Insatiable

by Daniele Lanzarotta

  I tossed and turned for I don’t know how long before I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling, but I couldn’t fight it either. I got up with the intention of going to his room. I found him in the living room staring outside with a drink in his hand. He turned the other way as soon as he saw me. Finished his drink, and I knew he had had more than one.

  “Where is Owen?” I asked.

  “He went to a party in the city.”

  He stumbled over the table and I rushed to his side to steady him. He put his arm over my shoulder for support, and I started to guide him to his room. He shook his head. “I don’t want you to have to go in that room,” he said in an apologetic tone.

  I stood there not knowing what to do.

  “I need to talk to you. I also need to get some air,” he said.

  “You want to go outside?” I asked nervously.

  “Just out front. Close to the door.”

  I helped him out and we sat on the sand. Tears sprung to my eyes and I felt like a nervous wreck as I watched the water for any signs of anything or anyone I knew.

  I wiped the tears away. Blake was staring at me, but it was so different than the way that Owen watched me. There was pain, loss, and desire.

  “I can’t stop thinking about you,” he said.

  “You’ve had too much to drink,” I said.

  He laughed. “I might be saying more than I’d usually say because I had a few drinks, but this is nothing compared to what I usually drink to forget my reality.” He paused. “For the first time this weekend, I had something happen to me that I didn’t want to forget. Arianna, there is nothing that I can offer you and I’m sorry for that. I wish things were different and that we could—give this a try—but I’m stuck.”

  Push him away… push him away I kept reminding myself. “You’re not stuck. You have choices just like everyone else. In a way, I chose to leave a relationship that I didn’t believe in. I chose to be with you this weekend.”

  “Things are not that easy,” he said.

  “They never are,” I said.

  “I lied to you earlier tonight. I came back for more than that. You are right. We have choices and I chose to come back because I wanted and needed to see you. But I also have responsibilities that go above and beyond my choices. So yes, we have choices but I can’t have mine because the only way for that to happen would be to see you behind Brooke’s back and I’m not doing that.”

  “I wouldn’t expect you to,” I said.

  He shook his head. “I grew up knowing that my dad cheated on my mom for years and years. I can’t do that to anyone.”

  I felt horrible.

  Then he started trusting me with things that I knew I wasn’t supposed to know. “Molly isn’t even my mother’s daughter,” he blurted out, letting things out. “My mom couldn’t have any more kids after Owen. Then my father had an affair… one of many… and one of those women got pregnant. My mother found out and my father’s way to make up to her was to buy Molly’s mother out of the picture.” He paused. “My mom told him he was crazy. She had every intention of giving Molly back, until she saw her. She fell in love with Molly and couldn’t even fathom the idea of giving her to a mother who had given her up. She has loved Molly like she is her own since the moment she laid eyes on her… we all have.”

  “What is there not to love about Molly?” I asked.

  He smiled at me. “You are so easy to talk to,” he said.

  “Well, you are drunk. I bet you’d say that to anyone.”

  We both laughed until a movement near the rocks in the sea distracted me. I stared blankly in that direction. I didn’t see anything, but I kept searching.

  I could feel his gaze on me as I stared at the sea.

  “I wish I knew what you are so afraid of,” he finally said.

  Tears sprung to my eyes and I avoided looking at him.

  “He won’t find you here, you know? This is a private island. As long as you stay here, you’ll be safe.”

  I nodded, not knowing what to say.

  We sat silently for a while.

  “I should probably get some sleep. I have to leave early to get to a meeting,” he finally said.

  I nodded. He stood up and reached his hand out to help me get up. His touch was so warm. Just his hand touching mine was enough to leave me wanting so much more than that.

  I got up and we both went in the house.

  “Well, I should probably go to my room,” I said. He nodded with hesitation and watched me as I left. I turned around to look at him before I closed the bedroom door and my eyes met his, still watching me with so much want.

  As tough as this was, I managed to walk away from the door without even closing it.

  ***

  There were only a few hours left before dawn and I couldn’t sleep.

  Everything was quiet in the house, so I figured Blake finally went to bed. After a while, I heard a commotion and I assumed that Owen was back, but his wasn’t the only voice I heard. It all got quiet soon after it… until someone came stumbling into my room. I sat up quickly because the noise almost gave me a heart attack. The guy turned the light on and I yelled at the top of my lungs as the guy looked at me in shock before he stepped into the hallway and walked away yelling, “Hey, Owen! You didn’t tell me there is a hot chick in my room!”

  Within a matter of seconds, Blake was in my room, wearing nothing but his pajama pants. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  I nodded, still shaken up.

  “I’m going to get you a glass of water. I’ll be back.”

  He rushed out of the room and minutes later I could hear him, “What the fuck, Owen?”

  “Sorry, I had too much to drink. I forgot she was here!”

  “I have to leave in two hours. Your friend can take my room. How long are you staying here anyway?” he asked.

  “Relax, bro. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

  “Why do you have to leave so early anyway?” asked Owen.

