"I did," he said.
When he didn't say anything more I asked, "Why?"
His brow furrowed a little. "What do you mean why? Because you are."
"That's it? You think I am, so you said it?"
He tilted his head, looking confused. Were all guys so clueless?
"It's just usually when a guy calls a girl beautiful it's because he...likes her, you know?"
"Why wouldn't I like you?" he asked, still confused.
I shook my head. "I don't know." I was just going to dig myself a hole here, I could tell. I didn't want to risk any kind of friendship we had by making things awkward.
"I do like you. You're funny, you're brave, you seem to be smart. And, yes, you're beautiful," he said.
I watched him, waiting for a 'but.' The lights flickered above us and we both looked up. Not now, I thought.
He tilted his head a little further. "You're confused."
"Um, yeah. I just don't understand what that means, I guess."
He shut his eyes for a second. "I'm sorry. I get so ahead of myself mentally sometimes that I forget everyone else doesn't know what I know."
"So what do you know?" I asked.
"I know it's only been a few weeks since we met," he said.
I paused. "And?"
"Just be patient," was all he said.
EIGHTEEN
A few weeks later I found myself with both Felix and Shazo who had teamed up for a daylong check, something they did about once a month. Our bags were full of food and our mouths had fallen quiet as we reached the sixth hour of our walk. Sweat rolled down my back and I was seriously considering using the utility tool in my bag to lop off all my hair. I couldn't imagine how hot it was outside the cover of the trees. Shazo took his cap off hours ago and hung it through a belt loop, and Felix had a red bandana pushed through his hair. The humidity brought out curls in his hair, and I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers through it.
The two of them were talking about the unsuccessful trip to the police station I had. No one looked like Fin in the pictures I flipped through. He wasn't a local missing person and the cops had more important things to do than scour the country's missing persons ads for one ghost. Fin was disappointed when I told him, but I promised to keep checking a website the police told me about. He had started to remember a little more like he wasn't an only child and he remembered growing up near the ocean. It was still a vague description, but every bit would help me find out who he really was.
"I'm hungry," Felix announced. I wiped my brow again and sat on the nearest log. I wasn't hungry, but I was ready for a break. Felix sat next to me and pulled out one of his many sandwiches, and Shazo stretched and pulled out his water bottle. I poured some water down my back and sighed in relief before taking a long swallow.
"Only about seven hours to go," Shazo said lightly.
"Remind me again why you guys do this," I said while I fanned the back of my neck.
"We always see the woods in daily pieces. It's nice to put those pieces together sometimes. It's good to see the bigger picture, to check things out on a bigger level. Really see the woods as a whole," Shazo explained.
"And we have found a lot of stuff," Felix said to me with a shrug.
We had, he was right. We found old tents, a couple of journals, backpacks, one semi-fresh camping site, and a leg bone with the foot still inside of a shoe. We had also found five wandering ghosts and helped four cross over; the fifth was too startled and had taken off quickly. The deeper we went, the more we seemed to find.
"It's impossible to cover it all in one day, but we can get a chunk done today. Every month we do a different section," Shazo said.
"Plus, we get picnic food," Felix said with a smile.
Shazo rolled his eyes and poured some water on his face to cool off. Once Felix was done with his sandwich, he dunked his bandana in water and replaced it on his head. I watched beads of water roll down his neck. We gathered our things and started walking again. It was a little after one, and I couldn't wait for the sun to start going down.
*
It had been an uneventful couple of hours when Felix called, "Heads up" from ahead. We slowed down and I looked around to see what he meant. Shazo pointed in the distance and it took me a minute to find the swinging figure. The bones were almost the color of the rope and the clothes were green and torn. The bottom jaw was missing.
I stood there gaping. I had been to a few visitations and open casket funerals, but this was a whole different level. This was the first body I had seen in the forest. This was the body of someone so tortured that they felt they had no other option in life but to end it. My stomach churned and just when I thought I was going to throw up, the forest went out of focus and I felt myself fall.
"Pippa?" I heard in the distance. I blinked a few times and realized I was on the ground. Felix peered down at me with a frown. "Can you hear me?"
I blinked hard to clear my vision and tried to sit up.
"Just stay for a second," Felix said. I felt his fingers on my arms and quickly noticed he was sitting on the ground and my head was in his lap.
"What happened?" I asked.
"You fainted," Shazo said. "Was this your first body? Ever?" I nodded.
"Totally normal," Felix assured me.
I sighed, disappointed in myself. I should be stronger than this. "I'm so embarrassed," I groaned.
Felix looked at his fingers, still on my skin. "Really? I'm kind of enjoying this," he said with a grin.
Shazo shot Felix a look. "Are you okay to keep going?" he asked.
"I think so," I said. "I've never fainted before." I tried to sit up again and this time Felix helped me stand.
"It happens, especially under these circumstances." He kept his hands near my shoulders for a minute and when I didn't fall again, he backed away and gave me space. I got my water bottle out and took a few deep swallows.
"We'll have to leave him," Shazo said, his hands on his hips. "There's no way we can get him down and out of here. We're way too deep in the forest. He had to have thought about that when he did this. Poor guy."
