Desert Song (Horse Guardian)

by Angela Dorsey

  When Joel and Kalene returned home, Sophie didn’t notice them come into her room or hear them whisper to each other over her bed. She didn’t feel Kalene reach out and touch her hand or, a few minutes later, hear them slip from the room. In her dreams, she was riding Aria. Melody ran beside them like a swift little bird. They were skimming over the desert, following an angel who rode ahead on a blue roan mustang.

  Sophie’s eyes sprung open. It was morning! And she felt wonderful: whole and energetic. It was as if the sleep she woke from had restored not only her body but her mind as well. She flexed her arm inside her cast. It still felt fine. All I needed was a good night’s sleep, thought Sophie. In my own bed with without any nurses to bug me.

  She sat up and glanced at the clock. Joel would be starting work on the ranch and Kalene would be leaving for her job soon. Sophie took a deep breath. It was time to talk to her foster parents, before Kalene went to work and before Sophie lost her nerve.

  Kalene was pouring milk on her cereal when Sophie walked into the kitchen. “How are you feeling this morning, Sophie?” Kalene asked. “How’s your arm?”

  “It doesn’t hurt at all,” said Sophie. “It feels totally normal, except it’s in a cast and it's pretty itchy. I wish I could reach inside to scratch it!”

  Kalene raised her eyebrows. “Well, it’s good that it doesn’t hurt anymore,” she said, surprised. “I thought it would.”

  “Me too,” agreed Sophie. She reached up in the cupboard to get a bowl, then carefully shook some cereal into it.

  “I’ll help you with the milk,” offered Kalene.

  “Thanks,” said Sophie as Kalene lifted the milk jug.

  When Sophie sprinkled a spoonful of sugar on top of the cereal, Kalene wrinkled her nose. “I don’t understand how you can like it even sweeter,” she said. “It already seems too sweet to me.”

  “That’s because I’m a kid,” said Sophie. “All sweet stuff tastes good to me, remember?”

  Kalene laughed. “You’re right. I loved sugar on my cereal, and on everything else, when I was young. Now it just tastes gross.”

  Together they walked into the dining room and set their bowls on the table. As Sophie pulled up a chair opposite Kalene, she felt the first twinge of uncertainty. How am I going to tell them? She closed her eyes. How am I even going to start?

  “Sophie? Are you okay?” asked Kalene, her voice filled with concern. “Are you sure your arm isn’t hurting? You don’t have to be brave you know. If it hurts, just say so.”

  Sophie opened her eyes. “No, I’m fine” she said and bit her lip. She looked down at her cereal. Just do it, she commanded herself. Just have the guts and do it. “Kalene? I need to talk to you and Joel,” said Sophie in a quiet voice.

  Sophie heard Kalene put her spoon down, then she spoke gently to Sophie. “We wanted to talk to you too, Sophie,” she said. Sophie was surprised to hear Kalene’s voice trembling. “We were going to wait until tonight,” continued Kalene. “But I can’t wait anymore. I’ll go get Joel and then we can all say what we want to say.”

  Do they know about Aria? Questions catapulted into Sophie’s mind. But how could they? How could they know about the wild stallion and about me falling asleep on the desert? But I don’t know what else they would want to talk about. She shuddered uncontrollably.

  Kalene’s chair scraped back. Sophie didn’t look up, but instead reached out with her good arm and pushed her cereal back. She wasn’t hungry anymore. If Kalene and Joel knew about Aria and if Kalene already sounded so stressed, then Sophie knew it wouldn’t go well.

  But at least Aria will be home and safe, Sophie reminded herself as tears brimmed in her eyes. I just hope they accept Melody too. It’s not her fault that I didn’t watch Aria that day. It’s not her fault that her sire is a wild stallion instead of Rolly.

  She heard the low murmur of voices as Joel came in from outside and Kalene talked to him in the foyer. Sophie quickly rubbed her eyes on her sleeve and looked up. She hoped they wouldn’t be able to tell she had almost cried. Well, maybe a little more than almost.

  When Joel came in, his face was serious. Sophie watched him solemnly as he sat across from her at the table. Kalene pulled up a chair to sit beside her.

