Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  For that matter, why hadn’t she left when Gabe first suggested it weeks ago? Because deep down you know—there’s nowhere to hide. A tiger by the tail is better than one lurking in the bushes.

  So the retired prostitute-turned-informant and the dejected pimp wiled away the better part of two days playing Rummy and eating takeout.

  If Harmony noticed Jessie’s detached behavior at the gym, she was nice enough not to mention it. Jessie felt a bit like she was having an out-of-body experience as she struggled to reconcile the tyrant who’d ruled her for so long with the broken man sitting at home waiting to die. As much as she had hated the one, she pitied the other.

  “You free for lunch?” Harmony asked as they wandered back down Cherokee after their workout.

  “Actually, yeah. I could go for some lunch. How about tacos?”

  “I’ll see if Vance can join us.”

  “Sure… hey, I’ll be right back.” Jessie caught a glimpse of Danny walking into the Cherokee Market and jogged to catch up with him.

  “Hey, there’s a girl. How’s your head?” He winked at her.

  “Just fine, thank you,” she made a face at him. “In all seriousness… thanks for everything.”

  Dan waved off her thanks but accepted her quick hug with a smile. She met Harmony at La Vallesana just as Vance appeared from one of the flats down the street. The women waited for him before going in to order.

  It was a good day to sit under the big blue umbrellas eating the most authentic Mexican food the Midwest had to offer. The oppression of summer was a memory and the crisp fall air had yet to arrive, in between stood meteorological perfection.

  Still, sadness tugged at Jessie’s heart. There was a hint of goodbye in the air. She wondered what her friends would do if something happened to Spence, where they would go. Which was a little funny, because she had no real idea what she would do when the moment came… not beyond getting herself to the address written in the front of her book, anyway. It wouldn’t be the first time she found herself on the streets and penniless. She’d find a way to survive now, too.

  She wasn’t surprised to find Spence where she left him on the couch. He stopped vacantly flipping through channels when she walked in.

  “Want to play more Rummy?”

  “Why not?” she grabbed the cards as she kicked off her shoes and curled up in her chair. She had a few hours to kill before she needed to get ready for her date with Gabe.

  She declared a truce at seven to fix them some dinner. Despite their odd little rapport, she didn’t think twice about drugging his share of the food. There was a limit to her magnanimous feelings towards Spence, and it was somewhere on this side of him interfering with her precious time with Gabe.

  Once she had him squared away for the evening, Jessie hurried to her room to dress. She didn’t even try to look nonchalant about her appearance, pulling her favorite outfit out of the closet and tossing it on the bed before jumping in the shower. Twenty minutes to nine, she stood in front of a full-length mirror twisting and turning to gauge every angle. Wispy blond hair framed a baby doll face. A splash of honey colored her skin, thanks to the time she’d spent outside with Gabe the week before. She liked the way the color made her eyes look even bluer.

  The dress was one she seldom wore. It was bought on impulse and had spent many years languishing in her closet. Her life rarely called for long, flowing skirts—even if they were almost translucent. Its halter-style top and fitted waist made her feel girly… pretty. She didn’t bother with shoes. With her luck, they’d only fall off as she scaled the ladder to the roof.

  “Where are you headed?” Jason sat up a little straighter when Jessie emerged from the apartment.

  “For a walk. I’m tired of watching Spence sleep.”

  “It’s not Wednesday. I don’t think I’m supposed to let you leave.”

  “I’m not leaving… I’ll be in the building. Promise.” In, on… what’s the difference? Jessie mentally amended.

  “You look awful pretty to be going for a walk,” he hesitated.

  “Why thank you,” she leaned over and kissed his cheek, choosing to distract rather than answer the question. “See you in a bit.”

  He nodded warily but let her leave. Once she was out of site, her pace quickened. She was early, but maybe he would be too. Time together was too rare of a commodity to waste.

  “You’re early,” his velvet voice greeted her the moment she stepped onto the roof. “And you’re ravishing.”

  Jessie answered by launching herself at him. He caught her with a chuckle before claiming her mouth with a hunger that rivaled her own. His fingers wove through her hair, his hands cupping her head. She wanted to touch and taste and feel all of him.

  “We should talk,” he reluctantly ended the kiss and rested his forehead on hers.

  Her heart seemed to stop beating as she waited for what came next; the tone of his voice terrified her.

  “Jessie, I’m leaving.”

  The words hung in the air between them. Her pulse now pounded ferociously in her ears.

  “Leaving to go where?” She took a step back.

  “Afghanistan. I’ve been called up.”

  She took a few steadying breaths while her mind raced. “When?”

  “I leave in the morning.”

  “No!” Pain and rage flowed through her and poured themselves into that one word. “No.”

  “Trust me; I’ve tried everything I can think of to postpone this until after the case. They’ve done it before; I don’t know why they didn’t this time.”

  “Is it because of me? Did someone find out about us?”

  “I doubt it. I think Uncle Sam is just getting desperate for numbers.”

  There were a thousand questions Jessie wanted to ask. Only one surfaced. “What does that mean for us?”

