by Jerry Cole
Luke sighed and put his arms on Jack’s shoulders and let the taller man pull him closer, opening his mouth and quickly sliding his tongue into Jack’s mouth. Jack didn’t resist and seemed more than happy to let Luke take the lead this evening, which was interesting.
They hadn’t really progressed further than blowjobs and handjobs in the two months they had seen each other, but Luke was planning to give Jack a nudge this evening if Jack wasn’t going to push himself. He had quickly noticed that Jack was almost phobic about forcing him to do anything, and was almost like a Labrador retriever in how eager he was to say or do or offer anything Luke could possibly want without asking anything in return. It made Luke suspicious that Jack was either into that in a relationship, which was fine, or that he had had some very iffy relationships in the past that made him believe, if he weren’t doing everything for the other person, they would leave.
Jack’s apparent need to seem the knight in shining armor seemed to indicate that it was the first option, but Luke hadn’t discounted the second option quite yet.
They reluctantly broke apart a few moments later when Jack murmured something about the fish getting cold. Luke grumbled good-naturedly but agreed, and they headed into the kitchen. Pao meowed at them.
They sat down to eat, and Luke dug in with maybe less finesse than he ordinarily managed. He was starving.
“I take it you like the fish?”
“Yes, it’s amazing. But any fish with lemon is my favorite.” Luke paused and then looked down at his plate for a second. “Leslie called today. We have a court date.”
He heard Jack set his silverware down, then felt a hand on his shoulder, rubbing. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah… yeah. I’m fine. I just feel a bit weird about the whole thing. Like maybe what I’m doing is wrong, even though everyone has assured me I’m just trying to get some kind of justice in this.”
“I know, Babe. You have every right to feel conflicted about this.”
Luke sighed hard. “Yeah, but no turning back now. I don’t want to turn back, of course, it’s just weird to realize everything has been set in motion.” He finally looked up and began eating again.
Jack squeezed his shoulder again, still looking concerned, but resumed eating, too. He changed the subject to a project at work to integrate some new art installation into an airport in Oregon, and the mess it had created because the installation was large and wouldn’t fit through the doors.
Luke insisted on doing the dishes after they were finished. Jack sat on the floor and played with Pao using a fishing toy covered in feathers. Pao was still jumpy, but he had found the litter box, and his food bowl, and Jack had snuck him a few bits of fish, so he seemed to have accepted the circumstances as ‘adequate.’
Luke finished putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and turned to watch the two of them, smiling. There were still things that needed to be resolved about this crazy mess of a relationship, but the longer they were around each other, the more Luke was fairly sure this was it for him. He walked over and offered a hand to Jack to pull him up, and then practically dragged him into the bedroom.
Jack just laughed and yanked his hoodie off before falling into bed and letting Luke crawl on top of him. Luke dove in for a hard, almost bruising kiss, trying to convey what was going through his head without actually having to say it, which was probably not a great plan in this scenario. They needed to talk.
Luke had Jack pinned down now, though of course, he knew that between Jack’s military training and his larger stature, there was no way he could have ever actually kept the man from breaking loose if he wanted to. Luke looked into his face, trying to read Jack’s expression.
“Is this okay?” He asked, watching carefully for a tell.
“Yeah, more than,” Jack murmured. “I…” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second, hesitating.
Luke could see every freckle on his nose and cheekbones, and he resisted the urge to start kissing them. Jack was definitely trying to say something important. He waited, not pushing.
“I prefer being on the bottom, to be honest. I’ll top if that’s what you want me to do, but I really… I get off more bottoming,” Jack finally said, voice halting. “That’s a bit why I didn’t push earlier. I… some guys see me and think I’m gonna be a super macho top, and I’m just not. I was just kind of… avoiding the subject with you. Because I really, really like you. More than like. And I was afraid of fucking this up—”
Luke dove down and kissed Jack so hard their teeth clicked, then pulled back. “You need to be more open with me, Jack. I ‘more than like’ you, too, and I was starting to wonder what was going through your head when you kept putting me off about it. Don’t get me wrong, anal isn’t the be-all-end-all, but it was just getting a little… confusing.”
