by welcome
justifying her fears, the child turns out to be ungainly? Though her husband may turn a
blind eye, won"t that compromise her with others? As she herself said, had she been my
wife it would have been a different matter. Why, we met rather late for that, have we not? It
won"t be long before I take a wife, and what if, as feared, my children were to be born
ugly?"
What with that very thought repulsing him, he ceased to think about it. But, as his habit
took over, soon he resumed his soliloquy in melancholy.
„Why then it would be the same old story of misery to my progeny and me, not to speak
of my wife," he began to think. „And burdened, I shall live with guilt for the rest of my life.
No, I shan"t allow that to happen. No way. What about being unmarried? Well, it"s not
always that some Prathima would find her way into my life. Why won"t I get fed up being
single sooner than later like my sister? Well, won't I need a relationship that only a wife can
provide? I need a wife, yes, but children, no. Is it in any way possible that I can have the
cake and eat it too?"
And contemplating on this, he racked his brains all night and hit upon a brainwave at
length.
„What if I opt for pre-nuptial vasectomy?" he thought in relief. „Can"t I manage that
though the law prohibits it? What can"t be done with money and manipulation in this
world?"
As his thoughts turned to his bride-to-be, his conscience was seized by his qualms.
„Oh, it won"t be fair to her," he thought. „Any woman would want to be a mother, is it
not so? What"s worse, being barren for no fault of hers, she might even feel inadequate all
her life. And won"t that make it worse for me morally speaking? And if ever the cat were to
be out of the bag, it would be hard on our relationship too. No welcome prospect, either
way. That"s not workable anyway, so I"m back to square one. Well, let me think about that
when it"s time to cross the bridge."
The realization that even ingenuity cannot find ways to impact certain facts of life made
him morose. Affected as he was, he turned lukewarm to Prathima"s charms, though she
warmed up to him by going out of her way in every way. When he finally ceased meeting
her altogether, she felt sad for both of them.
„Can"t I understand his hurt?" she reasoned. „He too should"ve appreciated my situation.
Oh, how the best of relationships skate but on thin ice. But was it not a satisfied life with
him as along as it lasted? Now let me get on with my life as he would be getting on with
his."
While she had to put her pimp back into circulation for solicitations, Chandra continued
to remain embittered. Soon, however, to console himself in solitude, in the evenings, he
began frequenting the Public Garden. Even as the ambience of the place brought back the
post-Kamathipura equanimity to his harassed soul, wading through the sprawling park to
abandon himself to hope became his pastime. However, as though to aid his solitude, he
spotted a secluded spot, and in that nook that he began to nurse his hope of his future wife.
But, fed up by her son"s prevarication over the wedding proposals, one day Anasuya
threatened to fix one on her own. Then, Chandra could see the writing on the wall and so
he ran to his favorite spot as if for cover. There he began applying his mind to arrive at the
final solution.
„What sort of a wife could I possibly get?" he thought. „Given my appearance, it"s hard
to get a beauty. And going by my inclinations, some plain woman wouldn"t go well either.
What a Gordian knot for my nuptial knot!"
But, when he saw a commonplace character with an uncommonly beautiful woman
peep over the shrubs, he felt as though he had a revelation. „So, it"s not as if all the pretty
women get tied up only with handsome guys," he reasoned. „It seems the impulses of the
heart have to play second fiddle to the realities of life at times. It appears that in the shadow
of fate, life makes a conundrum of confusion as well as contradiction."
„Were I to land up in a pretty lap, what could possibly come out of it?" he tried to
picture his future as he had seen rays of hope for his married life. „Won"t I lap up her
beauty greedily? Oh, I would for sure, but what about her? Being laid blaming her fate, she
might as well nurse remorse for me, wouldn"t she? Who knows, she might curse herself for
having to live with me. But probably, she too would reconcile herself to her destiny and to
me as well. It seems that if only a man is lucky to marry a woman of his liking, nature
would mould her to be glued to him. Force of habit and the bondage of offspring would
only cement the relationship further. Won"t it seem marriage boils down to mere chance?"
As the theory of hope excited him, so the theorem of apprehension pulled him down.
„But in my case, even if chance induces its dice to show up its full face," he began to
think, „for all that, my vas could still play the spoilsport. Why not I neutralize its potential
for mischief before all else? Oh, it"s like cheating my vas before it could cheat me! As for my
bride, what if she herself is infertile? Who ever knew the proclivities of fate! Isn"t it the final
solution?"
Shortly thereafter Chandra rested for a week to get over his „weariness".
