Wild Alabama

by Everly Hansen

  "Okay," I said.

  He touched my shoulder briefly, gave me an encouraging smile and then walked off. I gripped my shoulder strap a little tighter and started to walk. The eerie quietness was heavy in my ears. I had never experienced such quiet woods before in my life. There were always squirrels or birds. Here, there was the absence of everything living.

  I didn't go far before I set my bag down and took the ribbon out. I tied the bright white ribbon to a tree on the edge of the path and stared into the tightly knit trees and dim light. From the first step alone in the forest the whole atmosphere changed. My shoes crackled against the dry pine needles (pine straw, my mom always corrected). My fingers were tight on the ribbon as I wrapped it securely on small branches along the way. I kept an eye on the path and when it was out of sight I suddenly felt very afraid. The path was safe (relatively, anyway) and I could get home quickly. But here, far from the path and in the forest, it felt like anything could happen. The trees got thicker. The forest floor was spongy with moss. The lack of animals was still unsettling, but now my ears focused on the noises that rested in the forest. Branches creaked in the wind, leaves rustled as they fell onto the forest floor. When I was with Shazo or Felix, it was easy to focus on them and have a conversation to stay distracted. But now? Now I was aware of every sight, smell and feeling. The scent from the pine trees mixed with dampness and a hint of decay flooded my nose. That slight smell of decay I knew could be a body in the distance. I wrapped the ribbon around another branch and noticed how oddly smooth the tree was instead of scratchy like most of the pine trees. The ground was littered with fallen branches and large logs of dead trees. But what really got to me were the feelings. I felt exposed, vulnerable. There was no way to tell if anyone was watching. No way to see through the thickness of the trees. It was the uneasiest feeling I had ever had in my entire life. A few minutes later I noticed my fingers slick on the ribbon, damp from nerves. I decided I had gone far enough, so I began to rewrap the ribbon in my hand, taking it off branches as I walked back to the path. Once my feet hit the exposed dirt of the path I let out a long exhale. I slipped the ribbon in my bag with shaky hands and took out the walkie.

  "Hello?" I asked into the mouthpiece.

  "Everything okay?" Felix replied seconds later.

  "Yeah. Uneventful. I think I'm going to head back."

  "I'm not far behind. I'll see you in a few."

  I put the walkie back in my bag and quickly headed for the gate. I pushed it closed behind me and found myself jogging for the front door. Once inside I made a beeline for the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine. My hands were still trembling. I walked out back and sat down in the grass. With the house at my back, I felt a little safer. I stretched my legs out and took a long, slow sip of wine. It was over, I told myself, stop shaking. Nothing happened. It was uneventful. Stop shaking, you're fine. You're not a child.

  I groaned at myself and shut my eyes, the fading sunlight barely warm on my skin.

  "How'd you do?" Felix asked from behind me.

  I yelped in surprise and the wine glass slipped from my fingers, spilling onto the grass. I whipped my head around and saw Felix standing at the back door.

  "Oops," he said. "Party foul." His eyes narrowed and he looked across the yard at the woods. "Everything okay?"

  "Yeah. Just feeling off." I got up and dusted the grass from my legs and carried the now empty wine glass inside. "The forest was weird," I said.

  "How do you mean?" He hopped up on the counter and held out his hand for my glass. I handed it to him and he refilled it and poured himself one, too.

  "I was aware of everything. Every smell, how my shoes sunk into the moss, the pit in my stomach once the path was out of sight. Everything was in overdrive."

  Felix nodded. "I remember that. It was the same for me for a while. It'll get better. You'll adjust a little more each time you're out there."

  "I don't like feeling that way."

  He frowned and tipped his head back to swallow some wine. "You thinking of leaving?"

  I blinked and thought for a minute. "No. No, I'm staying the six months. Beyond that though, I don't know. It's just like a constant horror movie moment, the feeling I get in the woods. How do I get rid of that?"

  "You don't," he said.

  I looked at him in surprise. "You just said it’d get better."

