Cold Bath Lane

by Lorna Dounaeva

  “Oh, come on, I think it’ll be really romantic.”

  We went back to the cabin to get the blankets and then we hiked into the woods. Just far enough that Coral and Irvine wouldn’t stumble upon us in the morning.

  “Are you sure this is safe?” Julio asked, as I lay out the blankets.

  “Of course it’s safe,” I said. “I ain’t seen nothing more dangerous than a rabbit in these woods.”

  “Still…”

  “What’s the matter? Are you scared of getting mauled by a bunny?”

  I didn’t mean to wound his male pride, I just wanted him to see what I saw. I pulled him down beside me, and we both lay there, looking up at the night sky.

  “Why are there so many stars?” he asked.

  “I ordered extra, especially for you,” I said, squeezing his hand. I wasn’t normally nearly so smooth with my words. It had to be the Angel Dust.

  “This is kind of spectacular,” he admitted, looking up at all the twinkling points of light.

  “Dazzling,” I agreed.

  I don’t remember much else about that evening, which was a shame, because every moment with Julio was special. Something to be savoured, like the fancy wines he had introduced me to.

  “You alright?” I asked when we woke up the next morning.

  “Freezing my arse off,” he said, though chattering teeth. I wasn’t the least bit cold, which was odd, given he had stolen most of the blankets. I wondered if it was the Angel Dust, keeping me warm. It wouldn’t surprise me, that stuff was amazing.

  “Come on, let’s go and sit in the car and warm up.”

  I took his hand, and we walked back through the woods, enjoying the stillness of the camp. It was as if we were the only people in the world.

  Julio had made me a mix tape with all our favourite songs on it. He put it in the tape deck and we listened to it as we snogged. He had a copy of his local newspaper in the car and we leafed through it, looking at properties to rent.

  “What about this one?” he said, pointing to an ad for a small one bed flat above a shop.

  “I think we’d need something a little bit bigger,” I said, reading the specifications.

  “Why? I don’t have much stuff, do you?”

  “Not really. But where would Alicia sleep?”

  He shrugged. “She can come over when I’m out of town. I’ll be off visiting my family some weekends.”

  “Alicia’s not just going to visit,” I said, wondering why he hadn’t realised this before. “She’s going to live with us. I can’t leave her with Dad.”

  “Right.”

  He let out a loud sigh.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m just really hungry. Shall we go and get some breakfast?”

  There was a lot of noise round the campfire that evening. Lindy and Sebastian put on the fire juggling act they’d been practising, and everyone whooped and cheered.

  “Coral and Irvine would have a fit if they saw,” Isabel whispered to me.

  I watched as they threw the flaming batons to one another, and then finished off by leaping over the flames. They were total amateurs, really. They pretended to have control over the flames, but really, the flames controlled them. I saw the way Lindy cowered when she got a bit too close. She didn’t understand fire like I did. She didn’t respect it.

  Everyone clapped like crazy when their act finished, but it was all I could do not to roll my eyes. Even Julio was up on his feet, whooping and cheering, like they’d done something totally amazing. I was glad when someone produced a guitar, and the campfire songs resumed.

  There was always a lot of singing around the campfire. So many songs. I couldn’t understand how they all knew the words. I wondered if they had all attended some secret society I had never been invited to. But I suppose they had, in a way. Maybe I would have learned all those songs, if I had stayed in school.

  I looked down and realised my skin was covered in tiny goosebumps, so I slipped my hand into Julio’s to keep warm. He squeezed my hand and moved away to grab a marshmallow. I didn’t read anything into it, as he stuck the marshmallow on a stick and toasted it. Julio was always hungry.

  After a while, I’d had enough of being social. I wanted us to slip away so we could be alone again, but people kept talking to Julio.

  “Were you ever in the Scouts?” asked Kate. “What about the Rangers? It’s a great organisation.”

  No sooner had he answered that than Lindy was asking him something else.

