’d do something dumb overrode her natural caution.

  But he’d already done something dumb and that’s what was behind the rage. She’d lain awake thinking about what that might’ve been. He’d spoken so bitterly about it. He’d said it was stupid and hurtful and she couldn’t help but think sex tape. Youthful and embarrassing, and an unfortunate turn-on when she probably should’ve been outraged, especially on the part of the woman involved. Or the man. Oh God.

  Her brain kept painting Reece in glossy pixels, in ripples of muscle and cords of tension. All that fine calibre, controlled strength rhythmically moving; predatory and greedy, generous and provocative, over the body of a partner. Had he been in the house with her, she’d have been all over him, just at the thought of him exposed like that. It was a shock to feel that way. But then everything about Reece was a shock to her system; unexpected, unsuitable, undeniable. She was desperate to ask him about it, but not sure her reaction would be appropriate. He was obviously mortified and yet she found it erotically enticing.

  “You spilled the milk in the lounge room. Don’t be angry. I’m not angry. Yes, you are. That’s not terrible. Yes, it is. No, its not.”

  Mia had the giraffe and a bear and a penguin and the conversation between them was much like the conversations heard around the house the last few days. Audrey turned from the open wardrobe in time to catch Mia make the bear and the giraffe kiss. As long as she didn’t bend one of them over the kitchen counter and have the other do unspeakable things to it, it was probably all right.

  Oh dear God, her infatuation with Reece was doing bad things to her good parenting capabilities. Should she really be leaving Mia with two of his sisters tonight? She should be focused on going back to work on Monday, about Barrett being in town, about the email from Cameron that was so cheery it emphasised the devastation she felt about her engagement being off and coming home again. Instead she was agonising over having a wardrobe full of designer clothes and nothing to wear on a Friday night date.

  “I don’t know where we’re going, that’s the problem,” she said to Mia. She sighed. It wasn’t only a problem for tonight. What did this affair with Reece mean? She couldn’t imagine being without him. She could imagine giving up her independence and proposing to him. It scared her witless.

  “Where are we going, Mum?”

  “You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to stay with Etta and Flip and it will fun.”

  “Why don’t I have my own sisters?”

  “You have friends instead.”

  “But not one sister or brother.”

  “Not everyone has them. I don’t have a sister or a brother either.”

  “Oh. But I don’t have a dad either.”

  Audrey sat on the bed. “Yes, you do. Remember?” Mia knew about Barrett. She’d seen photos. She knew he was her father but he didn’t live with them.

  “Reece is not my dad.”

  “No, Marvellous, he’s not. Barrett is your dad.”

  “But he doesn’t take me swimming. He doesn’t give me good morning kisses or make my dinner.”

  And as far as Audrey was concerned he never would. That was the deal, though she knew she’d have to relent to his request to see Mia again while he was in town. It was entirely reasonable and she’d have been offended if he hadn’t asked.

  “No, but not all fathers do that. Remember Cameron did those things too.”

  “I remember Cameron. She was nice.”

  “She was nice. We love her, don’t we?” Mia nodded. “We might have a visit with her soon. Would you like that? She’d like to see your new haircut.”

  Mia picked up the giraffe. “You need a haircut and a shave,” she made it say to the bear. “We’re going to see Cameron,” the bear replied.

  Audrey turned back to the wardrobe. She had two hours before Reece was back with Etta and Flip and not a thing to wear. She rang Les.

  “What do you wear when you go out with Polly?” Les laughed and it was so bawdy Audrey should’ve known better than to say, “No, seriously.”

  “Seriously, there’s not a lot of going out going down.”

  “Doesn’t that worry you?”

  “You’d think it would, right. You’d think I’d be all hung up on him not wanting to be seen in public with me, but no, I’m all hung up on how much time that boy wants to spend in bed with me.”

  Audrey laughed. “You still think this is only a wild fling.”

  “The wildest. Absolutely no future in it. But who cares? Not me. No one is getting hurt and we’re having fun. Oh, he did take me to a karaoke competition last weekend. I sucked so badly at it. It was wonderful.”

  Les on stage singing. No. Way. “How drunk were you?”

  “One shandy. I was stone cold sober and I loved every minute of our off-key Islands in the Stream. Polly was Kenny to my Dolly. He’s just as tone deaf as I am.”

  “This sounds like much more than a fling.”

  “Ah-ha,” Les sang.

  “Friends with benefits then.”

  “Ah-ha.”

  “I’m not buying that. I can hear in your tuneless voice how happy you are. It could be the real thing.”

  “Oh very funny. Wear a dress, nothing officey, or jeans and a sexy top. But honestly, Aud, Reece would love you in a hessian sack.”

