Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  All in all, it was the best birthday party Jessie could have asked for and she spent most of the afternoon laughing.

  “You guys did not have to get me gifts; this party is more than enough,” she protested when they started handing prettily-wrapped packages her way.

  “Nonsense,” Beth smiled “It’s just a little something.”

  That little something turned out to be everything from a towel set to knick-knacks to baby furniture. Jessie was flushed with gratitude by the time the pile was opened.

  “Thank you,” she hugged a sheepish Milo by the neck.

  “Hey Ma, the phone’s for you,” Beth called.

  “Take a message,” he scowled.

  “I think you’ll want to take this one,” her smile was a knowing one.

  The entire diner seemed to pick up on Beth’s tone and a hush fell over the previously boisterous crowd.

  It was hard for Jessie to hear what Milo was saying, but he was nodding and there were tears in his eyes. When he hung up the phone he turned to the crowd, a grin unlike any other across his face.

  “He’s alive. My boy’s alive. He’ll be home by next week.”

  The crowd converged on Milo, but Jessie could only sink into the nearest chair. From the bubbles of conversation floating around her, she gathered that Milo’s son had been badly burned and had suffered multiple broken bones, but was in fact alive and on his way home.

  “I’m so happy for you,” Jessie managed that much before retreating to the safety of the Plymouth. She held back the tears until she was home, curled up in bed with Gabe’s hat. Then she sobbed for all of the brutal unfairness in the world.

  Later that night, she stood on her front porch wrapped in Gabe’s sweater and staring at the most beautiful stars she’d ever seen.

  “What did I do to piss you off so bad?” she murmured at the heavens. “Tell me and I’ll fix it.”

  The stars twinkled merrily in response.

  “Are you even up there? If so… consider this my formal complaint being lodged.” The stars didn’t answer and her nose was going numb. Deflated and broken, Jessie went to bed.

  After a morning of aimlessly puttering around her apartment, she was too annoyed with herself to muddle through the afternoon in the same way so she bundled up and got in the Plymouth, headed anywhere but there. She filled up her tank on the way out of town and just drove.

  At some point, the scenery became familiar and she knew she was close to their cave. Acting on instinct, she found herself bumping along a welcome gravel road. She parked the car in front of the log cabin and got out hesitantly.

  “Hello?”

  Silence was her only answer. She called out again before deciding she was most likely alone. The cave was securely locked and she wasn’t about to get arrested for breaking in. She didn’t even try the door to the cabin, contenting herself to settle in on the front porch swing.

  The crisp air and gentle rustling of the woods soothed her troubled spirit. She let her mind wander. Had Jesse James done anything with the second chance he’d been given? Had he done good in this world once his slate was clean?

  As she soaked in her surroundings, the pieces began to fall together. And then, with startling clarity, she knew what she must do with her own clean slate. The how escaped her, but knowing the what was enough to fill her with a new sense of hope.

  She wrapped her arms around herself and walked back to the Plymouth, thinking it was sad to see such a beautiful place sit empty and alone. She wondered what happened for it to be abandoned.

  All through the evening, she went through the motions of a typical day, but her mind was abuzz with the possibilities of her newfound purpose. The next day she arrived at work early, eager to talk to Milo. Maybe he’d have some ideas.

  She could tell he was worried about her, and it took several reassurances for him to stop asking if she was okay. It was almost as if he felt guilty for leaving her to mourn alone. Eventually, he seemed confident enough of her mental stability that he let himself be excited about his son’s return.

  A dreary drizzle of snow had settled in, which made for a slow afternoon at the diner. She was making them lunch, implementing the skills learned in her recent cooking lessons, when she broached the subject on her mind with Milo.

  “So, I’ve been thinking about what to do… now… next.”

  “Other than have a healthy baby and learn to be a short order cook, you mean?”

  “Yeah. Besides that.”

  “Okay…”

  “I want to help the throwaway kids out there.”

  “All of them?”

  “As many as I can,” she answered. “Hey, do you want brown or white gravy on your mashed potatoes?”

  “Brown. So how do you plan to do this, exactly?”

  “Not sure. I’m thinking I want to set up sort of a halfway house for kids coming out of the foster system. A place to stay while they get their feet under them, mentors to show them how to do it.”

  “Doesn’t the state have that kind of stuff already?” he accepted the plate Jessie handed him through the kitchen window. “Wow that looks amazing.”

  “Thanks,” she blushed. “And no, they don’t. They send kids packing on their 18th birthday with nothing and nowhere to go… at least, they used to. I doubt that’s changed.”

  “You seem to have some firsthand knowledge,” Milo regarded her.

  “A bit,” she blushed deeper as she wiped her hands on her apron. “Do you want a dinner roll?”

  “Sure.”

  Jessie passed the dinner roll and her own plate through the window before coming around to the counter to get herself a glass of milk.

  “Jessie my girl, you are shaping up to be a fine cook. This looks delicious.”

  “Thanks,” Jessie beamed at him. The bell on the front door merrily jingled as she rounded the corner and she tried not to groan. A customer meant her efforts would be cold by the time she could enjoy them. She looked up and her smile vanished. The blood drained from her face. He looked as surprised as she, but recovered more quickly and strode to cover the distance between them as she hit the floor in a dead faint.

