Wild Alabama

by Everly Hansen

  Two days before I left, Shazo came in from town with groceries and a cake.

  "I had the baker put 'see you later' on it because regardless if you come back or not, we'll still see you again," he explained when I saw the thick, white-frosted letters.

  "He also thought your name was Pippen," Felix commented when he looked at the cake over my shoulder.

  "It's almost Christmas, everyone is thinking about a million things," I said, and waved off the mistake. It was kind of cute, actually. Memorable.

  We had frozen pizzas and the cake, and then sat on the balcony with blankets and wine. Felix's hand found mine and I thought back to what he said. I knew he was right; I couldn't stay for him. If I was going to come back, it had to be for the job. Otherwise, I'd be unfulfilled and would stop doing the job like it needed to be done.

  "Any leads on someone to take my place if I stay in Colorado?" I asked. Felix's hand slackened in mine.

  "A couple. I'm supposed to go to Mexico after New Years' to see if they're right for this," Shazo said.

  "No one can take your place," Felix said.

  "Oh, I didn't mean that," Shazo said, tapping his forehead. "Of course no one can replace you. But the job can be filled, so don't worry about that."

  We sat out there until we couldn't feel our toes. Shazo took the wine glasses downstairs and Felix dragged me into my room.

  "What are you doing?" I asked.

  "We're always in my room. I never get to sleep in here." He flipped through my books and looked around.

  "The bed squeaks," I told him.

  He looked at me, amused. "Did you have something other than sleeping planned?"

  "No. Just thought you'd want to know since I toss and turn so much."

  He frowned. "You do move an awfully lot in your sleep." He stepped over to me and picked me up, flinging me over his shoulder. I laughed all the way to his room. When Felix set me down on the bed my smile faded. He pulled my sweater over my head and pushed me onto the bed. Things were always fun in this department. Passionate, feel-good minutes. But the look on his face said tonight was going to be different. And it was. It was slow, careful, drawn out. He'd start and stop. Tease me until I felt like I could burst. His heart pounded wildly against my skin. My trembling fingers held onto him and he kissed me over and over and over again. It was love. Not just sex. It was pure love.

  THIRTY-ONE

  I had a redeye back to Colorado. That gave me one last full day with my suicide forest boys. We did a long morning check together, and I went in by myself in the afternoon. I wanted to say goodbye to the forest by myself. I wandered what were now familiar trails. I breathed in the cold, piney air. I wasn't as afraid as I had been six months ago. There was still tension and fear, but I didn't think that would ever go away. I stepped over a log and then froze. The Ellery twins were just a few feet in front of me. Of all the ghosts I had run into, they were just about the creepiest. Maybe it was the Shining appeal they had, twin girls wandering a creepy place. They held hands and looked at me cautiously.

  "Hi," I said softly.

  They giggled and took a few steps away from me.

  "Goodbye, Pippa," they said in unison. One of them waved and then they took off, disappearing seconds later. I looked around the forest and then headed back to the trail. That was the perfect goodbye.

  Around ten, I put my bags into the hearse and then looked at the house. Smoke was pouring out of the chimneys and the colored Christmas lights gave a calming glow. I could already feel a lump growing in my throat.

  "Ready?" Felix asked. Shazo had given me a long hug and an upbeat goodbye, but I could tell he was sad. He was staying at the house, and Felix was going to take me to the airport.

  I sniffed back my tears and nodded. I got into the hearse and watched the house disappear from my sight. The ride to the airport was quiet, and Felix held my hand the whole time. He parked in the garage and helped carry my bags inside. I stalled near security and he led me to the gift shop. He bought me an I Heart Alabama hoodie.

  "You'd think someone would have something forest-related in here." He scanned the inventory with a frown.

  "They probably thought it wasn't the first thing people wanted to see when they landed," I said.

  "You're probably right."

  I stuck the hoodie under my arm and knew I needed to head to security.

  "I don't know how to do this," Felix said once we were by the checkpoint.

