by Jerry Cole
“I’ll tell you the rest eventually. I promise. And I’ll explain coherently. I just wanted you to know what you’re actually dealing with.”
“I had a meltdown at your best friend’s wedding in front of you, and then I had another meltdown in your car after our first date, and I’m probably going to have further meltdowns at the trial. Believe me when I say that nothing you tell me will make me love you less, okay.” Luke paused. “Unless you tell me that you’re secretly taking on the mantle of Jeffrey Dahmer, or thought kicking Pao was fun or something.”
Jack laughed in spite of himself, and the tension in his chest eased a little. “No, I’m not a cannibal serial killer, and I would never intentionally hurt Pao.”
“Great, problem solved.” Luke carded his fingers through Jack’s hair, wetting it slightly. “I know that you probably still have a lot on your mind, and you can tell me when you feel ready to. It doesn’t need to be on any kind of accelerated time scale, okay? If it’s something that will affect both of us, then yeah it would be good to know. If it’s something you really aren’t comfortable telling me, there’s no rule you have to tell me at all. I want to know everything about you, but not if it causes pain to let it out in the air, okay?”
Jack nodded, throat tight. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, there is definitely dried something in your hair. I’m not gonna guess what. Where’s your shampoo?”
Chapter Ten
“Stop fidgeting, you’re going to be okay, I promise.” Jack held Luke’s hand tightly in both of his. The courtroom was cold and felt somehow too large and too close at the same time. Luke knew he looked like he was ready to jump out of his skin at the slightest provocation. Leslie was sitting next to them and flipping through papers, looking unfazed. She had warned them that Jack would need to move once things got underway since he wasn’t actually involved in the trial beyond dating Luke. Luke had considered begging to keep Jack closer but realized that it was pretty childish. Anya and Eve were sitting with Jack right behind him, which would have to be enough.
There were a few reporters scattered around, eyeing everyone but mostly hanging back. Leslie had insisted that Luke not speak to the press before, and she didn’t seem inclined to start talking to them now, though all of the major papers had been fairly sympathetic to him and his situation, except the paper that the Walfords themselves owned up in Bellingham.
People began shuffling around. A few other people were talking to Leslie, and when they left, she shooed Jack back. Luke swallowed hard. The Walford family came in, Brock Walford at the front.
Luke had seen photos of the guy and of the accident. He had seen his parents’ bodies. He had finally started talking to a therapist that Jack’s therapist recommended. Luke had honestly believed he was prepared for this. Leslie had done some sit-down meetings with the Walford family’s lawyers, but up until this point, he hadn’t seen Brock Walford in person.
His vision blurred and his ears were ringing, and he could tell that his blood pressure had dropped. He was close to passing out. Flashes of the wreckage and his parents’ faces covered in blood were playing through his mind. He felt a warm hand on the back of his neck, rubbing, trying to calm him down from what had to be a pretty obvious panic attack.
“It’s okay… it’s okay. Deep breaths, Luke, please,” Jack, murmured from behind him. “You’re okay.”
Luke managed a nod and did the breathing exercises that his therapist had taught him, focusing on Jack’s hand and Eve and Anya’s quiet assurances. Leslie noticed the problem and grabbed his hand to squeeze it.
He finally managed to get a normal breath, and he felt his heart rate slow.
Then the judge entered, and proceedings began.
***
Jack could tell that Luke wasn’t actually present for most of the trial. He was physically there and in the chair, but he was pretty obviously not with it. He managed to make his statements, and he was briefly cross-examined, but beyond that, he was unresponsive. The Walfords’ lawyers seemed to be wary of making Luke look any more sympathetic than he already was, and they didn’t want to antagonize him or anyone else.
Leslie was having a field day and was absolutely out for blood. She had fully expected the Walfords to back down and pay up when the blood alcohol results turned up, but they were either too arrogant or too stupid to realize that they couldn’t buy everyone in the city. Their lawyers didn’t actually look too thrilled with any of it, probably because they knew the odds.
Jack had definitely had his own moment of panic when the photos of the crash and Hongs’ bodies were presented. He hadn’t really been expecting that, though in retrospect he probably should have. Anya looked at him curiously as he put his head down for a second, trying to recover himself. Luke was watching it all with a glassy, dead-eyed expression. He had mentioned seeing the photos several times, which seemed needlessly cruel on so many levels to Jack. There was a lot of blood, and it was very obvious that neither of them could have survived the collision, no matter how quick the paramedics were.
The photo of the sportscar showed a twisted, burned frame, but in the background was an unharmed Brock, standing and shouting at a cop right before he had been arrested. The fact he hadn’t been charged was astounding.
Jack recovered himself after a few minutes, though it took a lot of will and a reminder to himself that what Luke was experiencing was no doubt worse. Anya’s face was pinched, and Eve’s was blank, though her cheeks were flushed red. She had gotten pretty good at keeping her temper under control, but it was still obvious when she was angry if you knew what to look for.