I hated the idea of leaving someone out here. I understood why we did it, but it made my stomach churn again.
The last three hours ticked by slowly, but without incident. We stopped for one last break and then made our way back onto the path. How we ended up back there, I had no idea. I had gotten so lost. If I had been on my own, I don't think I could've made it out of the woods.
Once we were inside and the AC hit me, I flopped on the cool kitchen floor and let out a loud sigh. Felix lowered his head in the sink and let the water run through his hair. Shazo headed upstairs and we soon heard the shower running.
"So. Hot." I scooted across the floor until I got to the back door. I remembered seeing a hose nearby. I ditched my shoes in the grass, turned the hose on and let the cold water run between my toes. Bliss. Actual bliss.
"Let me in on that," Felix said. He rolled his jeans up and set his toes against mine so we could share the water. He sighed happily.
"No one should go outdoors between May and October here," I said.
"You're not wrong," he said with a laugh.
"Shower's free!" Shazo yelled from the balcony.
I handed Felix the hose and hurried inside ignoring his, "Why do you get to go first?" I took the stairs two at a time and grabbed my shower caddy. I locked the patio door in the bathroom and took a fast, cold shower. When I got back downstairs I found both guys sitting on the couch. Felix had changed into cargo shorts and a tight black tee and had probably used a kitchen towel to dry his hair.
"I ordered pizza," Felix said. "The thought of turning that oven on right now makes me sweat again."
"I hope you got it with pineapple and peanut butter," I said, and took a seat next to him.
They both stared at me.
"Who are you?" Shazo asked.
"I was kidding. I like all the meat."
Shazo snorted, but k
ept his mouth closed.
When the pizza arrived, we didn't even bother with plates. We were so hungry after the long hike that we finished both extra large pizzas. By ten o'clock, we said goodnight, and I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.
NINETEEN
At three o'clock in the morning I was wide-awake. My body ached from the hike and I was parched. I turned on the flashlight on my phone and headed downstairs. I was a little startled when I saw the back door open and Felix standing in the yard. I got a glass of water, downed it, and got a second before I quietly stepped outside.
"I thought I heard someone," Felix said, looking at me.
"I was thirsty. What are you doing up?"
He pointed up. "Meteor shower tonight."
I walked over to him and looked up. Within seconds there was a faint streak across the sky. "Oh, wow."
"This is another favorite thing of mine," he said. "I used to lay out in my backyard all the time as a kid picking out constellations. When you're a kid, shooting stars are magical. As an adult, they're still pretty cool," he said.
"It's beautiful."
A cool breeze hit my skin and I stepped closer to him. He looked down at me just as a shooting star passed behind his head. I wanted him to kiss me. Right there in the yard, with the stars, it would've been perfect. But he stepped away from me and looked towards the house. "I'll make us hot chocolate."
Second to a kiss, hot chocolate sounded pretty good right now. I followed him inside and sat on the counter while he made hot chocolate (from scratch, not an envelope) and used a can of coconut milk to make thick whipped cream. He filled two large mugs with the dark liquid and added a generous spoonful of whipped cream. He carried them both down the hall silently, so I hopped off the counter and followed him. He added a fresh log to the fireplace before he started a small fire. The heat of the day was gone and the air had gotten wonderfully chilly. He sat next to me. I sighed when the heat reached me.
"Here." He handed me a mug and took the other for himself.
It was heaven in a mug. Thick, creamy, chocolaty comfort. I held the mug with both hands and inhaled.
"This is really good hot chocolate," I said after a sip.
Felix took a long sip from his mug and then set it down on the table. He looked at his hands. "How's the job?"
I pulled my legs under me and set my mug next to his. "What do you mean?"
"It's been two months, you've been out on your own, and you're still here."
"Why would I leave?"
"This isn't exactly a job you list on Craigslist. It's not for everyone. Not everyone stays. I haven't checked in with you lately, see how you're handling things."
"I'm okay, actually. It's harder than I thought it would be in some ways, but I've kind of surprised myself. I can handle more than I thought. There's nothing that's happened so far that makes me want to leave. It would actually be a little hard to leave."
"You're liking your taste of independence." He took a sip and looked amused.
Be brave, Wilder.
"I'm liking you," I said.
He looked at me hard. "You're saying it'd be hard to leave me?"
I nodded and set my mug down.
"But why? I mean, what I do, who I am, my past isn't exactly-"
I shook my head. "I didn't know you then. I don't know that Felix. I know the Felix who took me to a pool in the middle of the night. Who drove me to the hospital to get me stitches. I know the Felix who looks at stars and makes hot chocolate from scratch. That's the Felix that would be hard to leave."
The corner of his lips twitched and he leaned in until the tips of our noses touched. I swallowed when his breath hit my lips. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and trailed his thumb across my bottom lip. When he finally tilted his head and pressed his lips to mine it was all I could do to not claw at his shirt and pull him down on me.
He tasted like chocolate.
His lips were soft and gentle, and his fingers were light on the back of my neck. When I did grip the front of his shirt I felt him smile against my lips. My head spun and the fire was hot on my skin. Or was it Felix making my skin hot? The kiss deepened for a few seconds, but then he pulled away slowly, leaving one light kiss on my jaw. I pressed my lips together and watched him breathe shallowly.