  "What?"

  "Say goodbye to someone I love. Everyone else was just taken. I didn't get a chance."

  The lump in my throat was back, but I tried to be brave. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. He wrapped his arms tight around my waist.

  "Text me when you land?" he asked once my feet were back on the ground.

  "Of course."

  His hands slid out of mine and I grabbed my bags. I took a deep breath and smiled at him.

  "I'll see you later," he said with a forced smile.

  "I'll see you later," I said with a wavering voice. I quickly handed my ticket to the security guard and made my way through. At the bottom of the stairs leading to the gates, I turned. Felix was still standing there. I walked up the stairs backwards - not the smartest thing to do with multiple bags - and when I finally couldn't see him anymore I let the tears spill down my cheeks.

  *

  Somehow, I forgot how cold Colorado was in December. It was right around freezing and when I stepped outside with my bags all I could see and smell was snow. I smiled a little at the sight. My mom literally jumped up and down with joy when she saw me. The airport was so crowded this time of the year that I told them I'd meet them outside. I inhaled the crisp air and walked over to my parent's car.

  "Did you get taller?" my mom asked when she hugged me. "New haircut?" She pulled back and looked at me. "You look different."

  I should, I thought. How do you go through the last six months and remain the same? I smiled at her. "Nope, still five foot and six and a half inches." I shoved my bags into the car and climbed into the passenger seat.

  "Your father wanted to come, but it was his last day at work before he's off until January. I never know what to do with him for this long. He should be off any minute though. I bet he beats us home."

  "You always find things for him to do," I told her. I pulled out my phone and texted Felix that I had landed safely.

  "Cleaning the roof shingles was a little much last year," she said with a frown. "I think he's on to me."

  "You had to make a path for Santa."

  "Yeah, he didn't buy that, either. I'll have to keep the list reasonable this year."

  We lived right outside of Vail, and when we drove through the snowy, charming town I felt my muscles melt with relaxation. I pressed my face to the glass, ignored my mom's comment, and took in every sight. When we pulled into the driveway I saw my dad's car. He came out with Starbucks' hot chocolate and took my bags for me. I savored the first sip and then walked inside. Nothing had changed. I don't know why I thought it would. It felt like I had been gone much longer than six months. I walked around the house while my parents made lunch and when I got to my room, I walked to my window. No porch, no forest. Just neighbors and snow. It used to be a reassuring view. Now it seemed claustrophobic. I left my bags on the floor and headed down the stairs.

  "Can I borrow the car?" I asked my dad.

  They both looked at me, surprised.

  "Honey, you literally just got here. Where are you going?" my mom asked.

  "I just want to go see if Ellen's home yet." That was a lie. I knew she wouldn't be home until the day after tomorrow.

  "Well, I suppose," she said slowly.

  "Great, thanks. I'll be back soon!" I grabbed the keys and my coat and headed out into the snow.

  The thing about Colorado was that you could find space almost anywhere. In a crowded city? Drive a few minutes in another direction and you'll hit space. That's exactly what I did. I drove until there was nothing but pine trees a
nd sky, and sat on the hood of the car until I could breathe again. The silence I had grown accustomed to would be a drive away now. I dusted my pants off and drove back home.

  "How's Ellen?" my dad asked. He pushed a plate in my direction. I felt a little bad I ditched them so quickly. "Mom made your favorite."

  "Oh, she won't be home for another day or so." I sat at the table and picked up my tuna sandwich with extra mayo. "Yum. Thanks."

  "So, we thought we'd let you settle in for a bit, but tomorrow I want to head downtown to get the tree." My mom stood at the counter with a notebook in her hand. "I probably need new lights this year, too. Maybe a wreath for the door."

  "Sounds good." Everything about this time of the year, I loved. The lights, the smells, the kids throwing candy canes at each other across the back fences. Christmas in Colorado was always magical.

  "You have my list, hon?" my dad asked. He gave me a knowing wink.