  Audrey moved a few coat hangers. Suit, suit, another suit. “I’m all out of this season’s hessian and last season’s sackcloth is so St Vincent de Paul.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Mia says hello. You’ve been a big help.”

  “Hello, Les. You’ve been a big help,” Mia called. She blew a kiss and made a mwah sound without taking her eyes off her game. She was deep in make-believe and so was Audrey.

  “You know we’re both in deep trouble
here,” she said.

  “No, we’re not. We’re intelligent, independent women who’re gettin’ some. And when we no longer want it, we’re entirely capable of movin’ on to something new.”

  Of course they were. But Audrey’d never heard Les sound so confident outside of work. It was unbelievably irritating that it had taken a man to make her feel that way. What did that mean about her and Reece?

  “I’ve lost you, haven’t I?” said Les.

  “Around about the time you called us independent.”

  “Talk to me.”

  “You and me, we were independent. Hard to find two better examples of more independent women. Our own money, homes, careers. But now you’re singing karaoke and I’m worried about what to wear because of men.”

  “Ah.”

  “Yeah, ah.”

  Mia said, “Ah-choo.”

  Audrey sat on the bed beside Mia and her menagerie of now flu-ridden stuffed toys. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that.”

  “It’s not like there’s an official independent woman operations manual.” Audrey imagined Les putting finger quotes around that. “We get to make our own rules you know.”

  “What rule should I make about falling for my kid’s nanny?”

  Mia pushed the bear off the bed and scooted to the edge to watch it fall.

  “That’s the wrong question.”

  “What’s the right question?”

  “Something like, what do I want for me and my kid?”

  Audrey barked a laugh. “That’s it? Where’s your fine point, your caveats, your rights and reversion clauses? Your never get out of jail free provisions?”

  “Aud, it’s totally okay to fall in love. It doesn’t mean you give up control. It doesn’t mean you go backwards.”

  “That’s not what I’m thinking.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  She groaned. “He’s got me so confused.” He made her feel as if she’d forgotten how to drive and it was a miracle she arrived anywhere safely. As if no seat belt would be strong enough to prevent her going straight through the windscreen and ending up on sprawling on the road in a pool of mangle, if he left her.

  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’m stupid about him.”

  “Who’s stupid?” Mia waggled the giraffe. Its neck had taken on a raffish angle. It looked vaguely disapproving.

  “Me.”

  Mia giggled. Les laughed.

  “If I’m not with him I’m wondering about him. If I’m with him I’m—”

  “Happier than you’ve ever been before,” Les finished.

  Audrey sighed. “What on earth are we going to do?”

  “We’re tough, we can take it.”

  “Where is the Les who would’ve told me not to expect too much, to protect myself?”

  Les sighed. “Did you honestly like that chick?”

  “Chick?” Les laughed. “Yes, I liked her. She was my friend and I relied on her to help me stay strong.”

  “I’m still here, Aud. But I’ve learned there’s more to life than being strong. It’s good to have a man who cares about you in your corner, even if it’s not forever. Let Reece be in your corner. It’s okay for him to be what you want.”

  She groaned and lay back on the bed. “You might not say that if you knew how badly he got to me. It’s utterly carnal.”

  “What’s carnal?” asked the giraffe, definitely disapproving.

  “If it’s anything like Polly gets to me, we can sponsor each other at sex addicts anon meetings.”

  Audrey laughed. Mia laughed too and Les followed them both into a good solid giggle fit. Reece would bound up the front steps in less than ninety minutes and she didn’t have a clue what to wear and she was giddy with excitement yet he’d only been out of her sight a couple of hours.

  She rang off to more laughter after saying she had to go get her hessian on and was choosing earrings when she heard the burble of Reece’s Monaro pull up outside.

  Then there were voices in the driveway, and Reece’s step in the hall, whispers and giggles and Mia saying, “You look niiiiice.”

  Oh he looked more than nice. She had no idea he owned a suit. French navy, worn with a well ironed white shirt and a black belt and black dress shoes. He’d skipped a tie and a few shirt buttons and he had the jacket over his arm, but Lord he looked good. He smelled good too, not his usual salty beach outdoorsy scent, but spicy and tart.

  “You should’ve told me it was dressy.” It was hard to scold and smile at the same time. She failed on the scold part, her teeth getting in the way.

  He started at her face and swept a look down her body to her feet and slowly back up again. Shivers collected at the base of her spine and flooded up her back.

  “You look gorgeous.”

