Malicious

by Alex Grayson

  “He took my shirt off, and as he looked down at me, he did something, something that shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but for some reason to me, it was. He pinched the fat on my stomach. I tried to play it off like he was trying to be funny, but it ate at me for days. Then, a few days later, I overheard him telling one of his friends that he was thinking about breaking up with me, because I was too thick for his taste. I don’t know how to explain it. Something in me snapped. It was innocent enough at first. I’d go a full day without eating, or I’d let myself eat only once a day. I did that for years. Sometimes it would get better. Sometimes it would get worse. But as I got older, it became harder to not eat. People noticed. One day, after binging on way too much pizza with Rylee, I decided to try another tactic. I made myself get sick. And the weird thing is, it felt good. It felt good to eat whatever I wanted and expel it later so there was no guilt. I never intended for it to go as far as it did. I didn’t want any of this. But it became a bigger problem than I could control. Eventually, I didn’t need to make myself sick anymore, because every time I would eat, my body would do it for me.”

  “The first time we met—I made a comment about your weight.” He leans forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees.

  “You did.” I nod. “But this problem was already in full swing. You didn’t cause this. You have to know that.”

  “No, but I sure as hell didn’t make it any better either.”

  “Sometimes you did.” I give him a soft smile. “Sometimes you would look at me, and I don’t know, I felt beautiful—comfortable in my own skin in a way I never had before.”

  “Because you are beautiful.” In a matter of seconds, he’s out of the chair and sitting on the side of the hospital bed, his warm fingers wrapping around mine. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, Savannah. Even when I hated you, I couldn’t deny my body’s reaction to you.”

  I bite down on my bottom lip to keep my smile at bay.

  “I tried to stop. You made me want to stop. But I couldn’t at that point.” I clear my throat. “I just need you to know, to understand, that you didn’t put me here. This is all on me.”

  “So, what now? Are you going to do the treatment?”

  “I don’t want to,” I admit.

  “I think you should.” His gorgeous eyes remain focused on mine. “This isn’t only about what you eat, it’s also about how you view yourself. You need to start seeing yourself the way I see you. Because if you did, you’d never feel the need to change what you look like. You’d know without a doubt just how beautiful you are—and not only on the outside.”

  “I’m scared,” I admit, my chin quivering slightly.

  “You don’t have to be scared. You are the strongest person I know, Savannah Reynolds. And you won’t have to do this alone. You have your parents, Rylee and Zayden, and everyone else who loves you who will be right by your side.”

  “Does that include you?” I ask, my voice catching.

  “Do you want it to include me?” His expression is hopeful.

  “I do,” I admit after a long moment.

  “Does that mean you forgive me? Because I am sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. For all of it. I didn’t mean any of it. I don’t even know why I said what I said. I was hurting and I wanted you to hurt too. I know it’s fucked up and unforgivable, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to fix this. To fix us.”

  “On one condition.” I hold up a finger. “You promise me that the next time you feel like the world is caving in on you, you let me help shoulder some of that weight instead of making me the enemy.”

  “That’s a promise.”

  “Then I forgive you.”

  “V.” He scoots in closer. “You’re going to get through this. And I’m going to be here every step of the way. Because I want you to get better. No, I need you to get better. Because I don’t want to live this life without you. I never thought I’d meet someone who would completely upend my life in the best fucking way. But then here you came, with your spicy attitude and your sharp tongue. And I knew pretty early on that I was in trouble. I love you, Savannah Reynolds. I love you so fucking much.”

  I swear, it feels like my entire body levitates off the bed—like I’m about to float away on a cloud. I feel weightless. And even though I heard him tell Rylee he loved me, it wasn’t the same as hearing him say it directly to me. His hand is warm on mine. His expression vulnerable and open in a way I’ve never seen before. It only reaffirms my own feelings.

  “I love you so fucking much too,” I repeat his words back to him, not missing the smile that slides across his mouth as he leans in and presses his lips to mine.

  It’s gentle and brief, but it still makes my entire body heat like I’ve stepped into a boiler room.

  “Promise me you’ll get the treatment,” he murmurs, dropping his forehead to mine.

  “I’ll get the treatment,” I concede, knowing he’s right. I have to do this the right way if I have any hopes of beating this illness—both mentally and physically.

  “I love you.” He pulls back, tipping my chin up with his index finger.

  “I love you.”

  “Say it again.”

  “I love you,” I repeat.

  “Again.”

  “I love you.” I try not to smile but fail miserably.

  “Again.”

  “Oh my God.” I drop my head back on a laugh. “I love you, okay?”

  “I’m sorry. I never thought I’d hear you say those words. I just needed you to repeat them a few times so I could make sure this is real—that I’m not dreaming.”

  I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull him in close.

  “This is real. You are not dreaming. And I love you, Oliver Conley.”

  “And I love you.” He presses another kiss to my lips.

  I don’t know what the future holds or where we go from here, but I do know that I don’t want to do any of this without Oliver. Yes, he can be selfish and crass, and he has a temper that tends to get him into trouble. But he’s also protective and sweet and funny and so many other amazing things that I can’t list off the top of my head.

