Irreplaceable (Harmony)

by Angela Graham

  I needed to either change gears quickly or get up and leave, and the second option was unbearable to think about. My body was already half asleep—or, more accurately, coming down from a high and not willing to move.

  “I thought Caleb owned the building,” I said, thankful for something to talk about.

  “We’re partners in it,” he replied casually.

  “Partners?” I rolled my head to the side, brows knit together, staring at him looking at me with an easy smile.

  “Is that so hard to believe?”

  “Yes. I thought you met him after you moved here.”

  Logan chuckled and shook his head once. “No.”

  My curiosity was now fully piqued.

  “Three years ago.”

  Three years ago? What?

  Then it clicked.

  “You’ve known Caleb for three years?” Interesting…someone who might have a clue what the elusive Caleb had been doing while he was away.

  He nodded with that same sweet smile that begged for me to return one, and I did.

  “Why didn’t I know this?” I asked, rolling further to my side to better face him, eager to hear what he had to say.

  “You never asked.”

  “I just assumed that—”

  “Well, you know what they say about assuming.”

  “Ha ha.” I rolled my eyes, but my smile never faded. “So how did you guys meet?”

  “I kicked his ass.”

  My eyes widened, my body shaking with laughter.

  “You kicked his ass?” I said through the images in my thoughts. With another chuckle, I covered my mouth with my hand. “Why?”

  “I love seeing you laugh. I didn’t realize how much I missed that.”

  With my eyes locked on his, I swallowed and found my words. “Why did you feel the need to harm Caleb?” I asked, changing the subject.

  Logan tucked his arm under his pillow, his gaze never leaving mine. “He was out on a date with Julia.”

  “Julia? Three years ago?”

  My face scrunched up as I redid the math in my head.

  “Exactly. When you catch your sixteen-year-old sister on a date with a grown man when she’s supposed to be home sound asleep, you tend to throw a few swings.”

  “But you two seem to get along now.”

  “That’s because he was smart enough not to swing back. I got in one good blow, my sister hanging off my back screaming for me to stop, and I could tell by the way he stared up at her he didn’t know she was underage. My sister was a spoiled brat back then, and with one stomp of her foot, she showed her maturity and he apologized. Even offered to buy me a round.”

  I listened, impressed how easily men could get over things.

  “Julia wasn’t too happy about it, but he and I became fast friends.”

  “So when he moved back to Harmony…”

  “Julia wanted to move here first, which I later found out had to do with Mark. I told Caleb I was thinking about purchasing the paper that I’d heard was looking for a buyer to keep an eye on her, and next thing I know, he tells me he bought an old diner to fix up. Said it was past time to return home.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing—or worse, that there was so much about Logan I didn’t really know. The time we spent together over the fall was great, but aside from a few conversations about Natasha, he’d rarely opened up about his past.

  “So I have to ask…” I smiled to myself, catching my bottom lip between my teeth, knowing this was none of my business but wanting the information nonetheless. “Did Caleb ever talk about Hilary after he moved back?”

  A chuckle rumbled in his chest. “That’s such a girl thing to ask, sweetheart.” He shook his head, grinning. “And here I thought you had a little more class than that.”

  I reached over and smacked his chest. “Just curious.”

  Logan caught my arm, and with bated breath, I watched him place it to his lips and kiss my palm before holding it against him, over his beating heart. I didn’t move—not even when he laid his hand over mine, all but trapping it.

  I couldn’t look away from where my hand lay, but his eyes on me pulled my attention up his chest slowly to meet his soft eyes. With a release of breath, I relaxed, my hand comfortable on his warm chest. The thump of each beat of his heart soothed something deep within me.

  “The guy had it bad,” Logan said, puncturing our silence. “Something about remembering Hilary always hanging around your place as kids. He said he never thought about her one way or another back then, but the night of the open house, he was hooked. Wouldn’t shut up about how much she grew up.”

  I couldn’t stop smiling, relieved to know Caleb was in it as much as Hilary was. We lay there a while longer, enjoying the closeness, at least, for the night.

  “My father left my mom and me for my babysitter,” I said, unsure why I was opening up. It was just so easy with him.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I didn’t need to say more. It just felt good to get it out.

  Minutes passed in a silent, enjoyable calm.

  “Thank you…for this,” he said as my body began to relax and mold into the mattress, my hand still on him. The easiness between us weighed on my conscience as I pulled my hand free from under his slowly. The thump of his heart began to quicken, but I knew it was for the best.

  Staring up into nothing again, I struggled to control my emotions. It felt good to be there with each other—too good, too comfortable. Like when we were friends.

  “I forgive you.” My voice was as weak as my pulse, and I was stunned I was able to speak those words aloud. I hadn’t even known it was true until it fell out of my lips.

  The intensity in the gaze he set on me was too heavy for me to look his way.

  “Cassandra, I wasn’t trying to push you to—”

  Hearing the nerves evident in his voice, I rolled to face him, smiling softly.

  “I know, and that’s not why I’m saying it. I just want you to know I understand that Natasha coming back that night was a shock to you.”