  "It will. It'll get better than it is now. But I've been here for years and I still get tense and creeped out in the woods. There's no way around that, Pippa. Bodies and ghosts surround you. How could one ever really feel at ease in there?"

  I sighed, disappointed. A desk job in a cubicle was appealing right now. Safe, surrounded by walls, nine to five, gossip around a water cooler. But that wasn't why I was here, and I knew that. I wasn't struck by lightning and brought back from the dead to sit behind a desk. There was a reason, there had to be.

  *

  A little after eleven o'clock that night there was a tap on my door. I got out of bed quickly and opened it. Felix was fully dressed and had a shy smile on his face.

  "Did I wake you?"

  "No. What's up?"

  "Surprise time."

  I perked up. I thought he had forgotten.

  "I don't want to ruin the surprise by telling you what to wear though, so you're just going to have to wear something that you could walk in the rain in."

  "Um, okay. Do I need an umbrella?"

  "No," he said with a laugh. "I'm bad at being vague. Just wear whatever, okay? I have a backup with me."

  "Okay," I said slowly. "I'll meet you downstairs."

  He closed my door and I heard his feet on the stairs. I looked through my clothes and tried to think of what we could be doing. Something I could wear in the rain. Were we going to run through sprinklers? I pulled on black leggings and a long, light blue sweater. Not see-through and not heavy if it got wet. I hoped I was on the right track and hurried down the stairs. Felix looked me up and down with a slight frown.

  "Wrong choice of clothes?" I asked.

  "Um, maybe. We'll just use my backup if we need to. Don't worry about it."

  I slipped some shoes on and grabbed my purse and we walked outside. The air was less humid and there was an actual pleasant breeze. For the first time since I arrived in Alabama, it felt nice outside. We got in the hearse and Felix drove down the driveway.

  "So do I get a hint? How long until we're there?"

  "No, and not long."

  I gave him a sideways glance. "Please?"

  He shot me a look. "We'll be there soon. Just be patient. You may hate it. I could be completely wrong here, actually. Maybe I should be nervous."

  "Well, now I seriously need a hint."

  "Nope."

  I sighed and leaned back in my seat.

  "Okay, close your eyes," Felix instructed moments later.

  I shut them.

  "You're not peeking, are you?" I felt his hand cover my eyes.

  The car came to a stop soon. I heard seatbelts unclick and then the rustle of Felix's bag.

  "Keep them closed, okay? Please?"

  "I will."

  His door opened and closed, and then mine opened. His hands helped me out of the car and we walked slowly while he guided me around. I heard something metal clang together and then my shoes stepped from hard to soft. Grass?

  "Little further. Okay. Stay here." His footsteps got quieter and then I heard a weird thunk noise. "Okay, open."

  I opened my eyes and looked around. We were in a backyard. There was an in-ground pool in front of me with fairy lights strewn all over the place. I looked at Felix.

  "Where are we?"

  "Well, someone I visit in the hospital asked if I could grab their mail and stuff while their family took a couple of days to drive down. I noticed he had the pool and knew no one would be here, so I thought you might like to go swimming."

  I hadn't been swimming since the accident, I quickly realized. "Um."

  "You hate it. You don
't like to swim? You don't know how to swim?"

  I realized Felix didn't know the whole story of me getting struck by lightning. Shazo had been vague on the details.

  "I like to swim. I just haven't been swimming since the accident. I was getting out of a pool when I was struck by the lightning."

  Felix pressed his lips together. "Jesus Christ. I am so sorry. I had no idea. I should've asked. I don't know why I made this a surprise-"

  I walked closer to the pool and peered down. I slid my shoes off and set them on a nearby table.

  "So I should've brought a bathing suit," I said.

  "I couldn't say that without spoiling the surprise, but now I know I should've just asked. I feel awful."

  "Don't. Technically I wasn't swimming when it happened. There's no reason to be afraid of swimming. It's not like I was attacked by a shark."

  He nodded, but still looked hesitant.

  "Well, I'm not getting in there in a sweater, so what's your backup?"