Brock had claimed that the Hongs were driving too fast and had spun out into the path of his car and he hadn’t been able to avoid them. He had tried to claim they were too tired from a shift since it was 4AM. It was absurd on some levels, and the judge clearly was not buying it at all. She was an older black woman with a hint of gray in her short hair and an expression that only got sourer the more the Walfords’ lawyer talked. Brock’s parents, sitting in the gallery, didn’t look any happier than the judge, though their ire was directed more at Luke and Leslie than their son.
Jack rubbed at his head for a moment, feeling a headache coming on. He’d had a minor sore throat earlier, and maybe the beginnings of a fever, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything to Luke to make him more anxious than he already was. He had taken some medications for it before he left the condo, and he assumed they had just worn off.
He turned his attention back to the lawyers as a character witness for Brock was called.
***
The whole long mess finished at around 8PM with, as Leslie predicted, the judge finding in favor of Luke, and awarding him an amount of money that was, frankly, staggering. It was far more than they had even asked for, but she seemed to think what Brock had done warranted more than just a minor blip in the family finances. Luke had assumed it would take longer than this; that there would be days of testimony like a TV trial. Leslie had assured him that this was a straightforward case and that, while there were initially plenty of experts willing to testify that his parents might have been at fault, once the blood alcohol level was discovered, it was all over.
Luke had been overwhelmed and almost entirely silent as the verdict was read. He just sat there shaking as Leslie hugged him. The judge looked at him with sympathy as she scolded Brock, and then made veiled references to how the DA had been negligent at best, and corrupt at worst, in not charging him immediately that night. The reporters were trying desperately to get a statement from either side, but both sets of lawyers were shuttling their clients to separate cars. Jack and Anya texted the people who needed to know about the verdict since Luke was still mostly robotic about everything.
They made it back to Jack’s where Pao was waiting. He bundled Luke into a bath and coerced him into eating, then both of them collapsed on the couch and watched an action movie. Luke dozed off during the middle of a loud fight scene, and Jack jus
t sat there, watching the other man sleep for a while. Pao was curled up on Jack’s other side, having decided that Jack was better at giving head rubs than Luke.
He looked at the cat. “Well, Pao, we won. Your dad isn’t broke anymore,” he whispered.
Pao opened one eye and meowed.
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means either. Except that it’s over.” He reached over to pet Pao, who began to purr loudly.
The movie was just finishing when Jack started sneezing again. Nose running, he reached over to grab a tissue and accidentally dislodged Luke from his lap.
“Wuzz…” he sat up and looked at Jack. “You okay?”
“S’just a cold. Nothing serious.” Jack waved him off between tissues. “A sore throat and runny nose. I’ll be fine.”
Luke bit his lip. “Are you sure?” He put a hand up to test Jack’s forehead. “You’re a little warm.”
Jack shook his head. “It’s just stress killing my immune system. The trial is over, and you won, and things can calm down, and I’ll be over this in a day or two.” He didn’t mention the body aches since that was just going to make Luke fret even more.
Luke still didn’t look convinced. “Are you working tomorrow?” He got up and began to fold the blanket he had been using.
“Planning to. I’ll work from home if it doesn’t get better.” Jack yawned and kissed Luke’s forehead. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “I just came into a quantity of money that I am disturbed even exists. Believe me when I say that I’m convinced lightning is going to strike me before I ever get to enjoy it.” He followed Jack into the bedroom.
“You don’t have to work every weekend now, at least?” Jack shucked his shirt and jeans, then meandered into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
“I can hire people to manage the company and get it running well… and then maybe go back to actually doing art again. Like, that’s an option for me now.” His voice sounded thick, and Jack stuck his head out of the bathroom, concerned.
“Babe… are you okay? Don’t cry…” he tried to say through a mouthful of toothpaste.
“I’m…” Luke sat down on the bed and looked at Jack, eyes wet. “For the first time since before they died, I don’t have to wonder where the money for my electric bill is coming from. I don’t have to wonder if I can pay all the suppliers and all of my employees. I don’t have to feel guilty I’m only paying them the bare minimum. I have money. I can finally reinvest in the business and do justice to it.” He sniffed. “But my parents aren’t here to enjoy this. My parents had to die for their business to finally get some real investment. It’s… they should be here. My mom worked so hard to develop those recipes, and my dad put everything into running the place. They loved this company, and I never did. It was a pain in the ass to me because it was where I had to work every evening and weekend until I was 18. I didn’t appreciate them, and I didn’t care about the business, and I feel horrible.”
Jack quickly ducked into the bathroom and spat out the toothpaste, then hurried back and sat next to Luke, pulling him in close. “It’s okay, Luke. They knew you loved them.” He felt hot tears on his shoulder.
“I didn’t say it enough. I didn’t tell them I loved them often enough,” Luke sobbed, the dam finally breaking and all the tears and emotions he had been keeping in bursting out. Jack didn’t know what to do besides holding the other man and letting him sob it out.
“Luke… nobody has a perfect relationship with their family. Parents are human. Kids are human. Every fucking one of us makes mistakes and has flaws. But looking around your house… they had photos of you everywhere. They obviously loved you.”
Luke was close to hyperventilating, and Jack rubbed his back to try and get him to even his breathing.