Jack blushed. “I know. I know I should have just said it outright. I’m… trying to get better about just asking for what I want and not being so weird about it.”
Luke put his forehead down to Jack’s to look into the other man’s eyes. “You don’t always have to protect and take care of other people, you know. You can want someone else to take care of you. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Jack took a long, shaky breath and nodded. “I’m… working on it.”
“Good. You don’t need to buy me stuff or make me fancy dinners or spoil my cat to make me love you. I’m already too far gone.”
Jack surged up and kissed him this time, then grabbed Luke and rolled them, so they were both on their sides on the bed. Luke’s head was spinning, and he had no idea how Jack had moved that quickly, but he wasn’t complaining. Jack was sucking Luke’s tongue into his mouth, and his hands were all over Luke’s back and ass, as though now there was some kind of urgency to it all there hadn’t been before.
“I love you too,” Jack finally gasped out. Luke dove down to latch on the spot behind Jack’s ear and suck a hickey. “From the first time we had dinner, I think I knew. I was so worried about coming on too strong and fucking it up…”
“You gave me space and didn’t try to force me, and I appreciate it,” Luke whispered. “But now, unless you tell me to stop, I’m going to fuck you so hard you can’t walk normally tomorrow.”
“Please…” Jack whined, head going back to expose more of his neck, which Luke attacked ferociously. He moved away just long enough to get his shirt off, and Jack followed his lead. He also managed to get his pants off, and shoved Luke’s down enough to get at his cock.
“Wish you’d told me sooner…” Luke growled a little as he thrust into Jack’s hand. “I’m never, ever going to complain about getting to fuck your ass, Jack. Never.”
Jack huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, well. I’m an idiot.” He flicked his thumb over the head of Luke’s cock. The foreskin made it a little easier to jack him off without lube, which was always a bonus. “Get your pants off already.”
Luke sat up and gracelessly maneuvered his pants and boxers off, then got Jack’s boxer-briefs off as well. He climbed back on top of the other man and kissed him again, reaching down to tweak one of Jack’s nipples and enjoying the quiet groan that resulted. “How do you want to do this?”
“I don’t care; I just want you in me,” Jack whined. He reached over and grabbed lube and condoms from the drawer of the bedside table.
Luke moved down to lick and suck at his nipple. “How long has it been…?”
Jack tangled his fingers in Luke’s hair in response to the stimulation. “With another guy? Over a year. But…”
Luke felt himself get even harder than he had been previously as he caught up to the ‘but.’ “But… let me guess… you have a toy you’ve been using a bit more recently.” He lightly bit Jack’s nipple to punctuate his statement.
Jack just nodded, red as a cherry under his beard now. His eyes were closed. “Kept thinking of you…”
Luke reached between them to find Jack was already leaking. “Promise you’ll let me watch some ti
me?”
“Oh God… you’re a voyeur, I should have known.”
Luke grinned wickedly and finally slid his hand down past Jack’s balls and perineum to his ass. Jack clumsily grabbed the lube and shoved it at him, eyes glazed already.
“You’re the one who kept putting this off, Love.” Luke snorted, then sat back on his feet, grabbed the lube, and carefully coated his fingers. Jack moved, so his legs were flat on the bed, then watched Luke expectantly.
“I’ll never hesitate to ask you to destroy me again as long as you hurry up….” Jack was now full-on whining, and Luke was trying hard not to laugh as he carefully slid one finger in. Jack had definitely been using a toy recently because he wasn’t nearly as tight as someone in a year-long dry spell would be otherwise. Luke crooked his finger, searching until Jack’s back arched off the bed and he let out a breath. “Yes, there…”
Luke slid another finger in and attacked the spot and watched, mesmerized, as Jack thrust back down in response and arched his back even further. He was either being a complete ham, or he really was more sensitive than most. He began to slide the third finger in, but Jack shook his head.
