by C. J. Anaya
I heard Saigo make a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat. I knew he would worry about me, but it couldn’t be helped. Things needed to change, and the people in our empire had suffered long enough. I didn’t know if I wanted to follow an obscure prophecy and heal an invisible veil, but I did know that I could be The Healer in a more tangible, life-giving way. I could save my people, and if I could help the insurgents gain any kind of favorable ground over my father, then I would gladly abandon all of my own selfish plans of escape and join their cause.
Akane continued to stare at me intently. Then she nodded. “I have someone in mind who might be able to train you. He has fought on our side for quite some time and is one of the best warriors we have. Still, though I trust him with my own life, it will be important to keep your identity a secret.”
“Thank you,” I breathed happily.
“It is I who must thank you, Princess—”
“Mikomi,” I corrected.
“Mikomi.”
“You said there was something else you needed from me?”
“Yes, you have access to all of the information the emperor holds, concerning his movements and sources of supplies. I hoped that perhaps you could use this access to acquire information we might need from time to time, but only so long as you are not endangered in the process. Information is leverage, and any leverage we can gain over the emperor will help our cause tremendously.”
I stood up and then paced the room, considering her proposal. I had never used my ability to transfer memories with people who weren’t being interrogated by my father, but I wondered if I could somehow manage it around his visitors without them being the wiser. Then I wouldn’t be left with the difficult task of sneaking into my father’s rooms unless absolutely necessary. “I would be happy to do all I can in acquiring whatever information you might require.”
“Excellent.” Akane gave me a grateful look. “I will discuss your training with the man I told you about and contact you with details for our first meeting.”
Akane looked as if she might leave, and a sudden thought emerged.
“I must ask you—how on earth did you manage to breach the palace walls? You’re not a kami, are you?”
Akane reached inside her shirt and pulled out a small vial of red liquid linked to a strap around her neck. “Kami blood,” she stated. “I wasn’t certain it would work, but we needed to find some way of reaching you. Glad it functioned as I’d hoped.”
I shook my head at her reckless behavior. If it hadn’t worked, an internal alarm would have resonated within the palace walls, leaving Akane with the difficult task of escaping a barrage of imperial guards. “Where did you get kami blood?”
“We have a few kami on our side anxious to see the end of King Fukurokuju’s reign. It wasn’t too hard to convince them to help.”
“How will you be able to send me a message? Surely you won’t risk the life of another soldier.” I worried I wouldn’t be able to save another one despite the success of the first.
“I have my ways…Mikomi. You’ll learn this soon enough.”
I felt her preparing to leave again and panicked, worried I might never see her again. It was strange to have found a friend in Akane so quickly. I spoke rapidly in order to prevent her from leaving just yet.
“Akane, what is the name of this warrior who will train me?”
“All in good time, Princess,” she whispered.
And then she was gone.
Chapter Six
My father rarely summoned me to eat with him and Mother. They never seemed to care much for my presence, and my charming conversation wasn’t something that motivated them to have anything to do with me, considering I wasn’t allowed to speak unless spoken to. Yet here I sat, on a golden, tasseled cushion covered in red silk with Father to my right at the head of a chestnut brown table resting just above our knees. My mother sat on the other end and Saigo across from me.
My brother sneaked a questioning look at me and then stared down at his plate before father could notice. I stole furtive glances at my mother. I rarely saw her, and despite her ambivalence toward me I still loved her and wished to please her in some small way. Besides, I’d had enough of looking at my father.
“I’ve brought you all here today for two specific reasons,” my father bellowed.
I sensed a headache coming on and wanted to rub the sides of my temples. It seemed the only volume my father ever used was thunderously loud.
I hadn’t slept well either. After tossing and turning the first few hours of the night, Aiko had entered my rooms and given me a sleeping draught. I hadn’t needed them for quite some time, not since my nightmares had subsided, but Aiko was always prepared.
The sleeping draught had been a strong one this time. If Aiko hadn’t tried to wake me this morning with such dogged determination—and a half pitcher full of cold water— I never would have pulled out of my deep sleep.
My father resumed his speech. “The first being this—the warrior god Katsu was most pleased with you, Mikomi. He mentioned that you were agreeable, strong, and indispensable in the fight against the nekomata…though I’m sure he embellished that last bit.”
I gripped my eating sticks tightly within my fist and refrained from mentioning that I had healed said warrior god’s pretty little face. I supposed it shouldn’t have irked me that my father glossed over my involvement in the attempt on my life, but I was tired of having my role and my abilities so minimized.
I was also quite concerned about the pain I had caused that nekomata. I had never before attempted to simulate the kind of pain that one might feel if their body had been burned. I wasn’t sure how I’d managed it either and hoped to never have it happen again.
The only thing I could attribute my reaction to was the terror I felt in the nekomata’s presence and the overpowering need to defend myself, hence my desire to be trained in the art of the sword. I held no illusions that I might possess the presence of mind to defend myself like that again. More worrisome still, the possibility that I would never position myself close enough to an enemy before being cut down.