  “It doesn’t make up for—” I placed my pointer finger over his lips.

  “We were friends—amazing friends—and I know you were hurting that night when you saw her. I should have gotten Caleb to take you home, or…I don’t know.” My finger fell away, and we both lay there on our sides, gazes locked on each other.

  “I just wish I could forget. I wish it never happened, but it did, and it left me with all these insecurities I can’t get past.” I paused briefly. “Logan, I want to be your friend…I do…but this thing between us, it’s not love. I don’t know what it is, but until we work it out, I can’t be around you like this. It’s too painful.”

  Logan lay there, his eyes glistening in the darkness, and nodded slowly. “I won’t give up. Love’s not supposed to be easy, and this is love, Cassandra. You’ll never convince me otherwise. I know you’re scared to believe in me again, but I’m not that guy anymore. Not with you.”

  “How can you say that? How can you go from having sex with multiple women to just…me?”

  “It’s not even a thought that’s crossed my mind. I told you—they never meant a thing to me. It’s only you, Cassandra.”

  My eyes prickled with unshed tears. “What if I’m not enough?” I breathed out in a nearly silent whisper. My darkest fear lay out before us.

  “How can you ask that?”

  “Logan,” I sighed. “I’ve been with one guy my entire life—a guy who cheated on me God knows how many times. There’s only one reason he would have done that: I wasn’t en—”

  “Enough!”

  Exactly, I thought, rolling onto my back. Logan reached an arm under me, pulling me over to his side. My head rested over his naked chest, where my hand had been minutes earlier.

  With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he whispered, “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you how remarkable you are, and that what we have is more than lust.”

  “You don’t kn
ow that. What if it isn’t?”

  “I’ve experienced lust enough times before to know it’s never felt like this. If that’s all I wanted, I would have had you in every position imaginable on this mattress tonight, burying myself in you.”

  I closed my eyes, wishing that were a possibility. Maybe friends with benefits? Logan had brought that up once when we first became friends, and the thought had appalled me. But now it didn’t sound so bad. Anything more was too much. He’d slept with those two women hours after saying he wanted only me. I couldn’t trust him—not with my heart.

  “We’ll see,” I said, my eyelids growing heavy.

  I could spend every night lying there, my head twisting up to the nook of his neck when he tugged me closer.

  “I can offer friends, Logan. That’s all,” I whispered into the darkness.

  “No. I won’t settle for that.”

  “So it’s all or nothing?” I asked, my chin quivering.

  Would this be the one and only time he held me in his arms?

  “Yes. I won’t pretend that we’re nothing more than friendly neighbors. You can’t ask for that—anything but that.”

  I sighed, a single tear escaping my closed eyes. He’d see this was only lust, and maybe then, after these feelings were squashed, we could find our way back to friends—or, if he wanted then, nothing at all.

  “Good night, Logan. Happy birthday,” I murmured into the darkness.

  “Good night, Cassandra.” His voice was barely audible when he added, “Sleep well, sweetheart.”

  My heart clenched, swelling in my chest and bulging against my ribcage as I lay there the entire night, unable to sleep. Tears beckoned, but I refused to shed more. I wouldn’t let him see what the thought of losing him for good would do to me.

  He’d made it clear: he didn’t want to be friends, so now it was time to move on…one way or another.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Revealing

  Hilary and I walked down Main Street, spending the afternoon shopping. I hadn’t told her what happened only a few days earlier with the man I refused to think about. I had a feeling the spa day she insisted dragging me to on her dime was to get me spilling.

  “What you thinking about over there?”

  I opened my eyes, head down in the face rest of the massage table. How did she think I was feeling? The kneading and massaging to my back were exactly what the doctor ordered.

  “Nothing. Completely relaxed,” I murmured, then closed my eyes and allowed my conscience to drift into a peaceful tranquility.

  “I’m glad.”

  That was all? No inquisition on where Logan and I disappeared to that night, or how Caleb saw me sneaking out at the break of dawn?

  The massage continued without another word spoken from her table, which was situated next to mine. My mind clicked off, and I drifted to heaven.

  “You awake?”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Come on, massage is over,” Hilary giggled.

  I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to remain glued to that table for as long as possible.

  “Oh, hi Logan!”

  What the hell!?

  I jumped up, grasping my towel to my body, whipping my head around the room. I found only one person, and that was Hilary and Hilary alone. She sucked in her lips, restraining her cheeky grin.

  “Sorry, had to get you up before they kicked us out.” She shrugged a shoulder innocently.

  “Low, very low.” I climbed down and followed her back to the changing room, my head still spinning from the lack of oxygen, my reserves depleted by her joke.

  “Hey, how you feeling?”

  When is everyone going to stop asking me that? My answer was always the same, no matter how often everyone asked: fine. I was always fine.

  But instead of replaying my usual response, I switched it up for the concerned guy treating us to yet another meal on the house.

  “Peachy.” I smiled widely and brightly.

  Caleb chuckled. “Glad to hear it. And what about you, baby? Are you feeling peachy this afternoon? ‘Cause if not…” He let his words hang and dipped down, ensnaring Hilary’s lips with his.