  He’s far from perfect, and so am I. But together we make sense. In some weird way, I think we always have.

  Epilogue

  OLIVER

  Six months later….

  Tipping the beer bottle to my lips, I smile around the rim as I watch Savannah and Dani, Z’s sister, gush over the engagement ring Z gave Rylee last night. The three squeal like little girls before crushing each other as they hug.

  “You know this is going to go badly for you, right?” Z remarks from beside me, his voice holding a hint of mirth.

  I shrug. “Not really.”

  “Now that I’ve asked Rylee to marry me, Savannah’s going to want the same.”

  “I know.” I slide my eyes to him and give him a knowing look.

  He arches a brow. “You sure you’re ready for something like that?”

  “Not right this minute. I’d like to wait until after we graduate, but yes. I’ve never been more sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

  “Never thought I’d see the day when you and Savannah would get along, let alone hear you say you want to marry her.” He chuckles. “For a while there, I thought I was going to have to bury a body somewhere.”

  I grunt, but he’s right. Savannah and my relationship started out brutal. On more than one occasion, I wanted to wrap my hands around her pretty little neck and squeeze until she couldn’t spew her hate at me anymore. And I’m sure she’s mentally kicked my balls quite a few times.

  Now, I still want to wrap my hands around her neck, but in a much more enjoyable way.

  I look around the backyard of my childhood home. My eyes land on my father and Evelyn speaking with Nora and Silas. All four have a beer in their hand and the conversation they are having must be amusing, because Evelyn and Nora are both laughing.

  My relat
ionship with Paul never went back to normal. That’s not to say our relationship will never be mended. It’s also not to say I’ve completely forgiven him. Our relationship now is… complicated. He’s changed over the last six months. More involved in my life; calling me regularly and asking how school and my life are going. He even calls just to chat, which kinda freaked me out the first couple of times. He’s acting how a true father should act. I don’t completely trust the change yet, but I’m working on it.

  I’ve spoken with my mother a few times. Our relationship is more strained. What my father did hurt, but what my mother did hurt even more. Her and Benjamin came for another visit a couple of months ago. With Savannah’s pleading, I agreed to meet with them for lunch. In which I found out that Benjamin did know about me, but felt it was best he not seek me out so Paul and Maria could work things out between them. It was a stressful hour, to say the least. I told them both, that while Paul may not have been a perfect father, he is still my father. I’d get to know Benjamin as my uncle, but I’ll never view him as my father.

  “Life’s pretty good for you boys, isn’t it?”

  I glance over at Allen, Z’s dad.

  “Damn straight, it is,” Z answers.

  “Congrats on the engagement, son,” Allen says, slapping Z on the back. “You picked a good girl to latch yourself to.”

  Z smiles proudly. “The best.”

  “You gonna wait until you graduate to get married?”

  “Fuck no, I’m not waiting that long. I’ll marry her as soon as she’ll let me.”

  Chuckling, Allen turns to me. “So, when are you going to pop the question to Savannah?”

  A small smile tugs at my lips. “Soon.”

  I already have the ring hidden away in my and Savannah’s apartment. I’m just waiting on the perfect time to ask.

  I moved out of the dorm a month ago and moved in with Savannah, since Rylee and Z now have a place of their own. It seemed like the logical thing to do, since I was there all the time, anyway.

  “Can’t believe both my boys want to get married.”

  “You better believe it, old man.”

  “You getting married so young I can handle, but you better not give me any grandbabies until you’ve graduated and got a steady job.” He points his beer bottle to Z.

  “You got it.”

  “That goes for you too, Oliver,” he warns, shooting a glare my way.

  “No worries. As much as I’d love to have kids with Savannah, I’m not ready to share her yet.”

  My eyes move to Savannah as she loads a couple of plates full of food from the picnic table my father set up. An image of her with a round belly full of our baby flashes through my mind. I may not be ready to share her yet, but I’m definitely looking forward to sharing that part of our life together.

  As if sensing my thoughts are on her, she looks up after setting the plates down. She smiles and starts walking my way.

  “Hi,” she says, stopping right in front of me.

  “Hey.”

  I wrap both arms around her and pull her flush to my chest. Dipping down, I plant a kiss on her lips.

  Savannah has gained weight over the last six months. Healthy weight, and it looks damn good on her.

  Once she left the hospital after her collapse, she entered rehab. The first couple of weeks were tough on her. She hated being there, but knew it was where she needed to be. She was there for six weeks, and it was a trying time. Family and friends could only visit once a week, on Saturdays. I was there, along with Rylee, Zayden, and her parents every single one of those Saturdays. It was amazing to see the transformation in her at our weekly visits. By the end of the six weeks, it was like she was a whole new person. Her face was fuller, her arms and legs weren’t skin and bones, her ribs and hip bones no longer protruded. And her ass and tits…. Let’s just say, they’ve become my new favorite parts of her.

  Speaking of her ass, I grab a handful of it and give a squeeze.

  “You having fun?”

  “I am.” She nods. “And this weather is amazing. I might have to take a dip in the pool later.” Her eyes turn hooded. “Maybe you can join me.”

