Ready for Marriage?

by Beverly Barton; Ann Major Anne Marie Winston

  He kissed her lightly, but before she could respond he released her and walked back to the stovetop. ‘‘I’d better get this meal on the table.’’

  It was wonderful to sit down and have a meal with Derek and Mollie again, and afterward she convinced him to let her give Mollie her bath while he cleaned up the kitchen.

  ‘‘I meant for you to be strictly a guest tonight,’’ he told her ruefully as Mollie raced ahead of her up the steps.

  ‘‘Derek, I want to do this,’’ she said. ‘‘I’ve missed you two terribly.’’

  ‘‘Exactly what ‘this’ have you missed, Kris?’’ he asked, his brows drawing together. ‘‘You’re the one who quit coming around, who quit eating with us.’’

  ‘‘Who quit cleaning your house and helping with your laundry.’’ She could feel her temper rising at the censure in his tone.

  ‘‘Don’t put words in my mouth. It wasn’t what you did that we missed, it was your presence.’’

  She didn’t know what to say to that. So in the end, she said nothing. But as she turned and started up the stairs, Derek said quietly, ‘‘Once Mollie is in bed, you and I are going to finish this conversation.’’

  Derek paced around the family room, too nervous to sit. Kris was still upstairs reading Mollie one last story after he’d said good-night, but she couldn’t linger much longer.

  He was impatient, which was rare in itself. Normally he was content to allow the passage of the days, to let events and incidents come about in their own good time. He also, he admitted, was a master at ignoring anything he didn’t want to face. That was the only reason why he’d allowed himself, Mollie and Kris to drift along like this for so long.

  Kristin was right. They had to move on, one way or another. And the one way he couldn’t countenance was not to have her in his life.

  He took a deep breath, blew it out. The more he thought about it, the more a marriage between them made sense. He wanted it. Wanted her. But not just for the sex, although he was still stunned at how hot and wild the passion between them could flare—

  ‘‘You look as nervous as I feel.’’

  He spun around and there she stood in the doorway. The aqua sweater set off her fair skin and made her eyes look even greener by contrast. It hugged her curves and the short skirt showed off her shapely legs, reminding him of how effectively she’d hidden herself from the world for so long.

  ‘‘Why did you do that?’’ he asked before he could stop himself.

  ‘‘Do what?’’ She looked puzzled as she walked forward and took the seat he indicated on the couch.

  He made a general up-and-down motion that encompassed her figure. ‘‘You used to wear baggy shirts and jeans all the time. Now you look…you look like a woman.’’

  Her face crinkled into amusement but a pretty blush crept into her cheeks as she laughed aloud. ‘‘If that was a compliment, thanks.’’

  He felt his face heat as well, but he said calmly, ‘‘Oh, it was. Let me rephrase that. Now you have curves that drive a man wild just thinking about what you look like beneath your clothes. That drive me wild,’’ he amended, looking her straight in the eye.

  She looked away first. ‘‘Wow.’’ She blew out a breath. ‘‘I can’t get used to talking like this with you.’’

  He used the opportunity to lower himself beside her, stretching out his long legs, slipping out of his shoes and crossing his ankles with his heels propped atop the solid coffee table before them. Kristin was sitting bolt upright beside him as he slouched down onto his spine, and he took her by the elbow and tugged her backward, sliding his arm around her at the same time. Smooth, if he did say so himself.

  She allowed him to draw her close but he could tell she was still stiff and ill at ease, so he picked up the remote off the arm of the couch. ‘‘Want to catch the news?’’

  They sat in silence for a long while, absorbing the top stories of the day. It was largely depressing stuff, focused on political maneuverings, war and civil upheaval around the globe, spectacular fatalities and grim reports of worldwide illness and famine. After a while, Kristin sighed. ‘‘I’m probably crazy to be considering bringing more children into this world, aren’t I?’’

