by C. J. Anaya
Katsu cleared his throat. “That was very kind of you…what you did for that man. You didn’t have to.”
I turned to face him, but I had cooled my anger and schooled my face. He would never know how sickened I felt at his utter lack of feeling.
“May I speak freely?”
“Of course,” he said in surprise.
“There are many things we are not forced to do, but perhaps we should do them anyway, whether they are considered duty, destiny or simply a matter of choice. If we have a choice to make then we should choose it. If we have a gift for healing, then we should use it. We should lift people’s burdens and make things right.” I stepped closer to him and clasped my hands in front of my heart. “There is too much suffering and too much sadness. Just as I have sensed that there is suffering and sadness within you.”
His eyes widened at my bold statement. I reached my hand out slowly and softly placed it against his heart.
“I can fix it, Katsu. I can make it right.”
He looked at me in wonder and slowly lifted his hand, placing it on top of mine. We stood there like that for a few precious moments—a connection that shattered with the snap of a branch and the approach of more guards. Katsu blinked and stepped back…and the moment was gone.
“Honorable Masaru Katsu, the emperor wishes a word with you.”
I glanced at the soldier speaking and thought he looked familiar. He glanced at me so quickly no one would have noticed, but in that moment I wondered if he was another samurai warrior.
“Of course,” he said, turning to address me. “Princess, we will begin tomorrow at the same time. I will want to discuss what you learned from our training exercise today.”
I barely had time to bow before he was off.
Dismissed again.
I really should have become more accustomed to it by now, but in truth, it hadn’t bothered me as much in the past as it had lately. I watched as he strode confidently back the way we had come and then out of my sight.
“Princess, this message arrived earlier from Master Tutor Kenji,” the guard said. He bowed from the waist and offered the small piece of parchment to me.
“Thank you,” I said, taking it and opening it immediately.
Be ready before dusk for our educational outing. Your personal guards will be accompanying us for your protection.
I smiled. Kenji had been able to convince Father of the necessity of our outings, and from the looks of it had already found a way for us to be accompanied by our allies. He really was terribly good at all of this intrigue and subterfuge. I wasn’t well practiced in the art of deceit, but for a cause like this I would willingly become an expert.
I folded the note inside a pocket within my kimono and looked at the guards. “I wish to stay for a few moments in the gardens, please.”
The guard who had handed me the note nodded and stepped back. I walked at a normal pace around the winding path and headed straight for a large, copper colored rock that sat next to a wild looking bush with leaves and twigs pointing in every direction. There was another bench, dark green in color, placed next to it. I sat down and then reached forward toward the rock, pretending I had discovered a flower on the ground. I checked the rock for a message from Daiki, but found nothing.
On the one hand I was relieved. No news was good news, but I wished to visit with Hatsumi and check on her baby boy. I would look again for a message from Daiki in seven days. He didn’t always leave them, but I knew it was important that I never miss the first day of the week.
Straightening myself into a standing position, I noticed my maid, Aiko, touring the gardens with an older soldier. My curiosity piqued, I took a few steps forward, thinking I might follow them, but then paused, not wishing to intrude. Aiko never mentioned anything about a possible suitor.
I should have expected her inevitable departure. Now that I was to be married off and carted away within the next six months it only made sense that she would do what she could to secure her future.
I fully intended to tease her about it later when I saw her next. I had a grin on my face as I headed back toward my rebel guards waiting just within the garden gates. My mood lightened at the thought of Aiko finding her own happy ending.
* * *
Once again my guards escorted me to my rooms. I almost lost my footing as I closed the door due to the surprise I felt at the strange specter of my mother sitting primly on my bed.
“Mother?”
She looked at me with barely concealed disdain. It was a look I was unfortunately familiar with. That didn’t mean it hurt any less to endure.
“I’ve heard you started your training today,” was her opening remark.
“Yes, I just finished.”
“I’ve also been informed that you healed a diseased-ridden man’s eyesight, and a peasant at that!”
“That’s true. I was hoping to give him the opportunity to see his family before he passed on.”
My mother studied me for several seconds. It appeared she was unimpressed with what she saw. I knew I would never be as strikingly beautiful as she, but I wasn’t a hopeless case, surely.
“I thought your father and I had impressed upon you the importance of reserving your healing powers. You’ll never be immortal if your powers are wasted on filthy peasants and ailing servants.”
I assumed she was referring to the maid within the palace whom I had helped during childbirth several weeks ago. I should have known that everything would be reported back to her. Her spies were larger in number and far superior to that of my father’s. I would need to be doubly careful now that I had given her reason to be displeased.
“I am sorry for my error. I merely wanted to help them—”
“Don’t talk to me about your noble desires or your foolish wishes.” She now stood and walked over to me, taking my chin roughly in her hand and squeezing hard. I felt her nails digging into my skin and could have sworn she enjoyed the obvious pain it caused me.
My mother had never shown much love for me, but she had never been cruel like this. I hardly understood what was happening.
