Love is Lovelier

by Donna Simonetta

  “No? Who else was there?”

  “Mick.”

  “Ah.”

  Heather glanced up at her sister, before looking back into her soup bowl. “What is that all-knowing sound supposed to mean?”

  Deidre shrugged. “Knowing you were with Mick explains a lot to me. Did y’all kiss?”

  Heather’s face flushed, and it wasn’t because of the hot soup. “Kissed and then some.”

  “Oh yeah.” A slow smile spread across Deidre’s face. “How was it? Mick looks like a man who knows his way around a woman’s body.”

  Heather stared at her sister in a pointed manner, with her eyebrows raised, and let her silence speak for her.

  “What? I’m married, not dead. I love Hank, but a woman notices these things. And don’t dodge the question.”

  Heather knew when her sister set her jaw and crossed her arms any resistance would be futile. She sighed and said, “It was un-freakin’-believable.”

  “Ah.”

  “Again with the ‘ah’! Tell me, great guru, what my answer revealed to you?”

  “It tells me you were spooked by a ghost, but not one the television show can help us hunt.”

  “Oh good, now you’re moving on to riddles.”

  “No riddle. I just meant Dad’s ghost caused your flip.”

  Heather choked on a spoonful of soup. “I did not see Dad’s ghost! Do you think you’ve seen Dad’s ghost?”

  “No. I meant his figurative ghost, not his literal ghost.”

  “I’m still not getting what you mean.”

  Deidre pulled two juice glasses out of a cupboard, retrieved a bottle of white wine from the fridge, and filled them.

  “Do you have a liquor license?” Heather took one of the glasses and clinked her juice glass with her sister’s.

  “Wise ass. You know I don’t. This bottle is for personal consumption only, and this is a conversation screaming for a little Pinot Grigio.”

  Heather took a sip. “I’m not sure I want to know the answer to this question, but how does Dad’s ghost, soup and a sandwich, and a glass of wine have anything to do with sex with Mick?”

  “Not just sex with Mick,” Deidre corrected as she pointed her glass at Heather. “I believe the direct quote from you is ‘un-freakin’-believable sex’ with Mick. I think things with him got a little too real for your comfort zone tonight, and it sent you into a full-blown anxiety attack. It’s been a pattern for you, although never quite this bad before. Mick must be something special.”

  Heather tilted her little diner juice glass to slug back a healthy amount of wine. “Bethanne said something similar to me recently.”

  Deidre topped off Heather’s glass with more wine. “I’m not surprised. Bethanne knows you almost as well as I do, and we’ve both been worried about you for years.”

  “You have? Why?”

  “I guess because we both found great partners, and we’d like the same thing to happen to you. Life isn’t always easy, but if you have someone to share the burdens with, someone who’ll support you when you’re down, and vice versa, the load’s a little lighter. And we worried it won’t happen for you, because you’ve created a catch-22 situation. If you really like a guy, he doesn’t stand a chance with you, because once you see he’s a keeper, you get flipped and run.”

  “I don’t run. I never run from anything.” Heather jutted out her chin.

  “Oh sweetheart, I love you to pieces, but you run from relationships with men like a rabbit from a greyhound.”

  Heather took a bite of her sandwich, and chewed it contemplatively. She wanted to be offended by her sister’s words, but she had to admit they rang true.

  “And you think Dad’s figurative ghost has something to do with my ‘pattern’?”

  “Because I love you, and I know this is hard for you, I’m choosing to ignore the sarcastic air quotes and just answer your question. Yes, I do. I don’t think it’s a conscious thing, but I believe you’re afraid any man you let yourself love is going to leave you like Dad did.”

  “Dad didn’t leave—he died.”

  “I know, and up here.” Deidre leaned across the counter and tapped Heather’s temple. “In your big, intelligent brain, you know it too, but in your heart it’s a different story. It thinks Dad left you, and it sucked big-time, so now you’re always going to leave before you get left.”