  Chapter Fifteen

  When her eyes fluttered open, she wondered if she’d been transported into some sort of a dream. If it hadn’t been for the steady throb in the back of her head, she’d have been certain of it.

  How else could she now be cradled in Gabe’s arms, his anxious face only inches from hers? What other explanation could there be for the hand that cupped her face or the thumb that stroked her cheek?

  Unable to speak, Jessie reached her fingers up to touch his face, fully expecting them to go right through a mirage. Only they didn’t, and the face was different. Still beautiful, but hardened by a network of scars working their way down the right side from his temple to his neck. His warm chocolate eyes seemed so worried—about her. Didn’t he know he was the one that was dead?

  “Jessie, Jessie,” Milo’s face appeared above Gabe’s. “Are you okay? Do you think the baby’s okay?”

  “Baby?” Gabe choked on the word, his eyes flying from hers to her stomach and back again.

  Suddenly, somehow, the spell between them was broken. He straightened, his body language altogether changing.

  “Can you stand?” Milo was reaching for her as Gabe was almost shoving her off of him.

  “I’m fine, I’m fine. Just a little embarrassed,” she flushed and batted away their hands once she was on her feet. She looked expectantly at Gabe, but his face was cold. “You know what, though, maybe I should go home and lie down. Just to be safe. I’m so sorry Milo.”

  “No, it’s my fault. I’ve been working you too hard. Gabe, drive Jessie home. I don’t want her trying to go herself.”

  “Are you sure?” he seemed hesitant to leave.

  “Of course, we’ve got plenty of time to catch up. Come on back when you get her settled,” Milo insisted before hugging Gabe in the most impulsive action Jessie’d ever seen from
him. “Praise God for second chances; we can talk when you get back son.”

  The truth crashed over Jessie at once and she felt so stupid for not seeing it sooner. Ma—Milo Adams. No wonder she liked him so much; he was Gabe’s father.

  “I’ll call you later,” she promised as she kissed Milo’s cheek on the way out the back door.

  “Where am I taking you?”

  “The apartments on 8th,” Jessie wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. Why was he being so distant? Why wasn’t this a good reunion? “What did I miss here?”

  “I doubt you miss much,” he slammed the door to the Plymouth.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Is he going to be there?”

  “He who?”

  “That’s rich. How long after I was gone before you two started procreating? Did you even wait that long?”

  “Shut up—you bastard,” she spat the words, furious at the tears that sprang to her eyes. Stupid hormones.

  “I guess I know why you never returned my calls. I didn’t want to believe it when they said the two of you ran off together.”

  “Who’s they? Who did I run off with? Wait… you think this is Spence’s baby? That he’s here?” It dawned on Jessie where his mind had gone. She closed her eyes in a bid for patience.

  “Tell me he’s not,” Gabe’s voice was hard. He put the car into park and turned to face her.

  “If I have to tell you—if there is a doubt in your mind—then you don’t deserve me and you damn sure don’t deserve this baby,” with that, she got out and marched to her apartment, only to realize that he still had her keys. She turned to get them and bumped into a solid wall of chest.

  “The baby’s mine?” his voice was broken.

  “Give me my keys, you big fat jerk.”

  “I love you, too,” his forehead came to rest on hers.

  “Get off of me,” she shoved at him, wishing she wouldn’t start crying so easily. She snatched her keys from his hand and turned to unlock her door, but his arms were around her, pulling her back before she could even get the key out of the lock.

  “No, Jessie, I went completely out of my mind when I went to find you and you were gone. Everyone said you took off with Spence. You hadn’t answered any of my calls. Please, listen to me.”

  “No. See, from my point of view, you left me for dead. I barely got away alive and then spent months mourning you because some stupid website told me you were gone forever. I’ve been scared and alone and you don’t get to be mean to me now Gabriel McAlister Adams,” her voice rose steadily as she spoke.

  He answered her with a kiss. It was more than hungry; it was filled with months’ worth of fear and uncertainty and longing. It was a thousand I’m sorrys and ten thousand I love yous. They stumbled back through the door together, barely kicking it closed before the clothes started falling.

  She wanted to devour him, each and every inch of him. Jessie lost track of the kisses and caresses and all sense of time; she needed to rememorize the curve of every muscle. She hadn’t done a good enough job of that before. She’d taken him for granted and the memories had faded too quickly. Now they flared back to life, fueled by the heat of his presence.

  She closed her eyes and wept freely as he trailed feathery kisses along her neck, his hands running along the bends of her body.

  And when they moved together, it was in perfect concert. He gathered her in his arms and held her close. Jessie wrapped her legs around him, sure she could never be close enough. How she loved this man.

  They were still wrapped in each others’ arms when the phone started ringing.

  “Bet that’s Milo,” Jessie reached for the offending sound.

  “I’ll talk to him. Oh he’s going to be pissed at me.”

  “Then let me talk to him. He likes me.”

  “Very funny, thanks,” Gabe made a face at her as he answered the phone.