“I have sacrificed my life and my happiness, agreeing to a loveless marriage with a vindictive fool so The Healer, the child of prophecy could exist and save the world, and you are jeopardizing your destiny by giving in to your weak, nurturing side. I won’t allow it. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, I understand. I…I didn’t know you felt that way about Father,” I managed to say.
She let go of me and stepped back. “Who doesn’t feel that way about your father? This empire has fallen into disarray due to his lust and greed for power. My people suffer at his hand, and he sits high and mighty on his pedestal thinking his good fortune is due entirely to his own prowess. He may be a kami, an entitled deity, but he is emperor because I made it so. I fulfilled my duty and gave birth to The Healer. I married him so you could exist.”
A tiny light went off in my head, and pieces of my life’s puzzle began clicking into place.
“You resent me for this. You hate me for what it cost you.”
I saw tears, real tears, slip down my mother’s face.
“I don’t hate you, Mikomi. I wish I could feel anything other than despair, but I can’t work up enough feeling to like you, let alone love you, and I don’t care if that makes sense to you or not. If I ever catch you healing again, I will punish you far worse than your father ever has.”
She was suddenly racked with a horrible cough. I’d never heard my mother cough like that before. It startled me into action, and without thinking, I moved to her, hoping to connect with her and find the cause of her ailment, but she shrank from me and threw her hand forward. “Don’t you dare attempt to use your powers on me!”
“I’m sorry. I only wished to help.”
“Then do your duty and become The Healer. That is all anyone needs from you.”
My mother wiped the tears from her eyes, straightened her clothing and swiftly walked past me out the door
.
There were many things I could handle, and many things that I had handled. My father’s abuse, my suffocating existence, even a betrothal to a man I didn’t love and wasn’t sure I could respect, but with all of these hardships I operated under the delusion that despite my mother’s indifference there had to be a part of her, a small piece of her that loved me. With that hope shattered I felt displaced, untethered to my emotions or my drive for something better than life as I had always known it.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there with tears streaming down my face before Aiko entered my rooms and laid me upon my bed. I didn’t think I slept, but I wasn’t certain I was conscious either. The light from the outside world diminished slowly, and all of my hopes and dreams descended with it.
I heard a knock at my door and mechanically rose to open it. Kenji stood with a bright smile on his face, chasing all of my dark thoughts away. My mother didn’t love me, but Kenji and my brother did. Maybe I wasn’t so unlovable after all.
He bowed at the waist and rose swiftly. “Princess, our educational outing awaits us.”
I gave him a weak smile, attempting to muster my courage and determination despite my mother’s devastating revelations.
There were people who loved me and a life waiting to be lived; a destiny all my own. It was time to move forward and embrace it.
Chapter Eight
The small wrap I held around my shoulders did little to protect me from the growing chill in the air. We waited within the Yanbaru ruins for Akane and her warrior to arrive, but I was beginning to grow impatient.
“Child, if you continue to walk back and forth like that you’ll wear out your shoes, and I’ll be held accountable for it.”
I stopped my frantic pacing and tried holding still.
“It’s no good, Kenji,” I said as I began pacing again. “I’m nervous, cold…and hungry, now that I think on it. Pacing keeps me grounded.”
Kenji said nothing but gave me an amused chuckle. At least one of us was having an enjoyable time.
I couldn’t keep my eyes from straying to the Shinto temple rising up beyond the ruins, lighted by large torches, candles, and paper luminaries. I couldn’t see The Holy Cherry Tree in the distance, but I knew it was there, mocking me and calling to me all at the same time. I felt myself moving forward, with the temple in the distance as my lighted beacon. For reasons I couldn’t quite understand, I felt myself drawn to a place I had avoided all of my life.
“Child, where are you going?”
I heard Kenji and my guards following softly behind me.
It took only a few minutes to clear the ruins and approach The Holy Cherry Tree resting several hundred yards in front of the temple. Though dusk had settled over the earth, the tree let off a golden light all its own. Its bark and limbs were a golden amber hue, sparkling with a light only something as holy and magical as this relic could produce. The white cherry blossoms stood out against the darkened sky, sending off a magnetic aura of promise. The sweet fragrance of the blossoms filled my senses and pulled me forward. The tree was mystical and magnificent, but I knew what it was meant for.
Despite my deep reservations, I allowed myself to be pulled forward, entranced by its beauty and the possibilities it held. I stood only a few feet away from it when I felt a presence standing next to me. I couldn’t take my eyes from the ethereal blossoms, however. I struggled to rip my gaze from the hypnotic scene and acknowledge the person standing next to me but failed miserably. I needn’t have worried since the stranger broke the silence first.
“Are you here to request a blessing from the god of love and marriage? A little late in the evening for that sort of thing, wouldn’t you say?”