  Heather blinked. Picked up her sandwich, and put it down again without taking a bite. She blinked again.

  “You think?”

  “I do. But here’s the important thing to remember, not all men leave. Dad loved life, and all of us, so much. He wouldn’t have died when he did if he had any choice in the matter. And my Hank doesn’t leave.”

  “I don’t understand why you don’t feel the same way; have the same fear as me? I mean you lost Dad too, and you’ve been happily married to Hank for forever.”

  “True, but I’m ten years older than you. It makes less of a difference now we’re both grown, but when Dad died I was already an adult, and you were still a kid. It was horrible for me, and I still lost him too young, but my head was in a different place developmentally than yours was. Plus, since I have been with Hank forever, Dad knew him, and approved of him. He always thought Hank was a good horse man.”

  “From Dad there was no higher praise.” Heather smiled wistfully.

  Deidre’s eyes looked a little brighter, as if there might be a tear or two wanting to leak out, but didn’t. “Knowing Daddy liked Hank, and wanted us to be together meant the world to me.”

  Heather nodded. “It would. It’s weird to think whoever I marry will be someone Dad didn’t know.”

  She went back to eating her dinner, while Deidre sipped her wine, and looked through to the empty restaurant. The two sisters didn’t talk about their father like this often. They frequently shared fun, fond memories of him, but this kind of deep talk was something they avoided by mutual, unspoken agreement.

  Heather swallowed her last bite of sandwich, pushed the plate away, and said, “Granted, I don’t have a ton of experience with men, since I might date a good bit, but as everyone but me apparently knows, I don’t ever let things become serious with a man, I’ve never felt like this before. You were right earlier when you said I was close to a full-blown panic attack. Why now? And why Mick?”

  Deidre shrugged. “You have to figure those things out for yourself, but I’d guess it’s because he means more to you than the other guys did. And when you love someone…”

  “Hold on! No one said love! Did I say love?” Heather shook her head furiously as she interrupted.

  Deidre rolled her eyes. “Fine. You didn’t say love specifically, so we’ll say when you care for someone, is that better?”

  Heather nodded, and gestured for Deidre to continue.

  “When you care from someone, the sex is different, more. It can be intense; I think the depth of your emotions is what scared you tonight.”

  “So what do I do? Before we…you know…”

  “If you’re doing it, you should be able to say it Heather, made love.”

  “Had sex,” Heather corrected firmly.

  “Cared for each other in a physical way?” Deidre suggested with a grin.

  Heather wadded up a napkin and tossed it at her sister, who just laughed.

  “I’m sorry, Heather, I couldn’t resist. So what happened before you…you knowed?”

  “Mick asked me to go to Leesburg with him tomorrow night to buy some stuff for his brother’s apartment. Should I still go?”

  “I don’t see why not. How did you leave things with him after you…you knowed?”

  Heather felt her cheeks grow hot, and mumbled, “I kind of just threw on my clothes and bolted. I moved so fast, I’m surprised my clothes aren’t inside out.” She reached up and felt for the tag on her collar, and heaved a sigh of relief when she found it where it should be.

  Deidre laughed. “The bolting might make a dignified recovery a little trickier, but
I think you should go into work like usual, and go shopping with him tomorrow night just like you planned.”

  Heather felt her pulse start to race again, and stammered, “And if we get serious? Because I think maybe we’ll end up getting serious?”

  “Sugar, you already are serious. Your brain just needs a little time to catch up with your heart on the subject.”

  Heather gulped. “How do you do it with Hank? It hurt so much when Dad died; don’t you worry about Hank dying all the time?”

  “I confess I do spend a fair amount of time at the grocery store reading labels to make healthy choices for him, when he’d be happy existing on pork rinds and beer. And the thought of him passing makes my heart hurt, but the thought of not being with him now, in order to save myself the pain of losing him later, is just not an option. I wouldn’t trade any of my time with him; it’s too precious. You can’t live your whole life worrying about how it’s going to end. You live. You love. You let yourself be loved. And sometimes, yeah, you’ll hurt, but it’s all worth it.”