  Felix set his bag on the table and flipped it open. He pulled out dark fabric and tossed it to me. It was a long, black short-sleeved nightshirt. He also pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses.

  "You can leave the leggings on, and I wasn't sure if you wanted a drink or not. Wow, I am horrible at this stuff."

  "This stuff?" I asked.

  "Like-" He stopped and furrowed his brow.

  Like a date? I wanted to ask.

  "Uh, stuff with girls, I guess? Surprises? Guessing bathing suit sizes?"

  "I think you're doing alright," I told him.

  He rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks."

  "Wine sounds good."

  "Yeah? Okay." He perked up a little and poured us each a glass.

  I slipped my sweater off and picked up the nightshirt. Felix's eyes darted to the wine bottle and stayed there. I smiled to myself and pulled the fabric over my head. It hit mid-thigh, so I peeled my leggings off and set my clothes on top of my shoes.

  Felix held out a wine glass. He slid his shoes off and I knew what was coming next. I swirled the dark liquid around the glass and tried to focus on it instead of him sliding his pants off and pulling his shirt over his head.

  "Cheers," he said.

  I looked up and felt a little overdressed. He was in red swim trunks with his lightly sculpted stomach bare while I had everything covered up. I noticed horizontal white stripes across one of his hips and then realized I was staring too long. I tried not to look him over too much, so I held my glass out to clink against his. "Cheers." I took a long swallow and then set my glass on the edge of the pool.

  "What kind of water person are you?" I asked him.

  He stepped next to me. "What do you mean?"

  "Do you walk in slowly and get used to the temperature, or do you just dive right in?"

  "Dive right in. It's the best way to do anything," he said quietly.

  I turned and smiled at him. "I think so, too."

  "You're sure you're okay with this?"

  I looked at the pool and shrugged. "Let's see." My toes pushed against the slab of concrete and I jumped into the pool. It was surprisingly warm. Almost like a tepid bath, which I didn't hate. The chlorine burned my small blisters. I heard the water splash above me and then saw Felix in the water next to me. He raised his eyebrows and then went up to the surface. I stayed down a few more seconds, relishing in the warm silence. It wasn't like the unsettling silence in the forest. This was a comforting silence. When I broke the surface, Felix sipped his wine.

  "Well?" he asked.

  I smiled. "This was a good surprise."

  He smiled back widely, looking relieved.

  We did a few laps, taking breaks to drink our wine. When the glasses were empty, Felix asked if I wanted more. "Just a little," I told him. He pushed himself out of the pool and, with his back to me I had more time to scan his body. Slim, slightly muscular from all the walking he did, tanned from being outside most of the time. When he turned to pour the wine I looked at the small white lines on his hip. They looked like scars, but I couldn't think of what would make them in that pattern.

  "Razor," Felix said.

  "Huh?" I looked at him a little embarrassed that I got caught staring again. He walked over and set the glasses at the edge of the pool and then slid back into the water.

  "My hip," he said. "They're from a razor."

  I blinked. "Oh." It took a second to process what he meant. "Oh," I said again. "You-"

  "I used to cut myself, yeah."

  I felt a clutch in my stomach. I'd heard stories of people doing it, seen movies, read books, but I had never known anyone that had cut themselves. To my knowledge, anyway.

  "Do you still do it?" I asked.

  Felix smiled softly and shook his head. "No. These are from a few years ago. I haven't touched a razor in a very long time. I was in a bad place after losing my brother and my parents. I just wanted to feel something, I guess. I needed to have control over something. I understand now that that's not the thing to do with those kinds of feelings, but at the time it was the only thing that made sense."

  "Can I see them?" I asked.

  He paused. "Okay."

  We moved into the shallow end of the pool until we were standing. I leaned in a little closer and, without thinking, ran my thumb across the raised white lines. There were dozens, some overlapping others. It broke my heart to know that he had been in such pain that he felt the need to do this.

  "I'm sorry," I said.

  "For what?"

  "That you felt so bad, that you felt like you had to do this."

  "It's okay. I'm not the same person I was a few years ago. These are a reminder of that."