  “Have you ever been rock climbing, Julio? Some of us are going out to Water’s Edge next Saturday.”

  “We already have plans,” I said quickly. “We’re going out to that inn on the lake, remember Julio?”

  The others darted me a look, but they kept talking across me. It infuriated me. Why did he have to be so damn popular?

  I smoked another spliff and leaned against Julio’s shoulder. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up, the campfire was almost out.

  “You should have woken me,” I said, sleepily, as he kissed me goodnight.

  “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you. Don’t worry, I’ll be back next weekend.” He kissed me lightly. “Take care.”

  “Take care,” I repeated. I wondered at the hollowness of this phrase, but the days passed so quickly, that it was soon Friday again, and I felt a tingle of anticipation as I awaited his return.

  Friday was a beautiful day and the sun shone through the trees at Camp Windylake. I waited impatiently for my group to finish applying their suntan cream. One or two of them took the task rather too seriously.

  “Oh, look,” I said to Alfie, one of the younger kids, as a butterfly and a dragonfly zoomed in front of us. “Do you think they’re friends?”

  “Actually, some dragonflies like to snack on butterflies,” Alfie told me.

  “Right.”

  I turned to the rest of the group.

  “Are you all ready? Everybody been to the bog?”

  “Yes, Jody,” they chorused.

  I still couldn’t get over how polite they were. I really hoped it was rubbing off on Alicia.

  I put on my red visor and began making my way down the trail.

  “Who can tell me what kind of tree this is?” I called, as we passed a large birch tree.

  I was getting good at this by now. The children had taught me far more than I had taught them.

  There were only days left before the end of camp, and both children and adults talked plaintively about how they were going to miss each other when the day came to leave. The majority planned to return the following year, but it seemed like a lifetime away, and who knew what might happen in the meantime.

  I led my group through the forest. Irvine was out with another group, so I led mine in the opposite direction. It was a trickier route, with brambles and rocks to navigate but I knew the kids would relish the challenge. Young Alfie struggled to keep up with the others, but I didn’t have to worry about him. One of the older boys noticed him fall behind and went back to help him, even though this meant giving up his own place at the front of the pack. I made a mental note to praise him for his thoughtfulness later.

  Once we got past the difficult part of the trail, the children began to gather twigs for the bonfire, a task they all enjoyed.

  “Come on, there are plenty of twigs this way,” I said, leading them towards The Thinking Place. I smiled to myself as I recalled the insect with the synthesiser. I wondered if I would see it again. Probably not, since I was stone cold sober.

  “Mind the brambles,” I called out to the stragglers, as the footpath narrowed. “There’s a really beautiful yew tree up ahead. We should…”

  I stopped in my tracks as I realised there was someone already there. Not just someone, but Julio. He had his back to me, but I’d know his beautiful body anywhere. He was sitting on a log, his arms wrapped around Lindy. They were kissing as if they’d invented it.

  30

  A volcan
o erupted inside me. I leapt on Lindy, shoving her off the log. She fell with deliberate drama, her screams piercing my ears. I jumped on top of her, planting my knees in her stomach. She fought back weakly as I dug my nails in her face. I heard the children yelling, shouting at me to stop, but their voices sounded like they were coming from a long way away. I would have kept going. I might even have killed her, if Julio hadn’t pulled me off.

  I kicked out wildly. I hadn’t finished. I was out for blood.

  He spun me round to face him.

  “Get a grip!” he snarled, in a tone I’d never heard before.

  “Get a grip?”

  My voice echoed around the forest. “You get a bloody grip! You told me you loved me!”

  “I did love you,” he said, glancing guiltily at Lindy.

  I stared at the contours of his beautiful face.

  “We were moving in together.”

  His eyebrows knotted together. “Maybe I wasn’t ready after all.”

  My body went limp. I couldn’t believe it was all over. How was it possible for him to go off me in such a short space of time? How was it possible he’d hooked up with Lindy? I thought back to the previous weekend, when I’d fallen asleep by the campfire. Was that when Lindy made her move?