  ****

  Friday at the Retreat was crazy busy with Jeff still away with Maggie, so Heather didn’t have to face Mick without a crowd around them. At the end of the day, it seemed her luck had run out.

  He stood in the doorway to her office and twirled his car keys around his index finger. “Are you about ready to head out for our shopping trip?”

  Huh. His voice was so casual if Heather hadn’t been there last night she never would’ve imagined they had amazing sex, following which she’d panicked and run out on him.

  “Um…yeah…sure. Just let me log off and I’m good to go.”

  She tapped at her keyboard, and as the screen went black, she pulled her purse out of the bottom drawer of her desk.

  “Mind if we take Lola?”

  She smiled, in spite of her jangled nerves about being alone with Mick. “You never need to ask me. I’m always willing to go for a spin in Lola, especially if I’m driving.”

  They walked out through the empty kitchen. Normally at this hour, Mrs. Wilson would be whipping up dinner while Sam did her homework at the table, but with Jeff out of town, Sam was staying at her grandmother’s house, and Mrs. Wilson got the night off work.

  Mick’s laughter at her attempt to drive the Mustang broke the uncharacteristic silence. It was a deep, hearty chuckle Heather felt all the way to her core.

  “Nice try, but I’ll be driving tonight. I’m more in the mood for a leisurely drive, not your Speed Racer driving style.”

  He held the kitchen door open for her as he spoke, and they stepped outside. Heather swatted his arm in a playful reprimand as she passed by, which only earned her an unrepentant grin from Mick.

  When they reached his car, Mick opened the passenger door and bowed while gesturing with a flourish for her to be seated. He waited until she was settled, shut the door, and skimmed around the hood of the car to get in on the driver’s side.

  “What do you want to do first, shop or eat?” He asked as the hit the road.

  Heather chewed on her bottom lip. The evening was shaping up to be more of a couple activity than it was two friends out to pick up some things for an apartment they were working on together. Of course, it was significantly less of a couple activity than the screaming sex they’d shared the night before, so she was probably just being silly and letting her relationship phobia take the wheel.

  Mick glanced at her and said with a wry grin, “I didn’t think it was that hard a question, Heather.”

  She exhaled and released a breathy laugh at the same time. “You’re right. Sometimes I think I make things harder than they need to be.”

  “I don’t know; it’s been my experience you make things just hard enough.” He winked at her.

  She rolled her eyes, but her cheeks heated at his words, and she chose to ignore them. “I say we shop first, and then eat.”

  He pulled on to Route 15 South, and grinned over at her, which made her heart race. He had such a devastating smile. “Sounds good to me. Then would you mind directing me to a store where we can get a TV and an air conditioner? I’m not a big shopper, so I’d like to get it over with in one stop. That’ll leave us plenty of time for more interesting activities.”

  She’d given a lot of thought to her conversation with Deidre. As a matter of fact, Heather was pretty sure she’d done more tossing and turning than she did sleeping last night, but she hadn’t come to any conclusions about what she should do. And until she did, she didn’t think Mick and she should leap into any activities more interesting than shopping and a burger.

  “Okay, but I have my graduation tomorrow, so I’m going to have to be home early.”

  “Right. Your graduation tomorrow. Sorry to drag you out tonight. You must have to get up early in the morning.”

  Oh sure, now Mick was going to be all thoughtful and considerate. It made her feel even more like a panic-stricken jerk.

  “It’s okay, but I do have to be up with the birds tomorrow. I’ll have to go home right after we’re done. Alone.” She added after a pause, in case he thought she meant something else.

  She noticed the muscles flex in his jaw, a sure sign he was grinding his teeth.

  “I’ve got it, Heather. I don’t like it, but I’ve got it loud and clear. You don’t want a repeat performance of last night.”

