by Joy Elbel
“Fine,” he grumbled as he folded the napkin carefully around his food and placed it into the pocket of his jacket. He mumbled something else that sounded like, “We’ll talk about it later, alright,” but I ignored him and made my way to the door.
There was no freak wind as I got into his car but it wasn’t necessary. I was still carrying the chill from that first gust along with me. As he pulled out of the country club, I cranked up the heat full blast then stared out the passenger side window. Zach had to be okay. He just had to be.
The parking lot at the Bantam was bare save for two cars—mine and Giuseppe’s. The thought that everyone else might be gone and the theater locked up tight hadn’t struck me until now. Giuseppe was turning the key in the lock when we pulled up alongside him. We were just in time. Was my luck starting to change? Was this a sign of better things to come? I sure hoped it was. Good luck was something I’d never had but was more than overdue for.
“Mr. Mazzerati!” I called out. “Wait—my keys are still inside!” He nodded his head in acknowledgement and undid the lock. I climbed out of the car thinking that I would tell Lucas goodbye now and save the friendship ending conversation for tomorrow. As always, things didn’t go anywhere near the way I planned. Nowhere even close.
“It seems that isn’t all you forgot inside,” Giuseppe said as he pointed his ornate walking stick at my attire. He ducked his head until he had a clear view of Lucas who was still sitting in the car. “And that goes for you as well, young man.”
He was referring to the fact that we were both still wearing our costumes, of course. I was so anxious to find Zach that I never gave a second thought to the fact that we were parading around still dressed as Kira and Erik. Great. One more thing I needed to do before I could go looking for Zach. I was half a second away from begging Giuseppe to let us off the hook until later but I held my tongue. The man gave me a check for one hundred thousand dollars—a check I deposited only yesterday. I didn’t want him to get the idea that I was ungrateful or disrespectful and stop payment on it. That money was going to pay for college and other necessary expenses and I couldn’t risk losing it.
“Here,” he said handing me the keys. “I’m heading to the cast party and I assume you will be, too, after you change. You can return the keys when you get there. Don’t be long and don’t forget to lock up on your way out.”
Returning to the country club was the furthest thing from my mind but since Lucas had devoured every last sandwich on the drive, I figured that he would be going back if only to get more free food. I trusted Lucas with my biggest secret—I could trust him with the keys to the Bantam. Nodding my head firmly, I replied, “You’ll have the keys back in no time at all—I promise.”
Giuseppe got into his car and drove away but Lucas still sat firmly in his seat. Impatiently, I urged him to hurry up. “Come on Lucas, we don’t have all night, you know!”
“Go on in, Ru. I have to park the car first—I’ll catch up with you in a minute,” Lucas replied with a smile. “I’m going to park on the far side so that no one will be able to see my car from the road.”
Why would it matter if anyone saw his car parked at the theater? Boys made absolutely no sense, I swear. If it were me, I would have left my car right where it was—along the sidewalk, poised and ready for my escape. Whatever. There was no use arguing with “boy logic” because, well, it was completely illogical and so were they. I flung open the door to the theater and headed backstage, all the while still freezing cold from earlier. Why was I still so cold? There had to be a reasonable explanation for it. My costume wasn’t the cheap, flimsy kind you would expect at a small town theater like this one. They were definitely high quality and Jonas probably brought them here from New York City with him. I was used to layering my clothes—that had to be it. Once I was back in my usual tank, tee, and hoodie combo my body temperature was sure to rise. Any other explanation was simply unthinkable.
Once in Rachel’s dressing room, I wasted no time getting out of that dress. With any luck, she would be feeling well enough to play the part herself tonight. Don’t get me wrong—I had tons of fun on stage tonight. Until the kiss, that is. The kiss. Oh, even if Rachel was on her death bed tomorrow, I couldn’t play the role of Kira again. If I was lucky enough to convince Zach that the kiss meant nothing to me, I couldn’t dare let Lucas kiss me again tomorrow night. Assuming that Zach was still…. No, I couldn’t think negative thoughts. Zach was alive, heartbroken, and probably taking his frustrations out on the punching bag in his basement right now. Yes, that was exactly where I was going to find him.