"I have needed to do that since I saw you walk out of the house the day you got here," he said.
"Needed?" I teased.
He leaned in and gave me one long, hard kiss. This time it was me that struggled for air when we parted.
"Needed," he confirmed.
I bit my lip to stop from grinning like an idiot, and we both picked up our mugs. We sat quietly, close to each other, and drank the rest of our hot chocolate. When we were done and the sun was starting to rise, Felix kissed my cheek and went to bed.
TWENTY
Felix and I ran errands together later that day, getting groceries, more ribbon and, yes, another sundae. This time, he tasted like ice cream. We stayed out for hours, coming back only when it was time for evening check. I hadn't been off the path long at all when Fin appeared.
"You smell like fun," he commented.
"What?"
"I don't know. It's hard to explain. You give off a scent."
"Fun pheromones?"
He smiled. "I guess, yeah. It's much better than what I smell like. Death is sour, like old vinegar."
"If only you could shower."
"Wouldn't that be nice." He looked down at his arms with a frown.
"You don't know why you're covered in blood yet, do you?"
"No. And it's really bothering me. Accident? Murder? Is it even mine?" He sighed. "Still no luck on that site?"
"No. I'm sorry. I'm going to go to the library soon and use their computer to look at other state's headlines for wrecks and deaths. You've got to be somewhere," I said.
"I hope so. I'd like to think someone somewhere is missing me."
I gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure they are."
"Yeah. Well, look, I'll let you get to your work. I have a date to get ready for," he joked. He walked in the opposite direction and when he walked behind a tree, he disappeared.
I set my sights forward and wrapped my ribbon around another branch. When the sky was darkening, I turned back. Just when I thought it was going to be an uneventful shift, I noticed movement nearby. Someone was looking at me from behind a tree.
"Hello," I called out. "It's okay."
A girl not much older than me stepped out. Her waist-length stringy blonde hair stuck to her arms and there was blood running from her wrists. I gasped quietly in panic, but remembered I couldn't call 911 for her; she was already dead.
"Are you okay?" I asked her.
Her eyes darted around and she shrugged. "Wh-Where am I? What's going on?"
"You're in a forest in Alabama. It looks like you've taken your own life."
She scoffed and looked at her wrists. "No, this is fine. It's been worse before. He'll find me and I'll go to the hospital and it'll all be okay."
I frowned. "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is fine. You've died. Do you understand?"
Her eyes narrowed a little and she looked around. "No. I'm standing right here, you're talking to me. We're both alive. Look, I'm bleeding here. Why don't you call someone? They can call my boyfriend on the way. He'll meet me there. It'll be okay once he knows how much I love him."
"You did this to yourself because of a guy?" I asked carefully.
"He said he doesn't love me, but I know he does. When he sees how much I need and love him-"
"What's your name?" I interrupted.
"Lacy."
"Lacy, listen. You may not have meant to do this to yourself, you may have just wanted this guy's attention, but you went too deep, and you've died. You're dead. Did you do this here in the forest? I can find your body so your family-"
"You're not listening to me! You have to call someone for me," she insisted.
"I can't sa
ve you," I told her. "You're already dead."
She looked annoyed and held pressure to one of her wrists. "I'm going to die if you don't call me a fucking ambulance."
I couldn't call her an ambulance, but I could call someone. I pulled my walkie out and told Felix what was going on. A few long minutes later, he showed up out of breath.
"I'm sorry," I started. "I didn't know what to do."
"It's okay. Better to ask for help than to just leave her here wandering." Felix walked over to Lacy and they talked quietly for a few minutes. He handled everything like such a pro, with such ease. Lacy shook her head at him, he knelt down and kept talking to her and then she burst into tears. Felix stood up and motioned for me. The three of us walked to the nearest portal, shimmering faintly with a bunch of pinecones nailed to the trees to mark it. Lacy sobbed and stood in front of it.
"This is a joke, right?" she tried one more time.
"I'm sorry," Felix said.
She looked at me. "I thought you were just messing with me."
"I wish I was," I said.
"I got so wrapped up in a guy that I hurt myself for his attention. He's come back before. I thought it would be the same this time. I didn't think it was any deeper. I just thought...oh my God, my parents. My parents. What do I do? I don't want to die." She sobbed into her hands.
"I wrote down what you wanted them to know," Felix said. "That's all you can do now."
"So, what, that's it? I'm dead and now I get to walk through this thing and face the music? I killed myself. I'm going to Hell," she said.
"We don't know that," Felix said.
"I don't want to go," she said with trembling lips.
"You can stay, but you'll be alone," he said gently.
She hiccupped and wiped her nose. It left a bloodstain across her face. She took a deep breath and with a quiet whimper walked between the trees. She disappeared and I felt my own tears in my eyes.
"You okay?" Felix asked me.
"No. It was an accident. She just wanted his attention and now she's dead. It's a horrible thing."
"I know. I agree. I haven't dealt with many like her, ones who accidentally do this."
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