  My dick goes from soft to semi in three seconds flat. “I’ll definitely join you.”

  Savannah left rehab not only looking healthier, but she also left seeing herself differently. I know she still struggles every so often—her doctor said she’ll always battle poor self-image—but with the right support system and motivation, she can overcome those struggles. I’ve caught her looking at herself in the mirror a couple of times, a frown creasing her brow. Those times, I held my breath and sent up a silent prayer. But every time, after a couple of minutes of self-analyzing, the frown disappears from her face and she smiles, repeating something her therapist taught her to say to herself when she doubted her appearance.

  “I am beautiful just the way I am.”

  I am so proud of her in those moments. She doesn’t realize the strength she has, but the people around her do.

  Lifting to her tippy toes, she pecks my lips before stepping out of my arms. She reaches for my hand. “Come on. I’m starving.”

  I grin as she leads me over to the table where she left our plates. She sits the proper way at the picnic table, while I straddle it facing her. I always use every opportunity presented to me to look at Savannah. This is just another one. She’s called me a creeper on numerous occasions because of it.

  Rolling her eyes because she knows what I’m doing, she picks up her burger and takes a big bite. Now that she’s not watching what she eats and no longer has the urge to puke it back up, my girl can put away some food.

  I grab my own burger and begin scarfing it down.

  Z and Rylee take a seat across from us.

  “Oliver and I are hitting the pool later. You and Zayden should join us.”

  I narrow my eyes at the side of her face. Her lips twitch around her bite of food and she gives me the side-eye.

  “The pool was supposed to be ours,” I grumble. But an idea pops in my head, and a slow smile slides across my face. “But they’re more than welcome to join us. Could be interesting.”

  “No!” Savannah and Rylee shout at the same time.”

  Z and I laugh, enjoying the red coating both of their cheeks as we all remember the time we got off to the sounds of the other through the wall.

  Dani comes running up to our table, stopping just shy of hitting the end. “Daddy said me and my friend Samantha can go swimming after we eat and our food settles. Want to come with us?”

  I groan and drop my forehead to Savannah’s shoulder. It shakes with her laughter.

  “We were already planning on swimming,” Z tells her with amusement lacing his tone. “We’d love for you and Samantha to join us.”

  So much for having my way with my girl in the pool. That idea flew way out the window fast.

  Lifting my head, I kiss Savannah’s bare shoulder before looking up at her. She’s so fucking beautiful, she damn near steals away my breath.

  “I love you,” she says quietly.

  I’ll never get tired of hearing her say those words.

  “I love you too.”

  She smiles again, like she’ll never get tired of hearing me say them either.

  Which is good, because I plan to tell her every day, multiple times a day, for the next sixty or seventy years.

  Want to know more about Zayden and Rylee? Turn the page for the first chapter of Treacherous!

  Chapter One

  RYLEE

  “RYLEE, IF YOU DON’T get downstairs you’re going to be late.” My mother’s voice rings through the closed door of my bedroom, a soft knock following.

  Late. I roll my eyes, wishing I could do more than be late—like maybe skip this whole day altogether. It’s the day I’ve been dreading since I found out that her and Paul were getting married and we would be moving in with him.

  It’s not something any teenage girl wants to hear. That with a mere five month
s left of her senior year, she will have to leave all her friends and everything she loves to live with a man she barely knows and his intolerable son.

  Yay me.

  “Rylee. Did you hear me?” Mom knocks again.

  “I heard you,” I call back, trying really hard to keep the irritation from my voice. This isn’t Mom’s fault. Well, I guess technically it is, but how could I fault her for going after a chance to be happy? I can’t expect her to pass up on love because it’s inconvenient for me. Besides, in a few short months I will be leaving all this behind for college anyway.

  “Well, chip chop then. You don’t want to make a bad first impression,” she practically sings.

  She is way too chipper for this early in the morning.

  “Earth to Rylee. Come in Rylee,” Savannah says, reminding me there’s a phone pressed to my ear.

  “Sorry, Mom was talking to me. What were you saying?”

  “I was just saying how bad Bristol is gonna suck without you. You basically left me high and dry with no warning,” she playfully jabs—though she’s not wrong. When I’d left for winter break I’d thought I’d be back after the New Year. At that time I had no idea I would never grace the halls of Bristol High again. “Who am I going to bitch to in between classes?” she chatters on. “Who’s going to tell me when I have food stuck in my teeth, or that my makeup is smudged? Who’s going to keep me from throwing myself at Jonah every chance I get? Because you know I have zero restraint without you.”

  Savannah has been my best friend since kindergarten, and up to this point, we’ve pretty much never been apart. And while yes, thirty miles of separation isn’t the end of the world, especially since we both have cars, it feels like she’s an entire world away.

  “Don’t be dramatic. You still have Jane and Sarah,” I remind her.

  “Jane and Sarah aren’t you.”

  “Well, it could be worse. You could be walking into a school where the only person you know is your stepbrother who’s made it painfully clear he doesn’t like you and treats you like an intruder in your new home.”