I blew a breath through my lips. "Fuck, I need a drink."
"It's getting dark fast, too. Come on." He took my hand. The path was in sight when he stopped short. I looked around quickly.
"What?"
"Did you see- I thought I saw...." He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Uh, never mind. It must've been a shadow. Come on."
When we got inside I took my double shot of bourbon to go and went to my room to make two phone calls. I hadn't talked to Ellen in weeks, and hadn't talked to my mom in a few days. I needed to hear my mom's voice tonight.
Ellen was busy, as she usually was lately. College was stressful and since it was already the middle of October she was cramming for midterms. Her chem partner was 'too hot to trot,' whatever that meant, and her roommate had opened up her world to dive bars. Tequila was still something we had in common. I felt a little pang of envy when she talked about school, but as soon as I started to catch her up on my day-to-day here, she became envious. "Ghosts and woods and hot guys and good food. You're living some kind of weird dream, Pippa," she told me. Maybe my parents could see it like that, too.
My mom had already bought plane tickets. The upcoming Thanksgiving put a knot in my stomach. My parents here for a week with the forest, with Felix, with no kitchen table. It also meant that Christmas was closer, and so was the end of my trial here. I didn't mention much of anything ghost-related, and my mom didn't ask. She told me my dad had taken up bird photography. "He's really just drinking in the woods with his friends because the photos are actual shit," she explained. I hadn't been watching TV as much lately, so she caught me up on a couple of our favorite shows. We went over some of the Thanksgiving menu, but would go into more details later. They would be here in five weeks. That was so soon and so far away at the same time. It was funny what distance could do. I no longer ached to cuddle in her chair with her on a bad day. A hot shower and a drink on the balcony were my go-to now. I had come to terms with living away from home, and was finally okay with it. The homesickness popped up occasionally, but I now had it under control. Adulting: I was doing it.
"How's your mom?" Shazo asked once I was back in the kitchen.
"Good. She's already talking Thanksgiving food."
"Oh man, that is coming up quick, isn't it?"
"Thanksgiving food is some of the best food in the whole world," Felix called from his office.
"Agreed," I said. I looked around the kitchen and tried to figure out where we would eat. The living room? Chairs on the patio? I groaned internally. It was too early to worry about that.
"We'll figure seating out," Shazo assured me. He must have seen me staring at the space where the table would normally go.
"Halloween comes first. What happens here for that? This place must be a freakin' goldmine to the local kids."
Shazo shook his head quickly. "We don't do Halloween. We stay up most of the night keeping watch. All the local kids try to sneak into the forest and party. It's a nightmare. Someone leaves a fire going almost every year and we have to put it out."
"We don't even keep candy," Felix said sadly.
"You would just eat it all," Shazo said with an eye roll.
Felix came out of his office and threw away some balled up pieces of paper. "That's the point of candy," he argued. His glass was empty and he was quick to refill it with strong liquor.
I frowned. Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. My mom decorated more for Halloween than Christmas. We had the best candy on the block (full size bars, we didn't mess around) and the scariest homemade haunted house. I would have to find something about this Halloween to enjoy.
TWENTY-ONE
Around lunchtime the next day, I stopped by a log and looked at Felix. It was our first time out together in weeks and it was nice not being in the woods alone. "I'm hungry and we didn't bring food," I said.
"I have food. I always have food." He kissed me quickly and dug in his bag for a moment and came out with jerky, trail mix, dried fruit, and four protein bars. "Take your pick."
I should have known he'd have enough food in his bag to survive for several days. I took a protein bar out of his hand and sat on the log. He opened some jerky and sat next to me. The trees were rustling with an incoming storm system and it was nice to not have the woods be completely silent.
"Do you want to go to dinner with me?" Felix asked after a few quiet minutes.
I swallowed the nutty bite in my mouth and looked over at him. "Like a date?"
"Yes."
I smiled. "Yes, I would."
Felix smiled at his jerky. "Good."
"Could we go to the library this weekend? I told Fin I'd check the archives."
"Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I can't believe we haven't gone already. We'll definitely go this weekend. Where do you think we should start?" He helped me off the log and we continued our check.
"I think surrounding states to start. He's covered in blood, so I'm really thinking it was some kind of accident. That narrows it down quite a bit, right?"
He nodded. "Yeah...unless nothing pops up. Then we need more factors. How's his memory?"
"He's got bits and pieces, but it's still not good. I don't have a lot to go on so I'm pretty anxious to see what the library has."
"Fingers crossed then," Felix said.
*
After a sweaty check in the forest that evening, I took a shower and changed into one of the two dresses I brought with me. It was mid-thigh, red with white polka dots, and straps just thick enough to hide my bra straps. I stepped into black wedges and examined myself in the mirror. Not bad, Wilder. Not bad at all. I gathered my hair up in a bun, swiped some color onto my cheeks and lips and headed down the stairs.
Shazo whistled at me when I walked into the kitchen and I took a small curtsey.
"What are you whistling...at," Felix trailed off when he came out of his office and spotted me. He had a cream cheese smothered bagel held in his mouth and somehow that made the moment perfect. He tossed it at Shazo, who missed and was left with cream cheese on his shirt, and swallowed the bite in his mouth. "Wow. You look amazing."