I already had my jeans on before I remembered that my ring was still in the pocket of the dress. It would have made more sense for me to just stick the thing back on my finger myself so I didn’t lose it but the hopeless romantic in me didn’t want to do it that way. There was something about the symbolism of Zach being the one to place it back where it belonged that I didn’t want to let go of. It would be a sign of a fresh start, kind of like we would be erasing my mistakes from the past few months in a way. What was that phrase he used over the summer when we found out that the chemistry that drew us together was also what was tearing us apart? Reinventing our relationship, that was it. Zach putting that ring back on my finger would be another way to reinvent the closeness we used to share. The ring would have to stay in my pocket until he was ready to forgive me.
As I fished through the pocket of the dress and retrieved it, I heard the soft click of a turning door knob behind me. Another ghost? Allison was gone for good—I was sure of that. The only other thought that came to mind was Jonas and he certainly wasn’t an entity I ever wanted to come into contact with again regardless of form. Quickly, I shoved the ring into my jeans and swung around to see just what category of the walking dead he transformed into. It was the first time in my life that I wished it was only the ghost of a freshly dead, psychotic serial killer behind me. Why was it that no matter how hard I tried to be normal, things always seemed to get more complicated and messy in my life?
“Lucas!” I yelled, “What are you doing in here?” I was pretty certain I already knew the answer to that question. Quickly, I threw on my tank top to cover myself. It was oddly reminiscent of the day Zach walked in on me changing at the shelter. Except that it wasn’t—it was a twisted version of that innocence. The situation with Zach was entirely accidental and he was just as embarrassed as I was. He didn’t walk into the restroom that day with the intention of catching me in my underwear but Lucas did. It was obvious—the smile on his face, the cocky self-assured reaction he had to my outburst, the fact that he wasn’t fully clothed himself. He did it on purpose.
All of the times people warned me that Lucas wasn’t who he seemed to be, I brushed them off by thinking they were just paranoid. I thought I was right about him. I thought I knew him well. I was wrong. After every dire warning not to go somewhere or do something with him, I remembered thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Now, I was about to find out.
“Relax, Ru. We have the theater to ourselves. Officially breaking up with Zach can wait until morning.” Lucas put one hand on the back of my neck and tried to pull me in for a kiss but I broke his grip and reached for my hoodie.
“No, Lucas! You don’t understand. I don’t want to find Zach so I can break up with him—I want to find him so that I can repair the damage I caused to our relationship.” I paused long enough to take a deep breath before saying, “And so that I can swear to him that I am removing the source of that damage from my life altogether.” His presence in the room made me infinitely uncomfortable. He seemed like a completely different person, not the boy I thought I knew so well but a total stranger.
“Really? You’re gonna pick him over me? After everything I’ve done for you? Don’t forget—I’m the one who saved you from Jonas, not Zach,” Lucas said with anger thick in his voice.
When he took a step toward me, I instinctively took a step backward. There was something about
his actions and the tone of his voice that made me feel vulnerable. Even though I was still definitely cold, my body temperature wasn’t the only reason why I felt the need to put the rest of my clothes on. As I raised my hoodie up so that I could slide into it quickly, I lost sight of Lucas for no more than a millisecond. But that millisecond was all he needed.
Before I even knew what was going on, he grabbed both of my arms and pushed me back until he had me pinned against the wall. “Lucas! What do you think you’re doing? Let go of me now!” I shouted. How could I have been so wrong about him? How could I have fallen for the nice guy routine for so long? When I walked into the theater five minutes ago, I thought about all of the bad things that could have possibly happened to Zach tonight. Now, I had to worry about what might happen to me as well.
“You can cut the innocent act, Ru. I know you want me—Zach or no Zach,” he said as he ran one hand down my side. His hand came to rest at the top of my jeans and he wasted no time undoing the button.
I began to thrash violently in an attempt to free myself but the harder I squirmed, the tighter his grip on my wrists became. My fingers tingled as they started to grow numb but I continued to fight him. He was so much stronger than he looked.