  “So what did you want to talk about?” asked Kalene, gently.

  Sophie could tell by Kalene’s worried expression that she had noticed the redness in Sophie’s eyes. Sophie opened her mouth. “I… I…” she stuttered, but the rest of the words wouldn’t come. She looked at her hands and tried to force herself to say something. Anything. Joel and Kalene patiently waited for her to speak.

  But if they already know, if somehow they have already found out, why even bother telling them, she thought. I’ll just let them tell me. It’ll be easier… “Why don’t you go first,” she finally said. The room fell back into silence.

  Then Joel cleared his throat. “Sophie,” he said. “You’ve been living with us for just over a year now, right?”

  When Sophie nodded, Kalene spoke. “Do you like living here?” she asked.

  “Yes,” said Sophie clearly, insistently.

  Kalene looked at Joel and again, he cleared his throat. Finally he spoke. “I guess there is no easy way to say this Sophie.”

  Sophie nodded. She knew what was coming next. It would be hard to hear, especially from Kalene and Joel, but she could take it. She could act tough and pretend it didn’t matter and make them think she wanted to go too, just as much as they wanted her to leave.

  “When you were struck by the car, Kalene and I knew we had to say something to you. We’ve wanted to for quite a while now, but just didn’t know how to.” He stopped and looked at his wife. “Your accident scared us. Very badly.”

  “I don’t know if you realize how much you mean to us, Sophie,” said Kalene.

  “So I’ll just say it, Sport. Kalene and I were wondering if you might want to stay with us,” said Joel, slowly. “For always.” For a moment, his voice faltered. “We were wondering if you wouldn’t mind too much if we adopted you.”

  “What?” exclaimed Sophie, not sure she had heard right. “What did you say?”

  “We know it’s a hard choice, honey. Really. And we know we can never take the place of your mom, but…” Kalene’s voice faded away.

  “You want to adopt me?” said Sophie, still unbelieving. “You want to adopt me?” She felt a hidden joy begin to bubble up inside of her. I can’t believe it, she thought as she forced the feeling down. I must have heard wrong! I must have. Why would they want me? I’m not cool or talented or pretty or anything.

  “Yes, we want to adopt you. In fact there is nothing we would love more than having you for our daughter,” said Joel. “But only if that’s what you want, too.”

  Both Kalene and Joel sat silently and waited for Sophie to respond. But Sophie was speechless. A thousand questions raced through her head and none of them seemed to have any answers. How could Kalene and Joel want to adopt her? How could they love her when she was so horrid? And what about her mom? What if she came back? Would she blame Sophie for wanting to be part of a family, a family that wouldn’t include her? And what about Kalene and Joel’s own children – if and when they ever had any? Would Sophie just be shoved aside when they were born?

  Then a single thought rose from the tangled web. What will they think when I tell them about Aria?

  “You don’t have to decide right now,” said Kalene softly and Sophie turned to her with stricken eyes. She could see the disappointment on Kalene’s face and it made her own pain stronger.

  If they knew I had stolen Aria from them, if they knew they couldn’t trust me, they wouldn’t be asking me to become their daughter, Sophie realized. They’d be a lot more than just disappointed in me. They’d be angry. How can I tell them about her now? How can I ever let them know about Melody?

  But they don’t need to know. I’ll think of something. Maybe I can turn Aria loose and she and Melody can both become wild horses. Sky will
keep them safe from the mountain lion and Angelica won’t be stuck here then. She can go off to save other horses. And if that won’t work, I’ll have to think of something else, something besides telling Kalene and Joel about Aria. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to be adopted by them. I just never dreamed they would ever want me.

  “Joel? Kalene?” said Sophie looking at each of them in turn. “Yes. I want you to adopt me. So much! I want you to be my mom and dad.”

  Huge grins spread across Joel and Kalene’s faces and Kalene laughed with joy. “Oh Sophie,” she exclaimed. “You have made me the happiest woman in the world!” She pulled Sophie into a huge hug.

  Sophie melted into Kalene’s arms. She felt so safe. So warm inside, as if she had finally come home after a long, long journey.