“The attempt on your life within the palace walls has me very concerned. It should not have been possible for the nekomata to enter the palace. This leads me to believe we might have a traitor amongst us. Someone willing to risk their very life in order to do the demon god’s bidding.”
I doubted my father was concerned in the way a normal father should be. If I died he lost his empire.
“Chinatsu,” my father continued, “I know the attack on our daughter has been quite hard on your nerves. Perhaps you would like to finish your meal and retire to your room early this morning?”
He made it seem like a question, but everyone present knew my mother had just received a veiled command. I looked at my mother, but her eyes were downcast. She hadn’t said a word to me since I’d arrived for this little family meeting, and I highly doubted she had felt any real fear of losing her daughter when she was notified of the attempt on my life. I longed to hear her tell my father she was well enough to finish her meal…stand up to him…but she sat demure and quiet. She then nodded her head and raised herself to a standing position, leaving the room with her attendants following her and never once looking back.
By the gods, sometimes I hated that woman. I knew I shouldn’t judge her for not standing up for herself. I had only just begun my own kind of rebellion against the man I called father, but for once I would have loved a kind word or some show of motherly concern, especially since I’d almost been killed the previous night.
The servants quickly cleared her side of the table and added a clean, porcelain plate and eating sticks.
I glanced toward Saigo, wondering if he had noticed the extra place being set.
“Father, is someone joining us for this meal?” he asked.
“Indeed I am, young Saigo,” said a strong voice.
I didn’t have to look up to know that Katsu had just entered the room. I kept m
y eyes lowered to the food on my plate and nearly squirmed self-consciously as he sat himself down to my left. I could feel his eyes on me, and wished I could be anywhere else but in his presence.
He had protected me from my father and saved my life the previous night, and perhaps we might have shared a small yet brief connection, but once we were no longer alone he had proven himself to be just like any other male I’d ever met.
I was only as important as my gifts made me to be. Only as important as the title of The Healer allowed me to be. I could have been any woman at all and it wouldn’t have mattered to Katsu so long as I was capable of healing the veil.
I knew it was only logical for him to think and feel this way, but I wanted him to care just a little more about me and a little less about my abilities.
“Katsu,” my father said with barely suppressed rage.
He no doubt remembered the threat Katsu had made against him while defending me. I might have enjoyed my father’s anger if I hadn’t felt so out of sorts.
“Fukurokuju,” the warrior god responded.
I thought I heard Saigo gasp under his breath a little. It was considered disrespectful to address my father as anything less than emperor, and calling him by his first name in such an informal manner showed a lack of concern for my father’s station and title. I realized, however, that Katsu knew my father long before he was ever made emperor.
My father bristled and then fisted his hands on either side of his plate, attempting to keep his anger in check. He never controlled his anger in my presence, but now he somehow managed to pull himself together enough to speak.
“Mikomi, Katsu will begin your training today. Though your gifts are quite powerful, they have only ever been used a few times to heal injuries needing your special skills.”
I nearly choked at the bold-faced lie.
“It will be important then that Katsu train you to control your powers and focus them on strengthening the line between our world and the dead. It will be tedious work, but I am sure you will be up to the challenge. You’ve never disappointed me before.”
The show he was putting on would have been laughable if I hadn’t felt so anxious. This was really happening. I had known all of my life that one day I would have to train for this, but keeping myself in denial, convincing myself that this was all superstitious nonsense had been the only way I could cope with the pressure placed upon my shoulders, and now that the moment had arrived, I wanted to continue considering the prophecy a mere fairy tale.
I needed to do everything I could to help the samurai rebels against the emperor. I longed for much more than the life Katsu and my father planned for me.
“We will begin this afternoon,” Katsu said, directing the comment toward my father. “I trust that will not interfere with any of your current interrogation plans?”
I felt my eyes go wide at his mocking comment. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing outright. He knew my father had been abusing my powers, and held no qualms in airing out the offense. It was so refreshing to see my father squirm for once, even if I could only watch from lowered lids.
My father stood up abruptly, muttering something about not being hungry anymore, and left with his attendants following him.
I kept my eyes on my plate and remained silent. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, but based on Katsu’s behavior last night I thought it better to remain perfectly prim and proper since my brother and several servants were present.
“What in the world was that all about?” Saigo said, breaking the uneasy silence. “I haven’t seen Father that upset since…well let’s be honest…since yesterday, really.”
I let out an involuntary giggle and threw my hand over my mouth to stifle it. I raised my eyes to Saigo’s, who wiggled his eyebrows wickedly. My giggles continued, but I couldn’t stop them this time, especially since Saigo had joined me. I heard someone else chuckling as well and turned surprised eyes on my betrothed. He wore only a half grin on his full lips, but it reached his dark eyes, making me think that perhaps he wasn’t quite so stoic in public as I feared he would be.
“I believe I may have said something a trifle upsetting,” Katsu said. “Wouldn’t you agree, Mikomi?”