“LUCAS! LET GO OF ME NOW!” The words shot out of my mouth forcefully and with an air of authority but I was crumbling on the inside. How far was he willing to take this? I had to do everything in my power to not have to find out. Realizing that my efforts to free my hands were going nowhere, I decided to try a different tactic. I tried to swing my knee up and straight into his crotch but he had me pressed too tightly against the wall that I could barely even lift my leg. In a breathless whisper, I begged him to stop. “Please, Lucas, you’re hurting me!”
“If you stop fighting me, I’ll stop hurting you. I’ve worked too hard for this, Ru,” he said as he slid down my zipper. “I’m sorry it has to be like this—you were supposed to choose me, not him. You were supposed to want this, too. There’s too much at stake here for me to stop now. Time is running out and I’ve wasted too much of it as it is—I can’t waste any more.”
His words confused me but I didn’t even care what he meant by them. I closed my eyes and slumped back against the wall in defeat. The first of what I was sure would be many tears trickled down my cheek as I heard the sound of a second zipper going down.
4. Demystified
The door opened and a pale, thin woman greeted me with another apology. “I’m sorry it took me so long to answer the door,” she said softly, “Step inside—you must be freezing.”
I didn’t notice just how cold I was until she mentioned it but as soon as she uttered the word “freezing”, I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was chilled to the bone. Anger and adrenaline must have been keeping me warm but both had suddenly melted away. It was painfully obvious that this woman was sick—and I mean really sick. Dying kind of sick. She was about the same height as Ruby but even during the darkest moments of Garnet’s haunting, Ruby would have outweighed her by at least twenty pounds. The lady was frail and every breath she took seemed to come with great struggling. Now I felt even worse for being impatient. And for hoping to find the secrets Lucas was hiding. His mother couldn’t have more than a few months left to live—that was a secret I wouldn’t want to share with strangers, either.
“How can I help you?” she asked as she closed the door behind me. “I wrecked my car just down the road and your mailbox was a casualty, too, I’m afraid. I left it on the porch for you in case it can be fixed. Can I use your phone to call my dad?”
“Certainly,” she replied and pointed to the small bit of counter space separating the living room from the tiny kitchen. “Don’t worry about the mailbox—all we get are bills anyway. I was just about to make myself some tea. Would you like a cup?”
“Yes, please.” I didn’t really care for tea but I would have accepted a glass of anti-freeze as long as it was warm. I almost offered to make the tea for us but I stopped myself. She was clearly trying to live what was left of her life as normally as possible and normal didn’t include having strangers make tea for you in your own home. I still hated Lucas but I couldn’t even imagine how it would feel to watch your mom slowly die. I took a deep breath and dialed my dad, knowing that I was in for some not-so-pleasant parental moments of my own.
My dad’s first question was “Are you okay?” His second question? “How fast were you going?” Before he could launch into a lecture about safe driving, I asked him if we could talk about it when he got here and he grumbled affirmatively. Lucas’s mom was nice and all but she was still Lucas’s mom and I didn’t want her to know anything more than the bare minimum about my accident. The faster I got out of here and the less I said, the better. My plan was to quickly drink the tea and make my way back to the Neon where I told my dad it was. Plans don’t always go as planned, though, but in the end, I was sure glad this one didn’t.
“Here you go,” she said as she handed me the steaming cup. “We forgot to introduce ourselves. My name is Stacy.” “I’m Zach,” I said and took a sip of tea. The warmth of the cup on my hands was welcome but I was still shivering from my walk. I kept my hands on the cup to get as much heat as possible from it, knowing that I would be heading back out into the frigid weather again soon.
She must have noticed that I was trembling with cold because she promptly pointed to a small fireplace in the living room that I didn’t notice before. “Let’s go sit where it’s warm.”