  This is where I belong, she thought. She wept tears of happiness as she held fast to Kalene. Then she felt Joel’s strong arms go around them both.

  “You better stop that crying, Sport,” he warned. “Either that, or I’ll have to join you.”

  Sophie couldn’t help but laugh through her tears. She couldn’t imagine Joel crying. Not for anything. He was the toughest guy she knew. And the perfect dad, the only dad she ever wanted. “Maybe I want to see you cry,” she teased him after the hug loosened and she pulled back to look at her new parents.

  “Well, I’ll tell you, girl,” said Joel, gruffly. “You almost saw it. I was more nervous asking you to be our daughter than I was when I asked Kalene to marry me. I figured she would say yes, but I didn’t know which way you’d go. I thought there was a pretty good chance you might say no.”

  “Not a chance,” said Sophie, looking from one to the other. “No chance of that. Ever. You’re stuck with me now. For as long as you want me.”

  “For a very, very long time then,” said Kalene, brushing tears from her eyes and beaming at Sophie. “We’ll be a family for always.”

  Unwanted thoughts rose up through Sophie’s happiness like needles through a balloon. Nagging at her, insisting on being heard. She wanted to hug Kalene again, to be wrapped inside her arms and hidden away from the guilt. She wanted to close her eyes and hear nothing but Joel and Kalene tell her over and over how much they wanted her for their daughter.

  “So what did you want to talk to us about?” asked Kalene. “I hate to hurry you, sweetheart, but I’ve got to be off to work soon.”

  “Oh, it was nothing,” faltered Sophie. She looked down at her cast. “I… um… just wanted to say… thanks for being so nice to me when I broke my arm. And for taking care of me.”

  “Well, of course we’d take care of you, honey,” said Kalene surprised. “You’re our daughter. We’ve thought of you that way for months now.”

  “That’s right, Sport” said Joel and grinned. “And if we don’t get that broken arm feeling better soon, then who am I going to tease? Whenever I bug Kalene, she just hits me. She’s no fun.”

  “Hey,” protested Kalene, poking Joel in the arm with her finger. “I don’t hit you.”

  “See what I mean, Sophie?” said Joel in an injured voice. “She picks on me all the time.”

  Sophie smiled at their antics, but she felt she was watching them through a haze. Then Kalene was hugging her one more time and leaving for work and Joel was explaining that he had to go to town for a load of feed, but he’d be back soon.

  Sophie said, “No thanks,” when he asked if she wanted to come along. She told him she wanted to watch the movie she missed the night before. She acted as normal as she could as the thoughts crashed through her mind. The same questions over and over.

  If they knew I had stolen Aria, would they still want me? Would they still love me?

  Beautiful, beautiful Melody! Jumping and leaping about, testing her legs. And such long legs!

  She is so curious. She sees everything with those bright eyes. Now she is trying to sneak up on a sparrow. She is much like Aria in physical form and much like Sky in color and gait, but in personality she is completely herself. Mischievous, inquisitive, loving, and fun.

  The morning sun is glorious. I am so glad this night is over. Now I can rest. I am sure the lion has gone back to his den. I hope he will stay there and not return until tonight. Aria and Melody should be back home in their own barn by then, safe and secure. He will find only an empty corral.

  Did the bird fly away, Melody? What are you going to do now? Oh. You want to play with me? How can I refuse such a delightful offer? Of course I will play with you!

  As soon as she could, Sophie went to her room. Twixie moped along behind her, copying Sophie’s dejected walk. The dog pushed her muzzle into Sophie’s hands as soon as she sat on the bed.

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” said Sophie, stroking the big black head for a moment. “Oh Twixie. What would you do if you were me?”

  She pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest. Twixie stared at her with sad eyes. “Everything is so complicated. I wish none of this had happened,” continued Sophie. “Why did I fall asleep that day? I normally don’t do things like that. And why did the wild herd have to be there? If none of this had happened, if Aria wasn’t in foal to a mustang, and if it all wasn’t my fault, I would be so happy now. So happy…” her voice trailed away and tears came to her eyes.

  There was a knock on her door. “Sophie?” called Joel. “I’m heading into town now. Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

  “I’m sure,” said Sophie, quickly. “I… I think I might rest for a while instead of watching the movie.”