"I don't even like cream cheese," Shazo muttered. He grabbed a paper towel and blotted at his shirt.
"Thanks," I said. "So do you." Jesus Christ did he ever. He had on black jeans, a simple white t-shirt, his usual slouchy boots, and a denim jacket. He could offer to take me right there in the kitchen in front of Shazo and I wouldn't say no.
"Thanks. Ready?" I nodded and he took my hand in his before leading me down the hall to the door.
"You kids have fun," Shazo called to us.
"Thanks, Dad," Felix called back. He gave me a wink and then we made our way to his car. Part of me hoped we would take Shazo's car, but I was getting pretty used to the hearse.
After a half hour drive, we were at an overwhelmingly large lake. Guntersville, Felix told me. The hearse finally slowed down and pulled into a small parking lot. There was a wooden building with a huge porch that wrapped all the way around. It was simple and charming. Inside was decorated with a large mural of water with fishing boats, pelicans, and crabs. The hostess led us to another door and then out onto the porch that overlooked the lake. We were seated near the railing and handed menus.
"This is so pretty," I said, looking around.
The waitress came up quickly, introduced herself and took our drink order. Cranberry juice for me, Coke for Felix. I opened my menu and panicked slightly when all I saw were seafood options. I didn't like anything that looked or tasted fishy. I flipped the menu over and exhaled when I saw other meat options.
"Not a fish fan?" Felix asked.
"It's like tiny bodies on your plate."
He laughed and shook his head at me. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. The chicken is good here."
"You come here a lot?" I asked casually. What I meant was, do you date a lot and bring all the girls here?
Felix set an elbow on the table and placed his chin in his hand. "I like the food," he sa
id.
"Smells good." I looked back at my menu and scanned the non-fish items.
"What did you really mean?" he asked, his voice curious.
I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Do I come here a lot? You mean do I bring a lot of girls here?"
"I didn't say that," I said with a shrug.
"Do I bring lots of girls here, then back to the haunted forest and up to my room where they can hear all about suicides and ghosts before a night of toe-curling passion?" His voice was absolutely thick with amusement and teasing.
I tapped my nails on the table and clicked my tongue. "Well," I finally said. "Do you?"
"No."
I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head slowly. He grinned in return and looked out at the water.
The waitress came back with our drinks and pulled out a small pad of paper for our orders. I got grilled chicken with fries and a salad. Felix got a grilled cheese sandwich, fries, coleslaw, hushpuppies, and fried oysters. When the waitress left us, I gave Felix an odd look.
"You come to a lake restaurant for the grilled cheese?"
"And the hushpuppies," he said.
"You are an odd, odd being," I told him.
"You're beautiful," he replied.
I smiled into my cranberry juice.
"So," he said. I set my drink down and looked at him. "Are we doing this? The past lovers talk?"
Oh, God.
"Um, if you want," I said.
"I don't particularly like to toy with the idea of you in someone's bed, but part of me is curious about your past. Not just guys, but everything."
"It was a couch," I muttered.
"What's that?"
I ran my fingertip around the mouth of my glass. "It wasn't a bed, it was a couch."
"Wh-Oh. You mean the first time?"
I cringed. Oh God. Oh my God. He thinks I've had a lot of sex.
I cleared my throat. "The...only time."
Felix's Coke stopped halfway to his mouth. He slowly set it down and tilted his head as he looked at me. I pressed my lips together and stared back at him.
He opened his mouth, but the waitress walked up with our food. She left us in silence and my mouth watered slightly at the sight of the food. Felix bit a fry and eyed me.
"What kind of guy wants to be with you just once?" he finally asked.
"The kind just looking to get a milestone out of the way," I replied.
"You two weren't dating?"
I shook my head and cut into my chicken. "I mean, I liked him, but we weren't a couple or anything."
"So it wasn't diary-entry worthy?"
"Only because it was a coming of age tale," I said.
Felix smiled a little.
"Your turn," I said.
"For what?"
"For this very non-embarrassing conversation."
He leaned back in his seat a little. "What do you want to know? Numbers?"
I hesitated. Not really. But also, yes.
"It's not a big number. You know I haven't had a serious relationship. No one I'd classify as a girlfriend. Everyone thinks crazy is genetic."
"So this place." I motioned to the water and the sun that was just beginning to set.
"I've never brought a girl here," he said. "There was never anyone I wanted to share this view with."
I smiled to myself.
"Chicken's good, right?" he asked.
I looked out at the setting sun and then at Felix, who smiled at me.
"It's all good," I said quietly.
TWENTY-TWO
The three-storied library towered over me while I waited for Felix to tie his shoe. He called in favors at the hospital, but so far there were no leads on Fin. The plan was to check archives for Tennessee and Georgia wreck and murder victims. It wasn't my ideal 'day off,' but at least it got me into AC for the day.
"Third floor," Felix said once we were in the elevator. I pushed the button and seconds later the doors opened to reveal old brown tiled floors and scratchy wallpaper. The archives room was large, but there were only two people in it. We were shown how things worked and where to find what we were looking for and I soon found myself with a stack of large books in front of me while Felix stared at a screen.