  The atmosphere in the room changed instantly but he forced himself to stay relaxed. She didn’t look at him, but kept her gaze directed at the television, so he followed suit. ‘‘Deb and I talked a lot about that, before we decided to have children,’’ he said. ‘‘But I think seeing the news like this gives you an inflated feeling of pessimism. There’s a lot of good in the world as well. It just doesn’t make for great ratings like the bad stuff does.’’

  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smile. ‘‘Well put. And probably true.’’

  He took a deep breath. ‘‘So…you want children?’’

  She turned her head and looked straight at him. ‘‘I want your children.’’ There was a small, electric silence, and she hurried on. ‘‘I’d like Mollie to have at least one sibling. I was an only child and always envied kids with brothers and sisters. They seemed more like a real family to me.’’

  I want your children. All he could seem to think about was how they were going to create those children, and he felt his body stirring and responding to the images he couldn’t shove out of his brain. Then he realized she was still speaking.

  ‘‘…thought any more about whether or not you want more kids?’’

  ‘‘Yeah,’’ he said. ‘‘I mean, I have, and I think you’re right. Mollie should have siblings. And honestly, I don’t just want more children because of Mollie. I like being a father. I always imagined we’d have several…’’ He let the sentence trail off, realizing that it probably wasn’t such a great idea to talk about his first wife to the one he hoped to marry next, even if it was Kristin, who’d known and loved her, too.

  ‘‘I think that would please Deb,’’ Kristin said steadily. ‘‘She always wanted a small tribe, remember?’’

  Relief rushed through him. Kristin understood him, understood what he was thinking. She always did and he shouldn’t forget that. ‘‘So,’’ he said, tightening his arm a little. ‘‘We’ve agreed that we both want more children. And I’ve told you how I feel. I don’t only want you because of Mollie, although knowing how much you care for her is a great part of the package. So what do you think?’’ He turned his body slightly to face her a little more fully. ‘‘Will you marry me?’’

  A small smile curved the corners of her mouth as he looked down at her. ‘‘Yes.’’

  Relief poured through him. He put his free hand up to her cheek and cradled her face. ‘‘You won’t regret it,’’ he told her, skimming his thumb along the line of her jaw. ‘‘We’re going to make a good team.’’

  Her smile widened. ‘‘We already do.’’

  He kept looking down at her, wondering why in the world it had taken him so long to see how lovely she was. ‘‘How soon do you want to get married?’’

  She shrugged. ‘‘I don’t know. Soon?’’

  ‘‘How about next Sunday?’’

  Her emerald eyes widened. ‘‘As in one week and one day away?’’

  He nodded.

  ‘‘Derek, we can’t possibly plan a wedding in such a short time!’’

  ‘‘I don’t know that we have all that much to plan,’’ he said carefully. He should have realized that Kristin would be thinking in terms of a real wedding, with guests and flowers and cake and all the attendant hoopla. ‘‘I’d like to have a simple ceremony,’’ he said, ‘‘and unless it’s really important to you, I’d rather forget a reception and all that jazz. I can’t take a honeymoon right away but if I start arranging it now, I should be able to get away in a couple of months.’’ He and Deb had had a huge wedding with scads of family and friends, a ridiculous number of attendants, and a dance band at the lavish reception. There was no way he could go through anything like that. It would remind him too much of…of the way his life was supposed to have been.

 
; Suddenly, he realized Kristin hadn’t said a word in response yet. Hell. Had he completely screwed this up?

  But then, as he was frantically trying to figure out how to explain his feelings to her, she nodded once, briskly, and said, ‘‘That’s fine.’’

  ‘‘It is?’’ He couldn’t keep the surprise from his tone, but he covered it quickly. ‘‘Okay. That’s settled, then. All we have to do is get blood work done and apply for the license.’’ He shifted, pulling her across his lap as he tried to cover the awkward moment just past. ‘‘I don’t want to wait, Kris. I want you in my home.’’

  ‘‘I don’t want to wait, either,’’ she told him. She put her arms around his neck as her words echoed between them. He knew she’d been talking about marriage, but he could see from the sudden awareness in her eyes that she had caught her unintentional double entendre just as he had.