“That’s enough, I’m ready, please…” Jack sat up and pulled him in for another kiss, wet and sloppy this time. “And… I have condoms… but we did exchange tests already…” He was hesitant again, and it took Luke a second to track what he was asking.
“You want me to fuck you bareback?”
Jack nodded and buried his face in Luke’s shoulder to bite at the muscle there. Luke had noticed that Jack had a thing for leaving marks, though at least he kept it where nobody would notice under his shirts, especially in winter. “If you don’t want to deal with the mess…”
“I’m fine with it. Just a little surprised.” He carded his fingers through Jack’s hair again. “I haven’t ever actually fucked anyone without a condom. Or let someone else fuck me without one.”
“I just want to feel you come in my ass…” Jack bit a little harder. “Love you so much…”
“Love you too.” Luke murmured, feeling a little choked up. He was used to sex being intense, but he really hadn’t ever actually loved anyone he was having sex with, if he were honest about it. He’d had plenty of hookups and a few longer dating stints, but nothing like the absolute, gut-punch of affection and exasperation and love he got every single time he was around Jack.
“Now… please…” Jack waffled from commanding to almost bratty whining, and it was an amusing dichotomy, especially coming from Mr. Former Military Lumberjack.
“Okay, okay.” Luke moved over him and got lined up. He paused one more time, but Jack wrapped a leg behind him and urged him on, looking up at him with pupils blown wide. Luke began to push in slowly, and Jack arched his back again, pulling Luke closer.
“Yes… yes, God,” Jack murmured. “So good…”
Luke was biting his bottom lip and going as slow as he could. He had expected it to be more intense without the condom, but he definitely had not expected it to swamp his senses quite as fully as it was. Though whether or not that was the lack of condom or the fact it was Jack whining and begging underneath him was up for debate. He finally bottomed out and paused to kiss Jack and swallow the plaintive little sounds coming from the other man’s mouth.
“Move… please.” Jack was urging him on again, foot on his ass, wicked gleam in his eye despite looking completely debauched.
Luke began to move, slowly at first, trying to keep control and avoid embarrassing himself. Jack didn’t seem to know where to put his hands. He was roving all over Luke’s back and through his hair, and it was all incredibly different and intimate and too much. He was trying to drive into Jack’s prostate as much as possible, just hoping to get the other man off before he lost it, but he wasn’t able to get the angle quite right.
“Flip over, sweetheart. I want to try something…” He murmured, moving back and sliding out.
Jack shot him an intense glare at the loss, but complied, rolling over onto his knees and forearms. Luke quickly slid back in and began to kiss Jack’s neck and back in apology, but the new angle made things substantially easier. He shifted, and Jack gasped, burying his face in the pillow. “Fuck… okay, you’re forgiven.”
Luke laughed and began to fuck into him faster and harder now, keeping at the angle that was making Jack whine.
“So close… fuck…” Jack muttered, a tear at the corner of his eye as he turned to look at Luke. “So good…”
Luke slid a hand around to reach for his dick. It took maybe two strokes, and Jack practically screamed and came hard, shaking and making a mess of the sheets. Luke kept going for just a few more seconds, then followed him over the edge, coming hard into Jack’s ass, then collapsing on top of his back, shaking slightly.
They both flopped onto their sides, Jack spooned against Luke’s chest, panting. Luke kissed at Jack’s temple, muttering praises.
“Fuck… I’m going to feel that tomorrow.”
“Make’s two of us.” Luke snorted. “I think we scared Pao.”
“I’ll give him some tuna tomorrow morning, and he’ll forget all about it. He’s half deaf anyway.”
“True.” Luke hesitated and pulled Jack imperceptibly closer despite the sweat and cum all over both of them. “So…”
Jack shifted and turned to look at Luke. “I can hear you thinking. That was amazing. I have no idea why your brain is working at all right now.”