“You mean about Father using my sister’s powers to torture, scar, and kill for information?” This time Saigo was not laughing, and my laughter died rather quickly.
I reached across the table for my brother’s hand.
“It’s all right, Saigo. I think now that Katsu is here, there will be no more interrogations for me.”
“Absolutely not,” Katsu agreed firmly. “I wish I’d been apprised of your circumstances long ago. If I hadn’t stayed away, I could have done something about it.”
I said nothing. I saw no reason to blame him for the actions of my father, but I did wish that someone, perhaps even myself, had stood up to him long before now.
“Why did it take you so long to meet my sister?” Saigo asked.
“Saigo, that really is none of our business,” I interjected.
“Your father made it clear that her powers had not developed fully, but in truth I stayed away for personal reasons,” Katsu answered, surprising both Saigo and myself. “Sometimes there are decisions made in this life that can never be undone, and you spend centuries trying to cope with the consequences.”
I could sense his pain, though I tried not to. For whatever reason, Katsu had let his guard down and despair rolled off of him in waves. It was nearly all-consuming, and I couldn’t help but reach my hand toward his in an effort to comfort him. The minute I touched him, he blinked once and seemed to come back to the present. He moved his hand from mine and began eating his meal.
Disheartened, I leaned back and kept my eyes on my plate, not feeling the least bit hungry anymore. I couldn’t understand how Katsu could be so kind and caring with me one moment and then abrupt and dismissive the next. It was disconcerting to say the least, but in the end I guessed it shouldn’t have mattered. I had no intention of healing an imaginary veil, and I wasn’t about to marry a man out of duty or honor or even for convenience’s sake.
Akane had given me another avenue of escape, a different path to follow, and I intended to follow it wherever it might take me.
Saigo dropped his eating sticks with a loud clatter. “Well, I must bid you both a happy goodbye. If I arrive late for my studies again, Kenji will no doubt use that ridiculous cane on me.”
I gave my brother a soft smile and watched him as he made his exit. I envied him, really. What I wouldn’t give to make my own exit and choose when it happened.
“Are you not hungry?” Katsu asked.
“I’m afraid the events of last evening have affected my appetite. Perhaps you would excuse me?” I prepared myself to leave, believing he would no doubt be happy dining in solitude, but before I could make my escape, his firm, warm hand gently descended upon mine. I was frustrated that he had stopped me and somewhat elated that he had initiated contact this time. My jarring emotions couldn’t seem to make up their minds.
“I would wish for you to stay. Perhaps we can begin to know one another more thoroughly before our training session this afternoon.”
His voice was commanding, but his eyes were kind. I allowed my body to relax a bit and nodded my assent. Feeling anxious and somewhat rebellious, I determined to ask him something supremely unimportant.
“What might your favorite color be?”
Katsu gave me a strange look. “Green.”
I waited.
He smiled.
I continued to wait.
Finally he laughed and said, “What might your favorite color be?”
“Blue. You see, we’re getting to know each other already.”
Katsu chuckled again, and though I hated to admit it, I enjoyed putting a smile on his face. Anything to wipe away the grief I had sensed just moments earlier.
“If you could have any wish fulfilled, what would it be and why?” he asked.
I fe
lt my small smile slip away. I could never tell him what I truly wished. I could never discuss how desperately I wished to be loved for the right reasons, to have a future guided by my own choices and my own mistakes, to have children of my own instead of becoming a full kami, never able to bear children if I was going to heal the veil. No. I couldn’t tell Katsu any of these things.
And so I lied.
“I wish to serve my people and perform my duties as needed.”
“Agreed. That would be my wish as well. I believe we are getting to know one another fairly well and finding we have so very much in common.”
His hand continued to rest atop mine, and he squeezed it gently.
“Yes,” I said with as much forced cheerfulness as I could muster. “I believe we are.”
* * *
The guards escorting me back to my rooms after breakfast were the same guards that had been at my door the night before. I realized with an excited jolt that I was surrounded by members of the samurai insurgents—a thrilling realization to come to. Just before I opened the door to my rooms I felt a hand slide into mine and then it was gone, leaving a small piece of parchment in its stead. I did my very best to avoid reacting to the quick contact. I closed the door behind me and then jumped for my bed, unfolding the note and reading it as quickly as possible.
Meet me just before dusk at the Yanbaru ruins.
Burn this letter immediately.
The Yanbaru ruins were in the opposite direction of the village and the small forest separating it from the palace. At one time it had been a place of learning and growth for enlightened humans and kami. It had been destroyed many years ago by the emperor in response to the uprising of the rebels.
The only parts of Yanbaru my father hadn’t destroyed were the holy relics, statues of our First Parents, and a Shinto temple dedicated to the god of love and marriage. The monks that dwelled within had been able to use their own magical powers to protect the temple and shrine. Not even my father dared to destroy another kami’s place of worship. Not unless he wished to declare war against his own kami brothers.