  Slowly, holding her gaze with his, he pulled one of her hands from his neck and laid his lips against the fragile skin of her inner wrist. Using his tongue, he tested and tasted his way up her arm, lingering at the tender fold of her elbow, then sliding his lips farther up to her shoulder before skimming across the thin strap of the aqua sweater and laying his mouth on her collarbone.

  Kristin’s head fell back and her eyes closed as her body slackened in his arms. Her hands moved to clasp his shoulders as he nibbled her neck and pressed light kisses up the line of her jaw until his mouth hovered over hers. ‘‘Kiss me, Kris,’’ he breathed.

  He shifted his supporting arm higher to bring her head up, delighting in the willing way she lifted her mouth to his. Her lips were soft and sweet and he leisurely explored their shape for long moments before flicking his tongue across the seam of her lips. When she opened her mouth, he moved inside immediately, his tongue tangling with hers in hot, slick pleasure. As they kissed, her lithe body twisted in his arms, pressing against the growing arousal that pushed at his pants, making him all too aware that it would only take a few smooth moves to have his pants unzipped and her astride his lap.

  He shuddered. ‘‘I probably shouldn’t be doing this,’’ he said. But he couldn’t resist sliding one hand over the enticing swell of her hip. He smoothed a path down her upper leg to where the short skirt stopped and uttered a silent alleluia at the feel of her soft bare thigh beneath his palm.

  She placed her hands flat against his chest, palms side by side. ‘‘You can,’’ she whispered, ‘‘if you want to.’’

  ‘‘Oh, I want to,’’ he said, hearing his own voice come out a deep, rough growl, ‘‘but I don’t want to rush you. We can wait until we’re married.’’ A small, ignoble part of him sat up and shouted No, no, no! but he disregarded it. He was telling the truth; he didn’t want her to regret anything about their first time together. Still, it was all he could do to prevent himself from twisting his torso back and forth beneath the warm pressure of her small hands.

  ‘‘You’re not rushing me,’’ she said obliquely. She wouldn’t meet his eyes but kept them fixed on her hands. A surprising tenderness surged through him as he realized she was feeling shy. She was shy!

  Of all the things he associated with self-possessed, confident Kristin Gordon, shy probably wasn’t anywhere near the top of the list. And yet…she was looking to him to take the lead.

  Another realization swept over him. Kristin might be self-assured and smart as a whip about most things, but in this arena, he was definitely the more experienced of the two of them. Experienced…experience. Carefully, not wanting to spoil the moment, he said, ‘‘Kris? I, ah, don’t quite know how to ask you this, but—’’

  ‘‘I’m not a virgin.’’ Her voice was still soft, her eyes still averted.

  He couldn’t define the emotions that rushed through him at that one small sentence. Relief, maybe a little. He and Deb had both been virgins their first time together and it hadn’t been a stellar experience for either of them. He’d been fast; she’d been slow. He knew he’d hurt her, but had been so overwhelmed by basic adolescent lust that he’d had no hope of making it good for her, and he’d felt terribly guilty.

  Another emotion overshadowed his momentary recall. It seemed almost like…like jealousy. He tried to tell himself it was fatherly outrage, but that didn’t wash.

  ‘‘Who?’’ he managed. ‘‘When…?’’ The thought of some other man touching her intimately made him see red.

  ‘‘It was a long time ago,’’ she said softly. ‘‘My second year in college. And not something I was inspired to repeat.’’

  Tenderness swept through him, washing all other feelings away. ‘‘Let me inspire you then,’’ he said. He lifted her from his lap and stood, then bent and swung her into his arms. She was easy to carry, although she struggled wildly for a moment before clutching him around the neck. ‘‘Derek! What are you doing?’’

  ‘‘Taking you to bed,’’ he told her, striding from the room. ‘‘We’re going to do this right.’’

  Eight

  Had she known all along that this was how the evening would end? Had her subconscious picked up on something she hadn’t noticed? Was that the reason for the extraordinary case of nerves she’d been feeling?