  "I'm not quite done with it," she replied.

  Dad told me years ago that he knew she was just trying to keep him busy. But he always did every thing on the list because 'it makes her happy.' "Just wait until I retire," he told me a few Christmases ago. "I bet she makes me rebuild the entire house."

  "The fireplace needs a good cleaning," he suggested.

  My mom nodded, flipped to another page in her notebook and then scribbled that down.

  After lunch we hung out on the couch and caught up. My mom had a ton of neighborhood gossip to catch me up on. I didn't care about most of it, but when I heard Mel's name, my ears perked.

  "I heard her mom talking in the store last week to Ms. Plouten down the street. She said Mel is back from college early and working at the front desk of that shitty motel with the purple roof."

  "She dropped out of college?" I asked.

  "That's what it sounded like. I could only hear so much from where I was hiding." My mom was an excellent eavesdropper. Having a personal conversation in public? Well, my mom is three feet away hiding behind a magazine or a loaf of bread.

  As much as this started to delight me, I couldn't help but think that if she were back in town for good, I'd run into her probably sooner rather than later.

  THIRTY-TWO

  I woke up around noon the next day. I fumbled for my phone and saw a couple of missed texts from Felix and Ellen. She wanted to get together tomorrow at the diner. Felix missed me. I texted them both back and then got ready for the day. I grabbed a travel mug of coffee and then met my parents in the car. I had to move tree rope to sit down. A fresh tree was a must in the Wilder household. Fake trees would last longer and make less of a mess, but I wasn't allowed to bring that up anymore.

  My dad let me pick the tree, which was a first. I liked them more bushy than tall, but I made sure it had some height to it to please my dad's taste in trees. When he and Mr. Setter, the Christmas tree seller, strapped the tree to the car, my mom went to grab some free donuts by the register. I leaned against the car and watched an elderly lady walk by all the customers and examine their trees. I recognized her immediately. Mr. Seller's mother. She passed away years ago. When she was alive, she was the one who ran the tree lot. Mr. Seller worked there growing up and took over for her. I couldn't help but smile a little. It was nice to see her still checking in on things at the lot. When her eyes met mine, they widened. I gave her a discreet wave. She looked at me curiously, but then smiled and resumed her tree checks.

  "Pippa?"

  I jerked my head towards my mom's voice. She glanced where I was staring and her brow furrowed the slightest bit. She held out a small box and looked at me. "Donut?"

  I took a chocolate glazed one and hopped in the car. Next stop was one of the Christmas decor stores. My mom wanted to get new stuff this year and she left my dad in the car - to his great delight, I'm sure - and dragged me inside. She got new tree lights, some new ornaments, elf statues that would look adorable on the fireplace mantel, a wreath, a welcome mat with Santa all gussied up and holding a bottle of wine, some yard ornaments, and new stockings for all of us. There wasn't anything wrong with our old stuff, but she seemed like she wanted a clean slate. We crammed everything in the back of the car and my dad looked at my mom.

  "What next?" He was a patient chauffeur, my father.

  "Brunch?" she suggested.

  "Sounds good," I said.

  She clapped her hands and buckled her seatbelt. We were at Betsy's minutes later. It was a small place that most tourists didn't know about, so there was a table available when we got there. She had an amazing brunch menu. I ordered a hot chocolate and the eggs Benedict plate that came with toast, bacon and a muffin. My dad got the fried chicken and waffles, and my mom got the fried egg sandwich on house-made bread with sausage and hash browns.

  After the waitress came back with our drinks, my mom kicked me under the table. I gave her a look with a raised eyebrow. She jerked her chin over my shoulder. I stretched and looked over casually. Four tables over sat Tad, Melissa's boyfriend, sitting with a guy I remembered from PE class. Their hands were entwined on top of the white tablecloth. I met my mom's wide eyes with my own.

  "Oh my God," she whispered.

  "Tad's gay?" I couldn't believe what I had just seen.