  “I have a meeting. You know that.”

  “No need to snap. Look, how about I take over the meeting for you and you can stay here and relax. You sure look like you need it.”

  “I don’t know. Brooke will probably stop by the office.”

  “I got your back, man. If she stops by, I’ll tell her you are in a meeting somewhere else.”

  There was a pause. Finally, Blake said, “We’ll wait and see how sober you are in two hours.”

  “Just make sure I’m up in two hours. I’ll be fine.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Seconds later, Blake was knocking on my door.

  “Come in”, I said with my voice still shaken.

  He came in and gave me a glass of water. He then sat on the bed, putting his head in between his hands.

  I took a sip of water as I watched him. He looked exhausted. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  He looked up and gave me a nervous laugh. “I think I should be the one asking you that.” He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

  “You are lying,” I said in a nervous tone.

  He grinned. “I just didn’t expect any of this,” he said.

  “Well, neither did I.”

  He got up and started to pace around. “No, I’m not talking about tonight. I mean… I didn’t expect to meet someone like you. To feel so protective over someone who I just met, and much less to be feeling like a stupid teenager who can’t help the way he feels.”

  “Oh. I—I can leave if I’m making things difficult for you.”

  He gave me a look that was pure concern. “No!” he said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t even be babbling like this. I probably just had too much too drink and I’m coming on too strong. You have to stay. I’m sorry I brought all this up.”

  He sounded even more confused than I felt.

  “Promise me you won’t leave,” he said. “I’ll feel better if I know that you’re safe.”

  I nodded. “I promise.”

  He walked over
to the window and stood there, looking outside. “I can stay here until you fall asleep if you want,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said.

  I didn’t want to hold him up, knowing he had to be up soon, so I pretended to be asleep within minutes.

  I could feel his gaze on me. Then I felt him move around me, covering me with a blanket and brushing his lips against my forehead.

  I lost all control over my actions as soon as his lips touched my skin. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I couldn’t stop it. All I could do was keep things from going further. As he was turning around to walk away, I opened my eyes and grabbed his wrist.

  He looked at me with a concerned expression. “What is it?” he asked.

  “I—I just wanted you to know that even though we can’t be together, you’ll always be my fairy tale.”

  “Arianna, I can’t be that guy.”

  “But you already are… were… that day we—”

  He leaned down and put his finger over my lips before sitting next to me. “Arianna, you can’t know that. You’re just getting out of a relationship that you didn’t want. You’re vulnerable and—” he shook his head. “I’m probably the most messed up person you’ll ever meet. All my life I’ve never made a choice that was my own. All of my choices were family decisions. I even feel bad for Brooke, although I have a feeling she knows that business is the reason behind us dating. I feel like I’m depriving her from happiness… from meeting someone who will actually love her, but I feel like I at least owe her the respect of not cheating on her. And I—I can’t explain why I feel the way I do, but you are a sweet girl. I can see how special you are and knowing about your past relationship on top of everything else… I can’t be the one responsible for you getting hurt. Please do yourself a favor,” he hesitated, “you have to forget about me and move on.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t know what was going through his head. I barely knew what was going through mine.

  He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I really do wish things could be different,” he said.

  I closed my eyes and involuntarily wrapped my arms around his bare back, feeling his muscles tighten at my touch, and I had to fight to not tell him that he was the one. I wanted so badly to tell him that he was so much more than what he believed, but I kept quiet.

  He didn’t move. His arms never hugged me back, and once I let go of him, he turned around and walked away.

  ***

  I woke up late in the morning and considering that I barely ate anything the day before, I was starving.

  I hoped that Blake stayed and Owen had gone to his meeting, but as I walked into the living room, I found Owen and his friend.

  His friend looked up at me, “Hey. Sorry about last night.”

  I nodded and moved past them and into the kitchen.

  Owen watched me curiously and it wasn’t until his friend went outside that Owen approached me.

  “It took a lot less time than I expected for him to come for you,” he said.

  I looked at him, almost afraid to speak. “I can’t do this, Owen.”

  “You can and you will.”

  I just started at him.

  “Look, soon you won’t even be able to control it, so just give in,” he said.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “You are bound in ways that you can’t possibly imagine.”

  I gave him a puzzled look.

  “Let’s just say that your emotions are heightened to the point where you won’t be able to control it. I’ve seen you watch him before. I see the way you look at him, the desire...”

  “I can’t hurt him like that.”

  “Come on, you are doing him a favor. Do you think he’ll be happy with Brooke for the rest of his life?”

  I shook my head. “But he also won’t be happy without your family.”

  “I told you I’d take care of that.”

  “Even then… I can’t break his heart.”

  He grinned. Owen looked as if he was thinking about something. “If things go exactly as I plan, you don’t have to break his heart.”

  There was complete evil behind his words. Anyone could recognize that from miles away.

  He shook his head. “Look, let’s start fresh. Just follow your heart instead of your head and I’m sure that things will play out like I hope they do.”

  I gave him a puzzled look.