  "Are they anywhere else?" I asked.

  "Here and my thighs. I didn't want anyone to see them. I didn't want anyone to know."

  "Did it make you feel better?"

  "For a second. And then the pain was back. I think that's why people keep doing it. They keep hoping the next time will take the pain away, but it doesn't. It's very temporary. A healthy outlet is the only thing that really helped."

  "Healthy outlet?"

  "The forest, I suppose. The work. Helping others. Having some kind of purpose again."

  "I'm glad."

  He smiled. "Me, too."

  "I have a scar," I said.

  He raised an eyebrow.

  "From the lightning," I explained.

  "The lightning? Really? Actually, I think I've read that somewhere. Someone had the scar of the necklace they were wearing."

  "Mine's bigger than a necklace."

  Felix waded over to the wine and picked up his glass. "A pendant? Body chain?" he guessed.

  I shook my head and stripped the heavy shirt off my body. The glass of wine froze halfway to his mouth. His eyes didn't seem to know where to look. My bra? My shoulders? My eyes? He looked a little panicked trying to decide. When he visibly noticed the scar, his mouth parted.

  "Whoa," he breathed.

  The scar was still an angry pink in places, and I still had quite a few healing blisters. But for the most part the skin was a fairly bright pink and had kept the branches and leaves pattern.

  Felix came up to me and his eyes scanned the scar over and over again. He reached a hand out and looked at me. "Can I?" I nodded. His pruned fingertips gently traced along the branches, but skipped over the blisters. I didn't know what to do, so I stared where the darkness pooled in his collarbones. When his fingers reached my shoulder, they stopped.

  "God, you are beautiful," he said quietly. I inhaled and looked at him. He swallowed and pressed his lips together. "Did it hurt?"

  I nodded.

  "What'd it feel like?"

  "Like getting stung by a thousand bees all at once."

  "Then you died?"

  "Then I died," I said. "For fourteen minutes."

  "And then what?" He searched my eyes, waiting.

  "Nothing," I said softly. "There was nothing."

  His brow furrowed. "N
othing? No light, no people you know that have passed, no God?"

  "Just darkness."

  "Did it feel like fourteen minutes?"

  I thought back. "No, actually. It only felt like a few seconds. I thought I had passed out or something until I came to and everyone was freaking out."

  "Interesting," he said.

  "What?"

  "You just hear so many different stories about near death experiences. Some people see other universes, see God. Some see nothing. But we both know there's something. Something happens to us when we die."

  I nodded, more to myself. "I wonder why I didn't see anything."

  "No spoiler alert?" Felix said lightly.

  I cracked a smile.

  "Do you feel different?" he asked.

  "Since the strike?" He nodded. "Yeah. I feel more in tune with everything. I'm more aware of things, of smells. Like I'm on high alert without being stressed out about it."

  "Does food smell better?"

  I laughed. Always with the food.

  "What? I'd like to know that if I die for fourteen minutes, I’d be able to enjoy the smell of chocolate more than I already do."

  "What about you?" I asked.

  "What about me?" He stepped away from me and finally put the wine glass to his mouth.

  "Do you just see ghosts?"

  His eyes narrowed a little. "What do you mean?"

  "When we first met you said we were going to be really good friends, like you just knew."

  He paused for a moment as he thought. "It's hard to explain. I don't get visions or anything, but sometimes what happens in my dreams happens in real life. Or I just have intuition in overdrive."

  "Oh. So, did you dream of me? Is that how you know?"

  He shook his head. "No. It was more like a feeling. And I said best."

  I raised an eyebrow.

  "I said best friends," he said.

  "Right." I nodded a little. I made my way over to him and picked up my glass. There wasn't much left and I drained it in one long, slow swallow.

  "More?" Felix asked.

  "No, I'm good."

  He finished his own wine and set the glass on the concrete with a small clink. I dove under the water and touched the bottom of the deep end with my fingertips. I pushed the water up, up, up until I could sit on the bottom. I stayed until I ran out of air. Felix was on his back in the shallow end, looking up at the stars.