  "Who's gay?" my dad asked not so quietly. We both shushed him and my mom gave him the short version of who he was.

  My mom snorted and picked up her coffee. "I do enjoy karma."

  I glanced back at Tad and wondered if this had anything to do with Mel being back from college. I shook off any feeling of sorry for her and turned my attention to the waitress when she brought our food. It was a nice brunch after that. My dad told lame jokes, I got a hot chocolate refill, and my mom went on and on about tree decorating. When we got home, my mom fired up the carols and for the next couple of hours we decorated the tree and house, and my dad lit a huge fire. After dinner, I headed upstairs to unpack. My phone dinged and I tossed socks into my hamper before looking at it.

  'Evening check Ellery twin sighting,' Felix wrote.

  Instead of replying, I called him. He picked up immediately.

  "I wasn't sure if you were busy or not," he said.

  "Just unpacking," I said.

  "How's home life?"

  "It's alright. Lots of Christmas stuff to do. I still need to go buy presents. We got the tree today."

  "Real tree?"

  "Always."

  "I only had fake ones growing up. Pretty sure it was always the same one, too."

  I told him my stance on fake trees and he told me about his last couple of trips into the forest.

  "So Shazo got an interesting call today. One of the girls he met with on a trip months ago changed her mind and wants to come give the job a try."

  "What?" I asked. "Wait, like, replace me?"

  "No, she would be in addition to you," he said. "If you come back, you know."

  The idea of someone else there made me anxious. But being back in my room in Colorado made me feel safe. Much safer than my time out there in the forest. The deadline was coming up fast and I had a big decision to make.

  "I miss you," Felix said quietly.

  "I miss you, too."

  We said our goodbyes and I set my phone down with a sigh. I couldn't decide this tonight. Why did I pick six months? Why didn't I start with three? Why didn't I leave before I fell for Felix?

  THIRTY-THREE

  The next couple of days were spent shopping for presents and hanging out with my parents. When Ellen was back in town, we met at the diner for lunch. I told her what I had seen at brunch with my parents and she almost choked on her burger.

  "I knew it!" she shrieked. "Oh my God, this is amazing. That snooty little bitch that always brags about having her life together has a gay boyfriend and a shitty job. This is the best news I've heard in months."

  "I almost feel bad for her," I started. Ellen leaned across the table and slapped her hand across my mouth.

  "You. Do. Not. You hear me? She made you feel like you could n
ever confide in anyone. That any time you had a bad day or needed to vent, you'd lose those close to you for 'complaining.' She's a world class, grade A bitch, Pippa. I want to go slash her tires and throw eggs at her face every time I hear her name. She's getting what she deserves."

  I took a sip of my coffee once her salty hand was off my face. I'd have to try harder to be happy about her misery.

  "So, what's up with you and Felix?" she asked.

  "I love him," I said with a sigh. "There's definitely something there, but if I don't go back, how can things work out? Long distance relationships seem hard, and he works every single day. When would he have time to come out here for visits?"

  "So you still don't know if you're going back," she stated.

  "Nope. I'm a terrible person. I should've had this decided over a month ago, but I just can't land somewhere. There are so many variables. School, my parents, that forest, the ghosts."

  "But what do you want?"

  "I don't know."

  "Pippa, come on. Stay here and go to community college and live in your parent's house, or live with the guy you're banging, away from all adult supervision and work in a super cool haunted forest using a gift you got after you died for fourteen minutes." She held her hands out like scales and gave me a look.

  "When you put it that way." I looked at her hands and tipped one side higher than the other.

  "Kind of a no brainer, dude," she said.

  "A scary no brainer."

  "That's part of the fun. It's scary and romantic and you have no idea what's going to happen. This is something you'll never get the chance to do again in your life. What else do you want to do? What would you major in, business? English? Get your teaching certificate and teach gross kids at the elementary school? Work at a lodge in Vail? I mean, what?"