Naivety of Love
That evening as Chandra ventured into the Public Garden, he found his bearings back in
the moorings. When he reached his cherished nook, he spotted a girl seated there, with her
back to him and with her head buried in her knees. Though his decency demanded retreat,
goaded by her appeal in that posture, he tiptoed up to her. Realizing that she was lost in
her thoughts to take note of him, he went nearer to her to gauge her visage but couldn't
espy her face as she failed to react to his trespass. However, from that nearness, as the
contours of her waist confirmed her teenage and even as her skin began to merge with the
color of the setting sun, he stood rooted ogling at her charming back. But when the sun was
all set to envelope her slim frame in his shadow, he lounged on the lawn to escape her
attention. As though fearing oblivion, and to register their presence for the last time in the
day, the nearby bushes began casting their long shadows on the glistening lawn. And that
made Chandra eager to get the full measure of her persona before the darkness devoured
the vestiges of the vanishing light.
While she got up in grace, as if compelled by his urge, having come out of his trance,
he was awestruck by her face. But as her figure too vied for his attention, he felt ennobled
by the embodiment of her poise. When she skimmed her sari at her navel and then like a
ballerina, she bent at her knees to let the fall of her sari kiss the ground beneath her feet, he
ogled her in disbelief. Unknown to her, as he watched her enthralled, she half raised her
heels to tuck it under. Seeing her straighten herself to outstretch the fall over her heels, he
felt she might be intending to erase her footprints off the ground she would be treading. As
she slipped her lithe feet into her velvet slippers, even as his enamored eyes continued to
court the contours of her curves, the languid moon seemed all too eager to have a glimpse
of her resplendence.
When she bent
to pick up her purse, Chandra"s eyes, which had by then grasped the
form of her frame, began grappling with the appeal of her seat. When she straightened
herself, he got up impulsively, as though to pay obeisance to her angelic self and even
though he watched her thereafter, lost to himself, startled by his presence, she stared at him
in bewilderment and bowed her head in embarrassment. However, recovering herself
readily, she passed by him hurriedly, but crossing the ridge, she turned her head, as though
in disbelief. And finding his eyes glued on her, she increased her pace to avoid his stare but
soon, sensing that he wasn"t following her, she felt easy. But as his thoughts chased her all
the same, she became uneasy and hastened to the exit. It was thus into the twilight, she
slipped out of Chandra"s sight that evening.
„An angel if there is on," Chandra thought as if he woke up from a dream. „Oh, what
feminine aura she has! And how sexy she looks! Her fulsome seat is so enticing, isn"t it?
What a gait even in shock! Sadly, she is gloomy. It"s clear she"s perturbed! Why, was she
jilted? But would anyone lose such a woman? Well, who knows! What if I woo and win
her?"
The impulse that the prospect created propelled him to follow her. But, Nithya, that's
her name, reached the gate well before he could step out of that nook. Frantically looking
for an auto, she got into the first one she came across. As the vehicle sped past, she
recounted her brush with danger in slow motion.
„How did I fail to notice him all along?" she kept wondering. „What easy prey I was in
that secluded spot. Oh, what a lucky escape it was! And isn"t he a little odd?"
She was horrified at the prospect of her violation compounded by his ungainly looks.
„Anyway, what have looks got to do with one"s nature?" she thought in time as she
grappled with her situation. „Who knows, he could be a decent man."
Though, she felt relieved thus, she went home still bogged down by her own
predicament. But Chandra, who nearly ran up to the gate, not finding her there, cursed
himself for his slow response.
Beauty benumbs man before it grips him in passion.
„What a miss," he thought, as he headed towards his parked Vespa, „and surely she"s a
Miss. Why was she so panicky! Did my looks made her scary? Whatever, she overreacted,
that"s for sure. Who knows what"s ailing her? Maybe, she"s up against some unwelcome
alliance. Oh, if only I could have been a welcome alternative! Yet, I can help her as a friend.
But how would she ever know about it? Even if she does, would she care! Will I come to see
her again? I must see her again, if only to cement her image in my memory. Won"t I cherish
her memory all my life though vaguely, so what?"
The masticating thought of Nithya kept Chandra awake long into that night. But, as he
set out to fill his marital canvas with her colorful form, sleep cajoled him in her lap.
However, as if to have a preview of her picture in the privacy of the night, he woke up
before the day broke. And as the longing she induced in him nagged him all day long, by
four in the evening, he began keeping vigil at the gates of the Public Garden. But, when it
was five, anticipating her imminent arrival and for the fear of embarrassing her, he left for
the nearby Gopi Hotel for a cup of coffee. Coming out, he chain-smoked Berkeley before he
finally set out to the park in hope. But once in, he went to the nook in premonition and
waited in anticipation.
Nithya, having reached the place, shortly thereafter, headed towards the nook, but as
the recollection of the previous day's encounter turned her green, she headed to the other
end of the park.
Thus, waiting in hope and ending up in vain, Chandra went home dejected. As her
beauty haunted him that night as well, rolling in his bed, he had a horrid time.
“What"s wrong with you?” Anasuya enquired, seeing his appetite suffer at the breakfast
table.
“Don"t nag me, mom,” he said, forcing a smile.
“Get married then,” she said, tapping him affectionately.