Luke kissed his forehead. “That’s not… I kinda figured you weren’t going to complain too much, even if I haven’t topped all that much. I was just thinking of asking you if I could try getting you off with just my fingers before I fuck you next time. Your ass is so sensitive….”
Jack’s eyes went wide, then he smiled. Luke pulled him in for a deep, lazy kiss, tongues tangling and hands moving slowly. They only moved apart when the mess became too difficult to ignore, and everything was sticky.
“I’ll run us a bath real quick,” Jack muttered, pulling away reluctantly. “If I don’t soak for a bit, I’m going to be walking like a duck tomorrow, and it’s big enough for two.”
“And I’ll strip the bed and throw the sheets in the washer. Where are the spares?”
“I’ll get them.” Jack groaned and sat up. “Fuck, I miss being oblivious and young and just falling asleep after sex.”
“Do you? Because waking up and feeling disgusting was never my favorite part of being in my 20s.” Luke stood up and went into the bathroom to grab a washcloth for Jack, who took it and winced as he wiped the worst of the mess off of his legs and ass. “You okay?” Luke asked, concerned.
“Yeah…” Jack laughed and stood up. He chucked the washcloth onto the sheets so it could get washed with everything else. “Absolutely fine, just really sore.” He pulled Luke in for another quick kiss before heading into the bathroom.
***
As he watched the water fill the tub and listened to Luke strip the bed and move around the apartment to put everything in the wash, Jack thought about what this was all going to mean. Luke had said it. He had said it. He had been feeling it for a while, but now it was out in the open. He thought back to that first night and that first date, and how he hadn’t exactly been forthcoming about what his life had been like in the military. He hated discussing it. He had been so young and so stupid, and it was a six-year period of his life that he just ignored. Anya wasn’t any more inclined to bring it up than he was. The buddies that Luke had seen at the wedding were all likely to talk about it, though, and this was serious enough that Jack did want Luke to meet all of his friends. And his family. And his coworkers.
He huffed as he felt lube and semen drip down his leg. He definitely had not been thorough enough cleaning himself up. He let Luke come in his ass, but he wouldn’t tell the guy a few basic facts about his life. Jack grabbed another washcloth and wiped the mess off more carefully this time, then threw the washcloth in the hamper. Then he went back to staring at the water.
/> “And you were accusing me of thinking too hard.” Luke came up behind him and hugged him, head resting on Jack’s shoulder and back. “The tub looks like it’s full.”
“Yeah… yeah.” Jack shook himself and reached down to turn the water off. “Sorry, just thinking about something.”
Luke let go of him, and Jack got into the water. Luke got in behind him and pulled him close. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
“I was just… I know way more intimate details of your life than I have any right to at this stage. Stuff you probably wouldn’t have told me for months if things were normal. But I held back a lot of things about my own life, and I’m just feeling guilty about that.”
“You don’t need to feel guilty. I figured it was probably complicated and kinda painful, and you’d tell me when you felt ready. That’s not a problem.”
Jack turned to look at Luke. “I know, but I still just…” He closed his eyes, then forced himself to look into Luke’s face. “Yes, I was in the special forces in the army. I was deployed. I enlisted with my best friend out of high school, and I found out about two years in that he was killed, and it just… I did some things that I’m not comfortable with, and at one point, Anya had to save my life because I was a complete moron. We wouldn’t know each other otherwise. I got out as soon as I could, and for a long time, I was kind of an angry jerk. I didn’t really become who I am now until I got into baking and did a lot of therapy and maybe smoked too much weed at one point. I was suicidal at one point, but that was before I went to college.”
Luke’s expression didn’t change from mild concern and worry, he just let Jack talk. When Jack stopped talking, Luke just pulled him closer and kissed him, despite the bad angle for both of their necks.
“Thank you for telling me, Love.”
Jack just nodded and relaxed into Luke’s chest. It was nice feeling kind of protected. He was so used to taking that role and position, that Luke was willing to accept it without any hesitation or second thoughts was…nice.