I was about to protest that I was fine because I didn’t want her to have to walk the whole way over there. Every step, every breath seemed painful for her and I’d already inconvenienced her enough. Then I noticed something. Even though she was dressed warmly and wrapped in a crocheted blanket, she was shivering, too. My life felt like it was over but I had so much more to be thankful for than Stacy. I nodded my head and followed slowly behind her as she led me to the couch across from the fireplace. She took a seat in a wooden rocking chair facing me. I sat down and looked up to thank her for her hospitality and then that’s when I saw it—the picture that changed everything.
It hung there centered above the fireplace, the only decoration on the otherwise bare wall. If I’d been in anyone else’s house, the picture wouldn’t have garnered the slightest bit of interest from me—but I was in Lucas’s house. And in his house, a photo of two baby boys lying in a crib together was a bigger find than locating the wreckage of the Titanic. Sometimes fate puts you in the worst situations just to get you where you need to be. My car wreck was a godsend.
“Stacy,” I said as I pointed to the photo, “The boys in the photo—are they your sons?” My body temperature began to rise but it had nothing to do with my close proximity to the fire. Adrenaline once again coursed through my veins. I was about to hear the truth, the truth Lucas had been hiding since the day he moved to Charlotte’s Grove. Now, I longed for more than five minutes before Lucas arrived. This was my only chance to uncover all of his secrets.
“Yes, Lucas and Lee. That’s the only photo I have of them together. Do you know Lucas? You’re about the same age. “
My leg began to bounce up and down from sheer nervous excitement. Did I know Lucas? Apparently not well enough. He acted surprised when Ruby told him about Lee and the fact that he was adopted. He said he had no information regarding his birth parents aside from the fact that the adoption took place in Allegheny County. Lucas said a lot of things that clearly weren’t true.
“I’ve seen Lucas around school but I haven’t met Lee yet.” I felt bad pretending not to know that Lee was dead but it was the only way for me to get the information I needed. Even if Ruby didn’t want to be with me anymore, she needed to know that Lucas had been lying to her since day one.
Stacy gave a sad smile and said, “Lee died almost two years ago. Lucas only ever got to see him twice—the day they were born and then again at Lee’s funeral.”
My head was swimming from just the few facts that I’d learned.
Lucas was at Lee’s funeral! Even Ruby herself never made it there. Oh my God, if she hadn’t been in the hospital at the time, she would have met Lucas right after Lee’s death. I had so many questions that I just couldn’t figure out a way to ask. Did Lee lie to Ruby about not knowing who is family was, too? Or worse yet—has Ruby been lying to me the entire time? It was like I had an all access pass to top secret CIA files and I didn’t know which one to look at first. Roswell versus JFK’s assassination, 9/11 versus the first moon landing—where should I start?
“Oh, I’m sorry for your loss, Stacy. I don’t want to bring up bad memories for you but if you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t your sons know each other? They were twins, right?” I swallowed the last mouthful of tea and leaned forward in anticipation of her next words. If I’d known what I would find here in this tiny little house, I would have wrecked my Neon on purpose months ago.
She turned to look at the photo on the wall then whispered quietly, “Yes, twins.” Stacy paused for a sip of tea and I thought that was all I was going to get. I struggled to think of a way to keep the conversation going without looking too suspicious. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity to get the truth—I couldn’t just sit there, as Grandpa used to say, with my teeth in my mouth. I always thought he was so weird when he said things like that but I would give anything to hear him say that to me again. I’d been getting better at keeping memories of him and the way he died at bay lately. Why did I have to think about it now? As I started to slip into that bad place in my head, that place where you tucked away the things that were too painful to deal with, Stacy began to tell her story—the story that changed everything.
“I got pregnant when I was only sixteen years old. My boyfriend and I were both scared but willing to take on the responsibility of raising a child. Things were good until my first sonogram revealed that I was carrying twin boys. Brad panicked and we broke up. My mother suggested that I consider adoption but I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing either of them again. That’s when Mark, my brother in law, made a suggestion. He and my sister Megan had been trying to get pregnant for years without any success. Mark wanted children very badly and convinced Megan that adopting my sons was the answer to all of their prayers. I knew that Megan was hesitant but it still seemed like such a good idea at the time. The boys would get to grow up in a stable home with a mother and a father and I would always be in contact with them.”