  As Derek carried her up the stairs and shouldered open the door to his bedroom at the far end of the hall from Mollie’s, Kristin decided to stop thinking, stop analyzing and simply enjoy. She’d imagined making love with Derek so many times but her dearth of experience had limited the scope of her dreams to the basics. Tonight, she wouldn’t have to dream anymore.

  It was fast. Probably too fast, in the context of a normal dating relationship. She would no more think about sleeping with a guy on the first date than she would about flying to the moon. And under no circumstances would she sleep with a man while his child was in a room just down the hall.

  But this wasn’t a normal dating relationship. In actual fact, they’d never even had a real date. Instead, they’d lived in each other’s pockets for years, sharing the joys and worries of raising a baby girl. They’d spent hours discussing his business and the sanctuary, had made snowmen together and sung ‘‘Eensy, Weensy Spider’’ until they were both ready to scream. They’d shored up each other through times of grief, celebrated birthdays and shared silly jokes over a sinkful of dirty dishes.

  No, it couldn’t be further from a normal dating relationship. But it wasn’t fast in any but the most literal sense of the word, either. She knew him better than she’d ever known any man besides her father. She trusted him with her body in a way she could never trust anyone she’d only known weeks or months.

  They belonged together. And in just a short time, they would be married. Married! She still couldn’t quite believe it. But as Derek carried her into his bedroom and gently laid her on his bed, it became real in the most basic sense of the word. He switched on a small lamp that cast a dim glow over the room before he came down beside her and she had no more time for thought as he covered her mouth with his, kissing her with urgent demand. One of his legs slid over hers, pinning her in place, and she could feel his body surging against her hip as his breathing grew short and choppy. She put her hands to his neck and then slipped them up into his hair, kneading his scalp and holding him fast to her while his lips left hers and moved down her neck. He had one arm beneath her. The other lay heavily on her stomach, and she felt the muscles of her abdomen contract sharply when he spread his big hand wide, his little finger stretching down almost to the top of her feminine mound. A sudden surge of excitement danced through her and she rolled her hips up involuntarily, moving his finger over her. Her body was throbbing deep between her legs, aching for his touch and her breast heaved with frustration.

  Derek chuckled deep in his throat. ‘‘Not so fast. I’ve been having fantasies about this for days. I don’t want to rush.’’

  Slowly, he slipped his hand up her torso until he had covered her breast. He didn’t move, just held his hand there, cradling her gently. ‘‘You had me fooled,’’ he told her, lifting her head to look in
to her eyes. ‘‘I didn’t have any idea how beautiful your body was. I feel like a man coming out of a coma and just noticing the world around him for the first time.’’

  She smiled, raising her torso just the smallest bit, pressing herself more firmly into his palm. ‘‘I had most people fooled, I guess.’’

  ‘‘Why?’’ he asked. ‘‘You never answered me earlier.’’

  She shrugged, and the motion moved her breast beneath his hand, sending ribbons of pleasure snaking through her. ‘‘I never cared much what I looked like before. But when you said no to my proposition—’’

  ‘‘Your proposal,’’ he corrected her.

  ‘‘I realized that if I wanted to find a man I was going to have to learn how to attract one.’’

  He frowned and his eyes darkened. ‘‘So you started wearing revealing clothes, thinking that was the way to get noticed?’’

  ‘‘It worked on you,’’ she said, refusing to let him draw her into an argument. ‘‘So don’t be hypocritical.’’ She ran her hands down to his shoulders and over the heavy muscle of his upper arms, her fingers lingering to stroke and caress. ‘‘Can we talk later?’’

  He relaxed, a fleeting smile touching his mouth. ‘‘Yeah. We can.’’ He rose to his knees beside her. ‘‘Right now, I think you need to get out of these clothes.’’

  His hands were gentle as he tugged the aqua sweater over her head. She heard him suck in a harsh breath as his eyes blazed down at her breasts, and she thanked heaven that tonight she’d had the sense to wear the new sheer black lace bra and panty set she’d just bought. He placed both his hands over her breasts, cupping the full mounds and she shivered at the passion blazing in his blue eyes.

  ‘‘You, too,’’ she said, although it came out as little more than a husky whisper.