“Why, for my wife to take over?” he smiled wearily.
“Won"t that sound music to your ears?” she said in jest.
“Let"s see.”
As Nithya didn"t come near the nook that day too, Chandra lost all hope and turned
morose.
„Maybe, she won"t come again," he thought in dejection. „She could"ve made up with her
lover or married at her father"s bidding, or whatever. What a miss it was nevertheless.
What a rare specimen of a woman! Possibly there could be none like her ever. Had I
followed her forthwith, perhaps, I would"ve stayed her course."
Looking at the litter of Berkeley butts he threw around, he lit another pensively. But, as
his regret turned into remorse, he couldn"t stay there any longer. Checking the time with
his Favre Leuba, he realized it was five-thirty.
„Why not a movie?" he thought, and headed towards the gate for his Vespa.
„Oh, God," he thought seeing people trickling in droves, „how come the vastness of the
park turned into a mere nook in my mindset? Well, that"s all about habit, isn"t it? After all,
couldn"t she be anywhere here?"
Spurred on by hope, bush by bush, he went about scanning the garden. Tracing her at
last, he felt elated though he was weary by then. As he got behind a bush to have a closer
look at her, he sensed that she was crying and that agonized him no end.
„If only I could help her," he felt, as a strange sense of solidarity gripped his soul. And as
she struggled to compose herself, he kept staring at her with empathy.
When it was dusk, she got up to go and he avoided her view. Though he shadowed her
till the gate, he curbed his instinct to follow her.
„If I loiter around her place," he thought, „she"s sure to take me for a roadside Romeo.
That"s not the way to go about it. Let me try and befriend her, and then I can think how to
win her over. As she"s bound to come again, I shall come up with a suitable gambit. That"s
the only way to give myself a chance."
Riding back home on his Vespa, he dreamt of a smooth ride ahead. Yet, he burnt a lot of
midnight oil that night planning his moves to checkmate the queen of his heart in the
square of his love. When, he thought he conceived the winning move, that only made him
even more determined to win her. Next day, after an early lunch, he had a siesta to appear
fresh. Donning his best attire, he reached the park in an auto, fearing a ride on the Vespa
would make it worse for his hair.
Waiting for her near the entrance, all the while he chain-smoked Berkeley in nervous
puffs. At last, sighting her, as he memorized his lines, he tried to steel his resolve as well.
But, fumbling at the post, he failed to make the well-rehearsed move. Oblivious to his
presence as she passed him by, he stood there benumbed. However, he recovered soon
enough, and made bold to pace up to her.
“Excuse me please,” he said tentatively.
Turning around reflexively, Nithya looked at him instinctively. And having recognized
him readily, she walked away disinterestedly.
“Hear me,” he summoned up courage to sound bold, “please!”
Goaded by courtesy, she stopped in her tracks.
“I"ve something to
tell you,” he blurted out.
“I"m not interested,” she sounded dismissive.
“Please,” he said bringing all his anxiety onto his face.
His love had ensured that she was unable to move away. It was as if she was tied by the
sincerity of his love.
“I"m sorry,” he said in the same vein.
“What for?” she said in spite of herself.
“Am I not the cause of your inconvenience?”
“I don"t get you,” she said a little puzzled.
“Haven"t I driven you from that nook?” he said stretching out his hand in the right
direction, as though to avoid a communication gap.
Recalling that incident, Nithya blushed to her roots.
“Please go there,” he nearly pleaded. “I"ll go elsewhere.”
“Thank you but…” she seemed too confused to continue.
“Be assured,” he said moving away, “I won"t disturb you.”
Nithya was hardly in a position to comprehend her situation to react. But, before
proceeding, she stared at him in stupefaction. As he turned his head to verify her stance,
they made eye contact, and that embarrassed her no end. Noticing the nuance, Chandra
followed her body language as she paced towards the cherished spot. Though she had
slowed down at the bend, she reached the nook panting, but once within, she slumped on
the lawn.
„Oh, how has he been watching me?" she thought intrigued. „What is he up to? Who is
he, by the way? Though he looks plain, he appears well bread. Seems he"s not the stalking
kind. And isn"t he well-meaning and shy as well. Whatever, it"s all so embarrassing. Now,
that he has played the Good Samaritan, hope he leaves me alone. Haven"t I got plenty on
hand to bother about?"
Putting the trespasser on the back burner, in despair, she sank into her familiar posture.
Elsewhere in that park, Chandra began to take stock of the situation.
„Did I ambush her?" he thought. „Oh, hadn"t her body language betrayed that? Won"t
that be on her mind though she might not focus on me as such? It boils down to the same,
after all. Isn"t it a good beginning for befriending? A job well begun is half done. Isn"t it?"
Chandra remained daydreaming in the garden till the watchman"s whistle called the
time.
The next day, as Nithya crossed the gate, she looked around tentatively. Not finding