  Jessie couldn’t help but feel bad for Gabe as she listened to a very different conversation than the kind she had with Milo. It was obvious that once Milo was assured that Jessie was indeed fine, he wasn’t too happy with his son for not adequately answering his questions.

  “We should probably get dressed,” Gabe sighed when he hung up the phone. “He’s coming over.”

  Jessie let out a shriek and moved as quickly as her new bulk would allow her to. It wasn’t a long trip from the diner.

  “That’s my sweater,” he seemed pleased by the fact that she’d donned something of his.

  “It is,” she smiled and ruffled his hair before moving to brush her own.

  “I like the dark blonde.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Is the baby a girl or a boy?” he ran his fingers through his own hair before bending over to place his hands on her stomach.

  “I don’t know yet,” she smacked his hands away. “And you need to put clothes on.”

  She darted to the living room to start rounding clothes up from the floor, tossing them into the bedroom.

  “Dang it, where’s my bra?”

  “Not sure,” he shrugged and gave her a rakish grin. “I was a little preoccupied at the time.”

  “That helps,” she scowled at him.

  “Well it’s the truth.”

  “How are you not dressed yet?” she put her hands on her hips and regarded him with exasperation. Although, she had to grudgingly admit that she liked the way he looked in jeans and nothing else. She licked her lips unconsciously and he playfully arched an eyebrow.

  “Think we can fit another round in?”

  “You’re such a jerk.”

  “You were the one looking at me like I’m lunch.”

  “I never did get lunch because of you,” her mind switched gears. “And put a shirt on.”

  A knock at the door silenced his reply, and served as incentive for him to finally slide a white t-shirt on if nothing else. Jessie smirked before opening the door to a frowning Milo.

  “What aren’t you two telling me?”

  “Milo…meet your grandchild,” she took his hand and put it on her stomach. The look on his face made Gabe laugh before he could catch himself. He quickly sobered at the new look on Milo’s face.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he looked at Jessie with wounded eyes.

  “I didn’t know. Not until Gabe walked into your diner. Then it fell into place.”

  “Gabe?” Milo looked to his son.

  “Why don’t you come in, Dad?”

  “Oh, and you guys left these outside,” Milo pulled the keys out of the doorknob and held them up.

  “Thanks,” Jessie sheepishly reclaimed them, noticing her bra on the Santa statue’s head after she closed the door behind Milo.

  “Why didn’t you two say something at the diner?” he persisted.

  “It was a lot to process at once,” Gabe began, breaking off when he noticed Jessie trying to position herself between Milo and the bra. He pressed his lips together and swallowed the laughter before continuing. “I left for the war before Jessie even knew about the baby.”

  “This still doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t you call her when you did me?”

  “I tried,” he paused, considering his next words. “We’d lost touch.”

  “Lost touch? You’re not married?”

  “Not for his lack of trying,” Jessie assured Milo, if for no other reason than to get Gabe out of hot water. “Now why don’t you two go see what you can find me for lunch? I need to lie on the couch for a bit.”

  Jessie grabbed the bra and stuffed it behind the couch as soon as Milo was in the kitchen.

  “You have no good groceries. You’d starve if it wasn’t for me, you know that young lady?”

  “Then it’s good I have you,” she retorted. “And I do okay. There’s decent fast food here for such a small town.”

  “Fast food. Humph. That’s so bad for you.”

  “But I hate to cook.”

  “You’re a good cook.”

  “That�
��s different. I don’t exactly have the same setup here.”

  “I have stepped into the Twilight Zone, haven’t I?” Gabe looked from one to the other, reaching for Jessie as she joined the men in the kitchen.

  “You should go lay down,” Milo ordered.

  “But I don’t want to let her go,” Gabe argued. “I thought I’d lost her forever.”

  Milo stopped rooting for food to study the pair. A small smile tugged at his mouth.

  “I don’t think I want to know the whole story. I like seeing you in love, Gabe. It suits you.”

  “I don’t think I can tell you the whole story, Milo. But I was living a life you wouldn’t approve of when Gabe found me. I was a prisoner in a world most don’t understand,” she snuggled deeper into Gabe’s embrace, hugging his arms to her as she did. “But Gabe saved me. And I saved him. And together we saved a whole lot of innocent girls from the same prison. And now I’m dead to that world—I live here.”

  Milo nodded. Silence hung in the air for a moment before he took a deep breath. “I’m going to the diner to make us some food. Try not to lose any more women’s undergarments before I get back.”

  “I make no promises,” Gabe chuckled. Jessie elbowed him in the ribs.

  “I got your message after you left,” Jessie told him once they were alone. “I listened to it three times before curling up with the phone and dreaming of you.”

  The look on Gabe’s face said he needed to hear that. Doubt had plagued him when she didn’t answer the phone. He tugged her back to the bedroom, this time to spread out on top of the bed in a lazy embrace while they talked.

  “Vance woke me up that day. Said the raid had gone down already and that Aleksander was coming for me. Spence found the phone and broke it… we were fighting when the men came. They loaded us into an SUV and drove us to a boat ramp north of St. Louis—in Illinois.”

  “Wait a second… the raid wasn’t supposed to happen for two more days. They were supposed to extract you first.”