  “Are you feeling okay?” Joel called through the door. Sophie knew he wouldn’t come in unless she invited him. At least, he never had before.

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” she said. “Just tired.”

  “I’ve got a couple other errands to run too, so I’ll probably be gone for a while, okay?”

  “Okay,” said Sophie, wishing he would just hurry and go. She was feeling worse and worse, listening to the concern in his voice. When she heard the front door shut behind him, Sophie stood up and went to the window. She watched him walk to the truck and climb inside. When he drove out the driveway, she exhaled, not even realizing she had been holding her breath.

  “Time to go,” Sophie whispered to Twixie and wiped the last of the tears from her eyes. Twixie leapt to her feet with her tail whipping back and forth. “Oh, sorry Twix. Time for me to go. You have to stay,” she added. “If Sky is there, I don’t want him to kick you or anything. I don’t think wild horses like dogs anymore than they like mountain lions.” She rubbed Twixie’s ears and the big black dog stretched her head out, then whipped around so that Sophie could scratch the top of her behind.

  Sophie patted Twixie on her rump. “You’re a funny dog, Twix,” she said. “I wish you could come. I could use the company right now. I feel so horrible.”

  Within a few minutes, Sophie was out the back door. As she walked across the pasture, her eyes searched the desert. Sky was nowhere in sight. Sophie sighed. She thought it had been too much to hope for to have the wild stallion give her a ride back to the canyon, but it would have been nice.

  But it won’t be too hard to get there today. My arm doesn’t hurt anymore and I don’t have anything to carry. Not like last night, thought Sophie as she climbed through the fence and walked among the sagebrush. Then she broke into a jog.

  Birds cavorted around her as she ran, flying from bush to bush, collecting nesting material. Their twittering filled the air and a soft morning breeze cooled Sophie’s forehead. Spring was creeping back into the desert. The brown vegetation was turning a subtle green and the air was warm and bright.

  But Sophie hardly noticed. She kept her eyes fastened on the ground and occasionally glanced up at the hills growing larger in front of her. Black clouds perched over the mountains that loomed behind, and she could hear faint rumbling in the distance, ominous and threatening.

  The dark skies ahead reflected her mood. After the most magical night she’d ever known had come
the happiest morning. Until the guilt came crashing in. The guilt of planning to leave Aria to have her foal with the wild ones. The guilt of stealing the mare from Joel and Kalene. It had been different before. She always expected to return the mare, so it hadn’t seemed like she was really stealing, only borrowing. But if she turned Aria out with the mustangs, she would definitely have stolen her. For real. She, Sophie, would be a thief. But not just any thief. She would be a thief that stole from those who loved and trusted her. She would be the worst kind of thief there is.

  Sophie ran faster. Harder. She leapt over the smaller sagebrush instead of running around, her feet pounding in rhythm with her breath. In rhythm with her heart. She ran faster and faster, trying to outrun the choice she knew she must make. She ran from the vision of the family she could have belonged to. The perfect family. She would always think of Joel and Kalene as her real parents – not the mom who had walked out on her – not any of the other foster parents. Whenever she thought of family, parents, a place of belonging, it would be Joel and Kalene’s faces that she would see.

  Slowly, Sophie came to a stop and sank to the ground. She covered her face with her hand. She knew there was only one way to make Aria and Melody safe. One way to help Kalene and Joel get their most valuable mare back. There was only one way to show them she loved them. She had to tell them the truth. And when she told them they would know how careless she had been with Aria’s safety last year. They would know that Aria was going to give birth to a foal that wasn’t a purebred Arab.

  But that’s not even the bad stuff. Those things were just mistakes. They probably wouldn’t have blamed me too much if I had told them about it right away, she finally realized. They would have been disappointed in me, but not too angry. But how can they forgive me for what I’ve done since? How can they forgive me when I tell them that I stole Aria away, when I explain how I put her in danger, when they know how I’ve lied to them all these months? Instead of forgiving, they’ll see what my mom saw all those years ago. They’ll see that I’m a bad person. They’ll see that all I’ll do is poison their home. And then they’ll send me away.