  “I’m doing everything I can to make sure you’re taken care of... can’t say I trust Brunner to look out for you,” he snarled.

  “That’s not what I meant—I can take care of myself.”

  “Are we really back at this again?”

  “I’m sorry if I happen to be more worried about you being target practice for some zealot halfway across the world and yes, I know it’s selfish, but I’m going to miss you. This past week has been hell,” her gestures became more agitated as she spoke. “And now you’re going away for God knows how long. I mean, these wars are never going to end. Tell them I don’t want you to go.”

  “That doesn’t sound very patriotic,” he gathered her in his arms. “I’m going to miss you too, you know.”

  “Will I even hear from you while you’re gone?”

  “I’ve taken care of that,” he pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. “I will call you every chance I get—at least once a week. I will find you when I get back.”

  “You did promise me everything would be alright,” she reminded him.

  “That I did… have I mentioned how amazing you look tonight?”

  “Are you trying to flatter your way out of trouble?”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “You should have told me sooner.”

  “In retrospect, yeah, I really should have. I think I’d convinced myself Carter would be able to put it off again.”

  “You had to at least suspect he couldn’t or you wouldn’t have sent me the key.”

  “I sent you the key because I can’t watch you every second of the day even when I’m in St. Louis.”

  “Can I see you off tomorrow?”

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Now that you’re living with Spence, you’re being watched as closely as he is.”

  “He knows he’s in trouble,” her mind changed tracks.

  “That doesn’t surprise me,” he answered wryly as he led her to a cushioned chaise lounge someone had set up. He sat down and pulled her onto his lap, where she gladly curled up.

  “It’s been an odd few days,” she frowned, unsure how to explain it.

>   “Has he hurt you?” Gabe tensed.

  “No, quite the opposite actually. He’s being very… human.”

  “Oh. Huh. That’s good, I guess.”

  “You guess? I have to say I much prefer it. Although now I’m wrestling with guilt.”

  “Guilt? Really? Do you not remember the bruises he gave you?” Gabe’s irritation was evident.

  “Yes I remember the bruises,” she spat the words out. “You know what? This is not the way I want to spend our last night together.”

  “Don’t try to change the subject.”

  “Why not? This one is stupid.”

  “Stupid? Or just uncomfortable?”

  “You suck, you know that? You big, fat jerk,” Jessie scrambled off his lap.

  “Why? Because I don’t like the thought of you feeling sorry for the man who has abused you for 14 years?”

  “Excuse the hell out of me for having a heart,” she snarled.

  “I have a heart.”

  “Sure you do, and a whore walked all over it so now you’re taking that out on me. Is that why you chased me? Was I a whore you could get back at?”

  “You’re not a whore!”

  “You’re right, I am retired now.”

  “Stop it,” he growled.

  “No, you brought this up. I said I felt sorry for someone and now suddenly you’re worried I’ll be giving him freebies while you’re gone… that’s it, right?”

  “Stop it,” he grabbed her by the arms, causing her eyes to snap with fire.

  “Or what?” she dared him.

  “Damn it, Jessie. When will you get it through your thick skull that I love you so much it makes me stupid?”

  The retort died in her throat. His eyes were anguished and she knew her lash out had hurt him. She sighed heavily. “I don’t know why you make me so crazy.”

  A slow smile crossed his face as he lowered his head to brush her lips with his own. The kiss turned slow and torturous. It brought with it a smoldering fire that wound its way through her. She arched into him, a whimper escaping her throat. Something about the sound snapped his restraint. His passion unleashed hers and she greedily sought more of him. Always more of him.

  It was dizzying. It was delicious. She couldn’t help but cry as he held her to his chest, stroking her back as they lay on the oversized lounge, their skin warmed by the others’ touch and cooled by the breeze that danced about them.

  She wanted to proclaim that she’d love him as long as there was breath in her body but didn’t know how to without sounding like a fool. How did she even know it was love? She had no point of reference. There was nothing in her past to indicate she was even capable of loving. Not that long ago Harmony had to tell her what a crush felt like.

  “A twenty for your thoughts.”

  “The price has gone up that much, huh?”

  “I figured I had to compete with other sources of revenue.”

  “You are such a jerk. And I make way more than that. Made, actually.”

  “You haven’t answered the question.”

  “Nothing to say. My brain was completely empty just then.”

  “That can’t be true. I bet you were at least thinking about what a great lover I am.”

  “Wow. If the cop/soldier gigs don’t work out, you really should consider being a psychic. Truly astounding.”

  “Aw, now you’re just being hateful.”

  “Yeah, I am,” she smiled, tracing lazy circles up and down his side. “I’m being hateful because I don’t want you to leave.”

  “I don’t want to go, either. But I’ll be back before you know it.”

  She wished she could believe him.

  Chapter Twelve

  Mother Nature was kind enough to cater to Jessie’s mood the next morning. A gray, cold drizzle had settled over the city. She went through the motions of making Spence’s breakfast and listening to his random thoughts on life as they played another round of Rummy.