I knew that voice. The low timbre of his words effectively broke whatever hold the shrine had over me. I abruptly turned and came face to face with Musubi, the man from Daiki’s tavern. I couldn’t hide my elation as I felt a slow grin capture my lips. The glow from the tree glinted off his blue eyes, and they seemed to twinkle merrily from their dark depths.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wondered the same thing of you. Is there some injured soul wandering the ruins looking for a pretty woman of medicine to attend his every need?”
I blushed. “Of course, not. I’m merely…passing through.”
He arched a skeptic eyebrow at me. “Passing through? With two warriors and an old man trailing you?” He paused, waiting for me to offer up some explanation, but I remained silent. I couldn’t break my promise to Akane and tell him who I was. He continued in another vein. “You don’t intend to ask the god of love and marriage for a young man of your own, then? I hear the deity is quite generous with his blessings when pretty young maidens are involved.”
“Of course not.” My blush became fiercer. “I’m not in the market for a husband at the moment, and even if I had a young man in mind, I certainly wouldn’t ask a kami for permission."
Musubi studied me, clearly intrigued. “Really? Why ever not?”
Well, now I’d done it. I couldn’t seem to behave properly whenever I found myself in this man’s presence. He looked upon me intently, as if my response might matter more than anything else ever possibly could.
“I’d rather leave my fate in my own hands.” We were facing one another now. A powerful urge to wrap my arms around him and pull him to me assaulted my senses, and I barely controlled the impulse.
Musubi reached for me. He lightly took hold of my hands and pulled them toward himself, studying them for a moment. His lips turned up at the corners and his smile was kind. “They seem like capable hands to me.” He gently rubbed his thumbs within both of my palms.
I couldn’t have uttered a single word.
Musubi had woven me under his hypnotic spell as effectively as had the shrine for the god of love and marriage. He lifted a hand to my face, and I held my breath as he brushed soft fingers against my hair and then brought his hand back with a flourish, revealing a beautiful, snow-white cherry blossom. He wove it through the strands of my hair just above my ear and then stepped back, considering me for a moment or two.
“It’s a pity you’re intent upon choosing for yourself. If circumstances were different, I would kidnap you from this very spot and force you to spend eternity with me.” He raised his eyebrows as if challenging me, and then gave me a mischievous grin.
Heat crept up the back of my neck and blossomed outward. I was grateful for the darkened sky and my olive complexion. He took note of my embarrassment and let out a wicked chuckle. I couldn’t help but feel delighted by his attentions and had to remind myself that he was merely being playful.
“If I have it my way, you’ll be claiming her tonight, and for as long as it takes to win this insufferable war,” a woman’s voice said from behind us.
I turned quickly to see Akane striding forward with a satisfied grin on her face. I felt so happy to see her I could hardly help myself. I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around her, giving her a very informal greeting. She laughed and hugged me back.
“I knew you wouldn’t fail us,” she said.
“Of course not. I said I would be here, and here I am.”
“This is the woman upon whom you’ve placed all your hopes and dreams?” Musubi said.
I turned to see that he no longer appeared as happy as he had been before Akane’s arrival. He leveled me with a serious look. “Perhaps you might be willing to explain to me who you are and why you’re so important to our cause. Akane has been rather tight lipped about it.”
His displeasure and stunned astonishment hit me hard, but he reined in his emotions quickly. I looked to his eyes and noted the way their frosty azure depths brazenly took me in. I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else except their exotic hue, so foreign to me.
I walked forward and without thinking touched his cheek and then softly rested it against the side of his face. His eyes grew large at the unexpected contact. “Your eyes…I’ve never seen eyes this color before.
Does it hurt?” I hadn’t realized I’d spoken out loud until I heard both Akane and Kenji laughing behind us. Musubi merely continued his startled assessment of me.
I didn’t feel embarrassed by my strange behavior because standing next to this man and holding his face in my hand felt more right than anything I had ever experienced in my entire life.
He lifted his hand to mine and rested it there.
“And if it did, would you know how to fix it?” he asked.
Everything went very still after that. The warrior and I continued our staring contest until Akane made a loud clearing sound in the back of her throat.
I stepped away quickly, but couldn’t keep my eyes from his face.
He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Well, that was interesting.” I heard him mumble under his breath.
“Did you say something, Musubi?” Akane asked.
“Yes. Are you planning on telling me what is so important about this…” he pointed to me, “...woman that you have me leaving my post to train her?”
I bristled at his tone but held my mouth in check.
“Mikomi is a very gifted student of medicine, and we need her to help patch up our men.”
Musubi surveyed me again. “Yes, I’m aware of her abilities, having already met her at Daiki’s tavern, and I considered having her help our cause but quickly dismissed the idea. It isn’t safe for her.”
“That’s why you’re going to train her.”
Musubi shook his head. “I don’t like this. It is completely inappropriate for a woman her age to be amongst soldiers, unmarried and unchaperoned.”
“That’s why you will be with her posing as her husband.”
My eyebrows rose at this. I hadn’t expected Akane to produce a real stand-in husband. I thought we would fabricate a story and that would be that.