“I just wish I could tell them I’m sorry. I wish I had spent time with them more often as an adult…” he snorted, nose now completely snotty and blocked. “I wish they were here to meet you. They were always asking me when I was going to find someone. And yeah, they’d have preferred that I date women, but they gave up on it after a while and just wanted me to find a guy and settle down. They wanted me to adopt some kids so they could spoil them. And now I finally have someone, but they’re gone and won’t ever get to meet you.”
Jack sniffed a bit at that, tears of his own coming thick and fast now. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I know that’s not enough, but I don’t know what else to say. I wish I could have met your parents. I wish they were still here to see us get married and adopt kids. I’m sorry they aren’t here, and I wish there were something I could do to change that.”
Luke laughed softly. “Even a year ago, if some guy had talked about marriage and kids this fast, I’d have been out the door and in another state. Now I just keep thinking how amazing it will be to plan my own fucking wedding instead of someone else’s.”
Jack laughed with him, his nose now running worse than Luke’s. He grabbed the box of tissues from the nightstand for both of them. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Luke blew his nose loudly, then fell back on the bed and looked at the ceiling. “I’m gonna hire so many people. Managers and servers and bartenders and chefs and chef assistants.”
Jack fell back next to him. “You know most people having been handed a fortune would go buy a fancy Italian sports car.”
Luke looked at him. “But I don’t want a fancy Italian sports car.” His eyes lit up. “Oh, but I could get a car with heated seats…”
“You could definitely get a car with heated seats.”
“And we could get someone to remodel my parents’ house…” He went quiet again, and his face fell a little.
“You do that if and when you’re ready. I know I was teasing you about remodeling and redecorating, but you don’t need to do it if it makes you feel connected to them still.”
“I could at least get rid of the popcorn ceilings. They do collect dust and cat hair.”
As though summoned by the mention of cat hair, Pao jumped on the bed and then proceeded to stand squarely in the middle of Jack’s chest with his butt in Jack’s face.
Jack just laughed.
Chapter Eleven
Luke woke with a start as he felt the bed next to him shift, and heard a noise that sounded almost like Pao in distress. He sat up quickly, looking around for the cat (and expecting the smell of cat vomit at any second), only to see Jack curled up in a ball, shaking. What little Luke could see of his face was red. It was Friday night after the court case, and they had returned to Luke’s house for the weekend. Luke wanted to at least buy some new furniture for the place as he decided how he wanted to proceed. It was a dated 1970s tri-level, and in his heart he knew he needed to begin to go through his parents’ things properly and begin to move on, hard as it was. Jack had been sick all week, but they had both written it off as a cold.
“Jack? Jack?” Luke shook the other man’s bare shoulder, noting that it was hot to the touch and clammy. The covers and pillow were soaked with sweat.
Jack opened his eyes, but they were hazy and unfocused. He grunted and closed his eyes again, still shaking.
“Jack… come on… what’s wrong?”
Jack just grunted again and curled in tighter on himself.
Luke grabbed his phone to call 911, trying not to let the panic licking at his brain take hold.
“911, what is your emergency?”
“There’s something wrong with my boyfriend!” Luke tried to keep his voice calm. “I woke up, and he was shaking and sweating… and he won’t respond.”
“Okay, can I get your address, sir?”
Luke quickly rattled off the street address and got up so he could pull some clothes on before the EMTs arrived.
“Okay, and you say he’s not responding… is he breathing?”
“Yes, but it’s quick and shallow.”
“Okay, stay calm, sir. We have an ambulance on the way.”
Luke could already hea
r the sirens coming up the street, and he’d never been so thankful to live so close to a firehouse. He hurried to the front door to unlock it and almost as soon as he opened it, a cluster of EMTs barreled up the walkway. A firetruck and ambulance were idling on the street. He showed them to the bedroom, and then it was a whirlwind of activity as they checked Jack over and tried to establish what the fuck was going on.
Thirty minutes later found them in the ER with Anya, Eve, and Leslie on their way to the hospital, and Luke trying to keep from panicking as the nurses and doctors shooed him out of the way. Anya had already called Jack’s parents and sister, and they were on their way to the airport in Raleigh. It was pure pandemonium, and Luke was trying to keep calm as much as he possibly could, but he was failing pretty miserably. He was pacing around the small family waiting area within the emergency department, feeling anxious and sick himself, though he knew this was a worry.
“Luke! Luke, there you are!” Anya’s voice was too loud and too high, and she looked about as panicked as Luke felt. Leslie and Eve trailed behind them, both looking concerned. Anya was still wearing pajama pants with farting unicorns on them. She hugged him tightly.
“Any change?” Leslie asked when Anya moved away. She had apparently been staying with Anya and Eve after a dinner party and had come when they got the call since, in her words, it never hurt to have a lawyer around in a hospital.
“No, nothing yet. They think it might be sepsis…”
“Sepsis? But he just had a cold!”
“They think it was actually the flu, not a cold.”
Anya put her hand to her mouth. “Oh God, and he said he’d forgotten to get his flu shot this year… he usually does, but he said he just completely forgot about it in all the wedding mess… He said just two weeks ago that he needed to go get it…”
Leslie hurried over to the nurse’s station, mouth set in a grim line.