  She’d almost worn jeans, but settled on a rose coloured dress with a fitted bodice and a swirly, girly skirt. She’d once felt self-conscious about how it looked, tight to her form, flirty. But it fitted looser now and the way he looked at her she could’ve been in a designer red carpet dress, and dripping diamonds. Her heart was beating so loud in her ears it was a wonder they weren’t all deafened by it.

  “Ah, hi.” Etta waved a hand, a cartoonish gesture along with the eye-roll. They were totally sprung. “Remember us.”

  Reece laughed and draped his suit coat carefully over the hall table. “Mia, this is Etta and Flip. You met them one day at the beach.”

  “I played with you on the climbing gym, remember,” said Flip.

  “What’s your other name?” said Mia.

  “It’s Pippa, but she won’t answer you,” said Etta.

  “Do you have another name?” Mia said to Etta.

  Etta shrugged. “People call me Ett.”

  “Do you?” Mia said to Reece.

  There was a shift in the air between Reece and the girls. He said, “You’re dead if you say a word, Flipper.”

  “What else to they call you, Reece?” Audrey said. She loved the way his face had coloured, the way he looked from Etta to Flip with an expression of resolve mixed with resignation.

  “I call him—”

  Etta put her hand over Flip’s mouth, cutting whatever she said into a blur of mumble, which Mia thought was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. She was almost on the floor with giggles.

  Reece started straight in on instructions for dinner, for entertainment, for snacks, for Mia’s bedtime. He told Etta when they’d be home, to call if she needed anything and not to let Mia boss them around too much.

  Then he picked up his coat and held a bunch of roses so red they were almost black out to her. She took them, her smile so big she was probably blinking mascara stripes onto her cheeks.

  “Ett, there’s a vase on top of the fridge,” he said. He would’ve put it there especially.

  Audrey handed the roses to Etta and took the hand Reece held out. She bent to kiss Mia, then wiped the lipstick she left on her cheek off with her thumb. She let Reece usher her out of the door. Let him close and lock it behind him. They took his car and this time there was no anger in him as he took the wheel.

  She watched him drive. “You are so handsome in that suit I almost wet myself when I saw you.”

  He cough laughed with a quick turn of his head to look at her.

  “I never imagined you owned a suit.”

  “Weddings. I can count the times I’ve worn it. Sky got it made for me, some family friend who’s a tailor in Vietnam. Are you sure it looks okay?

  “If you want to skip the night out, drive directly to a daggy motel with wash-faded linen, a saggy bed, a mouldy plastic shower curtain, and TV without reception, I would not complain.”

  He laughed again and it had the same nervous quality he had about the suit, and it all came together, the flowers, the mystery of where they were going. He had a plan. He was trying to blow her away with this date and he’d already done that by the way he’d looked at her when he arrived. She had to turn her face away for a mom
ent or there’d be further mascara ruination.

  He took her to a quiet, expensive little bar in the city where he drank a beer and she had champagne as lights on the harbour twinkled. He held her hand and told her how much he liked her dress. Then he pulled his stool closer to hers and while he dragged his big thumb softly over the back of her hand, he asked what she was wearing underneath it.

  “Tell me every detail, baby.” His voice dropped so deep she pressed her legs together to hold onto the way it made her feel. Like her body was made of molten gold, slippery, shiny, valuable and searing hot.

  She flowed into him. He leant down so her mouth was close to his ear. She whispered, “Nothing,” and his whole body jerked, the arm she rested on turning to forged steel.

  He squeezed her hand so hard she yelped then he brought it to his lips to kiss it better. “If that’s true, how hungry are you?”

  It wasn’t strictly true, but it’d been worth it to see the lust flare in his eyes, to know she could impact him too.

  “I’m wearing the suspender belt and stockings.”

  “I love that belt. I love how you look in those stockings.”

  “I’m wearing panties that are mesh and lace.”

  He grunted on the word panties.

  “They’re high cut at the back. Very, um, cheeky.”

  “Jesus.” He closed his eyes momentarily. “I know what those look like.”

  “Do you?” She shoved her shoulder into him, slightly annoyed but not enough to quit tormenting him. “There are three straps across the back, across where those dimples are. And three tiny satin bows running up the centre of—”

  “I want to feel them.” He dropped her hand and his arm circled her back.

  She squirmed. “You can’t. Not here. You have to wait.”

  But he didn’t. He stroked down her spine, slowly, his hand warm through the fabric of her dress. He stopped at her waist and she held her breath. His hand slid lower. He centred it over her sacrum and his thumb found the topmost bow.

  “I’m not waiting. These are for me and I want to touch them now. You said there were three.” He worried the bow with his thumb. “One.” He slid his hand down to wrap over her butt cheek. Anyone in the bar could see what he was doing; though it wasn’t brightly lit, it wasn’t in blackout either.