  “I’ll talk to you later. When you’ve had a chance to calm down.”

  I laughed bitterly. My voice sounded like a witch’s cackle.

  “I’m never going to calm down!”

  I staggered off, leaving them to deal with the children. There was an intense pain in my heart. The kind of pain that could only be numbed with Angel Dust.

  “Are you alright?” Isabel asked, when I made it back to the cabin.

  “No, I ain’t.”

  She put her arms around me, and I breathed in her expensive perfume. I bawled in her arms for ages and my eyeliner smudged her shirt. I couldn’t stop myself. I felt like my heart had shattered into a thousand pieces, and forever after, I kept stepping on the glass.

  “He was so perfect for me,” I said, after a while.

  “There will be other men.”

  “No, there won’t. We had something special. I don’t understand what went wrong.”

  Isabel was silent for a moment. “He’s not very good with commitment. Never has been, really. I’m so sorry he did this to you. I thought it would be different this time.”

  I could see she was trying to help, but I thought of the wonderful future I’d envisioned, and I shook with anger. I pulled away from her.

  “You knew he was going to dump me?”

  “No – no, I didn’t. I just know what he’s like, that’s all. He doesn’t have the best track record.”

  I stared at her, the hatred welling up inside me.

  “Then why didn’t you warn me? What kind of mate are you?”

  I didn’t give Isabel the chance to answer, I ran out into the woods, ripping down any branch that got in my way. I tore down flowers and hurled rocks at the trees. I was hysterical, but I couldn’t help it. He was the one who had suggested we get a place together. He had made me love him and I had fallen for him hard. It didn’t seem fair that he could change the rules like that. Maybe he found it easy to move on, but I didn’t. It had been a once in a lifetime relationship. I couldn’t just find myself another man, because no one else would ever compare.

  I returned to the cabin later, while the others were at tea. I had watched Lindy as she stood in the queue, chatting and laughing as if nothing had happened. She was much too tall for him, why couldn’t he see that? They looked wrong together, whereas he and I had been just right.

  I cleared Lindy’s bed of all her belongings. I piled it all into my bag: her teddy bear, her photos, her makeup and all her clothes. I carried it all out to the campfire and threw it on, one by one. If anyone noticed what I was doing, they didn’t stop me. It wasn’t until later that night that Lindy found out.

  Julio never came back to talk to me, though I waited alone in the cabin all evening. I didn’t feel like joining the others at the campfire after the children went to bed. I was afraid they might be there, together.

  I lay in bed and smoked a joint, not caring that this was strictly against the rules. What did it matter if the cabin burnt down now? I didn’t even notice when the others returned from the campfire, which was probably just as well, as I could have happily killed Lindy.

  The following morning, the others had just left for breakfast, when Coral walked into the cabin.

  “Jody? Can I have a word?”

  I looked up, shocked to see a frown on her face. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her like that before. She led me back to her cottage, where Irvine was waiting for us. He wasn’t smiling either. This was bad.

  “What is it?”

  I thought they were going to tell me off for burning Lindy’s belongings but, surely, they would understand when I explained. I had had my heart broken. I was wounded. And it was all Lindy’s fault.

  “Jody, we’ve had reports about you, worrying reports.”

  I shifted, uncomfortably. What had Lindy told them?

  “What do you mean?”

  I met Coral’s gaze, and tried to make my eyes wide and innocent, the way Alicia did.

  Coral folded her arms. “Tell us the truth. Have you been experimenting with drugs?”

  I glanced at Irvine. He was sitting in exactly the same posture, his arms folded across his middle.

  “Drugs?” I said, trying to sound surprised. “Why, I’ve never touched them.”

  “Then you’d be willing to take a drug test?” asked Irvine.

  I was taken aback. “What?”

  “Would you be willing to take a drug test?”

  “How?”

  “We’d need a urine sample.”