  “If you are following your heart, you won’t be lying or manipulating him, am I right?”

  “I guess.”

  “There you go.”

  “But what about the whole thing with the heightened emotions?” I asked.

  He looked as if he was thinking once again.

  “The emotions are already there no matter what, sweetheart. Hence the ‘heightened’. The only help I can offer you in relation to that is to tell you that sea water will help control it.”

  “But—will I have a tail if I go in the sea?” I asked.

  He laughed. “Is that why you won’t even go outside?”

  “Not just that.”

  He smiled. “No, you won’t. For now, anyway.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means you shouldn’t try to play games with me. Don’t try to push him away or leave,” he said as if he knew what Blake and I had talked about. “Just let things happen. I need you to make sure he doesn’t do anything drastic in relation to Brooke until a day or two after the engagement. That’s when we are closing on the merger. Trust me, with the merger out of the way, my father won’t disown him like he has threatened to do before.”

  “Why doesn’t he just break up with her after that then?” I asked.

  “Things are not that easy. My father wouldn’t allow that to happen voluntarily. And Blake has morals,” he rolled his eyes as he spoke. “Only someone like you can break him from that.”

  … and I’d hate myself for making him do that in the process.

  “Trust me,” said Owen. “I’m doing things in a certain way because they have to be done. As far as you and my brother are concerned, well… his happiness will outweigh his moral issues.”

  “Is he still proposing to her this week?” I asked.

  “Well, that is actually the reason why he couldn’t let me take his meeting today. He had to get back to the city anyway. He’s asking her tonight. There is a surprise engagement party on Saturday, and we are closing the deal by Monday.”

  “Oh.”

  This was the first time I actually saw pity in his eyes.

  “I should warn you that the engagement party is going to take place here. I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

  I nodded. “I just don’t understand why you want them to break-up, besides the fact that he’ll piss off your father.”

  He smiled. “Because when Brooke is heart broken, I will be the knight in shinning armor. I’ll please both her and my father.”

  “So you love her?” I asked confused.

  He laughed. “I love what she has. Although she’s not bad company either.”

  I suddenly felt terrible for her. “Why didn’t you offer to marry her instead?”

  He sighed. “Blake is older and it was my father’s decision. Besides, she had a thing for him which helped move things along.”

  “What makes you think she’ll go for you?”

  He grinned his evil grin. “There’s nothing easier to ‘acquire’ than a girl with a broken heart.”

  My eyes widened at the way he spoke about her and his plans. I couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as him anymore, but there was one more thing I wanted to ask.

  “Would you really make me break your brother’s heart after all that? Why?”

  He shrugged. “I have my reasons, but I can let them go if things go my way.”

  ***

  Owen left that afternoon.

  Alone, I decided to venture into trying to go outside and I even managed to get close to the water.


  I closed my eyes and I could feel the sand and water on my feet and legs. It felt relaxing, energizing even. I could see right away that maybe Owen was telling the truth. I opened my eyes and walked a little further, determined to not let the water get past my knees, and then, I heard my name from far a distance. I couldn’t tell who it was at first. Only that it was a girl from my world. When she approached a little more and said my name once again, I realized that it was Lyra. Terrified, I turned around and went back into the house.

  Chapter Thirteen

  BLAKE

  I was tempted to stay and let Owen take over my meeting, but I talked myself out of it. I should have stayed. For one thing, I can’t get my mind to stay on the meeting at all. By the way my father looks at me, I know he notices that something is off. Hopefully, he assumes I’m nervous about proposing to Brooke tonight. Nervous isn’t even the word.

  My mind always drifts to the same place. Meeting Arianna now, or at all, was a sick joke. I can barely understand how Arianna gets me so crazy over her and we practically just met. Maybe it was karma for me agreeing to marry someone who I don’t love just because my family has certain financial goals. I wished I didn’t have to marry Brooke before, but now…I can’t even stand the idea of it.

  I tried to talk myself into believing that I’m attracted to her because she seems so vulnerable and by the sense of wanting to protect her, but there is so much more than that. So much that I’ll have to let go.

  Noticing my distraction, my dad shakes his head and goes on with the meeting. By this point, I don’t even care. I never did. All I can think about is that I better stop things with Arianna now. I know it will be easier on all of us, but there is something just so innocent about her. I’m almost afraid she’ll break. I know I shouldn’t have slept with her, especially after her admitting to her fairy tale nonsense. I know how attached girls like her can get. I’ve seen my brother do this to many girls in the past. He would do everything for a girl to the point where they started to act vulnerable around him just to get his attention. He would destroy their lives soon after he got to fuck them. But Arianna is not pretending to be vulnerable. She just has that lost and innocent look. And that look is one of the things that drives me crazy. Just the thought of that look is enough to make me want to touch her again. From this point on, I feel like I’m doomed. My mind takes me to my room. I think about her wearing that white dress with nothing underneath it, and all I can do is hope that this meeting will last a little longer, because getting up right now while I’m hard as a rock, just won’t go well.