For hours, we didn't speak. There was just the noise of keys clicking and pages turning. Finally, I pushed away from the table and got up.
"I need water or food or something," I said.
"You need a break," Felix said. "Me, too. Let's go across the hall."
We stepped out of the archives room and walked into a small room lined with vending machines. Felix bought us Cheetos and Cokes and we sat by the only window in the room.
"Maybe we're looking at the wrong state," Felix said.
"Or the wrong decade. There are too many possibilities. This is impossible."
He brushed Cheetos dust off my lips and then kissed me gently. "Not impossible. Just hard."
I rolled my eyes and crunched two Cheetos at once. Felix sipped his Coke and pulled out his phone.
"I need to go to the hospital later," he said with a frown. "Someone isn't doing well and I'd like to be there. I'm sorry, I know I said we had all day here, but-"
"Don't be. It's okay. My brain is getting fried anyway."
"Let's give it another hour, okay? You take the screen and I'll look at the clippings."
We finished our snack quickly and headed back across the hall. I popped my back and settled into a squeaky chair. It didn't take long for my eyes to start blurring the words and pictures together. This was not exciting work.
Click.
Scroll.
Blink.
Repeat.
I rubbed my eyes and glanced over at Felix who was hunched over staring intently at the pages in front of him.
"Anything?" I asked. "It's a dead end over here."
"Actually, yes."
I got up quickly and walked over to him.
"I went back a few years and I have a few possibilities," Felix said. He spun three pages towards me. "All are about the right age, right hair. One was a car wreck, one was cancer, and the other was a home invasion."
"Well, cancer guy is out. Fin is covered in blood."
"Oh, right." Felix shook his head and pulled that book away from me.
I pulled the other two clippings closer to me.
"Well?" he asked.
"This guy in the wreck, the face shape is off. I don't think it's him. But this home invasion? Maybe. It's kind of hard to tell with these in black and white and not the best quality. Can we get copies? I'll show Fin next time I see him."
"Yeah, sure." Felix hopped up and took off to make copies. I shut down the screen and got my purse. I was ready to get out of that room. He came back a few minutes later and we put the large books back on the shelves. I folded the copies neatly and put them in my purse.
"I'm gonna grab more Cheetos for the road," Felix said. He held the door open for me and I wandered to the elevator while he got another snack. He met up with me quickly and we headed for the hearse.
He was quiet for the ride until I turned to him. "You okay?"
"What?" he asked.
"You just seem a little off, I guess."
He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and let out a sigh. "Those headlines got to me. In the forest, things are spaced out. That was a lot of accidents and murders in a short time."
"The world is cruel," I said.
"Yeah. Look, I'm just going to drop you off, okay? I need to get to the hospital."
It seemed like more than headlines were the problem, but I didn't push it. He drove me up the mountain to the house and left quickly once I was out of the hearse. Shazo's car was there, so I headed inside.
"Hey, how'd it go?" Shazo asked from the couch.
I shrugged. "One possibility, but I don't think it's a strong one."
"Sorry," he said. "This sounds like a shot in the dark kind of ghost."
"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm gonna
go out, see if I can find him out there."
I hurried upstairs to change. I shoved my phone back in my pocket, left my purse on the bed and went back downstairs. I filled my water bottle as fast as I could and then took off across the yard to the gate. As soon as the white ribbon was tied to a tree I was off through the forest.
"Fin?"
My ribbon swayed in the breeze when I stopped every so often to look around and listen. I wandered for hours and turned back for the path once my water bottle was empty. Just when the path was in sight, so was Fin.
"There you are," I sighed.
"I thought I heard that mouth of yours, but I couldn't seem to find you." He looked tired, which was odd for a ghost.
I pulled out the news clipping and walked over to him. He instantly perked up.
"What have you got?" He stood next to me and looked at the copy.
"Well, I was hoping I had information. But now I'm not sure." I held the paper up to his face and frowned. Not a match.
"We do kind of look alike. Home invasion, eh?" He bit his lower lip and suddenly got a glazed look over his face.
"Fin?"
He cleared his throat. "Violent. I remember it being violent. Bright and violent."
"That rules out accidents," I said.
"Pippa?"
I put the paper back in my bag and looked at him.
"I don't think I was alone. I can still hear the screaming." Fin leaned against my ribbon and looked troubled.
"Oh. You mean there were others with you?"
"I think so. This should help, right? This'll narrow it down?"
"It should, yeah. I'll keep looking, Fin. I promise."
He put a smile on his face. "I know you will. Thanks, Pippa."
I put my water bottle back in my bag and when I looked up again, he was gone. I walked slowly back to the house thinking of places to look for Fin's reality. When the house was back in sight, I saw the hearse had returned. I walked faster. Felix and Shazo were watching TV and I couldn't tell who looked more tired.
"Did you find him?" Shazo asked.
"Yeah." I sat down on the couch next to them. "It wasn't him in the clipping."
"Damn," Felix said.
"How'd your thing go?" I asked him.
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