  “Of course,” I said, but even as I said it, I knew there was no way out. My system buzzed with Angel Dust, weed and alcohol. There was no way I could pass.

  Inevitably, I was relieved of all duties.

  Coral could barely even look at me as she delivered the bad news.

  “For Alicia’s sake, you can stay on until the closing ceremony tomorrow. Then you will both have to leave. I’m sure you will understand why we will not be inviting you to return next year.”

  “We are very disappointed in you,” Irvine added. “We thought you would make the most of this opportunity, but instead, you have let everybody down, including yourself.”

  They both looked at me so sadly, that I felt deeply ashamed of myself.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  But nothing could save me now.

  I spent my remaining time in a drug-filled haze, out in the woods. I didn’t want to go home, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice. A terrible dread set in as I imagined our return to Cold Bath Lane.

  The closing ceremony came around far too fast and we were deluged with proud parents and other family members. The families of all the campers had all been invited, including Dad and Sam. I had hoped that Dad might drink so much that he would forget to come, but he was too excited about schmoozing with the parents of all those rich kids to miss out.

  Alicia ran up to me as I stood at the buffet table. “He’s here. I’ve seen him. Sam, too.”

  “God, what are we going to do?”

  “We could run away? We could live here, in the woods. It would be wild.”

  I smiled wanly. “I wish we could. But it will get cold in the winter, and we’d need food and shelter. It just wouldn’t work.”

  “You could get a job, then.”

  “But who would employ me now?”

  Coral wasn’t going to give me a reference any more, and I hadn’t even finished primary school. And where would we stay in the meantime? Rent cost money.

  I could only put off the inevitable. I avoided Dad, hiding in my cabin for as long as I could. When I eventually came out, I saw Isabel chatting to Dad and Sam, laughing with them as if they were normal people. I watched in fascination as Sam went and got her a drink. It w
as weird, I’d never seen him flirt with a girl before.

  “Alicia told me the funniest thing earlier,” she said, as she sipped her lemonade.

  “Yeah?” Sam said. Although the conversation was between the two of them, I could see Dad was hanging on her every word.

  “She said she climbs into strangers’ houses at night and sets light to them!”

  Isabel laughed, and Sam laughed with her. Even Dad joined in. My skin felt cold and clammy.

  Dad waited until Isabel was called away, then I felt his hand on the back of my neck. Desperately, I looked around for Alicia, but she was nowhere to be seen. It was hard to breathe as Dad dragged me to the van.

  “But we’re supposed to stay until the end of the night,” I objected, as he shoved me inside. “What about my stuff?”

  Dad drew a deep breath. “I’ve sent Alicia to get your stuff. I gave her ten minutes.”

  I tried to send a telepathic message to Alicia, the way Coral did with Irvine.

  Run, Alicia! Run and don’t look back!

  But moments later, Alicia appeared with our bags. She wasn’t laughing anymore. She knew something was up.

  “I want to stay till the end,” she said. “I ain’t said goodbye to no one.”

  “We’re going,” Dad said firmly.

  “No!” Alicia said. She was on the verge of a meltdown. But before she could utter another word, Dad scooped her up. He pretended he was roughhousing, in case there were any nosey parkers watching, but his knuckles were white with venom.

  Tears stung my eyes as Dad drove us towards the exit. I took one last look around the place that had been my home that summer. I thought I had had mates here. I’d thought these people cared about us. But I had been wrong. First Julio had betrayed me, then Isabel.

  “You should have kept your traps shut,” Sam murmured, as we drove out into the night.

  “Shut up!” I spat.

  I was annoyed at his lack of compassion, but I was far more worried about what Dad was going to do once we got home.

  We drove in utter silence. Even Sam knew better than to talk.

  At one point, Sam turned round and looked at us. My eyes pleaded with him to help us but his expression was blank. He had been under Dad’s shadow for so long he didn’t know how to think for himself. He wasn’t going to be the one to save us. He didn’t know how.