  My menu went up in my hands, and I looked it over as though I didn’t already know what I was about to order. The moan Hilary let out when he pulled away made me smile. The girl was deliriously happy.

  “So, we gonna get some waters over here or should I give up now?” I teased.

  “Water? You sure?” Caleb pressed, glancing between Hilary and me.

  “Yep. It’s supposed to cleanse the soul or, at least, that’s what we’ve spent the day hearing. The more water the better, so keep it coming. I’ve got serious demons that need to be flushed out.”

  He eyed me a moment longer, then nodded with a thin, knowing smile.

  Yeah, I had a demon, all right. One in particular latched on tight.

  Immediately, Caleb sent the waiter over with two tall glasses of water, with lemons attached to the rims.

  “A demon, huh? Does he have a name?” Hilary asked, an entertained smile playing on her lips as she squeezed a lemon into her water.

  I took a breath and readied myself for what I was about to say. It had been over a month since the accident, and it was time to talk it out with my best friend to help sort out my feelings.

  “I was going to sleep with him,” I confessed, looking up hesitantly.

  Her posture relaxed, and she dropped her straw in the cup. “New Year’s?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, but then Natasha showed up, and…” I shook my head and stared down into my glass, twirling my straw. “…he changed. Something happened to him. He was cold, and…harsh.”

  She waited patiently for me to find the right words.

  “We were in the alley here, and I thought if I could just get him back home, I could talk to him. Get him to open up and let me in.” I closed my eyes tightly as I continued, attempting to block the images of that night. “We were kissing, really going at it, and I stopped him.”

  “Oh my God! Did he—”

  “No!” I cut off her thought. The look of horror on her face pushed me to spit out the rest.

  “He didn’t do anything. I told him he needed to go home and get some sleep, and he snapped. Said all he wanted was…” I lowered my voice in shame and embarrassment. “…to fuck me.”

  The sigh she released crashed over me, weighing me down. I tried to brush it off and continued.

  “Anyway, long story short, I left a crying mess, which is why I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt or why, when that car blew through the red light, I didn’t even see it coming.”

  Hilary was quiet for a long while, waiting, it seemed, in case I had more to say, but I was done.

  “What he said to you was cruel, and you can be damn sure I’m going to knock him in the nuts the next time I see the bastard.”

  At the awkward clearing of a throat, we both looked up to see the paled waiter standing at our table, and from the look on his face and squirm in his hips, he’d definitely caught her statement. I flushed with embarrassment as Hilary dug into her meal happily, oblivious.

  There was no reason to reply to that statement after the waiter left. Hilary could be my guest. I took a sip of the cool water and relaxed into the booth.

  “So now you know why I wasn’t thrilled about his constant visiting, or the fact that he offered to pay my hospital bills.”

  Her gaze shifted side to side—her usual nervous tick.

  “What?” I prompted.

  “Nothing.” Head down, she focused on digging her fork around the salad in front of her, searching for another black olive.

  “Tell me!”

  “He didn’t offer to pay your hospital bills—he did pay them. Handed over his credit card and demanded every bill be charged to him.”

  I rolled my eyes. I’d assumed him paying was to come out of the check I tore up. Of course I was wrong. That explained why I had yet to receive any bills.

  Fine, I’d do th
ings my way.

  “I’ll speak to the hospital first thing in the morning. Find out how much it was and pay him back.”

  She gave me a skeptical stare. “With what? You sent your mom on that cruise with the rest of your inheritance.”

  “I’m refinancing the house. Don’t worry about it. And if you speak a word of this to my mother, I’ll tell Caleb all about your little Winnie the Pooh phobia!”

  “Pipe down, girl! Shit, I wasn’t going to tell her, but you better keep your mouth shut. You swore on it! Last thing I need is Caleb waking me up with that creepy bear!” Her entire body shuddered.

  “You’re crazy, you know that?” I laughed, then took a bite of my sandwich.

  We ate quietly for a while, watching the people around us shuffle in over their lunch breaks, until she looked over at me, her expression clouded with hesitation.

  “What happened the other night? We saw you and Logan kissing, and then those girls. What did they say?”

  “They were looking to go another round with him.”

  “Ugh, I thought that might have been the case from the way you stormed out. I tried to go after you, but Logan was already out the door by the time I got up.”

  I nodded, taking another bite.

  “Caleb said he thought he saw you the next morning,” she said, pretending to be less investigative then she really was.

  Might was well get it all out and hope she can help me sort through the mud in my brain.

  “We slept together.” I worded it that way just so I could see her reaction.

  Her hand flew to her mouth, covering her burst of laughter. Through it, she managed a bubbling, “Oh my God! Really!? I mean…I would say it’s about damn time, but after learning about New Year’s…how are you feeling about it?”

  I laughed and took a sip of water. “It wasn’t like that. I mean… sort of, but…I’m not sure what it was. He took me upstairs and then asked me to stay the night in his arms. Said it was his birthday wish.” I raised my brows, watching the grin she tried in vain to control. “Cheesy, right?”

  It was cheesy, but it sure hadn’t felt that way in the moment. Not even close.