  The drizzle turned into a steady rain and Jessie excused herself to go lie down. She noticed a flashing red light on the cell phone when she pulled her book out of the drawer by her bed. Tears burned her eyes as she listened to the message from Gabe three times before grudgingly erasing it. She didn’t want someone stumbling across his assurances that all would be well or his reminder that he loved her.

  She curled up with the phone, letting the rain and the memories lull her to sleep. Her subconscious was given room to play, and in her dreams Gabe’s rich laughter still rumbled. His voice stroked her weary spirit. His hands were there to comfort and arouse.

  Commotion erupted in the loft, causing Jessie to shoot up from the bed. Vance burst into her room, his expression dire.

  “What did you do?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she struggled to clear her head of the nap-induced fog.

  “Coleman was arrested today; three girls were removed from his property. The warehouse was raided. Aleksandar is on the warpath. He thinks he has a mole.”

  “And the first place he’s looking is at the guy that was skimming cash? Does he really think Spence is that stupid?”

  “Oh he doesn’t think Spence is the mole—he thinks Spence is the one dumb enough to let a pretty woman get the best of him.”

  “Oh,” she absorbed that information. “You should leave. Distance yourself from me.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. There’s no time even if I wanted to—I’m surprised I beat them here.”

  “What did you think would happen?” She held his eyes for a moment. “Spence was dead anyway. Don’t put this at my feet.”

  “What’s at your feet?” Spence leaned heavily against her doorframe.

  “Aleksandar’s boys are on their way over. They think Jessie is working with the cops,” Vance answered.

  “Are you?” Spence’s voice was low and calm.

  Jessie instinctively put the bed in between them as her gaze met his.

  “I see,” he took a deep breath. “I really should have seen that one coming.”

  “What you’re doing isn’t right. Those girls… they aren’t property. They’re people.”

  “No, they’re Aleksandar’s property. Just like you’re my property.”

  “You’ve been so close to human this week, I almost forgot,” her jaw jutted defiantly.

  “Where is he?” Vance interrupted, demanding Jessie’s attention. “Does he have a way to extract you?”

  “He’s in Afghanistan… well, on his way.”

  Vance muttered a terse expletive under his breath. “So he let you do his dirty work and left you to face the fallout?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Who’s he?” Spence frowned.

  “What is it like?” Vance demanded. “How the hell am I supposed to get you out of here?”

  “I’ll get myself out.”

  “You did this for some guy?” Color flooded Spence’s face and he trembled with rage. He made a lunge for Jessie, falling short of his goal. The phone clattered to the floor as he landed on the bed. His attention turned from Jessie to the cell. “This is from him, isn’t it?”

  She made a grab for it but he beat her there, shoving her away as he scooped up the prize.

  “Give that to me,” she held her hand out, wishing it didn’t tremble as she did so.

  “Maybe you’re right—I don’t know you. I underestimated how cold you could be.”

  “Or how far you could push me,” she refused to back down. “I don’t belong to you Spence. I don’t belong to any man.”

  With a wounded howl of rage, Spence hurled the phone with all of the force he could muster. It exploded against the wall as the front door burst open. Aleksandar strode through the door, a grim smile spreading across his face when his one good eye landed on Jessie. With a nod, the three of them were surrounded and escorted to the SUV waiting in front of the building.

  “I knew you were trouble. I told myself that when I first saw you on Spence’s
arm—you know that?” Aleksandar never took his eyes off of Jessie. “I considered keeping you after Spence was dispensed of.”

  “What’s the saying about borrowing trouble?” Jessie arched an eyebrow.

  “The fiery ones are the most fun to break.”

  “Get a saddle out and I will feed you your own…”

  “Jessie…” Vance cut her off.

  “Sadly, we won’t get to see how that would have worked out—it sounds fun, really. But if I let you live after today, well then I’ve just sent the message that I’m weak. I can’t let people think that, can I?”

  “It’s worth a shot,” Jessie shrugged. Spence stared at her as if she’d grown a second head. Vance now seemed resigned to the fact that Jessie’s mouth was sealing their fate.

  “You would have been fun,” he stroked her cheek with one long finger.

  “Still could be,” Jessie offered in her most sultry voice.

  “Valiant attempt, Jessie, but I don’t think so,” his attention turned to Vance for the first time. “Now, to be honest, I’m still figuring you out.”

  “How so?”

  “I can’t decide if you would be an asset or as much trouble as the girl.”

  Vance’s expression remained impassive.

  “If you don’t mind waiting until I’ve tended to these two, I’d like to speak with you before making a decision.”

  “Take all the time you need,” he replied calmly.

  “Good to know I surrounded myself with such loyalty,” Spence pouted.

  “This from the man who was cheating me?” Aleksandar observed. “I took a chance on you because I was assured of your talents. I see now that was a mistake.”

  Spence stared out the window, watching the raindrops snake trails across the glass. Jessie watched the city she loved pass by and felt strangely hollow. She expected to feel fear or sadness as the SUV crossed the bridge into Illinois and headed north. Instead, there was a piece of her that felt almost relieved the battle was over. She was so very tired.