  Seriously was it five hundred degrees in this car? She fiddled with one of the vents to point the air conditioner right at her, like it would really help. Embarrassment was her problem, not the ambient temperature.

  “Not tonight, no, but I don’t want to rule it out forever.”

  One side of Mick’s mouth tilted up, “Good to know, because the thought you were nixing it forever had me seriously bummed.”

  Heather decided moderate honesty was the best policy, so Mick’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt, and she wouldn’t rush into anything she wasn’t sure she was ready for yet. “I just have so much going on right now, and I’m so confused about us, and how I feel about it. I need a little time to figure things out.”

  “What things?”

  “Things.”

  “That clears it up for me, thanks.”

  She heaved a deep sigh. “Things like what happened last night.”

  “Do you mean the best sex of my life?” He interrupted.

  She felt pleasure suffuse her that she wasn’t alone in feeling that way about last night. She smiled and peeked at him. “Yeah, that. It makes it hard for me to think when it’s happening…”

  “Then we’re definitely doing it right,” Mick interrupted again with a cocky grin.

  “Too right, maybe. That’s why I need a little time without us getting physical to help me figure everything out.”

  Mick gave a sharp nod. “Sure. I can’t say I’m not disappointed, because I am, but I understand. Would it help to talk about it?”

  The last part came with the universal male lack of enthusiasm for talking about feelings.

  It made Heather smile. “Noble offer, but no. I just need some time to think and work things out for myself.”

  Chapter 24

  The next morning, Mick stood in front of the newly installed air conditioner window unit, and let the cool air blow over him. The new machine hummed quietly. It was much better than the shake, rattle, and roll of the old one on the floor at his feet, which was soon to be relegated to the dumpster.

  Last night hadn’t turned out quite the way he’d wanted it to, which would have been Heather and him, naked and sweaty in tangled sheets, but it had been good nonetheless. They’d talked and laughed, and really enjoyed each other’s company. He didn’t remember ever being so comfortable out with a woman before. Usually he was so careful not to let the suave façade slip, but with Heather he could just be himself, and it was liberating.

  He looked at his wristwatch. It was later than he thought, he better get a move on, so he could shower and change before Heather’s surprise graduation party at the Retreat. He smiled as he gat
hered his tools, and broke up the air conditioner box for recycling. He could tell last night Heather was clueless about the party her family and friends had been working so hard to put together for her.

  It wasn’t easy keeping a secret in gossipy little Rivers Bend, but somehow they’d beaten the odds and done it. Heather really thought she was going to have a quiet lunch with her family after her graduation ceremony.

  As if.

  She busted her ass working full-time and going to school at night, and everyone was so proud of her. A bash to end all bashes was in the works to celebrate her accomplishment this afternoon at the Retreat.

  He heard what sounded like a herd of elephants clomping up the exterior steps, and thought someone else must be coming by to help get the apartment ready for his kid brother. Mick was truly touched by the hard work and generosity of the people of Rivers Bend in welcoming Billy to the town.

  A key grated in the lock, and he heard the unmistakable grumble of his father’s voice.

  “This is what you’re leaving home for, huh? Some dump over a garage, so the owner can use you for round-the-clock labor while he sits on his ass? Hope it’s worth breaking your mama’s heart.”

  Shit. This was so not how he wanted to spend his Saturday morning. He didn’t think Billy was due to arrive until tomorrow, and he certainly hadn’t expected the old man to come along.

  His eyes bugged out of his head as his mother’s gentle voice reprimanded his father, “Billy is not breaking my heart, Phil. I’m proud he’s following his dream.”

  “His dream? More like a nightmare if you ask me.” His brother Danny snorted in derision.

  Hail, hail, the gang’s all here.

  Mick picked up his toolbox and stepped into the living room. “I don’t recall anyone did ask you, Danny.”

  “Mick! What a nice surprise!” His mother beamed.